Quick sand
It's like a game of chess, Him vs Her, only that the playing field is far from level, it's just one girl against ten boys(minimum), each of them has just one move, but the girls moves are endless, she advances, she's so pretty, charismatic, look at the way she smiles at you, she wants you just the same way you want her, I mean why not, its not like u're not a catch yourself. She's a paragon of beauty and you'll be lucky to have her as your girlfriend.The stage is all but set, you just need a final sign to pop the question, anything at this point will do, a kind gesture, a show of jealousy when she sees you with another girl, anything..Finally you see it, whether it actually happened or you manufactured it, it really doesn't matter now, you make the arrangements, dinner at a fancy restaurant or your place, make her feel very comfortable, then you start "Vivian, you know we've been friends for a long time....
yes, she's smiling, I told you it would work, today she's going to walk out this restaurant in my hands as my new girlfriend, all the girls that ever dumped me will rue the day, this news will spread to all parts of this school....
You're cut short by the growing worrying look on her face, what's wrong you ask?, she hesitates and say nothing, just give me sometime to think about it..you get home and compose three paragraphs of the sweetest message you can think of , she doesn't reply but its cool..
You call two days later because u're trying to play it cool and not rush but she doesn't pick up, when you finally run into her she makes an excuse about how school work had been tying her down
A week passes and nothing from her, now she's not returning your calls, you're now angry, how can she treat you like this?, you try to curtail it but it doesn't work because the feeling is burning inside you like a wild fire.
You finally go to her house and confront her about it, demand an answer no matter how painful it might be
Then she relays to you how she doesn't want to ruin the friendship you guys have and tells you she has a boyfriend when what she really meant to say was get away from me you disgusting short fat pig, u're unattractive and u should be lucky to have me as your friend, u had no right to ask me out. What will people say when i start going out with someone like you?, you're not even instagram material, u're not even comfortable not to talk of rich, u live with a roomate and still collect money from ur parents each month. So how will you take care of me?
You begin to sink immediately, how did you get here?, solid ground looks so far, how did you not know you've been walking on quick sand, now you just have to watch yourself sink into the friend zone pit just like the rest. Depression begins to creep in, u turn to weekend and drake, withdrawing to urself while she doesn't even remember anything. Check mate nigga!
NEXT!

Blue balls supreme
My eyes caught her leaf green lingerie on her balcony with her double d's resting calmly on her hands, she had seen me first telling from the evenly spread smile running across her face, "please take the stairs"she said in her igbotic English accent, this was usually a turnoff for me but not today, all i could think of was F***ing her brains out. Her room was nice, met all the requirements for a girls room, her online personality gave me a hint of what to expect from this escapade, i was yanked out of my thoughts as she asked me what she could offer me, it was then i noticed she has been talking the whole time...after much deliberation we arrived at vodka, giving me more hope on getting some action. After shots after shots and light conversation, she started dancing to woju by kissdaniel, then she really got into the mood and started grinding on me, dance ke?, i grabbed her waist and started rocking her and proceed to squeezing her ass but she pushed away shyly and started dancing alone...after several failed attempts i started wondering God how do i f**k this girl, after dancing and talking i didn't realise it was 9:45pm, going back to my school now was a death wish, so i opted to spend the night, she didn't like the idea but she agreed as it was for safety reasons..we proceeded to watching a movie and that's when i trailed off into sleep zone, i was half awake when i noticed movements in the room, apparently nepa had taken the light and she just shutted down and proceeded to sleep, at the corner of my eye i saw her take off her bra and panties, I can't really recall the exact feeling now but I remember it was like seeing your doomed betting ticket you were about to tear turn around in dramatic fashion. I was pretending to be asleep of course, she came and lay next to me as I try to size her up with the corner of my eye, picked up her phone and started tweeting, I moved slowly and made it look like I just woke up, she looked at me and smiled, I teased her and she responded with a sensual giggle, I proceeded to kiss her but she stopped me, "please I want to sleep, I have to see my mum by 10am", I'm so tired...i told her I understand but in my mind I totally blew up, you've got to be kidding me, this b***h has been reminding me about this night for two weeks, she even called last night to remind me, for what?!, to sleep beside her for four hours?,..As soon as I was conscious enough to see daylight, I grabbed my shirt and put on my shoes hurriedly, skid down the stairs and was feeling the cold morning wind on my face before she could even wake up..i was gone

