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Wrong decision - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Please Help Me. Am I Making A Right Decision??! / Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? / He Wants Me Back: Wrong Decision? (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Wrong decision by mamagee6(f): 12:57am On Sep 01, 2009
I'm sorry for you.
Re: Wrong decision by obijack: 3:06pm On Sep 01, 2009
@ poster,

There is no need crying over spilled milk, Marriage is marriage whether traditional or by any other means. The thing is that u should try to make urself happy by simply making her happy. Let me ask u, are u sure the person u have ur eyes on does not have thesame resentment for you?

This ur situation does not call for any prayer or magic. All u need to do is convince urself that u are in it forever and work very hard(maybe not hard at all) to make it work and u will be amased by what u will discover about urself.

I have been married for 8 years and my daughter is 5yrs now. After two yrs of marriage, sometimes I look at my wife and I silently say to myself "what did I get myself into marrying this woman".

The only thing I know how to do when I come back from workis put on the gen. and watch TV all through while she hustles btw the kitchen and Toilet. She wakes up by 5am to make sure I get something to eat b4 I leave for my office. Funny enough, she has to be at work by 7.45am too.

The above was and still is the routine. However, one day she had to travel to the village to see her mum and I was left to take care of our little girl for less than 24 hours, A day I keep praying every morning will not by chance come again. I could not even watch TV let alone the "PRISON BREAK" dvd I collected from a friend for the weekend. I had to wash, clean and just boil rice for myself and my little girl. I am not lazy but the time was not just enough for me to do all this.

When she came back I had to buy her an expensive jewelry and took her to Silverbird Galleria (something I have promised and failed severally). When she asked what the occassion was? All I could say was for taking care of us.

My point is if u try to look at her from within then u will find several reasons why u are better off with her except she gives u reasons of infidelity why u should let her go. I am sure ur parents and the public does not sleep on thesame bed with u nor do they share ur feelings. Open up ur feelings about how u feel to her and u will be surprised she already knows and she is doing her best to make u happy.

I am happily married and loving it. Best of all My daughter makes me feel that I am a millionaire and have nothing to worry about.

They say marriage is a school. U only learn if u attend classes (Which u have) and listen to learn.

Good luck discovering the benefits of a gud wife.

2 Likes

Re: Wrong decision by candylips(m): 3:17pm On Sep 01, 2009
gbam !!
Re: Wrong decision by D1KeleVra(m): 3:40pm On Sep 01, 2009
ah! sorry. u fall? smiley
Re: Wrong decision by Seun(m): 4:57pm On Sep 01, 2009
You made a mistake but you can correct the problem by accepting each other and seeing the best in each other.
Re: Wrong decision by oakleaf: 5:35pm On Sep 01, 2009
Hmmmn, your story sounds familiar! But you know what dude, your 'forced-upon' wife is suffering too- what goes around comes around! I dont know your age but i guess that you still have more years ahead of you than behind you. Be a man, cut your losses, stand up to your parents(afterall we are talking about your life and not their's), explain to your wife then, bros, move on with your life. Life's too short to be spent in misery!
Re: Wrong decision by okeey(m): 5:40pm On Sep 01, 2009
to my own knowledge you will need to to take it easy coz you can later like her.And u will need to be caring person to her coz dat wht ladies out dere need also be faithful to her with dis watch b4 u change ur mind
And put it to GOD b4 u take a step coz she can later change to be good.
Re: Wrong decision by GEW: 5:45pm On Sep 01, 2009
Seun:

You made a mistake but you can correct the problem by accepting each other and seeing the best in each other.
good one seun

mohawkchic:

~Learn To Love Her!!~


~You're so blinded by all the negative circumstances that brought about the marriage,you've not given yourself the chance of Loving her or feeling happy w/ her. . i'm sure there are things you like about her. . you said yourself she loves you. . if you feel obligated married to her,might as well make the most of it instead of spending the next few years miserable & making the life of your wife much more miserable!!


