Divorce is the final answer when all else (praying, counselling, short term separation, struggling to get back the first love etc) has failed.
Better to be divorced and happy than be married and miserable.

yes

if there has been deceit, duress or other negative influences ab initio, it may be that the two parties were never meant to be and the marriage could actually have been a mistake. this happens, try as you may it may still not work. Divorce seems a life saving options in circumstances like this. because u have time to rediscover your self, know your weaknesses and find another person who is your ideal mate and who would give you fulfilment and happyness. but most importantly, look before you leap.

Divorce is never the solution in marriage

Both parties should dialogue even if it's going to take some months/years, within this period of time their brains will come back alive

when divorce occurs - the children will be the scapegoat

Do you want your children to go through some emotional disruption?

Marriage is a life-time business, once u re into it, u must endure all the challenges that arise.
That is why, u must marry d one u love, d person u like talking to all the time.
once i'm into it, aint coming out of it because it turns you to 2nd hand, most especially for ladies/women

How timely! The February issue of the popular Awake magazine discusses this. Grab a copy, it’s usually without charge.

Sometimes we rush into marriage, and we don't really check out the character of the person who we are marrying. Sometimes we marry for money; ladies make your own money;buy your own car and your own home. Who wants to put up with crap because you can't afford to put up with it And sometimes we marry cause of the physical appearances. Now I am not saying we have to date someone whom we are not attractive too, but looks are not everything. Be friends first. I don't want a man that can't be my friend and just have fun kicking it. I'm not jumping straight into a relationship( Now i haven't always think like this, but I learn from mistakes)I say wait for a good year before marrying someone. Sooner or later the true person will peek their head out of the shell.

I say pray hard. fast, and pray some more when considering divorce. But then again, i am not married,so ,

divorce might look like a solution but its not looking @ those sweet kids and the negative it will bring on them. most people whom their parent divorced ends up being single parent, drinkers, wife beaters and living misery lives due to the negativity of divorce on them.

ITS NEVER AN ANSWER

Divorce is not the answer so it is advised that when it comes to marriage u have to really look before u signed the dotted lines.

Divorce is not always the answer. Infact it should be the last option not what u jump at when u face little challenges. Seperation may be a better option depending on the situation. What makes u think the other person will be any better.

When the center can no longer hold, when love and patience seem to have whittled completely out, when even the kids watch with utmost horror the yelling and hate going on in the house, when you've sought all manner of counseling and no change happens, when the differences appear irreconcilable, would divorce be your last option? Is there anything good at all about divorce?

From experience, i will advice you that divorce is not the best way out. A lot of pple actually go into depression after a divorce!! Also i have learnt from experience that 99% of problems in marriages that lead to divorce are due to having 2 captains on a ship and the other 1% is due to domestic abuse. If you fall into the 1% section i will suggest you go for trial separation while you still support your spouse, if they are willing to go into counselling. If you are in the 99% section then one captain have to give way to other. And in most cases i will suggest the guy (which i am one) should give way to the woman. This does not mean you are weak or a fool but by doing this you are giving the woman enough rope to hang herself as she has not been designed to lead the ship. Even if she does not change, you are doing it for your kids and as your kids grow up they will start to resent her. A lot of people suggest that you should not stay there for your kids, but i have learnt that most people that say this have no kids. Cos if you love your kids and sincerely want the best for them you wont be able to stand the thought of another man or woman raising them. You had your chance to choose and you made a bad a choice but your kids did have a chance to choose, so don't spoil it for them. Take it all with a pinch of salt and all the love you are thinking you have to give to another person out there, give it to your kids, they deserve it.

My husband and I are having a rough time.  I just learned about his family back home preparing a wife for him to come home too.  I am still in shock, and the reason I know is a phone conversation he was having with the sister and brother living in Nigeria.  We have been unhappy alot and I now feel responsible for most of our problems.  I apologized and told him I still love him and as long as he wont marry anyone while being married with me I am ok.  I married him for ever and this is so hard on me.  In Canada we only have one wife at a time.  We divorce if we are so unable to bring peace.  However I am born again and been there before and want to work this out.  I willl change my self and he will do his part.  I pray we can change things around for the better.   Does anyone have any information on the reasons mohters want a second wife for the son?

My sister, the same advice also goes for you but i will add a little bit more for you as your case was kind of similar to mine but i was the guy. I have learnt that in all cultures, oyinbo or black, when a woman marries a man, she has married his family. Even if the guys parents are Mr and Mrs Devil, she needs to be able manage them and stroke their egos as they play a vital role in your relationship. A son will always listen to his parents (while most women will always listen to their husband). no matter how long it takes as his parents knows the right buttons to push to control him as they gave birth to him. Even though he takes your side and gets annoyed at his parents because of you, one day his parents will always play the joker!!! So for you, water just pour but calabash never break, you will have to start finding your way into the hearts of his family, starting from his siblings. So that even if the guy wakes up one day and says he wants to marry another woman, it will be his family that will beat him up for you.

