How Can I Help - Family (2)

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How Can I Help - Family (2) - Nairaland

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My Younger Brother Is A Nightmare -- How Can I Help Him? / How Far Can I Help My Now Married Ex-girlfriend Financially? / How Can I Help Her? (2) (3) (4)

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Re: How Can I Help by Amicable24: 2:16pm On Jul 16, 2016

INTROVERT:
Escalate the issue to the head teacher or principal.

Hi miss, long run no c.. Whr av u been? I've not been seeing u for quite some time now undecided

Re: How Can I Help by Nobody: 2:28pm On Jul 16, 2016

Nyceguy92:

I understand the fear for your safety.
But you are not an enemy so I seriously believe you won't be harmed.

However, you can take a friend with you.
The result of your visit to the father will give you far more insight into this case and how best to handle it.

By the way, it was very callus of the school authority not to take serious interest in this matter.
They are only after his money, which is not good.

Please follow this matter to its logical conclusion.
If you would provide your phone number, I could send you air time for the call to the mom.
I know you can afford it but that's to show how concerned I am.
May God bless your efforts.

Thanks alot for your concern.
I will rather send for the father, if he doesn't come i will have no choice but to contact their mum.
Am equally surprised why the HM doesn't want to say or do anything concerning the issue.

Re: How Can I Help by Nyceguy92: 4:42pm On Jul 16, 2016

Adaobi12:
Thanks alot for your concern.
I will rather send for the father, if he doesn't come i will have no choice but to contact their mum.
Am equally surprised why the HM doesn't want to say or do anything concerning the issue.

That's also good.
Your concern is highly appreciated.

Re: How Can I Help by Nezzel(f): 8:14pm On Jul 16, 2016

Op please call the mum, tell her everything the little boy told you and advice her to come and take her kids.. Maybe she doesn't even know they are suffering..

Re: How Can I Help by dahmie2013: 9:09pm On Jul 16, 2016

Adaobi12:
Thanks alot for your concern.
I will rather send for the father, if he doesn't come i will have no choice but to contact their mum.
Am equally surprised why the HM doesn't want to say or do anything concerning the issue.

Pls if d HM does not want 2 get involved, Pls act with discretion. Make sure d moda does not know u're his teacher, cos d fada can cos a scene in d skool & d HM will say she knows nothing abt it&u will be d prime suspect. It can cost u ur job. Pls don't use ur personal number 2 call, get anoda line 2 call her & don't give her ur details. If d mgt of d skool is involved, it wud have been easier 4 u. Pls also do well 2 keep us updated on dis forum, so we know how it went with him. Thanks!

Re: How Can I Help by EfemenaXY: 5:07pm On Jul 17, 2016

Adaobi12:
I have complained to him once about his son not doing his home work, his responses wasn't so nice. That was the first time and the last have seen him. well i will try and do that.
Thank you.

Ada, does the boy's younger brother attend your school too?

I'm not surprised at the "father's" response. You're even lucky you got some sort of response from him in the first place, seeing how neglected his kids are.

You have the mum's number. Pls call her and let her know what's going on and hear what she has to say for herself. But like someone suggested, you need to get another line or call her using the "number withheld" facility on your phone.

How long has this being going on for?

Re: How Can I Help by Nobody: 5:24pm On Jul 17, 2016

EfemenaXY:

Ada, does the boy's younger brother attend your school too?

I'm not surprised at the "father's" response. You're even lucky you got some sort of response from him in the first place, seeing how neglected his kids are.

You have the mum's number. Pls call her and let her know what's going on and hear what she has to say for herself. But like someone suggested, you need to get another line or call her using the "number withheld" facility on your phone.

How long has this being going on for?

Yes, the younger brother is in Nursery 2. I noticed this 3months ago. but from the HM's response when i complained to her, it seems this has been happening for a long time.
I will collect the mum's number from the boy tomorrow. Then send for the father, after speaking with him, His responses and actions will determind if i should call the mother. But a greater of me feels calling their mother will be better.
thank you ma.

