Ifakiland:

african mentality so the younger bro should be eating food cooked by the wife and will sit down cross leg while the wife washes the plate he used to eat? well u can treat ur wife like a slave though thats ur bizness

this isn't about using your wife like a slave, believe me a real woman wouldn't make a big deal out of this, she wouldn't even raise an eyebrow!! Only women who gat the kinda ego that would raise a dead man rant over things like this

chigoizie7:


Let them be learning nonsense here.

As for me, I will respect my wife the way she deserves, but any day she disrespect my family is the day she is leaving my house, if she like make she born jesus christ for me, I don't care what u all think or will say, she is my wife, "YES", but they are my family, my blood, my everything, they were there for me when I was a nobody, when I was nothing to write home about, we suffered together, conquered together, now I will come and disrespect them just because I married a woman who is 100% " REPLACEABLE". My family ain't replaceable.

you are mouthed!!!

Waiting for one wife to come and disrespect any of my siblings

chigoizie7:


Let them be learning nonsense here.

As for me, I will respect my wife the way she deserves, but any day she disrespect my family is the day she is leaving my house, if she like make she born jesus christ for me, I don't care what u all think or will say, she is my wife, "YES", but they are my family, my blood, my everything, they were there for me when I was a nobody, when I was nothing to write home about, we suffered together, conquered together, now I will come and disrespect them just because I married a woman who is 100% " REPLACEABLE". My family ain't replaceable.

since u know d woman is replaceable u for marry like two join..for d fact she wasnt dere doesnt mean her own family didnt do same..dat woman and kids are now your own individual family.no mawi sef.for d topic ion support d woman cuz if her son is dat age she won't bother dat he doesnt do any work talkless of plate washing

CaraJewel:
since u know d woman is replaceable u for marry like two join..for d fact she wasnt dere doesnt mean her own family didnt do same..dat woman and kids are now your own individual family.no mawi sef.for d topic ion support d woman cuz if her son is dat age she won't bother dat he doesnt do any work talkless of plate washing

That's my point.

We really don't know what family and marriage means.

Just as u said, that the only family the op has should be his wife and kids, what will be this very woman's reaction when her sons are all grown, and den denounce them for a new family?

This is akin to the western cultures, once u are an adult, u are on your own, if ur mother is sick, u don't care,(more reasons for old peoples home). We are not them we are Africans. Where u live in California and ur kids are indigenes of California while u as the dad is a New Yorker. No heritage.



If my so called wife thinks marrying me has automatically made me develop a new family thereby questioning the existence of my real family, then why involve them in the marriage rites but can't respect them afterwards? That why I said that she is replaceable.

I am still my parents family the same way she would want me to make her and my kids my new family, I am still my parents kid and nothing will change that, not even all these una copy copy culture, marriage is about the two families not just the man and woman involved.

stephenmorris:
you are damn wrong so for example because i don't have a job ,i should surrender my honor as a man to a woman

so even washing his own plate is tantamount to surrendering a man's honour to a woman?

What exactly is wrong with some of you guys? Is it upbringing or what? If your wife na your slave, e go come still be your younger brother slave? If he's a big boy, why is he living with his married brother? His mates would have their own apartments.

The dude probably does nothing to help around the house. It's his brother's house, therefore he shouldn't pick a pin. There's a slave there to do all the work.

But OP, few days ago you posted this

Is It Proper For Me To Go Back With My Ex Girlfriend?


pls is it proper for me to go back with my ex girlfriend, we met again and had sex together last week after six years of separation and now she has been on my neck, pls what should I do?

https://www.nairaland.com/3370692/it-proper-me-go-back

So how come you are now married? Abi you are married but played away match?

chigoizie7:



That's my point.

We really don't know what family and marriage means.

Just as u said, that the only family the op has should be his wife and kids, what will be this very woman's reaction when her sons are all grown, and den denounce them for a new family?

This is akin to the western cultures, once u are an adult, u are on your own, if ur mother is sick, u don't care,(more reasons for old peoples home). We are not them we are Africans. Where u live in California and ur kids are indigenes of California while u as the dad is a New Yorker. No heritage.

.

her and ur kids like xay she no follow born dem..well u jxt had too go and misunderstand mi..i said d family is ur individual family..did i xay immediate family should shift or not be regarded..did i mention tins of d west culture..also dnt disrespect ur wife's family too.

lalasticlala:


https://www.nairaland.com/3370692/it-proper-me-go-back

So how come you are now married? Abi you are married but played away match?

Lobatan !!! wetin person no go see or read for nairaland. hehehe

Ifakiland:

african mentality so the younger bro should be eating food cooked by the wife and will sit down cross leg while the wife washes the plate he used to eat? well u can treat ur wife like a slave though thats ur bizness

oga Americana their is more to the plate washing

And the story just got more interesting

bodmas119:
My younger brother is living with us but my wife used to complaint to me he doesn't wash plates, pls how should I handle the matter peacefully coz am confused?

