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Breaking Up For A Good Reason - Romance - Nairaland

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Breaking Up For A Good Reason by whitelexi(m): 12:48pm On Nov 15, 2009
Being Selective With Good Reason

When you have very distinct expectations, when you feel he/she has got to meet certain criteria, when you are extremely selective, when you feel there are traits that can be worked on and those that cannot change, when you feel the need to break-up with him/her in the near future as soon as you identify a trait that you cannot stand, when you break up with lines such as, "You're a wonderful person - I'm just not meant for u".

Is "Being selective with very good reason" a problem??
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by SisiKill1: 1:05pm On Nov 15, 2009
Only for those on the receiving end of it. They are too hurt to realize you are doing them a favor coz no matter how perfect they are, if they are missing sum'n you require, there's no saving that relationship.

And NO there's no such thing as learning to live with it. . . At least not in my book. 'Sides my requirements aren't that demanding.

I use the "it's not you, It's me" line.
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by Secretz(f): 1:07pm On Nov 15, 2009
There is nothing wrong with being selective for a very good reason. After all are you not going to be the one who will forever have to live with the person's traits?

I do believe, there are some thing you should not overlook in a relationship and there are some things that you can as they are 'tame-able' with time. . however, some people are just set in their ways.  grin
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by ruskiee(m): 1:16pm On Nov 15, 2009
Being selective means you know exactly what you want, and you are not going to settle for anything less.
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by whitelexi(m): 2:57pm On Nov 15, 2009
Some people cry victim when they realise that you are about to break up with them when they've done nothing wrong. . . Thats gotto be a concern for anyone who has a heart. If you look at it from the point of view of the person you're breaking up with, it feels like you're heartless
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by Gabry(f): 3:09pm On Nov 15, 2009
@Topic,

Nope. Its never a problem but remember, not every partner has exactly all the criterias which you are seeking for.

Example, my bf. . . I love it when he is clean and he is funny and he always tells me the hard cold bitter truth and he knows to cook and acts like an old man at times tongue but there are some things which I dont like about him and when he does it, it irritates me to bits and truth be told, I cannot tolerate with it but the thing is that I must always remember that its not about me but its about us. I would just have to tell him what I dont like and hopefully he would try and change for me or I would just have to tolerate with it.
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by Nobody: 3:10pm On Nov 15, 2009
I think if we were more tolerable, the world would be such a better place.
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by whitelexi(m): 3:15pm On Nov 15, 2009
Gabry:

@Topic,

Nope. Its never a problem but remember, not every partner has exactly all the criterias which you are seeking for.

Example, my bf. . . I love it when he is clean and he is funny and he always tells me the hard cold bitter truth and he knows to cook and acts like an old man at times tongue but there are some things which I dont like about him and when he does it, it irritates me to bits and truth be told, I cannot tolerate with it but the thing is that I must always remember that its not about me but its about us. I would just have to tell him what I dont like and hopefully he would try and change for me or I would just have to tolerate with it.

Thats so sweet smiley

Ebonyeyes:

I think if we were more tolerable, the world would be such a better place.

See pot calling kettle black tongue tongue
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by Nobody: 3:20pm On Nov 15, 2009
whitelexi:



See pot calling kettle black tongue tongue
Sweetie im one of the most tolerant people on earth. wink
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by whitelexi(m): 3:22pm On Nov 15, 2009
Ebonyeyes:

Sweetie im one of the most tolerant people on earth. wink

I haven't seen any proof of that with the way u ambush unsuspecting "negros" on NL sha grin
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by whitesturd(f): 3:25pm On Nov 15, 2009
I believe its not a problem,it is not pride either,its just having a standard and not wanting to compromise ur standard 4 anything.there are a lot of people like that.though it pays to be tolerant atimes having wt live wt others negative ways cos if one says he/she shd wait till u see someone dt wud ve all de xteristics u want,one wud ve a long wait.
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by Nobody: 3:27pm On Nov 15, 2009
whitelexi:

I haven't seen any proof of that with the way u ambush unsuspecting "negros" on NL sha grin
I have never cursed or insulted anyone though and you know how hard that is with some of the ridiculousness one reads here wink.
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by whitelexi(m): 3:29pm On Nov 15, 2009
Ebonyeyes:

I have never cursed or insulted anyone though and you know how hard that is with some of the ridiculousness one reads here wink.

