Never look down on a person. If the person loves you and you also love the person, dont feel ashamed to get into a relationship with such person just because you think the person is not up to your level. What level? We are all born equal, don't let standards deprive you of being with the person that deserves you.

Help each other to grow into the persons you desire. There is joy in growing together, it builds the bond.

This applies to both guys and ladies, dont be shortsighted, it's the content of the heart that matters. Don't be fooled by physical things, beauty fades, money goes away.

A word is enough for the wise.

a

Never look down on anyone. True!, but there's nothing wrong in thinking someone is below your standard 'cause we all have set standards, and if you don't have any, you'd fall for anything.

If there's love between both parties already, do you think "Standard" didn't have a role to play?, obviously they're compatible to be in love with each other.

It is not good to look down on any one

We all have standards, but some might have abused the word in the past , hence the word now means different thing to different people
For example:;
Some ladies just use it as an excuse to marry someone who is rich not that they have any standards themselfs
They may eventually settle with an heartless rich guy who openly cheats on them

However, I understand when some ladies claim to have standards because we all have different beliefs, culture and perceptions about life. So they may want to date or marry someone with similar beliefs with them, in order not to have regrets in the future

Benita27:
Never look down on anyone. True!, but there's nothing wrong in thinking someone is below your standard 'cause we all have set standards, and if you don't have any, you'd fall for anything.

If there's love between both parties already, do you think "Standard" didn't have a role to play?, obviously they're compatible to be in love with each other.

Its possible to be in love with someone without considering standards in the first place. It happens all the time. Sometimes, It is not the standard that makes people fall in love in the first place. Infact, i don't see it as genuine love when you start to attach attributes to your love for someone. What if those attributes are no longer there in the long run?

Let me give you an analogy. You meet someone online and become so fond of each other. You exchange pictures and begin to like this person so much and then you click. At this point, there are no standards in the play because you don't even know so much about this person to even consider weighing him up. However, when you get to meet this person in real life, you realize he lives with his parent, doesn't have a stable job yet and has a bad accent. That's where your standard starts playing the game.

My point is not that you should pick up anything that comes your way but this: What matters most is the connection, love and happiness that you bring into each other's life. If there are areas where you find each other to be deficient, it's a chance to prove your love and help each other grow and become better persons.

greyboy5000:
It is not good to look down on any one

We all have standards, but some might have abused the word in the past , hence the word now means different thing to different people
For example:;
Some ladies just use it as an excuse to marry someone who is rich not that they have any standards themselfs
They may eventually settle with an heartless rich guy who openly cheats on them

However, I understand when some ladies claim to have standards because we all have different beliefs, culture and perceptions about life. So they may want to date or marry someone with similar beliefs with them, in order not to have regrets in the future

Compatibility is a different issue and that's what you just described. Standard on the other hand is when you have expectations for your self worth, when you believe you deserve much more than the person you have. Thinking you have degraded yourself by being with such person.

My point is that if you already like or love someone, why do you have to let standards keep you away from such person.

Perspectives:


Compatibility is a different issue and that's what you just described. Standard on the other hand is when you have expectations for your self worth, when you believe you deserve much more than the person you have. Thinking you have degraded yourself by being with such person.

My point is that if you already like or love someone, why do you have to let standards keep you away from such person.

compatibility is till part of standards
cause if you claim standards is expectations Then what influences once expectation in a relationship, is it not things like perceptions and believe of the partner

So like said, a lady may select someone with similar beliefs or culture because of her future expectations

Read the last part where I said " in order not to regret in the future" again

Nothing wrong with expecting your partner to fit a certain standard if it's a standard you yourself represent/offer too. Sometimes you do deserve much more than the person you may have i.e. successful ambitious man/woman not wanting to be with an unambitious bum. 'Love' isn't enough

ibkayee:
Nothing wrong with expecting your partner to fit a certain standard if it's a standard you yourself represent/offer too. Sometimes you do deserve much more than the person you may have i.e. successful ambitious man/woman not wanting to be with an unambitious bum. 'Love' isn't enough

You can build someone up to your standard. It's not enough to dump someone because they didn't meet up to your standard.