~Bear in mind for as long as you hold this resentment towards her for the decision you were supposedly foced to make. . you will not be happy!! For a minute,try to acknowledge how she muct be feeling knowing she's married to a man who doesnt love her!! Not a good feeling at all!! Try to make an effort. . little things make great impact. . . appreciate her. . .have you ever complimented her? acknowledge things she does for you? See her as a human being & not the source of your unhappiness!!


~If you know there's no way you can bring yourself to Love her,then I say grow some balls & face your parents w/ a decision to let her go. . Karma's a Bitch!!

thanks and pls dont start another relationship just yet just work harder
Re: Wrong decision by 420queen(f): 5:49pm On Sep 01, 2009
Well you got to stick at this marriage till you start to love her and you say you are unhappy? well i got news for you, ''you are as happy as you allow yourself to be''. Your bed lie in it.
Re: Wrong decision by GoldCircle: 5:55pm On Sep 01, 2009
obijack:

@ poster,

There is no need crying over spilled milk, Marriage is marriage whether traditional or by any other means.  The thing is that u should try to make urself happy by simply making her happy. Let me ask u, are u sure the person u have your eyes on does not have thesame resentment for you?

This your situation does not call for any prayer or magic. All u need to do is convince urself that u are in it forever and work very hard(maybe not hard at all) to make it work and u will be amased by what u will discover about urself.

I have been married for 8 years and my daughter is 5yrs now. After two yrs of marriage, sometimes I look at my wife and I silently say to myself "what did I get myself into marrying this woman".

The only thing I know how to do  when I come back from workis put on the gen. and watch TV all through  while she hustles btw the kitchen and Toilet. She wakes up by 5am to make sure I get something to eat b4 I leave for my office. Funny enough, she has to be at work by 7.45am too.

The above was and still is the routine. However, one day she had to travel to the village to see her mum and I was left to take care of our little girl for less than 24 hours, A day I keep praying every morning will not by chance come again.  I could not even watch  TV let alone the "PRISON BREAK" dvd I collected from a friend for the weekend. I had to wash, clean and just boil rice for myself and my little girl. I am  not lazy but the time was not just enough for me to do all this.

When she came back I had to buy her an expensive jewelry and took her to Silverbird Galleria (something I have promised and failed severally). When she asked what the occassion was? All I could say was for taking care of us.

My point is if u try to look at her from within then u will find several reasons why u are better off with her except she gives u reasons of infidelity why u should let her go.  I am sure your parents and the public does not sleep on thesame bed with u nor do they share your feelings. Open up your feelings about how u feel to her and u will be surprised she already knows and she is doing her best to make u happy.

I am happily married and loving it.   Best of all My daughter makes me feel that I am a millionaire and have nothing to worry about.

They say marriage is a school. U only learn if u attend classes (Which u have) and listen  to learn.

Good luck  discovering the benefits of a gud wife.


Na only u don give this guy beta advice!

@poster,
 Please wateva u do, please please & please do not consider divorce especially if you already got kids. I am having a feeling that this whole feeling has something to do with sexual attraction (I may be wrong sha). But I think it's coz you think that you got married to some1 u weren't or aren't sexually attracted to. I know a colleague who in the same shoe! kpele o! lipsrsealed
Re: Wrong decision by Moyola(f): 5:59pm On Sep 01, 2009
Either you work thingz out or you part ways but like you said "kuz of yur parents, family. . . woheva" Why dont you speak to your parents. . .dont they care about how/what you feel your happiness? or are they only concerned about "their respect in public"?! undecided
Re: Wrong decision by canuck(m): 6:06pm On Sep 01, 2009
@ Poster

I sense a much deeper issue here - Your inability to make decisions - based on 2 observations:
Firstly, your parents, relatives and friends collaborated to make you marry someone you do not love.
Secondly, you are on NL asking anonymous posters what to do about it!

Since you asked, I'll tell ya - Grow a backbone already!

