Should I Leave This Woman? - Romance - Nairaland
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| Should I Leave This Woman? by Kenyaboy: 4:27pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
Hallo fellow africans i am from kenya and i need to hear some answer from somewhere else (so pliz dont use words that are only known to nigerians coz i wont understand) My prob is as follows. I met a girl whom i asked to be my gf, and she agreed. During our first two dates, we discussed our pasts and she told me that she previously had a bf, who left her after he got rich. However she derives alot of pleasure because he keeps calling her and asking her to be his galfriend again. He is the one who initiated the breakup. She told me that during their breakup moment, she told him that he would never find a woman like her. And he told her likewise (she would never find a man like him), anyway, so he keeps bugging her to be his galfriend again, and she keeps reminding him of his statement, bla bla bla, (she has never agreed to be his galfriend), but she agreed to be mine. After listening to that, i told myself that this is a woman who daznt make clean breaks with the past, she hangs alot to the past. I am not that kind of guy, if i break up with a woman, i forget her and move with my life, that way i have less baggage to carry. So we started the relationship, then i discovered this woman is a work-a-holic, she has big dreams and so on. Nothing wrong. Only that during our moments together, she talks alot about her work, what her boss told her, what her workmates tell her. bla bla bla, 90% of the time, its about her work, her work, if not, its about her future, what she wants to do, bla bla bla. She daznt talk about US. ie me and her. So i pointed this out to her, i told her that a relationship is not built on her dreams of work, and work, but on cultivating a relationship. I asked her, honey if we get maried, surely, will we build our marriage on your conversation about work and your dreams? She told me that is who she is, and that conversations about us need to come from me. After two weeks, i thought this was too much and i told her to cut down the talk about work and talk more about her feelings and topics that are mutual, where i can contribute. I usually try to do that, but she inevitably turns them to her work, boss, family, bla bla. So last week i told her i feel that this relationship is very shaky, bcoz it has no substance. I told her that her contiual focus on her work is making the relationship shaky. She said nothing. When i called her, she refused to pick the fone, when i texted, she refused to text back, for 4days. So i thought, this is is stupid, you want me to cuddle you back. So i told her that if she didnt talk to me, i would end the relationship. She hasnt talked in 5 days now. Take note though, she has her positive points: She does not gossip, and is very respectful, she is organized and has told me that she would readily be submissive to me. But now that she isnt talking about anything. Should i end this? |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by noetic15(m): 4:39pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
stand ur grounds. the most important thing in life is to define what u want. . .which is exactly what u have done. u want a relationship based on mutual assurance about the future of the relationship. . .she has a workaholic mentality and is unwilling to make amends or meet with u on a neutral ground. its not advisable to just dump her, but u should not sulk up to her either. she needs to shift grounds just like u have. u would be sitting on a time bomb if u end up sulking up to her. |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by izeek(m): 4:41pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
dude thats who she is and u either accept her for it or move on . as much as its never fun to havesome1 talk about her and her alone, u have to think tru if you want to feel second place to her job or not. moreso, she might probably change as i understand the r/s is still new. maybe by the time she begins to have deeper feeling for u, she will ask more about ur personal life. am also of the opinion that she though might be hanging on to her past r/s, since u claim her to be organised and all she might not be having anything to do with him .\ onething though, a career lady is never submissive. i dont know how you see it, but is she is truely career focused u will always come second in her scale of preference. |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by izeek(m): 4:42pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
noetic15: he cant stand his ground dude, the relationship is not all about him too. have u ever considered she sees it just like he does? wanting to have his way all the time? |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by noetic15(m): 4:45pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
izeek: what is ur idea of a relationship? . . . . . .sounds like a domineering game? |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by noetic15(m): 4:46pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
izeek: this is some of the ridiculous advices that couples get that eventually lead to failed marriages. why tolerate what u cant live with? |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by Kenyaboy: 5:04pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
Hallo Noetic. actually i am in that difficult period  where i have been snobbed and she is not talking at all. For 8days now. She isnt pickin fone, she isnt replying to text. |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by Ournaija: 5:18pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