Who does the cooking for your younger bro to eat?

*modified -
since he fetches water and helps with other chores, its alright. He should wash his plates after eating and all will be well. I guess he may be leaving his plates in the sink for madam to wash. For me, that's not right if he is younger. I shake my head at the men here saying he should leave his plates for the woman of the house to wash! U will make ur extended family lose respect for your wife if u allow that.
Personally, if u try that with me as a younger Inlaw, I will help u wash it the first few times in case u didn't do it deliberately. After that, I will set ur dirty plate aside and u will come n wash it whenever u are ready.
I might add that if you are not ready to wash your own plates, then be ready to stop eating in the house soon. Na so them dey turn the co-owner of the house to housemaid if care isn't taken!

Why isn't the husband helping his wife in doing the dish ?

A lot of the responses here worry me. If the young man has a mouth to eat he should also have hands to wash plates. If he can't wash plates or do any chores he is asked to do then he is old enough to live on his own. Asking the wife to do his dishes is asking the young man not to respect her. Op needs to be in charge of his family oh. One day that young man will move to his own house and raise his own family but will he destroy the relationship between his brother and wife before he leaves?

Diddyydiva:
Am good ooooo ,you?

Have you seen my face now ?

I'm good too and yes dear, you're pretty! nice dp!

Op, please open another thread for matured nairaland family section members cos a lot of romance and chest beating from romancelanders don spoil this one.

It is the responsibility of any jobless person living in your home to help with all chores. If your wife cooked the food, why is it so difficult for him to wash the plates? Him being there is creating extra responsibilities for her. This is why women become frustrated with life after marriage. Your wife is not a maid or a work horse. She gets tired the same way as men. Living in the US has taught me that a lot our respectability rules hinder our growth. Let every share equally so no one is burdened.

It's really no big deal, your wife shouldn't see an extra plate or two as hard work. Unless there are other issues between them and she's looking for a way to lash out.
Your brother's attitude may also be part of why she's complaining.
Just plead with her to keep doing the dishes, it's only for a while.

bodmas119:
My younger brother is living with us but my wife used to complaint to me he doesn't wash plates, pls how should I handle the matter peacefully coz am confused?

Your wife is simply un-happy your younger is living with you guys. She just wants to kick him out of the house!

FortuneTeller:
It is the responsibility of any jobless person living in your home to help with all chores. If your wife cooked the food, why is it so difficult for him to wash the plates? Him being there is creating extra responsibilities for her. This is why women become frustrated with life after marriage. Your wife is not a maid or a work horse. She gets tired the same way as men. Living in the US has taught me that a lot our respectability rules hinder our growth. Let every share equally so no one is burdened.

I am not sure if you live in the US. You sound like a typical Nigerian woman who hates having brother-in-law around.

FortuneTeller:
It is the responsibility of any jobless person living in your home to help with all chores. If your wife cooked the food, why is it so difficult for him to wash the plates? Him being there is creating extra responsibilities for her. This is why women become frustrated with life after marriage. Your wife is not a maid or a work horse. She gets tired the same way as men. Living in the US has taught me that a lot our respectability rules hinder our growth. Let every share equally so no one is burdened.

oh really!! Ah bet if the said brother in-law is your sibling, you wouldn't say the same thing

daryoor:
if the people in this incidence are yoruba, then the wife should not complain, the culture does not allow you to call the little guy by name talkless of demanding he wash the plates at home. the guy should only respect himself and wash his own plate. then if she's heavily pregnant he should help her out often.


respect your brother that has been with you unconditionally all your life. love your wife unconditionally but in situations like this you need to remember that, that b.itch chose you because of what you have.

do you have to call an innocent woman a bitch simply because she asks for some help. Seriously, I don't blame you,i blame the Op for bringing his domestic problem here. If you have not been in someone's shoes,you can't understand some things.

CaraJewel:
her and ur kids like xay she no follow born dem..well u jxt had too go and misunderstand mi..i said d family is ur individual family..did i xay immediate family should shift or not be regarded..did i mention tins of d west culture..also dnt disrespect ur wife's family too.

Lolz, I didn't misunderstood ur points,

B4 I started, I said "that's my point" which means that u concur with me.

I just used the post to drive some points to others.

As for respecting my wives family, I said it in one of my posts on the thread, that " I will try my best to respect my wife the way she deserves and her family too" that problem will start if "she refuses to respect mine". I said those earlier.

Any ways, it seems I am stretching this far longer than needed, so, am gonna stop here

DeeTus:
I am not sure if you live in the US. You sound like a typical Nigerian woman who hates having brother-in-law around.