I wish you all the best. Take am easy,

Well I don't think so ,but what of my own case where my hubby insisted I should leave so many people intervened In-fact I told him if he wants to marry someone else I was ready to cooperate,well he didn't actually pack my things out but the hostility was so much that for good 5years we didn't sleep together,so I had to pack my bags and left as it had gotten to the point of suspecting even accusing that I wanted to kill him,its almost two years now that we've been separated what next ?

Its sad to read and hear of divorce cases. Thats why like someone said, those of us who are yet married should be very careful and prayerful too.

I know its easy for me to say, do not divorce, afterall, Im not married but thats the only advice I can give. The problem is that once people know there is a way out, people will hardly try to work it out.

@leahsarah,
I am so sorry bout your situation. Thank God you are a christian. The way out is to pray, love your husband and his family and leave the rest to God. I strongly suspect there is a deceit on your husband's part but I won't say more than that. It hurts to think about your situation but there is nothing God can't do. If He can break the stony heart of Pharaoh, He can turn your situation around.

leahsarahk:

The reason they want him to marry in Nigeria is very confusing to me.  From what I heard from him he said that it is because his sister and brother brought it up, so he could come home to Nigeria because his mom is not happy.  He says he played along with it to appease them, but had no intentions to follow it.  We have one son together and he has a daughter back home, so it cant be because they want him to have another child I dont believe.  What are the main reasons one has 2 wives there.  The situation here in Canada is that it is illegal to have 2 wives.  In order to divorce in canada you must wait one year before you are legally able too.  They have this rule so people have a chance to reconcile during that year if they want too.  I have been assured by him that they cant make him marry a lady.  However they must not like me at all.  Anyone here have any ideas as to why?

@leahsarahk. . .sorry to hear about the situation you described and I hope things are worked-out but the decision to marry someone in Nigeria is ONLY and ENTIRELY up to your husband! It is simply BS for him to suggest that his mom (or anyone else) is wants and is 'FORCING' him to marry a Nigerian woman. . .except this is not a mum that loves his son and wants his happiness! I am a guy and I can tell you that a mother will be MOST interested in the happiness of his son first before any other frivolous considerations. . . and this includes getting a second wife. . .so if he is happy in his marriage with you and wants you. . .he should tell her (including his brothers and sisters) NOT to run down his life! Except, of course, he is weak-willed, a weakling of a man, or just unable to take a position on such an important issues and back it up with the action it deserves.

On the other hand, have you tried to get to know and be close to his family? Have you visited his mum and siblings before? Do they have access to their son when they want while in NO way does he reduce the attention you get as his wife? Families generally do not wish to 'lose' their children totally so the onus is on him and yourself to keep the family together while living and enjoying your lives as husband and wife.

CyberG:

On the other hand, have you tried to get to know and be close to his family? Have you visited his mum and siblings before? Do they have access to their son when they want while in NO way does he reduce the attention you get as his wife? Families generally do not wish to 'lose' anyone totally so the onus is on him and yourself to keep the family together while living and enjoying your lives as husband and wife.

Well Said!!! This is usually the main reason why some families look for new wives for their sons. Although i do not support this practice, but in most cases the parents are usually threatened by the fact the wife wants to divide the family. It is left to the wive to prove to the family that she is for the family to be united as one and not divided.

GBAS:

Well I don't think so ,but what of my own case where my hubby insisted I should leave so many people intervened In-fact I told him if he wants to marry someone else I was ready to cooperate,well he didn't actually pack my things out but the hostility was so much that for good 5years we didn't sleep together,so I had to pack my bags and left as it had gotten to the point of suspecting even accusing that I wanted to kill him,its almost two years now that we've been separated what next ?

The foundational question is why did he want you to leave? Has that issue been resolve? Without that, nothing can be done. I have seen pple that has been separated for 18 years and then getting back together.

i was tourched by this topic i had to create an a/c really. the whole truth is that most igbo men can do anything for money or get papers.they dont care when they even hurt ladies and at the end live them behind with children and run back to naija to pick up a wife.

