Good evening from over here.

Well I can't even say for sure if your interpretation is what she meant. Hard to understand she is.

shaybebaby:

She/he is saying when criticising, let's focus on the actions not the individuals.
For example, you admonish a child and say "you are naughty". That is telling the child, EVERYTHING about you is naughty. In such an instance, it is easy to internalize such message which in turn can affect the child's perception of his/herself (using a child here but it applies to humans).
Now changing the words slightly makes a world of difference, " YOUR BEHAVIOUR is naughty". That focuses on the action without attacking the person.
Implying that a change in behaviour is required not a change to become different person.
Good morning Coco. Hope the little one and you are good.

pcguru1:

True there was a time I couldn't get by without drinking or weed. That pressure to be great and especially married and being great overnight.

How did you overcome that phase?

@tpiah01
The hardship in Nigeria we read about can be reduced if people stop having too many children than they can care for. By waiting to have a stable source of income before adding a child into the pix if they go right ahead and marry.
It becomes everyone's business when we fail to learn from what is happening around us, fail to learn from others experience etc. It starts with one person/set at a time...Nothing juju about it.

armyofone:
@tpiah01
The hardship in Nigeria we read about can be reduced if people stop having too many children than they can care for. By waiting to have a stable source of income before adding a child into the pix if they go right ahead and marry.
It becomes everyone's business when we fail to learn from what is happening around us, fail to learn from others experience etc. It starts with one person/set at a time...Nothing juju about it.

Then to achieve that, education must be funded. How else would you impart knowledge?

armyofone:
I pray and hope the new batch of NYSC are smart enough to put marriage or pregnancy on hold. They should not see big O as the way out. Or having a baby as the right thing to do right after school.
You know that sweet orgasm could make you forget that suffer dey o but when eye clear finish, you go know say khaki no be leather. Orgasm does not reduce stress.

True, it is just sad what's going on in naija.

shaybebaby:

Then to achieve that, education must be funded. How else would you impart knowledge?

Acidosis:


I agree with your assumptions, except the last statement. The home should not be a place to exercise power. A good woman should respect her husband regardless of how much he earns.

People need to shine their eyes, and talk about these stuffs before they 'settle down' as husbands and wives.

unfortunately, they don't talk about it before getting themselves fvcked.
I read somewhere on Nl where this monicker(singlessubway) is writing a life/ thoeritical experience about it

Why are you laughing now

Sunnypar:

armyofone:
Why are you laughing now

You said the fact and left the pomo.
That sweet sensation.....hit it harder, tear it, oh, ah, ish go fade when reality sets in but they think life is abed of roses.

When hunger for the basic necessities of life or whatever is hitting hard on you, respect will be the last thing on your mind...that's life.
Good morning Acid.

Acidosis:


I agree with your assumptions, except the last statement. The home should not be a place to exercise power. A good woman should respect her husband regardless of how much he earns.

People need to shine their eyes, and talk about these stuffs before they 'settle down' as husbands and wives.

armyofone:
When hunger for the basic necessities of life or whatever is hitting hard on you, respect will be the last thing on your mind...that's life.
Good morning Acid.

That's true sha. But I wish we could raise a society where people place insignificant emphasis on money. The bad things about human wants is that it is insatiable; never ending.

The moment we attain the physiological needs like: health, air, food, and water, we start aspiring for cars, whilst ignoring the good things around us.

Why would a man like Teebillz wants to commit suicide? A man who resides in Lagos Island, with good cars? What else does he wants? The answer is simple: "THE NEVER ENDING HUMAN NEEDS."

Acidosis:


I agree with your assumptions, except the last statement.

The home should not be a place to exercise power. A good woman should respect her husband regardless of how much he earns.

People need to shine their eyes, and talk about these stuffs before they 'settle down' as husbands and wives.

@Bold:

Strange now that the home is not regarded as a place to exercise power.

Project400:


How did you overcome that phase?

I just occupy myself with excess work, however it's still an ongoing battle, because did the same again yday

Onegai:


You define it. Any role that comes to your mind and you immediately feel "that's a girl's job", that a feminine role to you.

I can't read minds.

Because i thought u were referring to cooking, sweeping the crib and household chores, not sure why people think it's feminine to do those mentioned activities.

I guess breast-feeding fits into this one.

pcguru1:


Because i thought u were referring to cooking, sweeping the crib and household chores, not sure why people think it's feminine to do those mentioned activities.

I guess breast-feeding fits into this one.

So you mean you cannot lactate? Guy, wia hav u bin?

