N/B: I don't need insult or stupid advise. Please take your time and read through.

I started dating a girl 4 years ago. She was in first year in the university then and we all know how this kind of relationship is; we talk more in the phone and we only see when I visit her in school somewhere in the Eastern part of Nigeria. Also when ever she comes home for their two weeks break after exams, and even at that she rarely comes out because her folks always want her home, and I on my own side got to work and I close in the evening, same time her folks would return home. So seeing during week days is almost out of it and even if we do see, its always at an eatery.

Now she is in her finals, and will soon graduate, after which she will go for service. Right now I am in between still go on and court her more if she graduates because I am sure telephone conversations and the few times we hanged out are not enough to actually show the true reflection of her attitude (even though we've had issues only during phone talks). I would like to know what it is to date her under the same locality, environment and if possible under my roof. Experience and from I hear about women; staying distance apart will not help even when they claim to love you. I notice she is the stubborn type (how extreme I don't know), I know she is the type who likes to get too pushy ( how extreme, I can't say), I noticed she keeps mute without saying a word when she is angry ( the extreme to what she would do when angry, I cannot say). All these are what I notice all through our time talking on the phone. I know I love her but should I ignore all these and marry her? I am ready to settle down with someone. If I decide to court her the more, would she show case all these freely knowing she has graduated and with the knowledge that she should be able to accept my shits?

That is aside. These past few months I have been hanging out with female friends (working classes) back here in Lagos. they are friends from church organizations, well behaved ladies and from my conversations with them, they like me and are ready to date. One is a banker who I like as a person ordinarily but yet to commit into any relationship. The other one is already serving at a company here in Lagos. These are ladies I can settle down with if I pick and focus on any one of them. Another thing is I see them every week, and hang out. But no intimacy yet. They want commitment before any talk on that.

That is the dilemma I found myself in.

Every one I tell that my girl is about graduating always tell me : Why do you date students? Can you wait for her? What happens to working class women? This Nigeria is no longer a case where only the man would provide for the family; you need a mature lady to settle down with; E.t.c

I am told it is good to have options when it comes to issues like this but it will surely come a time when one would find himself in a fix. If my girl friend graduates from school and come home, I would be seeing her often (weekends of course) because I doubt if the parents would allow her spend weeks at my place, so its definitely going to be her coming over Saturdays and Sundays pending when she goes for service.

Should I wait for her to graduate and court her more? Should I date these ladies who I find mature and pleasing too (these ones are not ready for just dating sake but must have a prospect)

Let me don't bore you but from this piece I believe my points are made. I will answer questions if you have incase there are areas that wasn't clear.

Thank you

Talk to your babe first about your plans for her... And from her response, you'll know what to do... Don't just end it like that without talking to her.

JeffreyJamez:
Talk to your babe first about your plans for her... And from her response, you'll know what to do... Don't just end it like that without talking to her.

I have, and all she talks about is being my wife. But you know women and wanting to be a mrs as soon as they graduate. Meanwhile as for the man, in this case the questions are "can I live with her? what about those sides I am yet to see all because its only via phone we talk"? Are these enough?

There is no problem if he ask her to marry him, cos she would say YES.

JeffreyJamez:
Talk to your babe first about your plans for her... And from her response, you'll know what to do... Don't just end it like that without talking to her.

U have time to read tat ehn... ur truly worth to be a King of Romance sextion

smartKiwi:


I have, and all she talks about is being my wife. But you know women and wanting to be a mrs as soon as they graduate. Meanwhile as for the man, in this case the questions are "can I live with her? what about those sides I am yet to see all because its only via phone we talk"? Are these enough?

There is no problem if he ask her to marry him, cos she would say YES.

.and what makes you think this "matured" ladies won't unleash another side of them when you get hooked?

At least you already know some of the cons of your present babe to some extent... The question is, can you live with this lil cons you have seen?....... There is really no perfect human, everybody get corma... This "matured" ladies you claim you talk to everyday that only want commitment seem pretentious to me.

TrapQueen77:





U have time to read tat ehn... ur truly worth to be a King of Romance sextion

Lol I'm bored na...

No dey gimme title biko


How are you?

JeffreyJamez:



.and what makes you think this "matured" ladies won't unleash another side if them when you get hooked?

At least you already know some of the cons of your present babe to some extent... The question is, can you leave with this lil cons you have seen?....... There is really no perfect human, everybody get corma... This "matured" ladies you claim you talk to everyday that only want commitment seem pretentious to me.