How can you have someone and then discover later that they are not up to your standard. If the standards were so important in the first place, you shouldn't get to a platonic level with them. The standard thing is just an excuse to dump someone when you are tired of them.

greyboy5000:
compatibility is till part of standards
cause if you claim standards is expectations Then what influences once expectation in a relationship, is it not things like perceptions and believe of the partner

So like said, a lady may select someone with similar beliefs or culture because of her future expectations

Read the last part where I said " in order not to regret in the future" again

I like the way you gave examples of beliefs and cultures as what you think as standards.

However, I'll still disagree, imo view, a good example of standard is when a female who is a masters degree older thinks it's below her standard to marry a HND holder. I find it hard to see how such marriage will make her regret or affect her life later in the future.

Perspectives:


I like the way you gave examples of beliefs and cultures as what you think as standards.

However, I'll still disagree, imo view, a good example of standard is when a female who is a masters degree older thinks it's below her standard to marry a HND holder. I find it hard to see how such marriage will make her regret or affect her life later in the future.

now using your analogy
The lady may see the guys HND as his poor perception towards education in general ( may he dosent fancy education) and maybe the lady fancies having a very educated husband that can challenge her intellectual prowess.
Hence, she decides to pick a more educated man
So you see where perception of life comes in as a form of standard in your analogy

Perspectives:


You can build someone up to your standard. It's not enough to dump someone because they didn't meet up to your standard.

How can you have someone and then discover later that they are not up to your standard. If the standards were so important in the first place, you shouldn't get to a platonic level with them. The standard thimg is just an excuse to dump someone when you are tired of them.

In the context of the person being an unambitious bum, nothing wrong with helping out, but if the person isn't making any effort themselves to improve it isn't anyone's job to go all out and 'build' them, I think it's perfectly reasonable to dump them for not meeting your standard in such cases

Your original write-up implies that you're talking about people not in a relationship yet, you said 'dont feel ashamed to get into a relationship with such person just because you think the person is not up to your level.'. And if they were, things change and sometimes we outgrow people, if the bum isn't making any effort to improve himself/herself it isn't unreasonable to get tired of them and leave

greyboy5000:
now using your analogy
The lady may see the guys HND as his poor perception towards education in general ( may he dosent fancy education) and maybe the lady fancies having a very educated husband that can challenge her intellectual prowess.
Hence, she decides to pick a more educated man
So you see where perception of life comes in as a form of standard in your analogy

Well, i can't rule out the possibility of a lady thinking like that since many ladies will dump a guy cuz he is not currently financially stable or doesn't have a car. Am sorry to say but that's why many ladies will remain single because of this so called standard.

However, my point still stands that such thinking is wrong. Some people attended polytechnic not because they don't fancy thorough education but due to circumstances which may range from finances to lack of opportunity.

It doesn't always have to be about the present. That's where the growing now comes in, she can simply encourage the guy to study further. Discussing with him will give her a clue as to what the guy's perception towards education is.

Besides, why should a person base her relationship on education prowess. Is that all that life is about? My point is that we attach top many irrelevant things to relationship and marriage. Upon all these, the rate of relationship crash and marriage divorce increases by the day. Why can't we lower our standards and be humble.

ibkayee:

In the context of the person being an unambitious bum, nothing wrong with helping out, but if the person isn't making any effort themselves to improve it isn't anyone's job to go all out and 'build' them, I think it's perfectly reasonable to dump them for not meeting your standard in such cases

Your original write-up implies that you're talking about people not in a relationship yet, you said 'dont feel ashamed to get into a relationship with such person just because you think the person is not up to your level.'. And if they were, things change and sometimes we outgrow people, if the bum isn't making any effort to improve himself/herself it isn't unreasonable to get tired of them and leave

Obviously, if someone isn't willing to grow and you have tried, you definitely have to let them go cuz it means your happiness aren't tied together and it would be such a frustrating thing to be with such person. I wouldn't advise staying in that case.

When I said getting into a relationship, you know what I meant. And it's not only limited to that scenario. For a lady, a guy is asking you out and you are measuring him up, that's one case. The other part I was hammering on is when you are in a relationship and you suddenly feel he isn't up to what you really want, so you dump him, doesn't this happen? This happens with guys too.

It also happens when a poor guy you have friend zoned is trying to swim out of the zone to the boyfriend zone and you just feel he isn't up to the task.