Can u just imagine what a naija girl is saying? Just because she has lived in US, she has forgotten her core values, she has forgotten about the doctrine that made her who she is. Later, all of them living over there will be complaining that naija boys don't see them marriage able, instead they go for "FAT white girls" my brother why won't they? Since u want to behave like western people, leave our naija(local boys) alone and marry a white man who shares the same core values with u. Marrying a naija man with different mentality of perception on life is just disastrous. Some women sef, they too like copy copy, borrowing someone's clothe to slimfit it.

chigoizie7:



Lolz, I didn't misunderstood ur points,

B4 I started, I said "that's my point" which means that u concur with me.

I just used the post to drive some points to others.

As for respecting my wives family, I said it in one of my posts on the thread, that " I will try my best to respect my wife the way she deserves and her family too" that problem will start if "she refuses to respect mine". I said those earlier.

Any ways, it seems I am stretching this far longer than needed, so, am gonna stop here

Ok..yes she will also try her ßest to respect you d way you deserve and ur family too

evegran:



He just graduated, means he is not a kid and he even fetches water and does other chores. He shouldn't be made to wash plates then.
Your wife is being funny! it's not like he just stays home lazy doing nothing, he fetches water and does other chores. Tell her to let him be, he shouldn't wash plates. He is your brother, not your houseboy. Because you're helping him with accommodation, doesn't mean he is your slave. Tomorrow he may become greater than you and even help you, so you better treat him well. Help me ask your wife if It was her younger brother who just graduated from the university and fetches water and does other chores, if she would still force him to wash plates?
You better learn how to control your wife and not her controlling you.

God bless u for this one...a wife material u re!

chigoizie7:



I de tells u bro.

She and other gullible NL'ers are already hiding behind that devilish phrase of " she is your wife, ur partner and all that nonsense" to confuse the man into no knowing when to call a spade a spade, forget about what pastors or imams joined together, God 1st made them brothers by blood, he has been with his brother for years, way b4 the woman came in and just want to destroy that with "I am your wife trash". From the look of things, the op doesn't buy the idea of his brother washing the plate, but the wife seem to be confusing him, he came here to get morale and support to stand firm for his brother and all these nonsense people are telling him trash too.



As a graduate, all ur brother has to stay with u is kpatakpata 2yrs and he will find his way.

Which kind eye u go take de look your good and loving brother in some years to come after u have used a full grown graduate as a house help just because ur wife wants to.


A good wife would utilise this small time and be a good person to this guy because no one knows tomorrow, trust me, I don't wish op bad, but if they eventually turn him to a house help, the whole family will hear about it, hate her and term the hubby as a woman wrapper.

2yrs is nothing, u can wash the plates joyfully, cook joyfully, in igbo land u are not just married to ur husband but his family as a whole, and u also need to treat them with that respect as u dole out to ur husband.

But no, our naija gullible women will choose to emulate the western world, where a child will leave his/her parents for years after training them and it is considered a norm.


Nonsense, I don't pray for such wife. I have a friend, his GF doesn't play with his friends(we) talk more of his brother or sister.

Marriage is not a bed of roses, from time to time, things get awkward, @times, men misbehave, @times women misbehave, let's assume this OP misbehave @ some point in life, who will the wife fall back to for succour? For encouragement? For support? The same family she turned to slaves?

love ur points bro

So your wife who cooks for all is a slave? What is wrong with your brother helping her out with domestic chores especially if he is not working. Haba, this is not an issue except you feel women are less human or something

mamachizzy:
Me personally will never let a man enter my kitchen and wash plates. be it my husband, brother or even brother in law. I think there are other more manly chores around the house that he can help ur wife with. like fetching water or cleaning the house. But if washing of plates will constitute a problem in ur house, then let ur brother was his plate immediately he is done eating

I suppose you have never met a male Chef before?

stephenmorris:
you are damn wrong so for example because i don't have a job ,i should surrender my honor as a man to a woman

which honour ? Go rent your own house and get honour pls

chigoizie7:


Let them be learning nonsense here.

As for me, I will respect my wife the way she deserves, but any day she disrespect my family is the day she is leaving my house, if she like make she born jesus christ for me, I don't care what u all think or will say, she is my wife, "YES", but they are my family, my blood, my everything, they were there for me when I was a nobody, when I was nothing to write home about, we suffered together, conquered together, now I will come and disrespect them just because I married a woman who is 100% " REPLACEABLE". My family ain't replaceable.

Seen. Now you need to delay any likelihood you are harboring of getting married for at least ten years. Good luck

tsmith:
Reverse the question and you'd have your answer.

Is it proper for your brother to eat food cooked by your wife? Whatever is your answer, is the answer to your original question.

Courtesy demands that even when you visit friends and they've hosted and cooked for you, you offer to do the dishes. This can sometimes be forgiven if you take a gift or a bottle of wine along. I bet this same brother doesn't drop a coin or buy anything into the house, and i bet your wife is not only responsible for the actual cooking of meal but probably for the shopping and maybe even the cost.

My father taught me from an early age if you're going to visit or live with someone; the least you can be is a welcomed nuisance!

You have reasoning problem, why should the same courtesy applied to friends be applied to an immediate family member #think