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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? (41611 Views)
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Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by Toks2008(m): 4:22pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
Daboomb: Bro it's a lts a long story. The truth is that love is never enough cos she loves me like kilode cos she came right back after 3 years and I gave her a second chance but her body language still remained the same until we eventually settled for a permanent separation but she still want us to be together against all odds. No matter how deeply a woman loves you,pray you don't have issues with your finance cos that will always bring pressure..love is best nourished if you have adequate finance that is proportionate to the financial affinity of that lady in your life but anything short of that will tilt the affair in a negative direction. Trust me on this, marrying a lady who does not have a tangible personal income is like harboring a ticking time bomb that will certainly ignite if you ever face financial turbulence... If you have money,set her up in business as I did but incase the business fails,pray she is daring and hardworking enough to weather the storm. 20 Likes 1 Share |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by Nobody: 4:23pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
All mah married folks here will jex be hyping upandan... Though itz normal and a necessary thing to do, jex like living in an imaginary paradise, after all, who no love em better half? I LOVE MY HUSBAND NO DOUBT BUT I WISH I KNEW ALOT OF THINGS THEN, I WOULD BE MUCH HAPPIER!!! Let's say we are like this cuz itz early marriage but me I no go lie, I wldnt wish early marriage for my enemies let go my friends cuz everyday, I jex have to learn to adjust to what we call "YOUTHFUL EXOBRANCE!!!" "PUTTING OTHER BAES AHEAD OF YOU JUST CUZ U WANT TO STILL FLEX YOUTHFULNESS" Abeg lemme come and be going... MARRIAGE IS SWEET AND FUN WHEN MATURED MINDS ARE INVOLVED... 8 Likes |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by Nobody: 4:41pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
Benignasweety:It doesn't have to be imaginary. As long as the two agree _they can achieve that paradise. The problem is: most times we spend more time hammering on the problem/running away from it, than fixing it. I (we) got married early, I faced same challenges you're probably facing. I still face some. Marriage isn't a bondage, except you guys make it so. Talk to your husband , don't be on the defence _listen and reach a compromise. You both can figure out how to bring back that spark. Please, stop comparing yourself to your single friends. You can't get a degree of freedom back. It comes with the institution. 7 Likes |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by Toks2008(m): 4:43pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
LifeIsGuhd: You can only spoil a lady in proportion to your income and yes I did spoil her cos I gave her an average of10% of my monthly income(over 200k) regularly(my error i guess) for over 11years asides setting her up in different businesses that failed due to her lack of perseverance expecially the bridal makeover biz she started which was really very promising. So I really can't say I did not spoil her to the best of my effort but there is nothing like having a wife who is dogged,patient and can persevere. My point is that guys should marry a hardworking lady who is ready to do her best to make her own money and bring something to the table no matter how small and this is also why I discourage ladies from becoming a full housewife cos it could turn out to be a terrible idea if there is a problem with the man's finance which of course no man is immuned to 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by LifeIsGuhd(f): 4:50pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
Toks2008: Okay... My point is that some hardworking lady who brings something to the table wouldnt still wanna touch their income/salary... they still want you to provide everything. So basically, you would just have to pray for a lady that is patient, faithful and can persevere. one more question: is this the first time you are coming out as a divorcee on nairaland? 3 Likes |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by djon78(m): 4:58pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
Toks2008: True it can be very devastating. Happened to me as a single. But I personally think it is more on individual or personality basis. Some independent women may even be worst. But honestly it hurts and can be very devastating when someone telling you lovey attitude when things were fine turn into something else. 3 Likes |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by Toks2008(m): 5:13pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
LifeIsGuhd: You are right though and No I have always made it open that I was technically married or how else will a never married guy be giving out marital advice and how on earth will a straight cute guy at 40+ wouldn't have been married before? But can I also ask a question...if you had a registry wedding without a trad wedding and your bride price paid would you really say you are married or the man is married to you? |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by In4matic: 5:14pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
jhudit: its got nothing with being bitter or wicked. the question is WHAT YOU REGRET NIT KNOWING ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE. |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by solid3(m): 5:16pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
Josh44s: Not yet. Getting prepared to marry a nairalander. |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by mindworx: 5:24pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
Toks2008: Very good Toks2008, I can relate with all you said, really. I have been in such situation. Being an alpha male is good. An alpha male wants to prove till the end of the world that he is 'domineeringly responsible' (pardon my English). The unattractive part is that he rarely ask for help. I pray divinity will provide you with a lady that sincerely identifies with you through thick and thin. If you find such, when hard times comes knocking, lower your 'Alpha Male' guards. Ask for help. Move over the hard times faster. My people will say "eniyan l'aso mi" (I wish i can translate that). 4 Likes |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by daroz(m): 5:38pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