Pray Over it

@leahsarah, canada,
sincerely speaking most, infact with a capital letter MOST Nigerian overseas marry a white woman for papers, they endure all the "white trash " from the woman for a visa, right to stay etc, when they get it , silly excuses erupts, literallly erupts, he wouldnt tolerate u anymore etc.

im in th uk, i have a white girl, i never tot of marrying her but she is damn so lovely. i was a player, i verbally abused her a lot yet she tot it and sometime wud only say " this is not the right way to treat a woman" sincerely those words always gets me thinking, i always felt ashamed of mysef and i would go back to apologise. anyway , after much problems ( mostly from me) she still got me thinking abt marriage, she told her parents but they refused and she pleaded with them to accept me, i heard her on the phone to them crying,pleading, she said: " dad, i have made up my mind, i really want to be with him, i luv him, sobing, finally they accepted.

however, when i told my own parents abt her and our intentions, cud u believe wat my mum said she said :" better don't bring shame to this family" this is the 21 century, i made it clear to my parents that they either accept my choice of wife or they shd forget me. my dad is a traditional chief in Nigeria, finally he is coming arnd the idea.

so back to ur man, i think he is playing you. if he insist on u to his parents THEY would surely accept you.

If you have kids and fight a lot then thats a good reason.

You would be teaching your kids that the kind of marriage

you have is normal.

If theres abuse(physical or emotional) that

is a definite cause to leave.

all those saying divorce is not the answer, yea we all sane people agree that no one genuinely marries with the intent to divorce later. however, there are situations in a marriage that warrants it. where its the only and last option and that is good for the woman, man and children.

and to those saying that its not good for the kids, yes, divorce is not good for anyone especially for the kids, but there are many cases

where its definitely better for the sanity of the children, if their parents were not together than being together and enduring the psychological and emotional torments every single day that manifest for many, into serious problems and damage later in life.

You're right., it can never be said better than this. Thx.

I rather would love those in the same position as the OP reply to this. I'm in the same position as the OP. It's easy to cote Bible and scriptures about Divorce, I speak the truth, unless you are going through one or had gone through one then you have no idea what is the effect especially when you are a christain but have done EVEYTHING, even though some does not make  you happy but you still hang in there for the kids sake. Do you force love on your partner that doesn't want you talk less of even compromise on the differences ? What happened when prayer does not work? I guess the answer is Praise. What happend even praises doesn't cut it? What if you fast till thy kingdom come and yet your partner does want to compromise?

I Live in Canada, you can imagine how cold and lonely it can get here sometimes when you are separated from your spouse. when is enough is enough? No matter the circumtances you have to let the peace raign, if not for anything at least for the children involve. Man can only do as much as he could, It takes GOD to intervene in a very urgly situations.

Is devorce the answer, I say NO whatever you do, Think about God first, the children secound then your peace.

KMTee:

Marriage is a life-time business, once u re into it, u must endure all the challenges that arise.
That is why, u must marry d one u love, d person u like talking to all the time.
once i'm into it, aint coming out of it because it turns you to 2nd hand, most especially for ladies/women 8[color=#990000][/color])

WHAT?? No people,

AM still single so i dont have the idea of how people who divorce or their children feel.I grew up with my parents who happened to be cat and mouse.Throughout my my childhood,there was no day my parents played 2gether.In the neighborhood ,we were subject of ridicule cos of their everyday fight.We the children are grown ups now and my parents are  seeing their grand children already.Presently,none of us is staying with them to know what they re doing.From what i learnt from them,their courtship was just 4mths and now their marriage is over 40yrs.
I learnt one thing from my mother,she is a prayerful woman.I can vouch for her that she has never gone toany strange place for solution but she has always been going to God for everything challenge.Whn her in laws were insisting that my father shld marry another woman,she had no other weapon but prayer.Whn my father insisted that she shld pack her things and leave ,she wuld run to church and pray and later she wuld come back home.Up till today,my mother is still the legal and only wife at home.
What is my point here, i dont like it whn i see pple that want to divorce.It is not the best,it is saddened,it is a dent/stain on ones life,it is not the solution to any problem one is going thru in marriage.I believe in the power of prayers.
As a woman,u r the fence around ur house.It is ur duty not to allow an intruder into ur home be it family or friends.
I know there are a lot of things partners dont discover abt each other during courtship which will be discovered later.
I always tell pple who care to listen that those things you see in ur partner in marriage were there be4 u got married but becos u were carried away,u didnt pay much attention to it.
Lets always look be4 we leap.
If anyone is going thru any battle  in marriage ,if u cant stay in the home or ur partner insists that u move out.Take heed,there is a strong force that is at work.A force that doesnt want ur marriage to work out.This is where u will realise that you  need prayers in ur marriage.
To have a successful marriage ,you have to be the right partner,be patience,loyal,be matured and you need to be  selflessness and finally,u need prayers.If you have all these and you are still going thru any hurdle,then leave the rest for God to handle.He alone is the only that can change the heart of ur partner cos He is the creator.He knows what he/she is made of.It is only you that can make ur marriage work as a right partner and God wil come in whn u  hv done ur own part and He sees that u cant go on again.
Please dont think divorce is the solution.You can separate for a while,go into serious prayers with God and you will see the outcome.God is the Creator and Author of marriage,HE hates divorce with perfect hatred.Challenge Him with ur prayers and i believe that surely He wont disappoint you.
Those u are single,watch and pray.Marry for love and not for lust.
Those who are married,be patience,matured,faithful and be prayerful
We shall all get there cos it is colourful and it is bright.