Onegai:


So you mean you cannot lactate? Guy, wia hav u bin?

ewwwwww am fine o, just work and all , rat race things

Acidosis:


That's true sha. But I wish we could raise a society where people place insignificant emphasis on money. The bad things about human wants is that it is insatiable; never ending.

You cannot raise a society where people put less emphasis on money as long as more than half of the society is poor. People who were born into wealthy families are less likely to have this funny show off attitude.

The moment we attain the physiological needs like: health, air, food, and water, we start aspiring for cars, whilst ignoring the good things around us.

The problem is not the aspiration for more. The problem is the lack of appreciation for what is.

Why would a man like Teebillz wants to commit suicide? A man who resides in Lagos Island, with good cars? What else does he wants? The answer is simple: "THE NEVER ENDING HUMAN NEEDS."

First of all, as far as I am informed, he did not even have the money to buy diapers for his child and was living off his wife so you are wrong here.
Secondly, if - as you say - every human being wanted to have more, then everyone would be suicidal but isn't so the never ending quest for more can't be the reason why people commit suicide.

pcguru1:


I just occupy myself with excess work, however it's still an ongoing battle, because did the same again yday

The reason why people drink and smoke we..ed excessively is because they want to soothe the pain inside of them. Drugs numb their senses and thoughts and help them forget. It is perfectly understandable.

Now you are trying to use excessive work to forget the pain. It is more socially accepted but it is not easy and as you can see, it is a struggle when what you actually want is ease.

An easier way would be to learn to replace the thoughts that trigger the pain by simply replacing them with thoughts that give you relief and comfort.

Acidosis:


Good night

Good morning!
I hope you got the message that since Nigerian men consider it an abomination to take up 'feminine roles', you'd better do everything humanly possible to carry out your roles to provide, protect and produce. The Nigerian woman is justified not to pick up these 'masculine roles' as well. .

pcguru1:

I just occupy myself with excess work, however it's still an ongoing battle, because did the same again yday

We all have four drives (goals) in life:

1. acquire & achieve
2. bond
3. learn & comprehend
4. defend

You will feel better when you do not allow any of these drives to dominate others. We're all trying to create a balance so they can compliment and regulate each other.

For instance, the drive to acquire (excess work) can be regulated and controlled by the drive to bond through the promotion of healthy noncompetitive relationships with people, families, etc. Just a balance, and you'd be fine.

Project400:


We all have four drives (goals) in life:

1. acquire & achieve
2. bond
3. learn & comprehend
4. defend

You will feel better when you do not allow any of these drives to dominate others. We're all trying to create a balance so they can compliment and regulate each other.

For instance, the drive to acquire (excess work) can be regulated and controlled by the drive to bond through the promotion of healthy noncompetitive relationships with people, families, etc. Just a balance, and you'd be fine.

Interesting.

I agree to some extent but I would like to discuss a few points.

1. I think that the MAIN goal of ALL humans is to feel good. Everyone prefers happy to sad, healthy to unhealthy, motivated to frustrated, inspired to disinterested, vital to fatigued, fun to boredom, secure to insecure ... the list is long.

2. I think that the desires to achieve, learn and bond - in perception - are means and not goals. Some of us work to achieve something -let's say a VERY fancy car - to show off. Then they show off the car to feel admiration, which feels good.

Some people work to buy a fast car (=acquire=process=means to end end) to fly over a four-lane motorway like a speed demon- for the sake of fun (=a good feeling=the goal behind the process of achieving, the main one).

Some people read books and learn from them (process) for the sake of inspiration (=feeling / state of mind).

Even the bonding process (=the maintaining process of relationships) serves one and the same goal, to feel good. We meet up friends to have fun, we marry to feel stability and security, we care for people because we love them.

3. Different people need to do different things more or less frequently to achieve their highest level of satisfaction / happiness. Some people need to bond more and others feel to bond less. Some people enjoy the process of reading and learning and some others don't. Some people feel a thirst for intellectual stimuli, others are called "mentally lazy". There is no one size fits all amount of balance. Some people actually feel most comfortable with some imbalance. This is what makes us different but we all share the desire to feel good.

4. I think your advice is great for people who are not necessarily struggling with something but feel a low level of dissatisfaction. They may be in the need of some conditional adjustments. Those who use substances to numb whatever demons are hunting them inside need to scratch where it itches - inside. Actions are overrated, emotions are neglected - especially in a man's world and this is what this thread is about, isn't it? The state of depression is the state that couldn't be further from our ALL fundamental goal, no matter who we are and where we come from, to feel good.



5. What do you mean by "defend"?

Mindfulness:


Interesting.