Truth is, there are certain stage in a woman's life when they want commitment, in which case they are independent. My girl is still under her folks. Her movement is restricted. How am I to spend that time to really know her well? now that's my concern.

smartKiwi:


Truth is, there are certain stage in a woman's life when they want commitment, in which case they are independent. My girl is still under her folks. Her movement is restricted. How am I to spend that time to really know her well? now that's my concern.

What exactly do you want to "know well" ?..look bro... You can never really know a lady well until you stay in the same roof.... and the only way any sane lady will stay in the same roof with you is if you're married to her... If you like go on 1million dates, if lady doesn't want to show you her true colour, you don't see it.


..and you didn't really answer my question... The lil cons you have seen in your babe, can you live with it... Yes or no?

JeffreyJamez:


What exactly do you want to "know well" ?..look bro... You can never really know a lady well until you stay in the same roof.... and the only way any sane lady will stay in the same roof with you is if you're married to her... If you like go on 1million dates, if lady doesn't want to show you her true colour, you don't see it.


..and you didn't really answer my question... The lil cons you have seen in your babe, can you live with it... Yes or no?

I don't like the side where she asks questions , upon question....even after I have cautioned her.

Then areas of not voicing out when ever something is wrong. You know the type who don't talk when you hurt them or when they are upset" on this regard, I have only encountered it during phone talks. People who are silent like this really need to be studied well in order to understand to what extreme they can get when you do more than hurt them.

I want to see the worse scenario bro. So I would know if I can live with that.

To these new friends I can. For her, only when she comes in. That is the worry

smartKiwi:


I don't like the side where she asks questions , upon question....even after I have cautioned her.

Then areas of not voicing out when ever something is wrong. You know the type who don't talk when you hurt them or when they are upset" on this regard, I have only encountered it during phone talks. People who are silent like this really need to be studied well in order to understand to what extreme they can get when you do more than hurt them.

I want to see the worse scenario bro. So I would know if I can live with that.

To these new friends I can. For her, only when she comes in. That is the worry

Oya free the girl and stop wasting the both is you's time. Follow the one wey you dey see....

JeffreyJamez:


What exactly do you want to "know well" ?..look bro... You can never really know a lady well until you stay in the same roof.... and the only way any sane lady will stay in the same roof with you is if you're married to her... If you like go on 1million dates, if lady doesn't want to show you her true colour, you don't see it.


..and you didn't really answer my question... The lil cons you have seen in your babe, can you live with it... Yes or no?

The extent of her cons will be the determining factor if the op can live with it or not which on this case he doesn't know.
The only way is for the op to study her more which I don't how you can go about it due to the restriction and distance

But op, since your intention is to marry her, why not make your self known to the parents perhaps they may allow her more time with you. But don't promise marriage yet, "just tell them if things work out between you too" you both will like to know each other more. From there, you can take the rest up.

As for those working class ladies, you need to find out the level of their desperation. If they are too desperate, they will go at any length to mask them selves; If not, maybe you need to consider but not until you know where you stand with your babe.

queencalipso:


The extent of her cons will be the determining factor if the op can live with it or not which on this case he doesn't know.
The only way is for the op to study her more which I don't how you can go about it due to the restriction and distance

But op, since your intention is to marry her, why not make your self known to the parents perhaps they may allow her more time with you. But don't promise marriage yet, "just tell them if things work out between you too" you both will like to know each other more. From there, you can take the rest up.

As for those working class ladies, you need to find out the level of their desperation. If they are too desperate, they will go at any length to mask them selves; If not, maybe you need to consider but not until you know where you stand with your babe.

Thank you Queen, you really spoke like you are in my shoes. But you know in Igbo land , that request will not sound well to her folks. Its gonna be a risk if I decide to forego and assume I will not witness worse scenario.

As for the other female friends. I don't intend to tell my intentions, just be friends with them. Use that as an avenue to learn more about them.

JeffreyJamez:


Lol I'm bored na...

No dey gimme title biko


How are you?

I'm all good... juz had my dinner

Pheeeew

TrapQueen77:





I'm all good... juz had my dinner

Dinner kwa

JeffreyJamez:


Dinner kwa

well, the earth is round and we're not having the same time tho...

TrapQueen77:




well, the earth is round and we're not having the same time tho...

So are you in the future or in the past?

JeffreyJamez:


So are you in the future or in the past?

I'm in the future ooo..soon it's time 4 me to sleep

TrapQueen77:




I'm in the future ooo..soon it's time 4 me to sleep

So its definitly not UK or NOrth America.......Russia or Ukraine?