I was in the same shit some months back. I have to stop all forms of communictaion with her when she refused to take my calls. Before she realise it was just too late. I think you should give her a break, if you are her kind of man she will come back looking for you refined, if you are not, just accept it in good fate. Cheers |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by iice(f): 5:26pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
LMAO, while you're perambulating. . .Woman has moved on. |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by sweetcoint(f): 5:35pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
Ournaija:Your right, if she loves you she will come back, just chill |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by Akpangbon: 5:46pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
Kenyaboy You are very orieope. Dont you know you have to treat women specially? She talks about her work and co, so what? Maybe you are boring and dont ever raise a topic, all you want is to fu ck her? Why eont she talk about what she can talk about? Now she hasnt called you in 8 days, look you have lost this nice African woman, u have to look for another woamn who will only talk what you want her to talk about. instead of you to treat her like egg, you have thrown her to the floor and made it to break, in short, the next thing to break will be your pe.nis. |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by blapo(m): 5:55pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
Well whatever advice that is given to you on this forum i'm sure you've made ur own decision, but what i know about relationship is the presence of mutual understanding, if this is lacking in a relationship then just forget the relationship and move on, there are lots of girls out there. |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by noetic15(m): 5:59pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
Kenyaboy: I can understand cos when u love or feel for someone . . . . . .our world tends to pause when there is no communication. But trust ur guts, u are better off standing ur grounds. . .for the sake of ur future. FYI: IF u start make concessions now, u would end up a sad and unfulfilled divorcee. iice: I dont think so. Its normal for any career woman to have an over-bloated ego. . . . I only hope she does not loose this gentleman who is patiently willing to build a future with her. . . how many men can offer that? |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by iice(f): 6:05pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
She will not crack. Her ex can't even make her crack. She's goal oriented = career. She has a lot going on in her life with regards to work. She's not missing him as much as she should because work occupies a large part of her life. And even if she's missing him, i doubt she will call him. |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by kellorah: 6:05pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
She's being childish with the whole not talking to u thing, and I agree alot with Akpan. |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by galatico(m): 6:11pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
I suggest you leave her my reason(s) are she doesn't care about you, she's selfish, selfwilled, definatly not a woman you'd like to marry, someone who is so crazy about her work, she's not ready for a long time relationship . |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by noetic15(m): 6:13pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
iice: this sounds so sexist. how does this help her in the long run? where does this place her future considering the african emphasis on family? its not about missing or not missing . . . . .it takes two to tangle. if her job comes before her man, then she does not deserve the guy in the first place. . . .she could as well start dating her boss. . . .they would get to talk about work very much. Akpangbon: does a man who just wants to Bleep a woman gets bothered she aint talking about the future? did he mention anything with regards to sex in his OP? The girl in question has simply made her work her priority, but intends to keep a relationship. . .which is simply impossible. At least not with a rational and well meaning guy. I dont see anything nice in chatting with anyone (male or female) who makes all discussions about them. . . not to talk of a well meaning relationship. The lady in question has LOST big time. . .if this relationship hits the rock. |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by noetic15(m): 6:14pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
galatico: EXACTLY!!!! . . . . . but the ultimate decision to dump her is left to kenyaboy. |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by iice(f): 6:17pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
galatico: ^^ Explained my post. noetic15: Heh? From where in my post did you incur all this?  i no fit laugh sef lol |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by Kenyaboy: 6:27pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