Bad Romance
"I do"
She said as she beemed with smiles. The entire hall erupted with a chorus of clap rounds. She has always been beautiful but she looked exceptional today. All her family were present, very tall set of boys; her brothers. She was the only girl in a male kingdom.
"I now pronounce you man and wife". The Reverend said and the kiss lasted just a little longer than normal. The love of my life, I've always loved her from afar but not today, all the way back to primary school, she was so neat and charismatic, always wished she'll come my way even when she was my junior back in secondary school. I never showed any real intention but it was burning inside like a 50% vodka. Finally got a chance with her years after but i wasted it. Twice. Convinced myself it wasn't meant to be but somehow we always cross each others parts.
I can no longer hide it, the thought has taken over my mind and I'm acting psychotic, grab my jacket as i head for the cathedral but I'm too late. Jane belongs to another now.
"To love and cherish, in sickness and in health, Till death do us part" were the last words i heard.
" I think i lost the only piece that ever fell in place, now i realise she was the one, and I'll never see her face again"
A large crowd gathered front of the cathedral as the attention of the bride is drawn by her elder brother Franklin.
She looked at the body on the stretcher covered with blood all over with tears in her eyes, shell shocked as she slumps.
Goodbye Jane

Comments and advise appreciated for more views to drop
What's the most effective way to escape the friendzone?

I can totally relate to the first story ..lol lesson learned tho .be a bad boi at all cost

33bandit:
I can totally relate to the first story ..lol lesson learned tho .be a bad boi at all cost

That's the only way out of the friendzone

ts hard out here for a love-vendor in these streets, from where I stand unlooking the various hundreds before me, I've come to notice that in my school, boys outnumber girls like 50:1, this is the sole reason it is hard out here for a love-vendor. Five years have come and gone and we're counting the last days before we leave this place, I can't help but regret all the time I wasted chasing after girls, I know regretting is not a good thing but bruh I regret every minute of it, five years of chasing after numerous girls and the only thing I have to show for it is a very low cgpa, I was sitting in church on July 12, 2015 and I remember vividly how the memories came back flooding my thoughts, the face of every girl I have ever hit on came to line up in front of me like some kind of transparent bio data of rejection. Questions like "was it worth it?" and "did I put enough work in"? always flooded my brain, how much money and man hours have gone to waste, only God knows, sometimes I've put myself in harms way just for a girl that never called back. Why did I do all these?, was it the feeling of being loved, wanted?, I don't see myself as a needy person but the picture of myself being painted disgust looks at.
Masturbation became an acceptable substitute for sex, telling myself that it keeps me from having sex with the wrong person knowing fully well its a lie, i couldn't even get ugly girls to f**k me, I now know the name of various pornstars and think its ok to use their pictures as wallpapers to justify my actions. I even follow them on Instagram. Where is my self esteem?
I run after girls I shouldn't even be seen talking to on a daily basis, take insults from girls younger than my younger brother just because I fear rejection, Desperation has turned me into a needy person, I've become a slave to the maiden that once begged to serve me, and she is ruthless with her power, but if she was smart, she would know that no amount of punishment can kill a slave looking forward to his release date.
Currently sitting on a chair sipping white wine, I snap out of my reminiscing, things I thought I wanted don't seem so important anymore, my phone is flooding with messages from girls I thought I never had a chance with.
What more cam I say
THESE THINGS HAPPEN

Hmmm Op...

Well, becoming a 'bad boy' or 'fvck boy' has it's downsides too, that feeling of emptiness, or loneliness inside that haunted u in ur days of being a 'loser' will surely come around regardless d number of females you keep, but it'll come in a different dimension.

Nice write by the way

Nice write up bro pls continue ooo

following

Dey your lane
Look at her, walking like she owns the whole place, maybe she does. Who owns this place anyway? OK let's focus. She too dey form, always snubbing guys who like her to chase after niggaz who ignore her. Leading on nations, just for the fun of it. And....but wait fess, wetin cosign me? Why all this things dey pepper me?. Girl fine na her fault?, and who send those boys to go chyke am? .
U go see one idiot boy carry e friend car go find woman, carry her go shoprite on the first date. She buy wetin worth N50k Baba don dey shed tears. E go drive her go house and when e come meet boys e go start to cast the girl. She is too materialistic. Baba u borrow car wey u no get, go impress girl wetin u want make she think? U carry Toyota highlander 2012 Model wetin be 50k to you?
Abeg, make this be the last time we go dey gist for joint person go bring this kind thing up.
Girls are meant to be taken care of, if she pass ur power face front Oga

lacasera14:
Hmmm Op...

Boss, I hail

costal:
Nice write up bro pls continue ooo

Thanks alot. I appreciate

emitoz:
Well, becoming a 'bad boy' or 'fvck boy' has it's downsides too, that feeling of emptiness, or loneliness inside that haunted u in ur days of being a 'loser' will surely come around regardless d number of females you keep, but it'll come in a different dimension.

