Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,153,745 members, 7,820,571 topics. Date: Tuesday, 07 May 2024 at 05:19 PM

Is Divorce The Answer? - Family (3) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Is Divorce The Answer? (4789 Views)

Why Is Divorce Not An Option For Most Nigerian Women? / Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? / Divorce-the Dissolving Of The Covenant Of Marriage- Five Lies In One Action (2) (3) (4)

(1) (2) (3) (4) (Reply) (Go Down)

Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by Fhemmmy: 9:12pm On Jan 20, 2010
chelseabmw:

no no no

if it aint working, why bother?
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by Mutee: 12:39am On Jan 21, 2010
Fhemmmy:

Yes, in a situation like that. But one can try separation first. There's nothing good about divorce but there's also nothing good in a home filled with hatred.


well said.
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by SALady(f): 10:19am On Jan 21, 2010
Am just me:

For your marriage to work, its GOD! HE instituted marriage and HE alone can help you through it if your having problems.
I know a couple of people from broken homes and i can assure you that you can hardly be happy after divorce esp. after having children, both the parents and the kids suffer emotionally and spend d rest of their lives blaming and hating each other.[color=#990000][/color]

Secondly, dating/courtship is VERY different from marriage, no matter how long sometimes people are just hard to really understand.

Sincerely i want to ask u are u sure u r your husband's only wife? how much of him do u know since u guys met online?

Couldn't agree more. They never heal. However I've met people who have advised their parents to divorce and actually couldnt wait to see them apart because being together hurt the children more.
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by Nobody: 10:22am On Jan 21, 2010
doggyall:

Will you marry me?.
With all pleasure ,i will. cheesy cheesy grin grin grin
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by OEO: 10:47am On Jan 21, 2010
Leahsarahf:

To say I love yr post/comment is an understatement. I tell you. Yr solution was because you acknowledged whatever be yr portion of the blame( am not saying you are solely responsible).

The solution to any problem is accepting your own wrong and making up yr mind to repent and change henceforth, life is all about accepting mistakes and error and departing from it. It cuts accross ethnic, culture and races.

I am happy for you that u got yr love back unto yr side. Life can be Heaven on earth and at the same time Hell on earth, due to yr decision.

God bless yr marriage. Nigerians are lovely pple.
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by deluxecad(m): 11:36am On Jan 21, 2010
When my parents got a divorce, it was like hell. We suffered emotional pains and any other form pain could assume. You can't get d best of anything from a hurting single parent. Regret and pain bite on after divorce, only d companionship of good loved ones and family can attenuate d full weight of hurt one has to bear. I think patience and prayers can mend anything. I won't try divorce myself!
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by felifeli: 4:30pm On Jan 21, 2010
A lawyer friend told me the case of her client  a man who had suffered persistent abuse from his adulterous wife for almost twenty years. To top it all the wife went away with his children and sued him for divorce on grounds of irreconcilable differences intending to bring him crawling on his knees in the belief that the man was [b]too Christian [/b]to agree to a divorce and would rather plead. The man employed a lawyer to MAKE SURE that the divorce didn't fail and to sue the woman for all that anyone could be sued for. The ex-wife is still shocked after 5 years of the divorce. Of course the children suffered emotionally but now respect their dad more than when he made himself a wimp. Never take your partner for granted.
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by Fhemmmy: 6:05pm On Jan 21, 2010
nikkykay:

With all pleasure ,i will. cheesy cheesy grin grin grin

Love in the air
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by Nobody: 8:43pm On Jan 21, 2010
deluxecad:

When my parents got a divorce, it was like hell. We suffered emotional pains and any other form pain could assume. You can't get d best of anything from a hurting single parent. Regret and pain bite on after divorce, only d companionship of good loved ones and family can attenuate d full weight of hurt one has to bear. I think patience and prayers can mend anything. I won't try divorce myself!

i am sorry to hear what you just posted but you have to be realistic about the issue.
can YOU stay with someone you dont love for the rest of your life?! i guess not, then why would you expect your parents to do so?
yes, having both parents will always be better IF THEY ARE IN A LOVING RELATIONSHIP. if they hate each other and use the children to get back/hurt one another then its worst and better to be separated.