Perspectives:


Obviously, if someone isn't willing to grow and you have tried, you definitely have to let them go cuz it means your happiness aren't tied together and it would be such a frustrating thing to be with such person. I wouldn't advise staying in that case.

When I said getting into a relationship, you know what I meant. And it's not only limited to that scenario. For a lady, a guy is asking you out and you are measuring him up, that's one case. The other part I was hammering on is when you are in a relationship and you suddenly feel he isn't up to what you really want, so you dump him, doesn't this happen? This happens with guys too.

It also happens when a poor guy you have friend zoned is trying to swim out of the zone to the boyfriend zone and you just feel he isn't up to the task.

I mentioned the person being an unambitious bum in my first comment and you didn't say anything about not advising to stay when you first responded but ok you've clarified now

Not really, 'dont feel ashamed to get into a relationship with such person just because you think the person is not up to your level' literally comes across as 'don't allow standards to stop you from getting into/starting a relationship'.

There are a variety of possible scenarios, I used that one because it's an example of a situation where the people involved have a level of control over what they're being scrutinised over, for example, an 'unattractive' person can't always control the way they look the way something like success can be controlled (made sure I said the person was unambitious to highlight their unwillingness to better themselves because I'm aware that not everyone that is unsuccessful is unambitious/can help it)

Now that you've clarified that the people involved may already be in a relationship, it depends on the situation, if the person outgrows their partner because they're lazy, leaving them is reasonable. If for example, the person is acting brand new/like they're better than their partner all of a sudden for a shallow/no valid reason, that's harsh, it all depends

If a lady doesn't want a guy because he's poor, she has the right to, it becomes an issue when she demeans him for it. Same way some guys don't want girls because they don't meet their 'spec', as long as they're respectable about it, there's nothing wrong with. It's a harsh reality but who no want better thing?

Keep you advice to yourself...

Standards? This is one wide subject here.

Like an armed robber with good sense of fashion?
Or a fvckboy with good sense of personal hygiene?
Or a nagging lady with perfect vocabary?
Or a hot sexy lady with village mentality?

Standards? In this case I think it's just a word.

Are you saying you will give your daughter who was well trained in havard to someone who hawks pure water because he loves her??
Are they of same standard?

Nnemuka:
Are you saying you will give your daughter who was well trained in havard to someone who hawks pure water because he loves her??
Are they of same standard?

Hahaha!

Nice example. First of, am not going to decide for my daughter who she is to marry or not. Secondly, I am not just going to pick up pure water hawker and ask my daughter to marry her, the question is how did they get to the level of marrying? Have they met? Something must have brought them together if at all the scenario plays itself in real life.

By the way, a pure water hawker is not a nobody!

Never look down on anyone, that's the point.

pryme:
Standards? This is one wide subject here.

Like an armed robber with good sense of fashion?
Or a fvckboy with good sense of personal hygiene?
Or a nagging lady with perfect vocabary?
Or a hot sexy lady with village mentality?

Standards? In this case I think it's just a word.

That's not standards, that's moral justification.

Standard is: i can't marry her because her parents are paupers while am from a wealthy background.

Perspectives:


That's not standards, that's moral justification.

Standard is: i can't marry her because her parents are paupers while am from a wealthy background.

That is social class, being from a poor home doesnt mean your standards are limited.

pryme:


That is social class, being from a poor home doesnt mean your standards are limited.

Doesn't social class translate to standard

Perspectives:


Doesn't social class translate to standard

No Sir, Bill Gates was the Son of a wood cutter

pryme:


No Sir, Bill Gates was the Son of a wood cutter

Look at you What's your point?

By the way, Bill Gates mother was an influential person

Perspectives:


Look at you What's your point?

By the way, Bill Gates mother was an influential person

Let's put it this way, you get to a social gathering, and it was time for refreshments, and the food was served like a banquet, then you spot some ppl using fork and knife to cut their stakes and eat their rice, then in the same hall you spot some ppl using only spoons to eat the same meal.
Now in terms of standards (according to you) which set of ppl do you think have high standards? My bet will be the ones displaying their cutlery skills no?

