This will be a bit lengthy so please bear with me.
I have had a feeling for a while now that I’ve been unable to shake. I have a feeling that there is something about myself that is being concealed from me by my family, maybe a trauma of some sort which I was probably too young to remember or which my mind has blocked out. I have a feeling I saw something that broke a part of my personality, the part responsible for caring deeply about anything; family, friends, relationships, causes, pets, even tangible or intangible things.
Don’t get me wrong I am not completely heartless or in any way wicked, I don’t deviously scheme or lie in wait for opportunities to hurt anyone. I’m not a sadist. I do not derive any form of pleasure from seeing people in pain, physical, emotional or otherwise. But I have come to realise that I have caused some good people a lot of pain and then some, my family inclusive. My parents and siblings tolerate me and make excuses for me like the same rules do not apply to me which begs the question; what is wrong with me? What happened to me? You may say it is favouritism on the part of my parents, but I know for a fact it isn’t. My parents are strict and uncompromising but loving and fair. It seems as though they developed a format or template for child upbringing and stuck to it though they had seven children over several years and that excludes other foster kids (children of relatives) they had to raise.
This reality dawned on me back in college while dating Bola (not real name). Bola was my second ‘college sweetheart’ and she was perfect, almost everything I ever wanted in a woman. Intelligent, pretty with a captivating smile, gentle, caring, godly with very good manners (she didn’t have even one profane word in her vocabulary), great bod and madly in love with me. I was really into Bola I must confess, which is why I asked her out but I never felt a real connection to her. We were really good friends and could talk for hours about anything but I never really wanted to be with her all the time, never felt the need to talk to her about anything that happens, check up on her daily or even call just because. She was cool with it at first but after a couple of months it became a big issue. She felt I was cheating, just being a player and didn’t love her like I said I did. I really couldn’t blame her, though I wasn’t cheating on her physically or emotionally I understood how she must have felt. I wouldn’t call for several days and then she’ll see me in class chatting up some random girl. She was sensitive and a bit possessive but never gave me attitude. I could see that she was hurting so I made a conscious effort to ‘care’. I drew up a schedule for calling, outing and occasional gifts which I followed religiously for a couple of weeks. I found it cumbersome and mechanical so I stopped after a while and decided to have ‘the talk’ with her. It’s not you, it’s me and all those clichés that were actually true in my case. I just couldn’t love her the way she deserved and didn’t know why. The breakup was mutual and cordial (like most of my other breakups are) but she was devastated. She lost a lot of sleep and shed more weight than she could spare (she’s always been slim kinda petite), lost concentration and woeful result that semester. It took her several years to get over me and eventually had to break off communication when she got married eventually.
Fast forward a few years I now have a dream job, a car and shorter relationships. I discovered that I really do not put in as much effort as I should to service relationships, family relationships included. I don’t live in the same city with my parents or any of my siblings but I hardly call or visit. In fact I go 2 to 3 years without seeing my parents. I spend holidays and my leave from work away from family. Even when I meet a new girl I’m interested in, I do not try hard enough to make sure I win her love. I rather will let it go after a little challenge not because I lack courage but because I couldn’t care less when there are a lot of other women falling for me. I think I might have aborted something special I might have had in this way several times. I still managed to get into a really serious relationship though with another good girl who is now married to someone else. Let’s call her Ene. After about 3 decades walking mother earth I was finally ready to settle down and get hitched or so I thought. We were just waiting for Ene to get called up for NYSC to begin wedding plans as the posting will affect anything we decided to do. We were planning to work it to a favourable location but you never know. Our problems started after meeting the family. Our families were totally against the union and that affected our momentum. We started making plans to find ways of resolving all the issues raised or even elope but I came to realise that the thought of losing her was not terrifying! I could live without her and in fact was already subconsciously thinking plan B! One thing lead to another, she also came to realise this and well, another one bites the dust. She went back to her ex who was still hung up on her and got married a year later with a kid on the way now she still calls me to play ‘what ifs.’
Couple of years later and I’m still far from finding that connection. I’m I just meant to be a loner? Disconnected from loved ones? Family, friends? Why can’t I deeply care about something, about someone enough to do almost anything to keep them close? A friend pointed out that it means I’ll never be heartbroken. She wished she was born that way and then wouldn’t have had to experience the heartbreak she had this 3 times, and now she is falling again…
Anyways I read somewhere about a father’s love for his child how it is unconditional and spontaneous much like God’s love. The writer was in the theatre when his baby was born and he was finding it hard to describe the magnitude of the emotions that enveloped him as he took that first look at his child, his blood. I hear even when the child grows up that image remains, parents always see their children as just that; children that need to be protected from the big bad world. So now I’m thinking to myself maybe I should get some broad pregnant and when the baby is born maybe, just maybe I’ll finally feel that connection, a bond to cherish and be afraid to lose. I’m tempted to try though baby mama drama and a single parent situation doesn’t sound like a good idea. Can someone help me out here? I’m slowly losing it. I’m I the only one who feels this way or there are others like me? Do you think my parents are hiding something from me? What do I do to create that human connection? Psychologists and other experts in the house over to you.