1 Like

Re: Wrong decision by jkemzy(m): 6:12pm On Sep 01, 2009
Pally,there is no point crying over spilt milk,just try and look at the brighter side so that you will not spend the rest of your life in misery.
The truth is that more 50% of married couples wish they never married their spouses at a certain point in their marital journey but so many
of them choose to work it out.
You are lucky that your spouse loves you. i think the problem is with you cos you keep looking at her short comings and you keep comparing her
with those you feel are perfect. You know the grass is always greener at the other side.
Only if you realize that no woman is pefect! I will advise that you sit down with your wife teach her and groom her into the woman of your dream.
Life is what you make of it my brother.
Re: Wrong decision by MUZBO(m): 6:18pm On Sep 01, 2009
These moderators/editors are funny o! Check out the title on the front page: What to do if you married the wrong person? I'm not a language student but it seems they are advising us with a question!
Re: Wrong decision by Nobody: 6:20pm On Sep 01, 2009
I have known right from time NL is not the best place to get real good advice even if they come na only one person like Obijack fit yarn sense.
Re: Wrong decision by princekevo(m): 6:24pm On Sep 01, 2009
@poster

My carry your cross oooh,
These are one those reason now for men to pull out of marriage when they see another Okpeke they think is better than their wives,
A woman u dated for a whole year, 2years and you could'nt know  if she was the right woman for you or not, you jst discovered after gud 5years of wasting her time.
Thank God for your Gud families and frens indeed.

Like some people suggested, you jst have to deal with, Learn how to love your wife for wht ever she is and lastly remove you eye from that woman you think is better than wife, you can never tell until you marry her.
Like they said.'the devil you know is better than angel u dont know.
Re: Wrong decision by timilehing(m): 6:28pm On Sep 01, 2009
Crap! After dating her for 5yrs huh? Try it and i kill you
Re: Wrong decision by chidyke77(m): 6:34pm On Sep 01, 2009
Take it as a cross and try to communicate wt her well bt always put it in prayers.
Re: Wrong decision by dinggle: 6:36pm On Sep 01, 2009
Every moment counts, divorce the person straight and move on before live becomes even more miserable for both of you!
Re: Wrong decision by tunene: 6:38pm On Sep 01, 2009
O Boy you self, how on earth would you date a girl for five years and you don't have the intention of marrying her. That is wickedness of the highest order. you knowing fully well that are days are numbered. What if you date her for five years dump her, another dates her for four years dump her, what would remain. Sorrow for her, right?

That is why we tell people date or be friends for as short as possible to know if there is anything in it, if you want to marry then you two can determine what length of time you want to stay more before you get married.

As for pressures from parents and friends, that na lie, why don't you tell us something you are hiding, may be the girls parents are well to do, may be you are the MD of her father's company or may be it is this premarital sex thing and it blindfolded you. so, don't give us that cock and bull story.

Now that you are married, don't even think of changing your mind, because i will be one of those way go swear for you if you venture into divorce. The divorce population is increasing at an alarming rate.

Now brother you are on your own, carry your cross and follow the saviour, He will help you, pray about it and God will grant you ability to love her like yourself.

Fellow brothers, let this be a lesson to all. We are tired of unnecessary complains.
Re: Wrong decision by Igwe9(m): 7:08pm On Sep 01, 2009
mohawkchic:

~Learn To Love Her!!~

~Bear in mind for as long as you hold this resentment towards her for the decision you were supposedly foced to make. . you will not be happy!! For a minute,try to acknowledge how she muct be feeling knowing she's married to a man who doesnt love her!! Not a good feeling at all!! Try to make an effort. . little things make great impact. . . appreciate her. . .have you ever complimented her? acknowledge things she does for you? See her as a human being & not the source of your unhappiness!!


~If you know there's no way you can bring yourself to Love her,then I say grow some balls & face your parents w/ a decision to let her go. . Karma's a Bitch!!