at this point - divorce, its feels like its the end of the world to the parties involved. heartbreaking

nikkykay:

AM still single so i dont have the idea of how people who divorce or their children feel.I grew up with my parents who happened to be cat and mouse.Throughout my my childhood,there was no day my parents played 2gether.In the neighborhood ,we were subject of ridicule cos of their everyday fight.We the children are grown ups now and my parents are seeing their grand children already.Presently,none of us is staying with them to know what they re doing.From what i learnt from them,their courtship was just 4mths and now their marriage is over 40yrs.
I learnt one thing from my mother,she is a prayerful woman.I can vouch for her that she has never gone toany strange place for solution but she has always been going to God for everything challenge.Whn her in laws were insisting that my father shld marry another woman,she had no other weapon but prayer.Whn my father insisted that she shld pack her things and leave ,she wuld run to church and pray and later she wuld come back home.Up till today,my mother is still the legal and only wife at home.
What is my point here, i dont like it whn i see pple that want to divorce.It is not the best,it is saddened,it is a dent/stain on ones life,it is not the solution to any problem one is going thru in marriage.I believe in the power of prayers.
As a woman,u r the fence around your house.It is your duty not to allow an intruder into your home be it family or friends.
I know there are a lot of things partners dont discover abt each other during courtship which will be discovered later.
I always tell pple who care to listen that those things you see in your partner in marriage were there be4 u got married but becos u were carried away,u didnt pay much attention to it.
Lets always look be4 we leap.
If anyone is going thru any battle in marriage ,if u cant stay in the home or your partner insists that u move out.Take heed,there is a strong force that is at work.A force that doesnt want your marriage to work out.This is where u will realise that you need prayers in your marriage.
To have a successful marriage ,you have to be the right partner,be patience,loyal,be matured and you need to be selflessness and finally,u need prayers.If you have all these and you are still going thru any hurdle,then leave the rest for God to handle.He alone is the only that can change the heart of your partner cos He is the creator.He knows what he/she is made of.It is only you that can make your marriage work as a right partner and God wil come in whn u hv done your own part and He sees that u cant go on again.
Please dont think divorce is the solution.You can separate for a while,go into serious prayers with God and you will see the outcome.God is the Creator and Author of marriage,HE hates divorce with perfect hatred.Challenge Him with your prayers and i believe that surely He wont disappoint you.
Those u are single,watch and pray.Marry for love and not for lust.
Those who are married,be patience,matured,faithful and be prayerful
We shall all get there cos it is colourful and it is bright.

Will you marry me?.

For your marriage to work, its GOD! HE instituted marriage and HE alone can help you through it if ur having problems.
I know a couple of people from broken homes and i can assure you that you can hardly be happy after divorce esp. after having children, both the parents and the kids suffer emotionally and spend d rest of their lives blaming and hating each other.

Secondly, dating/courtship is VERY different from marriage, no matter how long sometimes people are just hard to really understand.

Sincerely i want to ask u are u sure u r ur husband's only wife? how much of him do u know since u guys met online?

@nikkykay . she is still thnking about it

Am just me:

For your marriage to work, its GOD! HE instituted marriage and HE alone can help you through it if your having problems.
I know a couple of people from broken homes and i can assure you that you can hardly be happy after divorce esp. after having children, both the parents and the kids suffer emotionally and spend d rest of their lives blaming and hating each other.

Secondly, dating/courtship is VERY different from marriage, no matter how long sometimes people are just hard to really understand.

Sincerely i want to ask u are u sure u r your husband's only wife? how much of him do u know since u guys met online?

Well said my dear.
But then is your marriage meant to be worth more than you being alive and serving the God who instituted the marriage. Get a life ladies and live that life to reverence God and not pretend just because of societal misfeelings. You can only blame and hate after a divorce due to unforgiveness which is an express road to hell. Get a life i repeat and a joyfull one at that.

no no no