Re: How Can I Help by Nobody: 5:28pm On Jul 17, 2016

dahmie2013:

Pls if d HM does not want 2 get involved, Pls act with discretion. Make sure d moda does not know u're his teacher, cos d fada can cos a scene in d skool & d HM will say she knows nothing abt it&u will be d prime suspect. It can cost u ur job. Pls don't use ur personal number 2 call, get anoda line 2 call her & don't give her ur details. If d mgt of d skool is involved, it wud have been easier 4 u. Pls also do well 2 keep us updated on dis forum, so we know how it went with him. Thanks!

Ok. thanks alot. i will definitely keep you guys updated.

Re: How Can I Help by EfemenaXY: 5:41pm On Jul 17, 2016

Adaobi12:
Yes, the younger brother is in Nursery 2. I noticed this 3months ago. but from the HM's response when i complained to her, it seems this has been happening for a long time.
I will collect the mum's number from the boy tomorrow. Then send for the father, after speaking with him, His responses and actions will determind if i should call the mother. But a greater of me feels calling their mother will be better.
thank you ma.

Bless you girl.

I think you should follow your instincts and contact both parents - especially their mother. We're talking about vulnerable minors here.

I'm assuming the dad pays their school fees? I can't make head or tails of this issue. Over here one quick call to social services will get any negligent parent to sit up.

In the meantime, do keep us updated on what's going on.

cc: Ifyalways, Onegai, Byvan03, thorpido.

Re: How Can I Help by byvan03: 6:01pm On Jul 17, 2016

EfemenaXY:

Bless you girl.

I think you should follow your instincts and contact both parents - especially their mother. We're talking about vulnerable minors here.

I'm assuming the dad pays their school fees? I can't make head or tails of this issue. Over here one quick call to social services will get any negligent parent to sit up.

In the meantime, do keep us updated on what's going on.

cc: Ifyalways, Onegai, Byvan03, thorpido.

Thanks for bringing me back to this thread. This situation is really dire as anything could go wrong when minors are left unsupervised. It's obvious this man lacks character as his attitude towards the kids' welfare is unconnected with his marital status. I really pray her meeting with the man yields a better outcome .

Adaobi12 I await your update, keep up the good work.

Re: How Can I Help by EfemenaXY: 6:09pm On Jul 17, 2016

byvan03:

Thanks for bringing me back to this thread. This situation is really dire as anything could go wrong when minors are left unsupervised. It's obvious this man lacks character as his attitude towards the kids' welfare is unconnected with his marital status. I really pray her meeting with the man yields a better outcome .

Adaobi12 I await your update, keep up the good work.

All I see here is the typical example of a man using the kids to punish / exact revenge on the woman, irrespective of whether he's capable of looking after them or not.

What I don't get are the implications possible implications to Ada for getting involved in this case? The school's HM's response was nonchalant to say the least. She's trying to do a good deed but at the same time her safety is important, as well as her not being caught in the middle or losing her job because of this.

What's the normal protocol for cases like this?

Re: How Can I Help by Nobody: 6:21pm On Jul 17, 2016

EfemenaXY:

All I see here is the typical example of a man using the kids to punish / exact revenge on the woman, irrespective of whether he's capable of looking after them or not.

What I don't get are the implications possible implications to Ada for getting involved in this case? The school's HM's response was nonchalant to say the least. She's trying to do a good deed but at the same time her safety is important, as well as her not being caught in the middle or losing her job because of this.

What's the normal protocol for cases like this?

Am not scared of losing my job. What am scared of is the possible implications that may arise if this is not properly handled, implications like the man sending the kids to another school where nobody will notice or care.
secondly, leaving this all alone at night is really dangerous. they will be exposed to so many danger. we hear of cases where children burn to death inside the house.