I agree to some extent but I would like to discuss a few points.

1. I think that the MAIN goal of ALL humans is to feel good. Everyone prefers happy to sad, healthy to unhealthy, motivated to frustrated, inspired to disinterested, vital to fatigued, fun to boredom, secure to insecure ... the list is long.

2. I think that the desires to achieve, learn and bond - in perception - are means and not goals. Some of us work to achieve something -let's say a VERY fancy car - to show off. Then they show off the car to feel admiration, which feels good.

Some people work to buy a fast car (=acquire=process=means to end end) to fly over a four-lane motorway like a speed demon- for the sake of fun (=a good feeling=the goal behind the process of achieving, the main one).

Some people read books and learn from them (process) for the sake of inspiration (=feeling / state of mind).

Even the bonding process (=the maintaining process of relationships) serves one and the same goal, to feel good. We meet up friends to have fun, we marry to feel stability and security, we care for people because we love them.

3. Different people need to do different things more or less frequently to achieve their highest level of satisfaction / happiness. Some people need to bond more and others feel to bond less. Some people enjoy the process of reading and learning and some others don't. Some people feel a thirst for intellectual stimuli, others are called "mentally lazy". There is no one size fits all amount of balance. Some people actually feel most comfortable with some imbalance. This is what makes us different but we all share the desire to feel good.

4. I think your advice is great for people who are not necessarily struggling with something but feel a low level of dissatisfaction. They may be in the need of some conditional adjustments. Those who use substances to numb whatever demons are hunting them inside need to scratch where it itches - inside. Actions are overrated, emotions are neglected - especially in a man's world and this is what this thread is about, isn't it? The state of depression is the state that couldn't be further from our ALL fundamental goal, no matter who we are and where we come from, to feel good.

5. What do you mean by "defend"?

wow! I agree with your views totally. Point 3 is especially insightful.

The drive to defend in the context of our goals (motivational goals) means our ability to defend ourselves against external threats. Our abilities to defend our belief systems, our religion, properties, assets. In short, justice, fairness and equity, etc.

Project400:


We all have four drives (goals) in life:

1. acquire & achieve
2. bond
3. learn & comprehend
4. defend

You will feel better when you do not allow any of these drives to dominate others. We're all trying to create a balance so they can compliment and regulate each other.

For instance, the drive to acquire (excess work) can be regulated and controlled by the drive to bond through the promotion of healthy noncompetitive relationships with people, families, etc. Just a balance, and you'd be fine.

I like this

Project400:


wow! I agree with your views totally. Point 3 is especially insightful.

The drive to defend in the context of our goals (motivational goals) means our ability to defend ourselves against external threats. Our abilities to defend our belief systems, our religion, properties, assets. In short, justice, fairness and equity, etc.

I would remove the word defend and replace it with the word security. We feel that we need to defend something when feel insecure thus the driving force is the need to feel secure (pleasant feeling) and not guardedness (unpleasant feeling). Security can be achieved through the control of conditions (the shaping of outer circumstances) or self-confidence (=inner state of being) or even the belief in a Higher Being, Angels (inner state of perceiving life). Most of the time humans search and find security in a combination of both albeit the inner work underrated.

Smh

Stillfire:


Good morning!
I hope you got the message that since Nigerian men consider it an abomination to take up 'feminine roles', you'd better do everything humanly possible to carry out your roles to provide, protect and produce. The Nigerian woman is justified not to pick up these 'masculine roles' as well. .

Depression never begin catch them.
Instead of focusing energy on making life easy for their women and children by building great empire they are here murdering wife's and children. Using for rituals....
Look at the hot sun ...free energy given to Africans. Ordinary solar panels to generate electricity they can't manufacture . N'a to dey online 24 7 ...fighting feminism
.
Coconut heads

Chillisauce:


Depression never begin catch them.
Instead of focusing energy on making life easy for their women and children by building great empire they are here murdering wife's and children. Using for rituals....
Look at the hot sun ...free energy given to Africans. Ordinary solar panels to generate electricity they can't manufacture . N'a to dey online 24 7 ...fighting feminism
.
Coconut heads

Lol! Where've you been?

You've been missed plenty-plenty.

Welcome back

EfemenaXY:


Lol! Where've you been?

You've been missed plenty-plenty.

Welcome back

My dear. Longest time

Missed you more. N'a hustling keep me like this.