- seeing your parents fight day in and day out, is bad/wrong for any children involved.
- seeing your parent abuse each other, is bad/wrong for all children involved.
- never seeing love or affection in the household, is wrong for all children involved.
- being used as a blackmail tool is bad/wrong for all children involved.
- living in a household where there is no respect for one another is bad/wrong for all children involved.

i will never try to take away the pain that a divorce brings to anyone involved BUT it is nothing compare to the traumatic experience that a child would otherwise go through if they stay together.

you also have to remember that people dont decide to divorce just like that. there is sometimes years of marital conflict which mean this children are not in the right environment during the most important part of their lives.

here is something to consider(taken from an essay)
Another important step toward reducing the negative effects of divorce on children involves the de-stigmatization of divorce. Given our cultural emphasis on the sanctimony of marriage and our cultural disapproval of divorce, many children suffer psychologically because they perceive that their family experiences are dysfunctional. Societal mores and cultural beliefs strongly devalue divorced families. Such families (in their many forms) are judged to be inferior to the traditional nuclear family headed by a male breadwinner and female mother and homemaker who live together from marriage until death, and who produce and rear children in an intact family environment.
David H. Demo
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by tayoast(m): 12:04am On Jan 22, 2010
if u've tried ur best & it ain't working, then leave.

Divorce can be d answer at tyms.

wat would u advice a woman that's being abused?
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by fifi09(f): 12:19am On Jan 22, 2010
Qc-1:

I rather would love those in the same position as the OP reply to this. I'm in the same position as the OP. It's easy to cote Bible and scriptures about Divorce, I speak the truth, unless you are going through one or had gone through one then you have no idea what is the effect especially when you are a christain but have done EVEYTHING, even though some does not make  you happy but you still hang in there for the kids sake. Do you force love on your partner that doesn't want you talk less of even compromise on the differences ? What happened when prayer does not work? I guess the answer is Praise. What happend even praises doesn't cut it? What if you fast till thy kingdom come and yet your partner does want to compromise?

I Live in Canada, you can imagine how cold and lonely it can get here sometimes when you are separated from your spouse. when is enough is enough? No matter the circumtances you have to let the peace raign, if not for anything at least for the children involve. Man can only do as much as he could, It takes GOD to intervene in a very urgly situations.

Is devorce the answer, I say NO whatever you do, Think about God first, the children secound then your peace.



I Concur!

Lots to think about and consider. Personally, my suggestion for YOU would be to step back and give yourself some time to think. What do YOU really want? What would it be like if you could get your marriage back on track again? Set some time aside for the two of YOU to get to the bottom of what is really going on. It is important that YOU TWO try to focus not just on the words being said, but what may possibly be implied as well.

Communication is the key to a succesful marriage. Good luck!
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by Fhemmmy: 2:58am On Jan 22, 2010
^^^ Nicely said
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by beingme(f): 9:54am On Jan 22, 2010
its not really easily to handle though it might look like its the answer or the best, but its not. after divorce when days runs by and u see people sharing love how will u feel? BETRAYED
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by deluxecad(m): 11:33am On Jan 22, 2010
I just believe that everything is workable with patience.
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by sweetmadam(f): 2:43pm On Jan 22, 2010
Divorce may be the best solution when the situation is hopeless. Some people are not meant to be together.
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by fifi09(f): 7:22pm On Jan 22, 2010
Fhemmmy:

^^^ Nicely said

Thanks!
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by MyneWhite1(f): 11:38pm On Jan 22, 2010
Sometimes yes it is. embarassed
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by deluxecad(m): 7:06am On Jan 24, 2010
@Mine White: in what instances would u recommend divorce?
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by Ambber(f): 7:25pm On Jan 24, 2010
There is nothing wrong with Divorce if it will bring peace, progress, contentment and a hopeful new shot at happiness but the couple have to understand what they are doing and exhausted all options to make things work otherwise you will be moving from one divorce to the other and this society stigmatises such. Every relationship involves hard work to sustain.

Marriage is a night market, a lot of things are not known to you b4 the contract no matter how well you try to share information about each other, it is when you start living together, face trials and triumphs that the true test of characters will emerge. Often times ambitions and aspirations dn't match and a whole lot of unplanned and unforeseen circumstances can drive 2 close people apart. If your marriage is worth saving, you will know and if it is not especially if you think you may die in unhappiness/unfulfillment or you are victim of battery don't let anyone deceive you, take to your heels,
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by ceasyc(f): 8:39pm On Jan 25, 2010
@post/poster
staying married no b by force oh
e no work e no work
i go kill mysef? lai lai

me like MRbrownJAY's reply/post
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by Gamine(f): 9:13pm On Jan 25, 2010
What is the question my brother??