No marriage is 100% perfect.the sound of bitter cola is different from the taste. Follow the above advice, you sure would sing a new song pretty soon in your home.
Re: Wrong decision by mrperfect(m): 7:10pm On Sep 01, 2009
Hand it over to God nothing God cannot do
Re: Wrong decision by LadyT(f): 7:26pm On Sep 01, 2009
Just divorce her its better you do it now rather than waste anymore of her time and your time.
Re: Wrong decision by freezy(m): 7:47pm On Sep 01, 2009
You wanna try rat poison? It leaves lil' trace and you get to marry again. . . in church!!! All the best mate! cool
Re: Wrong decision by papinbeyo(m): 7:52pm On Sep 01, 2009
Men! am sorry you have to live with this,but remember for better 4 worse is not a joking sentence in GOD sight,
Re: Wrong decision by ciscostaz: 7:52pm On Sep 01, 2009
@poster
I wanted to advise you to divorce her after reading your first post. I actually tot you guys were always fighting.

However, in your second post, you wrote that she loves you. Haba, if she loves you and you know it, then try and reciprocate. You seems to be the problem in this union. If you still want to go the divorce way, then all fine and good BUT do you think you will find happiness?
Re: Wrong decision by badaru1(m): 8:10pm On Sep 01, 2009
Guy you are even lucky that you not complaining about her atittude toward you. Forget about the facial look or any other external qualities,what is most important in marriage is the character of your spouse-toward you,your family and friends. Almost all marriages have their short comings. Try to make it up with. All the shit she is taking from you now,90% of the yo girls you see outside will not take half of it.

This my last words to you: I dont marry the person I love but always love the person I marry
Re: Wrong decision by DeepSight(m): 8:41pm On Sep 01, 2009
Do something wild and romantic for her.

You will be shocked the feelings this would stir up in you both.
Re: Wrong decision by Avenir(m): 8:45pm On Sep 01, 2009
mohawkchic:

~Learn To Love Her!!~


~You're so blinded by all the negative circumstances that brought about the marriage,you've not given yourself the chance of Loving her or feeling happy w/ her. . i'm sure there are things you like about her. . you said yourself she loves you. . if you feel obligated married to her,might as well make the most of it instead of spending the next few years miserable & making the life of your wife much more miserable!!


~Bear in mind for as long as you hold this resentment towards her for the decision you were supposedly foced to make. . you will not be happy!! For a minute,try to acknowledge how she muct be feeling knowing she's married to a man who doesnt love her!! Not a good feeling at all!! Try to make an effort. . little things make great impact. . . appreciate her. . .have you ever complimented her? acknowledge things she does for you? See her as a human being & not the source of your unhappiness!!


~If you know there's no way you can bring yourself to Love her,then I say grow some balls & face your parents w/ a decision to let her go. . Karma's a Bitch!!



The above is a first class advice for you.

Please note that there is no such thing as perfect marriage or perfect woman. The alternates might not be so perfect when the chips are down. Also note that everyone have something good in them. Try to find something good in your wife and appreciate her for it. Don’t compare your wife to anyone. Since you mentioned that she loves you, I think that is priceless.  Many married couple go through what you are going through. Call it ‘buyer’s remorse’. To be sincere, I did go through it too. I had to move on from the negatives and dwell on the positives. That made all the difference.

If all else fails, the decision on the future of your marriage will be only yours to make. One a final note, please don’t throw away your marriage if it is salvageable.
Re: Wrong decision by rubi(f): 8:59pm On Sep 01, 2009
Love is blind marriage is an eye opener
Re: Wrong decision by Princek12(m): 9:06pm On Sep 01, 2009
since you were a mugu for marrying her, and because you dated her for five years without figuring out that she was not the right one for you, you should stick it out, if you are still that same mugu. If you have divested yourself of the muguness, then kick her ass out, or leave the house for her and file for divorce.
Re: Wrong decision by Nobody: 9:10pm On Sep 01, 2009
Marriage! Marriage!! oh Marriage!!! It's not for everyone. The worst hit are those under pressure to keep public face or family biz. Woe betide you!

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