Nothing . Everything is just in place. |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by optional1(f): 5:43pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
rainerboy1010: do i look like one or not |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by LifeIsGuhd(f): 6:00pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
Toks2008: Okay, but I wasn't referring to being technically married but being divorced. Uhm, that's a tough question... personally I would say I am married but my family might insist I am not. So was that what you did? |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by Toks2008(m): 6:24pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
LifeIsGuhd: Yeah sis exactly my story so in order to keep my sanity I just tell people I was technically married since the lady in question tells everyone who cares that I have never paid her bride price and looking at it deeply I think she is right regardless of the borrowed practise of white or registry wedding. We had an agreement to do the registry and wait a little while before doing traditional for some reasons asides finance. So if I say I was married I guess I'm partially right and if I say I have never been married I can also say I'm right so I kuku ma use the word "technically married" but I'm happy now that both technical registry or whatever is anulled so I'm very free to carefully marry any lady of my choice and meticulously pay her bride price so I can boldly and clearly say I'm married for the first time in my life but each day I keep asking myself..."who will it be"? |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by fohlarp: 6:32pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
Pls i want to tell him dis.dnt wnt him to brg his parent issue espcly d moda near me agn cos I dnt knw why she wld brg hersf into d rltnshp wen not marid frntg smthgs.she had her birthday (nt celebrtd) i prtnd as if dnt knw cos we parted ways bf, all causd by d mom,so weneva I c her nt alws hapi.nw I feel shd tell him wont sign a life cntract wth hm evn if its God will if his moda wld be a burden on me cos I have mine nt dstrbg him.please,is it ok if I tell hm ds cos we nt yet tied? 1 Like |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by LifeIsGuhd(f): 6:33pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
Toks2008:It could be me, it could be you, it could be someone by your side *singing* LOL Well, I understand now though! Two more things: any kids? 2. Was the court wedding done for papers? I.e green card/ permanent resident things |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by LifeIsGuhd(f): 6:35pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
fohlarp: Please please I don't know if you're doing this on purpose but the shorthand abi abbreviation you're using is making your whole write up unreadable 22 Likes |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by Toks2008(m): 6:36pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
LifeIsGuhd: I guess I'm writing too much..we could chat on watts up as I believe you will be very friendly. |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by LifeIsGuhd(f): 6:39pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
Lol! Okay! |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by Toks2008(m): 6:41pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
LifeIsGuhd:Good..you can unquote me after retrieving... |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by prettyblaqy(f): 6:54pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
Marriages are meant to be with hinges but resolvable ones, because you two are not siblings, even though you asked everything you feel you have to, Along the line, there will be Little issues that may arise. what matters is understanding and love. another thing is knowing the fault and try to overlook some but handle it amicably. For those who would want to know more and avoid some silly mistakes in marriage. look for " The disgrace of marriage by Odimegwu Onwumere and read it. You can also search for him and order for it. For intending couples and existing couple. some churches use the book for marriage counselling. Marriage is an institution. you can't graduate till death comes knocking and you don't know all. 2 Likes |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by solid3(m): 7:03pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
Toks2008: Pls share your experience if you don't mind. |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by fohlarp: 7:04pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
LifeIsGuhd:sorry all am saying is want to tell him never to allow his mom interfere into our relationship agn.as it was d same reason we brk up first.just want to knw weda its ok to tell him cos am tired with her palava. |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by solid3(m): 7:06pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
Katier00: You divorced too? Pls share your experience if you don't mind. |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by fohlarp: 7:08pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
R.E.A.L.I.T.Y Daboomb: 1 Like |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by solid3(m): 7:10pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
fiona14: |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by Toks2008(m): 7:36pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
solid3:I have...just browse the pages of this thread. |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by yvesboss(m): 7:37pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
Wow keep it coming guys...we are learning |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by yvesboss(m): 7:39pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
Toks2008: Toks..honestly your story is so emotional..sorry to ask, you were 'technically married' for how many years ? |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by lexaydfg(m): 7:53pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
What are the questions we should ask our spouse before we say YES... Please married men and women, what are the important questions we should ask our spouse before we say Yes? 1 Like |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by lexaydfg(m): 7:55pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
prettyblaqy:Nice one ma'am. I will look out for this book. Thanks |
Re: What Is The One Thing You Regret Not Asking Your Spouse Before Marriage? by babapressy(m): 8:21pm On Jun 15, 2017 |
Understand the word of God on marriage and enjoy your lives together |
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