You are very orieope. Dont you know you have to treat women specially? She talks about her work and co, so what? Maybe you are boring and dont ever raise a topic, all you want is to fu ck her? Why eont she talk about what she can talk about? Now she hasnt called you in 8 days, look you have lost this nice African woman, u have to look for another woamn who will only talk what you want her to talk about. instead of you to treat her like egg, you have thrown her to the floor and made it to break, in short, the next thing to break will be your pe.nis. ___________________________________________________________________________ Akpan, please help me understand, without throwing around hollow words, what you mean by "treating a woman specially" and how talking about work 24/7 helps strengthen a relationship?. You know its quite easy to respond to what is inside your head rather than the question that has been posted. I guess that is what you have done. So i am boring? How did you know about this and i didnt mention it? (lets try and concentrate on the topic plz) I said i try to put forth topics that are mutual, and while i do so, i usually get in response examples drawn from her place of work, in other words i find myself struggling to contribute everytime she brings out a topic becoz she (daznt/cant/or both) talk in mutual terms, she talks about her work, her boss, her workmates and its quite obvious that unless you work in the same office with her, you would be lost for what to contribute. So yes, i guess it is quite obvious that she is a career woman and anyman who wants her, has to decide whether to be second choice to her work. Listen akpan, i am not looking for a woman to talk about what i want her to talk about. I am looking for a woman who has space inside her head for a relationship and who places it on a higher scale than her work. while i am not a millionaire, i believe i gave her my best, i told her that i was looking at this relationship long term and i did not talk about expecting sex, (which is the second agenda in most relationships in Nairobi) ie as soon as a girl agrees to be yours, the next thing is, when is she unleashing the goodies? i talked about settling down and marriage, in other words bigger things than sex, i talked education of kids, i talked upbringing of kids, i talked investments. I talked stuff that i think any sensible woman would construe as "stability, direction and leadership" I also talked about the small things of life, the general stuff. I think i carried myself in a manner way above the kind of guy you think i am. I am far, far, far above the image you are carrying inside your head of me. |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by noetic15(m): 6:32pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
iice: did ur previous post come ur head?  . . . .if yes. . read it again |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by Akpangbon: 6:48pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
Kenyaboy I think you are too sophisticated for this woman, hoenstly speaking, you are a fine boy, a classy dude, a big boy with all the swagger. I guess what you want the woman to be talking about are things like, how many cyclinder on your new Pontiac saloon car, or what type of Bentley you will be buying next, or what colour is the new Armani shirt in your closet or what is the best price for a D&G lether shoe or how much does a yatch cost and things like that. Maybe the woman couldnt flow with the above and she just finds it easier talking about her job, career and co, whats bad in that? Bro, you need to wake up and look for this woman and beg her, well, she is not even answering your call, thats good for yah. When you realise, please all you have to do is to let her know how much your love has scattered your brain into pieces. |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by noetic15(m): 6:51pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
Akpangbon:  is this a joke? |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by whitesturd(f): 7:02pm On Oct 08, 2009 |
I think ur girl is too selfish.she thinks only of herself alone wich is not rite.u only told her the truth and shes refused pickin ur call.she is a workalholic.if she refuses to pick ur cal,leave her .with time she will come back to her senses or better still she will get married to her work. |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by iice(f): 3:14pm On Oct 09, 2009 |
noetic15: You'd have to do better than head  lwkmdfh Again. . .she will not crack. From what the OP described, she seems to be a very proud woman. Semplice. Like me, make una dey wait for Godot |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by izeek(m): 3:21pm On Oct 09, 2009 |
iice: some1 sure knows what it takes to date a career lady. u always come second, cos her career is like her life. @ noetic, i suggest u play out the possible scenarios b4 ur open ur mouth next time and criticize. ever occurred to you that ladies whoare career conscious sometimes don't even want to see a r/s start talkless of see it tru. u happen to be their stumbling block reaching their goal early. |
| Re: Should I Leave This Woman? by noetic15(m): 3:59pm On Oct 09, 2009 |
izeek: and why did she date him in the first place?. . . . . .if her career is her goal, why is it a big deal that kenyaboy chooses to let her go? what has he lost? my deduction from your post is someone who do anything to get a date including sulk up to a lady. . . . , thats derogatory and a sense of insecurity. in life just like a rel, u need to define stuffs and visions about anything esp in a relationship. . . . . so after shifting grounds to accommodate the other person, she still is unwilling to meet up. . . must u desperately tolerate her selfishness? must a man make himself unhappy to please a woman?. . . would this not lead to a failed marriage?. . . . what planet do u live in? iice: The more reason why her I sense that her loss would be fatal  |
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