But liitle did you know that among them are a some poor kids that had scholarships to school in one of the best high schools where they were taught how to use these cutleries.
On the other hand not every rich family is concerned about eating rice with fork and knives.

The ones from a high social class can display low standards, the one from a low social class can display high standards

Odi gi easy na onu. it easier said than done. Op there is something called class. you can only cope with your class

ibkayee:

I mentioned the person being an unambitious bum in my first comment and you didn't say anything about not advising to stay when you first responded but ok you've clarified now

Not really, 'dont feel ashamed to get into a relationship with such person just because you think the person is not up to your level' literally comes across as 'don't allow standards to stop you from getting into/starting a relationship'.

There are a variety of possible scenarios, I used that one because it's an example of a situation where the people involved have a level of control over what they're being scrutinised over, for example, an 'unattractive' person can't always control the way they look the way something like success can be controlled (made sure I said the person was unambitious to highlight their unwillingness to better themselves because I'm aware that not everyone that is unsuccessful is unambitious/can help it)

Now that you've clarified that the people involved may already be in a relationship, it depends on the situation, if the person outgrows their partner because they're lazy, leaving them is reasonable. If for example, the person is acting brand new/like they're better than their partner all of a sudden for a shallow/no valid reason, that's harsh, it all depends

If a lady doesn't want a guy because he's poor, she has the right to, it becomes an issue when she demeans him for it. Same way some guys don't want girls because they don't meet their 'spec', as long as they're respectable about it, there's nothing wrong with. It's a harsh reality but who no want better thing?

i get your point but a person that is not willing to grow only has a wrong mentality. Its not HIV, it can be corrected with love and effort. If situation persists, leaving is justifiable.

About things that cannot be controlled, i have come to learn that attractiveness is controllable, nobody is ugly. Only that we want the best looking person. i repeat, beauty fades.

About a lady dumping a broke guy, you said its okay as long as she is not demeaning him. Please, is dumping him because of lack of money not demeaning on its own.?

Lastly, i want to reiterate my point that it is not all about the present, those class and standard you think are there might not mean anything tomorrow. Michelle stayed with obama when he was very ugly and broke. Her friends probably thought she was dumb, look where they have grown to.

Champele:
Odi gi easy na onu. it easier said than done. Op there is something called class. you can only cope with your class

So why are there still divorce even with the so called class? is divorce their way of coping?

pryme:


Let's put it this way, you get to a social gathering, and it was time for refreshments, and the food was served like a banquet, then you spot some ppl using fork and knife to cut their stakes and eat their rice, then in the same hall you spot some ppl using only spoons to eat the same meal.
Now in terms of standards (according to you) which set of ppl do you think have high standards? My bet will be the ones displaying their cutlery skills no?

But liitle did you know that among them are a some poor kids that had scholarships to school in one of the best high schools where they were taught how to use these cutleries.
On the other hand not every rich family is concerned about eating rice with fork and knives.

The ones from a high social class can display low standards, the one from a low social class can display high standards

That scenario has to do with masking of true personality. I wouldnt judge a person's standard or class based on one encounter. You cant pretend all of the time , i will still get to know the true you.

Meanwhile, your scenario shows that truly, you csn brush anyone up or down to your taste if they are willing to flow with you.

FortuneTeller:
Love does not pay bills nor will it feed you. If one person likes only chicken and the other only wants fish, love will not stand. Couples should be equally yoked. A broke man can say I love you all day, but if he's lazy and dull, his love means nothing.

calling someone lazy because he is broke is not fair.

Perspectives:


i get your point but a person that is not willing to grow only has a wrong mentality. Its not HIV, it can be corrected with love and effort. If situation persists, leaving is justifiable.

About things that cannot be controlled, i have come to learn that attractiveness is controllable, nobody is ugly. Only that we want the best looking person. i repeat, beauty fades.

About a lady dumping a broke guy, you said its okay as long as she is not demeaning him. Please, is dumping him because of lack of money not demeaning on its own.?

Lastly, i want to reiterate my point that it is not all about the present, those class and standard you think are there might not mean anything tomorrow. Michelle stayed with obama when he was very ugly and broke. Her friends probably thought she was dumb, look where they have grown to.

Did you fall into a coma and just wake up?

1 month later ke

Lool please I'm tired