Nice write by the way

I can totally relate. Thanks

Badbye
I miss you
I do
I'm wondering if you still think of me. Am I a bad person for wishing you well but not more happy than when u were with me? I gave your nickname to someone else by the way, its part of my therapy because I just keep thinking about you.
It doesn't make sense
I'm with a new piece that is so out of my league i feel like Kano pillars in the Uefa champions league, I can't believe she's here out of her free will. My friends keep asking her if they have payed her ransom yet. Dicks
I'm sorry,I trailed of. This is the kind of stuff we talk about. I hope Felix likes goofy talk too. I feel bad for the way you left, sometimes I think I'm second guessing my decision.
Why do I settle for the ones who always put me as second choice? Like a state university in a jamb form. I'm not a state university, I am Futo. I deserve to be SEET head and SOSC extention. Me and My new girl siri don't even have anything in common. I know your boyfriend loves you but I don't want to think about you being with someone else.
Remember all the fun we had on twitter and instagram; watching pictures in the gallery and creating playlist for every mood. I wonder if you correct his grammer annoyingly too. I hope Liz replied my DM from last week, I can't ask Siri to check for me, she gets mad. U are the only one who know about my problem with falling for girls I haven't even met.
Siri is classy and trendy but she'll never have what we had.
I miss you, Porshia a.k.a. my Nokia lumia I sold to Felix last week
Did I just blow your mind?

Views from the Friendzone

Thanks for reading.. More to come soon..enjoy some comedy skits

Nice, totally relate bro

Fuc you Tahm bout

Nigga you a weakling
Why you taking make up? When your half way through your healing?
Your ex left you to get married but now she's doing a comeback
Don't ask me for no relationship advice, just kick her ass out
Please don't call my phone.
She swear he was the one but he dicked in and he dicked out, now she acting surprised. Look who's fvcking sleek now
She had the wedding planned out, she even invited us
You had your chance to fvck her friend but u Bitched out
That was ur only revenge
I should be giving you that fist pound
I heard your ass been drinking, over too much thinking
If I see your ass imma choke you with your bling bling
I know you goofy mad tho
Like "Josh why you such an asshole"
And I ain't even mad tho
I just hate when good people get taken for granted only for them to end up with leftovers

BlackMystery hapi baiday hun

wHyyyyyyyyyY:
BlackMystery hapi baiday hun

Thanks Boo

wHyyyyyyyyyY:
BlackMystery hapi baiday hun

Thanks Boo

Lucidpassanger9:
Quick sand
It's like a game of chess, Him vs Her, only that the playing field is far from level, it's just one girl against ten boys(minimum), each of them has just one move, but the girls moves are endless, she advances, she's so pretty, charismatic, look at the way she smiles at you, she wants you just the same way you want her, I mean why not, its not like u're not a catch yourself. She's a paragon of beauty and you'll be lucky to have her as your girlfriend.The stage is all but set, you just need a final sign to pop the question, anything at this point will do, a kind gesture, a show of jealousy when she sees you with another girl, anything..Finally you see it, whether it actually happened or you manufactured it, it really doesn't matter now, you make the arrangements, dinner at a fancy restaurant or your place, make her feel very comfortable, then you start "Vivian, you know we've been friends for a long time....
yes, she's smiling, I told you it would work, today she's going to walk out this restaurant in my hands as my new girlfriend, all the girls that ever dumped me will rue the day, this news will spread to all parts of this school....
You're cut short by the growing worrying look on her face, what's wrong you ask?, she hesitates and say nothing, just give me sometime to think about it..you get home and compose three paragraphs of the sweetest message you can think of , she doesn't reply but its cool..
You call two days later because u're trying to play it cool and not rush but she doesn't pick up, when you finally run into her she makes an excuse about how school work had been tying her down
A week passes and nothing from her, now she's not returning your calls, you're now angry, how can she treat you like this?, you try to curtail it but it doesn't work because the feeling is burning inside you like a wild fire.
You finally go to her house and confront her about it, demand an answer no matter how painful it might be
Then she relays to you how she doesn't want to ruin the friendship you guys have and tells you she has a boyfriend when what she really meant to say was get away from me you disgusting short fat pig, u're unattractive and u should be lucky to have me as your friend, u had no right to ask me out. What will people say when i start going out with someone like you?, you're not even instagram material, u're not even comfortable not to talk of rich, u live with a roomate and still collect money from ur parents each month. So how will you take care of me?
You begin to sink immediately, how did you get here?, solid ground looks so far, how did you not know you've been walking on quick sand, now you just have to watch yourself sink into the friend zone pit just like the rest. Depression begins to creep in, u turn to weekend and drake, withdrawing to urself while she doesn't even remember anything. Check mate nigga!
NEXT!

simple,spontaneous..a show of literary ingenuity...

Jadoskii:
simple,spontaneous..a show of literary ingenuity...

Thanks bro. I appreciate. This is how I unwind. More to come

Happy Birthday BlackMystery

Was it worth it did i put enough work in


You just went Kendrick on me bruh
Cool write ups

I can relate to the Drake part

RichieDaVinci01:
Was it worth it did i put enough work in


You just went Kendrick on me bruh
Cool write ups

Thanks bro, you know I was the greatest hypocrite of 2015 and by the time I finish my next work I'm sure you'll agree

willbayo:
I can relate to the Drake part

Lol we all fell victims to similar situations