Chillisauce:


Depression never begin catch them.
Instead of focusing energy on making life easy for their women and children by building great empire they are here murdering wife's and children. Using for rituals....
Look at the hot sun ...free energy given to Africans. Ordinary solar panels to generate electricity they can't manufacture . N'a to dey online 24 7 ...fighting feminism
.
Coconut heads

Lol. Don't mind them. They haven't done 1/4 of what Oyibo men have done to reduce the burden they have placed on their women and they are already depressed? Lmao! 99% of the kitchen appliances African women are enjoying today are Oyibo-made, left to Nigerian men we would still be using that traditional stone to grind pepper. Lmao! Thank God for Oyibo.

Stillfire:


Lol. Don't mind them. They haven't done 1/4 of what Oyibo men have done to reduce the burden they have placed on their women and they are already depressed? Lmao! 99% of the kitchen appliances African women are enjoying today are Oyibo-made, left to Nigerian men we would still be using that traditional stone to grind pepper. Lmao! Thank God for Oyibo.

So you all expect a Nigerian doctor or a male nurse to manufacture iPAD abi?

How many of you would support a struggling Nigerian engineer without comparing him to his counterparts in the banks?

Someone even condemned Nigerian men for failing to convert sun to solar energy. She needs to be told that an OYINBO woman (Dr. Maria Telkes) invented a solar-powered heating system. Now, apart from eating Burger and coke, what has she contributed to better the lives of other humans in the world?

Another Oyibo woman called Letitia Geer invented a medical syringe in 1899. What have you all contributed to the medical profession apart from complaints about the Nigerian medical system, and reasons why Nigerian women should always run to obodo-yinbo for caesarian?

As una like chilled ice cream and yoghurt reach, who among you know say na oyibo woman like una invent a modern refrigerator. Her name is Florence Palpart.

The anty Kudirats and sister Nkirus on Nairaland, na woman like una invent Wi-Fi and so much more. So stop the comparison & unhealthy competitions, and support NIGERIAN MEN.

Do not kill MEN with depression.

I love you (No gay intended) God bless you. Nigerian women are very good with their mouth but nothing to show for with all The comparism

Acidosis:


So you all expect a Nigerian doctor or a male nurse to manufacture iPAD abi?

How many of you would support a struggling Nigerian engineer without comparing him to his counterparts in the banks?

Someone even condemned Nigerian men for failing to convert sun to solar energy. She needs to be told that an OYINBO woman (Dr. Maria Telkes) invented a solar-powered heating system. Now, apart from eating Burger and coke, what has she contributed to better the lives of other humans in the world?

Another Oyibo woman called Letitia Geer invented a medical syringe in 1899. What have you all contributed to the medical profession apart from complaints about the Nigerian medical system, and reasons why Nigerian women should always run to obodo-yinbo for caesarian?

As una like chilled ice cream and yoghurt reach, who among you know say na oyibo woman like una invent a modern refrigerator. Her name is Florence Palpart.

The anty Kudirats and sister Nkirus on Nairaland, na woman like una invent Wi-Fi and so much more. So stop the comparison & unhealthy competitions, and support NIGERIAN MEN.

Do not kill MEN with depression.

Acidosis:


So you all expect a Nigerian doctor or a male nurse to manufacture iPAD abi?

How many of you would support a struggling Nigerian engineer without comparing him to his counterparts in the banks?

Someone even condemned Nigerian men for failing to convert sun to solar energy. She needs to be told that an OYINBO woman (Dr. Maria Telkes) invented a solar-powered heating system. Now, apart from eating Burger and coke, what has she contributed to better the lives of other humans in the world?

Another Oyibo woman called Letitia Geer invented a medical syringe in 1899. What have you all contributed to the medical profession apart from complaints about the Nigerian medical system, and reasons why Nigerian women should always run to obodo-yinbo for caesarian?

As una like chilled ice cream and yoghurt reach, who among you know say na oyibo woman like una invent a modern refrigerator. Her name is Florence Palpart.

The anty Kudirats and sister Nkirus on Nairaland, na woman like una invent Wi-Fi and so much more. So stop the comparison & unhealthy competitions, and support NIGERIAN MEN.

Do not kill MEN with depression.

I hope I don't kill you people's self esteem on this board. Please o, na joke.
Remember you are talking to a feminist who does not see anything wrong in supporting a decent, well brought up man. Remember our dating pattern is not defined by how much a man makes because we have all that covered by ourselves.
The proportional percentages between the Nigerian woman and her western counterparts in innovative science are roughly close to each other.
Now lets talk about the huge proportional difference between the Nigerian male and his western counterparts in innovative science. Let's see how that goes.

Besides nobody is competing with Naija men. Naija men should compete with their counterparts in the West and East.