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Stats: 1,900,089 members, 3,870,181 topics. Date: Monday, 23 October 2017 at 08:02 PM
|I Am Scared by Michellekabod(f): 9:06pm On Jan 11|
This is the second time I can't give myself a counsel.
I am 26 years old and had a son at the age of 16.
In my recent post, I complained about not been able to fall in love or like some one for about a decade.
Miraculously, I am getting attracted to someone. (Not love or like o, I believe with time this attraction would grow to like or love).
I met him six months ago, he asked me out after a couple of weeks but I declined. He has been persistent ever since.
Recently, I found out there are some qualities in him I fancy :he is caring, he is neat and a spend thrift. I started getting attracted to him.
The big issue is that what would happen to our relationship when he finds out I have a son of ten years old? Would he call it quit?
Do I tell him before we incept the relationship? Or I wait for things to unfold with time?...would he stop caring about me if I tell him?
Please I need solid advice, because I don't know when next I would ever get attracted to someone else again...
|Re: I Am Scared by Ten12(m): 9:15pm On Jan 11|
my dear having a child b4 marriage now is an added advantage...o.tell him right away if he truly cares he should love your present not your past
|Re: I Am Scared by Nobody: 9:20pm On Jan 11|
i no fit handle child , maybe he can tell him
|Re: I Am Scared by Emac34: 9:21pm On Jan 11|
|Re: I Am Scared by Nobody: 9:25pm On Jan 11|
|Re: I Am Scared by Divay22(f): 9:27pm On Jan 11|
Yes tell him, if he loves you he will love your boy also Because he (your son)is part of you
If you wanna wait until he gets to know by himself,he might likely not trust you again that much......
A relationship built on a foundation of honesty will stand the test of time.....
|Re: I Am Scared by Cholls(m): 9:27pm On Jan 11|
my sister pick your phone after this advice and call that brother to tell him about your child you dont even need to see him one on one to tell him.........after the call dont call dont text him......give him time......
wait for him to reachout to you first.......that is a sign he is serious about you.
|Re: I Am Scared by Divay22(f): 9:30pm On Jan 11|
judefcc:Then you simply don't love her,,if you love her then everything about her you'll love....
Chai na your family wan decide for you
|Re: I Am Scared by refiner(f): 9:30pm On Jan 11|
Tell him...cos if he founds out from another lips...he might never trust u again...
|Re: I Am Scared by Emac34: 9:33pm On Jan 11|
judefcc:saying that may some how discourage her..bt we all know it's hard
|Re: I Am Scared by Nova15: 9:35pm On Jan 11|
A ten yr old son is a past that just can't be ignored o
|Re: I Am Scared by Ten12(m): 9:40pm On Jan 11|
Is that what you understood from what I said? Be it unto you according to your understanding
|Re: I Am Scared by Aniker(f): 9:43pm On Jan 11|
Just open up dear so it won't be late
If he really want out he won't mind
I wish you all the best
|Re: I Am Scared by Smhart1(f): 9:53pm On Jan 11|
Having a child is not a disease, let him know you've got a child. Whosoever will love you should learn to love your son alongside...
woman.... That man can leave you but your son wouldn't . I wish you the best
|Re: I Am Scared by Nova15: 9:57pm On Jan 11|
He will when he find his own woman
|Re: I Am Scared by Smhart1(f): 10:02pm On Jan 11|
. Your right but he would always know his root
|Re: I Am Scared by Nova15: 10:04pm On Jan 11|
But her man will always be her man.
|Re: I Am Scared by smark61: 10:10pm On Jan 11|
It's best if u let him know about ur son now,no need waiting till everything is going smoothly. Den it might be very painful if he decides to walk away. the earlier the better
|Re: I Am Scared by Smhart1(f): 10:10pm On Jan 11|
Nova15:says who ? Inasmuch as I wish her well we all know how most marriages turn out to be in this 21st century
|Re: I Am Scared by Nobody: 10:10pm On Jan 11|
This is a two way thing Ma :
In the most appropriate and honest way, You tell him from the beginning. This may cause some negative reactions at first but he might come around and move on with you. Here you will gain more love, respect and trust. He will like you more for your honesty and you will have a free peaceful mind.
The other way is the manipulating one. You tell him when he has fallen had for you, there will definitely be negative reactions but his love for you maybe enough to safe your relationship and forgive your silent lie. And it may not, You may loose it all. Even if he forgives he might never trust you and there will be little respect for you.
The choice is yours to make
|Re: I Am Scared by Nova15: 10:13pm On Jan 11|
21st u mean
Most marriages, not all
|Re: I Am Scared by ikp120(m): 10:14pm On Jan 11|
Sure go ahead and tell him. A lady I asked out back then in school had a son from a past relationship that went south, and couldn't love again.
One day, she came to visit and told me she had a son and that only a few persons in school knew about It. She said that's why she hadn't given me an answer. I told her that the son is cool with me, that I could accept him as mine because I could relate with her condition (#ShiitHappens mehn). She was shocked as well as relieved.
Go ahead and tell the dude. If he doesn't care, then let him be. Some guys would gladly take up that your son and damn family shiit.
|Re: I Am Scared by Smhart1(f): 10:15pm On Jan 11|
Nova15:I meant to type 21st. I wrote somewhere that I wish her the best.
|Re: I Am Scared by majorbravo: 10:25pm On Jan 11|
Is being a spend thrift a good quality?
|Re: I Am Scared by Nova15: 10:28pm On Jan 11|
She should tell her man about the boy and brace herself for the worst.
Girls should learn that bearing children out of wedlock is a mistake that can never be erased.
|Re: I Am Scared by Michellekabod(f): 11:25pm On Jan 11|
majorbravo:I didn't say I saw some good qualities in him,nah....I said I SAW SOME QUALITIES IN HIM THAT I LIKE.
Wat i like may be different from the mainstream "God fearing" man that ladies chant....i like a man that spends alot
|Re: I Am Scared by olac21(m): 11:37pm On Jan 11|
Michellekabod:You love a man that spends a lot-hmmm...i see!
|Re: I Am Scared by FuckBooy: 11:38pm On Jan 11|
[quote author=majorbravo post=52730518]
|Re: I Am Scared by NemzySeries(m): 11:49pm On Jan 11|
Divay22:family has a very big influence in marriage, a mother in law dat doesn't like u will frustrate d living hell outta ya tho no one is saying family is d final say of one's decision of a life partner but dey shd b carried along.... no one wud b happy to suddenly discover dat his wife, fiancee or inlaw has a child outside d fence
|Re: I Am Scared by Nobody: 12:02am On Jan 12|
You should have told him that you are a single mum right from the onset, but its never late though, you can still tell him.
If he really loves you, he will continue the relationship.
|Re: I Am Scared by majorbravo: 6:53am On Jan 12|
Ok but I was thinking a spend thrift is usually a wasteful spender who does so well beyond his means of livelihood, and not necessarily just one who spends a lot. Doesn't this bother you? After marriage he might sell your house in order to afford a new designer pair of shoes. Spend thrifts are generally not seen as a desirable, irrespective of belief. Unless of course you plan to divorce him after milking him dry.
|Re: I Am Scared by Tajbol4splend(m): 7:35am On Jan 12|
I like you
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