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Re: How Can I Help by EfemenaXY: 6:26pm On Jul 17, 2016

Adaobi12:
Am not scared of losing my job. What am scared of is the possible implications that may arise if this is not properly handled, implications like the man sending the kids to another school where nobody will notice or care.
secondly, leaving this all alone at night is really dangerous. they will be exposed to so many danger. we hear of cases where children burn to death inside the house.

All the more reason why the mother should be involved in this. I doubt he'll suddenly stop his night movements.

Re: How Can I Help by byvan03: 6:58pm On Jul 17, 2016

EfemenaXY:

All I see here is the typical example of a man using the kids to punish / exact revenge on the woman, irrespective of whether he's capable of looking after them or not.

What I don't get are the implications possible implications to Ada for getting involved in this case? The school's HM's response was nonchalant to say the least. She's trying to do a good deed but at the same time her safety is important, as well as her not being caught in the middle or losing her job because of this.

What's the normal protocol for cases like this?

To be honest with you, there are no protocols for such cases as the feeble authorities might not even deem this a case. No one will consider it serious if the kids aren't severely injured or dead yet. Even the police won't want to get involved and yes, there might be unfavourable implications for Ada just for getting involved.

It's not unusual for men around here, it's their best shot at spite towards their estranged wife. They snatch these kids from their mothers and end up rotating them from one cruel aunt/uncle's house to another.

Re: How Can I Help by EfemenaXY: 7:02pm On Jul 17, 2016

byvan03:

To be honest with you, there are no protocols for such cases as the feeble authorities might not even deem this a case. No one will consider it serious if the kids aren't severely injured or dead yet. Even the police won't want to get involved and yes, there might be unfavourable implications for Ada just for getting involved.

It's not unusual for men around here, it's their best shot at spite towards their estranged wife. They snatch these kids from their mothers and end up rotating them from one cruel aunt/uncle's house to another.

Lord have mercy. embarassed

Bia, on a lighter note, what does "epp" mean?

I've read countless expressions about it...

1 Like

Re: How Can I Help by Nobody: 7:06pm On Jul 17, 2016

EfemenaXY:

Lord have mercy.

Bia, on a lighter note, what does "epp" mean?

I've read countless expressions about it...

its a slang , its means help.

Re: How Can I Help by byvan03: 7:07pm On Jul 17, 2016

EfemenaXY:

Lord have mercy.

Bia, on a lighter note, what does "epp" mean?

I've read countless expressions about it...

.

It means " help", mimicking the Yoruba accent where "H" is always silent. E.G House /haus/ = /aus/ grin

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Re: How Can I Help by An0nimus: 7:46pm On Jul 17, 2016

If the mom picks the children from school without the man's consent things could blow out of proportion. Hard to tell the nature of relationship between the man, his wife and how things went sour. Tread carefully and with wisdom.

Your labour of love will not go unrewarded.

2 Likes

Re: How Can I Help by HaneefahRN(f): 8:03pm On Jul 17, 2016

OP really has a good heart. Well done. I can see you have gotten some pretty good advice. I wish the boys all the best. Please be careful and do try and update on how things went

Re: How Can I Help by Kimoni: 9:03pm On Jul 17, 2016

EfemenaXY:

Lord have mercy.

Bia, on a lighter note, what does "epp" mean?

I've read countless expressions about it...

1 Like

Re: How Can I Help by Kimoni: 9:10pm On Jul 17, 2016

byvan03:

.

t means " help", mimicking the Yoruba accent where "H" is always silent. E.G House /haus/ = /aus/ .

1 Like

Re: How Can I Help by byvan03: 9:17pm On Jul 17, 2016

Kimoni:

Lol,every tribe get their own, no too worry yourself.

Re: How Can I Help by thorpido(m): 9:22pm On Jul 17, 2016

Op,try and summon the father to school so you can have a word with him as suggested.Also call the mum(with your caller ID withheld) and hear her side of the story.
If you can't get the cooperation of the father or get him to improve on the boy's welfare,you might have to involve the social welfare.You will find the department in your local government office.