When u see a ridiculous read, show some tolerance, refrain from responding grin
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by No2Atheism(m): 3:29pm On Nov 15, 2009
@Lexi

I hope you are not about to break someone's heart . . . this your selective topic get as it be o o o o
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by Nobody: 3:31pm On Nov 15, 2009
whitelexi:

When u see a ridiculous read, show some tolerance, refrain from responding grin
But you know I have piped down and am biting my tongue these days cheesy
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by No2Atheism(m): 3:33pm On Nov 15, 2009
@topic

I am also very very selective  . . . so in a sense I am likewise guilty of the same.

The trick however is to be able to let go of the person without causing too much damage to her self esteem.

Hence guys have to be reasonable wen they are being selective . . .
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by No2Atheism(m): 3:35pm On Nov 15, 2009
Ebonyeyes:

But you know I have piped down and am biting my tongue these days cheesy

thats a sign that you are starting to become more a wife [/b]material  . . . and outgrowing the [b]chic material .

A wife material knows wen to talk and wen not to . . .

A chic material on the other hand tends to be opinionated opinionated . . .
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by Nobody: 3:37pm On Nov 15, 2009
No2Atheism:

thats a sign that you are starting to become more a wife [/b]material  . . . and outgrowing the [b]chic material .

A wife material knows wen to talk and wen not to . . .

A chic material on the other hand tends to be opinionated opinionated . . .
Negro please tongue tongue tongue Im biting my tongue because im tired of repeating myself over and over again smiley.
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by whitelexi(m): 3:38pm On Nov 15, 2009
Ebonyeyes:

But you know I have piped down and am biting my tongue these days cheesy

You're getting there wink

No2Atheism:

@Lexi

I hope you are not about to break someone's heart . . . this your selective topic get as it be o o o o

Stop trying to decode me, e no go work. grin grin grin
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by TheSeeker(m): 5:40pm On Nov 15, 2009
I do have a standard, and these standards have to be met before I enter into a relationship at all. It's nothing new either that when you go into a relationship, you tend to find more things out about your partner that you didn't know upfront and you're at crossroads whether or not to keep up with these attitudes.

Before any decision has to be made, you have to study the changes (the new found attitudes) and decide if it's going to affect your perception of the relationship, and also, if you can deal with it with some little bit of patience and time; sometimes, some traits can't be worked on, some can be, but it all depends on who has the traits and how well and fair they are willing to work on them.

Furthermore, you need to check yourself and be sure you're not the one spurring these attitudes, so as not to be guilty of what you're trying to put on someone else, but I agree, everyone needs a standard and I have a high standard my lady has to meet. . . I'm almost a perfectionist, that is if I'm not.
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by Nobody: 10:02pm On Nov 15, 2009
TheSeeker:

I do have a standard, and these standards have to be met before I enter into a relationship at all. It's nothing new either that when you go into a relationship, you tend to find more things out about your partner that you didn't know upfront and you're at crossroads whether or not to keep up with these attitudes.

Before any decision has to be made, you have to study the changes (the new found attitudes) and decide if it's going to affect your perception of the relationship, and also, if you can deal with it with some little bit of patience and time; sometimes, some traits can't be worked on, some can be, but it all depends on who has the traits and how well and fair they are willing to work on them.

Furthermore, you need to check yourself and be sure you're not the one spurring these attitudes, so as not to be guilty of what you're trying to put on someone else, but I agree, everyone needs a standard and I have a high standard my lady has to meet. . . I'm almost a perfectionist, that is if I'm not.