I wonder why people are still getting 'married'
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by Fhemmmy: 10:10pm On Jan 25, 2010
sweetmadam:

Divorce may be the best solution when the situation is hopeless. Some people are not meant to be together.

That is what i am trying to make people understand, but some will say "what God has join together, let no man put asunder" and i will likewise say "what God never joined together, let the court put asunder"
Better for a man and woman to go their separate ways, instead of teaching their kids that fighting is OK and all that nonsense
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by Sissy3(f): 7:40am On Jan 26, 2010
deluxecad:

I just believe that everything is workable with patience.

even in severe cases of domestic violence and abuse?

so as long as the woman [i]patiently [/i]receives the abuses and violence with the hope and [i]patience [/i]that the man will one day stop its still workable?
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by beingme(f): 12:32pm On Jan 26, 2010
God help us
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by SALady(f): 6:32pm On Jan 26, 2010
beingme:

God help us

Yes indeed, God help us all,
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by Pataki: 8:36pm On Jan 26, 2010
In the face of the inevitable, best couples go their ways. So yes, surely DIVORCE can be the best option out.
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by furiban: 10:45am On Jan 27, 2010
.
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by beingme(f): 11:07am On Jan 27, 2010
@ furiban
especially the female) plays the victim and gets public sympathy, reinforcement that the fundamentals are right but with time that sympathy wanes and give way to loneliness,frustration, bitterness and sense of betryal.

so its only women that play victims?
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by deluxecad(m): 12:18pm On Jan 27, 2010
@beingme: Everybody hurts in a divorce, no one is exempt, though some spouses may claim hard, they hurt too.
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by beingme(f): 3:35pm On Jan 28, 2010
deluxecad:

@beingme: Everybody hurts in a divorce, no one is exempt, though some spouses may claim hard, they hurt too.

i know it hurts, but am not married to get divorced tomorrow
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by deluxecad(m): 1:03am On Feb 18, 2010
beingme:

i know it hurts, but am not married to get divorced tomorrow


You never can tell my dear, nobody plans for it. People may surprise you with rude changes.

Pray and see that it doesn't happen.
Re: Is Divorce The Answer? by ayodele123(m): 2:19pm On Feb 21, 2010
Divorce is never an answer.it is strictly forbidden (see Genesis 2:24 and Matthew 19:4)
Marriage is sacred and important to God who created it.It must not be broken,no matter the circumstance because it is an everlasting bond and a blood covenant between the man and his wife.
Marriage is fragile and can break at any time if not carefully handled by the partners.it is not to be treated with levity.it takes two to build a successful marriage and just one person to destroy it.
God instituted marriage but that is not a guarantee that it will be from troubles and challenges.Problems will surely arise to test your faith in that marriage.But you have the assurance that God will still the storms if you are his child and a heaven focussed xtian.
The devil does not want marriages to succeed and he uses marriages as a spring board to destroy men.if the devil wants to get you,he will first attack your marriage to use it to pull you down.this is why you should be prayerful and conduct your marriage in line with the word of God:the man to love his wife and the wife to submit to the husband.Men, listen. if u cannnot love your wife as a first duty,dont expect any submission.it wont work.
If your marriage is troubled, go to God the creator in prayer if you are a sincere xtian and believe that God can solve every impossibility.
what is the foundation of your marriage?if it was built on pre-marital sex or accidental pregnancies,there will be trouble and loads of it and you have to confess to God and ask for His mercy to forgive you and to heal your marriage.
If you divorce your wife or husband,it can determine your eternity and send one to Hell.
Divorce is painful and the price is too heavy to bear.
If you seperate either in the name of divorce or whatever name you give to it, the Bible expects that each partner should remain alone for as long as the other is alive or to be reconciled to the partner.(see 1 Corinth 7:11)
Only death can bring a marriage to an end.
So if you seperate,get ready to condemn yourself to a life of celibacy.
if you truly love your partner as God loves you and gave His life for you,you will forgive yourselves and give the marriage another chance to forge ahead.
Dont ever think of seperating from or divorcing your partner.Solve whatever is the problem between yourselves.
That is my contribution.

(1) (2) (3) (4) (Reply)

She Escaped With His 3 Kids / Family Diaries. / Japanese Woman Gives Up Baby, Sues Sperm Donor For $3 Million After Learning He

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 49
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.