JeffreyJamez:


So its definitly not UK or NOrth America.......Russia or Ukraine?

hahahaahha....I'm not in Europe....

TrapQueen77:




hahahaahha....I'm not in Europe....

bummer!!

Dubai?

JeffreyJamez:


bummer!!

Dubai?

Hahahahahaha... I'm here in asia

TrapQueen77:





Hahahahahaha... I'm here in asia

China,Malaysia or Indonesia?

smartKiwi:


Thank you Queen, you really spoke like you are in my shoes. But you know in Igbo land , that request will not sound well to her folks. Its gonna be a risk if I decide to forego and assume I will not witness worse scenario.


As for the other female friends. I don't intend to tell my intentions, just be friends with them. Use that as an avenue to learn more about them.

There are worse scenarios that can be tolerated though it depends on the individuals involved.

Both of you should sit down and discuss this, find a way to spend more time with each other. When there is love, there is always a way out. Trust me besides, she's an undergraduate, it shouldn't be difficult for her to device a means.

TrapQueen77:





Hahahahahaha... I'm here in asia

my sister Kashybaby aka TrapQueen





weldon.

Smartkiwi I don't normally comment in romance section buh cuz of ur story i"d chip in one or two..


Never date some who is still living under her father's roof




Never assume a girl likes you.



From what I concluded abt ur post, I think you are just waiting for her to fvck up before u can go over to the ladies who are working. Look, she is not ready for marriage, not now, not even when she graduates. If you know u really Wana setlle down soon den please go for a woman who has d same foresight as u do. Don't settle for someone who isn't ready.



There used to be a girl in this romance section I talked to, I stated it to her I want smth long term, dat will lead to marriage. Like I want to build a future with her, we start from scratch and all that. She told me she ain't ready. So I stopped communicating with her and decided to focus more on my hustling since I need to make serios money. She started sending me texts dat I don't chat with her anymore bla blaa bla. I told her look, we've discussed abt this, u were d one who said u weren't ready, so why now tell me I don't chat wit u anymore... I told her I decided to find another partner since she wasn't ready cuz waitn for someone to make up their mind for love is laughable to me. I just can't do that.



So I advise you, to leave that small girl and focus your time on a woman who has your time as well.. biko.

Cutehector:
Smartkiwi I don't normally comment in romance section buh cuz of ur story i"d chip in one or two..


Never date some who is still living under her father's roof




Never assume a girl likes you.



From what I concluded abt ur post, I think you are just waiting for her to fvck up before u can go over to the ladies who are working. Look, she is not ready for marriage, not now, not even when she graduates. If you know u really Wana setlle down soon den please go for a woman who has d same foresight as u do. Don't settle for someone who isn't ready.



There used to be a girl in this romance section I talked to, I stated it to her I want smth long term, dat will lead to marriage. Like I want to build a future with her, we start from scratch and all that. She told me she ain't ready. So I stopped communicating with her and decided to focus more on my hustling since I need to make serios money. She started sending me texts dat I don't chat with her anymore bla blaa bla. I told her look, we've discussed abt this, u were d one who said u weren't ready, so why now tell me I don't chat wit u anymore... I told her I decided to find another partner since she wasn't ready cuz waitn for someone to make up their mind for love is laughable to me. I just can't do that.



So I advise you, to leave that small girl and focus your time on a woman who has your time as well.. biko.

From your bolded....No i'm not, its just that I haven't seen the other side and my instinct tells me not to ignore them.

smartKiwi:


From your bolded....No i'm not, its just that I haven't seen the other side and my instinct tells me not to ignore them.

u don't have to wait to see the other side before you realise she isn't meant for you. You'd be only wasting your precious time.



Pls stop dating students already. As for me i can't go and tell a girl who is focused in her studies abt marriage, dats uncool. I"d have to wait until she graduates befor I start talking about marriage. Dats if time is on my side. Well time is on my side so I don't knw abt you. If you really Wana settle down soon then find someone who sees the same as you do. It's simple.

Cutehector:
u don't have to wait to see the other side before you realise she isn't meant for you. You'd be only wasting your precious time.



Pls stop dating students already. As for me i can't go and tell a girl who is focused in her studies abt marriage, dats uncool. I"d have to wait until she graduates befor I start talking about marriage. Dats if time is on my side. Well time is on my side so I don't knw abt you. If you really Wana settle down soon then find someone who sees the same as you do. It's simple.

Well said bro and thank you for the input

Op, are you sure you don't want sex?

Sparklequeen:
Op, are you sure you don't want sex?

lol.... i am married now