Figures grin
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by topup: 5:54am On Nov 16, 2009
I think it's good to be selective, then the person you end up with knows that you don't let any old cow in her place, that there's a certain criteria and that she has won her right to be there.

I think it's only bad when the person plays along with it, later to just 'come to their senses' and let you know that you were all wrong for them from the get-go.

Honesty is the key here, but time is also precious.
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by Nobody: 8:53am On Nov 16, 2009
Well, for me, being too selective is a triat found mostly in people who think they are too good for the world.

It's okay to look for specific things in a partner like looks, intelligence, height, maybe even money. These are often things we consider BEFORE we start a relationship! While in the relationships, other things like attitude, honesty, obideince e.t.c might come up. There is nothing wrong with that. But while you are busy 'selecting' please bear in mind that NOBODY is perfect!

We show the best of us by bringing out the best in other people.

A lady shouldnt have to 'win' a right to be in sombody's life. Love is unconditional.

Those little thing you dont like are what makes her human and imperfect. Because come to think about it, you are only human too!
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by BluStreak(m): 9:49am On Nov 16, 2009
@topic
There might seem nothing wrong with the idea, but I'll vote tolerance any day. What stands us apart as humans is our ability to adapt to our environment. We are dynamic in nature and also adaptable. Bear in mind that no one individual can have all that we desire in a partner. Note also that as you have on your scope for screening, the opposite sex also does have theirs on for same purpose. What guarantee do you have that the one you'd eventually find fit will find you fit?
We are only humans and none is perfect. Let me also add that what you might initially think you don't like in a partner might later turn out to be your high.
My 5kobo sha.

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Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by Nobody: 10:51am On Nov 16, 2009
Ujujoan:

Well, for me, being too selective is a triat found mostly in people who think they are too good for the world.

It's okay to look for specific things in a partner like looks, intelligence, height, maybe even money. These are often things we consider BEFORE we start a relationship! While in the relationships, other things like attitude, honesty, obideince e.t.c might come up. There is nothing wrong with that. But while you are busy 'selecting' please bear in mind that NOBODY is perfect!

We show the best of us by bringing out the best in other people.


A lady shouldnt have to 'win' a right to be in sombody's life. Love is unconditional.


Those little thing you dont like are what makes her human and imperfect. Because come to think about it, you are only human too!
Hold on, whats happening here?

A few months ago, you wouldn't be caught pants down making these statements.
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by zeemami(f): 10:56am On Nov 16, 2009
it not a problem
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by whitelexi(m): 11:37am On Nov 16, 2009
OMO IBO:

Hold on, whats happening here?

A few months ago, you wouldn't be caught pants down making these statements.



Trust Uju grin grin grin
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by simmy(m): 11:52am On Nov 16, 2009
@blustreak
agree with u
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by german007(m): 12:00pm On Nov 16, 2009
Iv come to realise that in life, no one is perfect. We all have our lapse's and strength's.and we need to develop a strong sense of perseverance and understanding . What one partner has, the other wouldnt have, What the other has, this partner wouldnt have.


Regards

1 Like

Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by buchiwet: 12:07pm On Nov 16, 2009
M - Make Christ the foundation and Head of your house
A- Accept each other's differences
R- Respect your spouse
R- Resist all attempts to destroy your home
I- Intecede for your family and others
A- Avoid all forms of immorality and infidelity
G- Guard your tongue always, be positive
E- Enlist and prepare your family for the coming of th Lord
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by Nobody: 12:24pm On Nov 16, 2009
OMO IBO:

Hold on, whats happening here?

A few months ago, you wouldn't be caught pants down making these statements.


That's not true. I've always been totally understanding and tolerant. cheesy Infact I remeber someone calling me 'homely' once upon a time! tongue

Trust Uju

Meaning? undecided
Re: Breaking Up For A Good Reason by german007(m): 12:37pm On Nov 16, 2009
@buchiwet,

I like that.

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