Re: How Can I Help by Kimoni: 9:25pm On Jul 17, 2016

byvan03:

Lol,every tribe get their own, no too worry yourself.

1 Like

Re: How Can I Help by EfemenaXY: 11:03pm On Jul 17, 2016

Lol! Kimoni free me jare cheesy

I don read that expression tire, scratch head in awe tire, na im I say, make I just ask the bladdy question. Afterall, the good book says: "Ask, and ye shall find...something chapter something, verse something" kiss

Re: How Can I Help by EfemenaXY: 11:06pm On Jul 17, 2016

byvan03:

.

It means " help", mimicking the Yoruba accent where "H" is always silent. E.G House /haus/ = /aus/ .

Thanks dear. No mind Kimoni - teasing moi since 3000BC cheesy

1 Like

Re: How Can I Help by Onegai(f): 10:00am On Jul 18, 2016

Adaobi12, firstly, welldone for everything you've done so far. It's very commendable and I wish Nigeria had more people like you.

Now, this is a tricky case. What state are you in currently? Because Lagos state has the most active Welfare programs, maybe followed by Ogun state.

Before you go to them, try and find out more about the Father. Can he afford to hire a maid? If he can, please call him and diplomatically bring up the fact that he's not doing a great job caring for the boys and it's affecting their schooling. Remember, you don't have the backing of the Headmistress, so this may not carry the same weight. If he challenges you, explain to him that you teach the boy and care for his welfare rather than someone who has to run a school at a profit and cannot know all the students (see how I didn't directly mention the HM but we know that you're speaking about her).

Now, I don't know the human being that will keep me away from my child. Because I know my rights and I'm not afraid of a fight and I have a "squad". But however, several women don't have that luxury. The Mother doesn't realise she can take the Father to court and get custody if she can prove child neglect. The Mother doesn't realise at that age, short of being a drug addict, she's the better caregiver than the man. And her family doesn't care enough to come and battle this man, they have allowed him to kick her out and deny her access. And maybe she doesn't want to take things public. She may not have enough money to care for herself. I'm saying this because I want you to understand what her response to this story may be.

Contact the Mother if speaking to the Father doesn't yield results in 2 weeks. Tell her what you have seen her children go through and tell her "do you know in Lagos state, the Welfare office and the Office of the Public Defender can help you get custody of your children back once you can prove you are legally married and the Mother of those children and it is not a costly thing to do?". Listen to her response. All you are doing is informing her that she can do something, rather than accept her lot in life and sit dumbly whilst the stvpidity of the Father allows him destroy the fruit of her womb (see how I used those last words there, use them. Nothing like Religious words to ginger a Naija person). Once you informed the Mother, sit back and watch to see if she takes any steps.

This matter is now out of your hands. If neither parent can be responsible enough to do the right thing for the sake of their children, well, that is just Life. We cannot save everybody. All you can do is offer the kids a meal from time to time and be extra caring to them. A lot of children remember some teachers more fondly than their families.

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Re: How Can I Help by daveP(m): 4:13pm On Jul 18, 2016

Kimoni:

uhm..... I need to get across to you in urgency. Good pm

How do I reach you off from here?

Re: How Can I Help by Kimoni: 10:41pm On Jul 18, 2016

EfemenaXY:
Lol! Kimoni free me jare

I don read that expression tire, scratch head in awe tire, na im I say, make I just ask the bladdy question. Afterall, the good book says: "Ask, and ye shall find...something chapter something, verse something"

when next you are in town, I should take you round my hood. Just holla @ moi. kiss

Re: How Can I Help by Kimoni: 10:41pm On Jul 18, 2016

daveP:
uhm..... I need to get across to you in urgency. Good pm

How do I reach you off from here?

Trust all is well?

Re: How Can I Help by eyinjuege: 5:21pm On Jul 19, 2016

Adaobi12, pls I want to send you a mail.

Re: How Can I Help by daveP(m): 12:28am On Jul 20, 2016

Kimoni:

Trust all is well?

surely....

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