Mods kindly push to the right section and front page to ensure I get the much needed help
cc: lalasticlala, mynd 44, seun

I'm not a psychologist though,from my deductive reasoning I think you are a sociopath.

too long man. too long

My dear, the only thing that keeps the world in piece is the connection that runs intrinsic through us, through everything. We feel it when we're with that special person.. When we are at the forest. When we look at the eyes of that little pet. At the core of man, a connection exist.

For the fact that you know your undoing, this alone shows how compassionate and caring you are about other people's feelings. If you weren't as amazing as I thought, you won't turn to a writer overnight.

I have been in this very shoe years ago. Believe me, it's not your doing. You just haven't find the right person that fits to your soul. I have a friend who's the direct opposite of caring or loving. To him, he doesn't care about anyone, not even his very self or gf. I know I'm a genius, I knew that my iQ is way above normal and he can't help but marvel. Exaggeratically. He thinks I have answers to everything.

One day, I did an unforgivable thing. Something that will surely break every relationship.. I was wrong.. I did wrong..! But guess what! He couldn't let me go despite my conscious attempt to. He is so connected to me that sometimes I wonder if he can ever be without me, in a world filed with victimization. Hey, we're not gays.. But this connection is something that's rare. I really lack the words to paint a vivid picture.

It wasn't built overnight. I can remember nights, we'll talk, laugh, argue about science, religion, arts, morality; we do virtually everything together and it created a bond I myself can't break. I have tried but failed.

The first thing that usually draw me to people is if the person thinks way out of the conventional. Someone who thinks out of the box.. That's a typical example of my gf and over this few months of dating, we have been sweethearts.. We do have little issues but we're always good.

So, first thing first, you must get someone who possess whatever quality you cherish so much.. That is the first step when it comes to bonding. If you didn't love something about a person, trying to bond is merely trying to pretend to love. Even if you got her pregnant, the feeling might never be there. That unique feeling you crave for.. You'll even hate yourself when that feeling is none but pity.

Wishing you good luck.. (the strength I suppose use write my next article, see what I'm doing.. SMH )

nawa o

Obudupikin:
I'm not a psychologist though,from my deductive reasoning I think you are a sociopath.

I thought so too but I don't have a lot of those traits

EntMirror:
My dear, the only thing that keeps the world in piece is the connection that runs intrinsic through us, through everything. We feel it when we're with that special person.. When we are at the forest. When we look at the eyes of that little pet. At the core of man, a connection exist.

For the fact that you know your undoing, this alone shows how compassionate and caring you are about other people's feelings. If you weren't as amazing as I thought, you won't turn to a writer overnight.

I have been in this very shoe years ago. Believe me, it's not your doing. You just haven't find the right person that fits to your soul. I have a friend who's the direct opposite of caring or loving. To him, he doesn't care about anyone, not even his very self or gf. I know I'm a genius, I knew that my iQ is way above normal and he can't help but marvel. Exaggeratically. He thinks I have answers to everything.

One day, I did an unforgivable thing. Something that will surely break every relationship.. I was wrong.. I did wrong..! But guess what! He couldn't let me go despite my conscious attempt to. He is so connected to me that sometimes I wonder if he can ever be without me, in a world filed with victimization. Hey, we're not gays.. But this connection is something that's rare. I really lack the words to paint a vivid picture.

It wasn't built overnight. I can remember nights, we'll talk, laugh, argue about science, religion, arts, morality; we do virtually everything together and it created a bond I myself can't break. I have tried but failed.

The first thing that usually draw me to people is if the person thinks way out of the conventional. Someone who thinks out of the box.. That's a typical example of my gf and over this few months of dating, we have been sweethearts.. We do have little issues but we're always good.

So, first thing first, you must get someone who possess whatever quality you cherish so much.. That is the first step when it comes to bonding. If you didn't love something about a person, trying to bond is merely trying to pretend to love. Even if you got her pregnant, the feeling might never be there. That unique feeling you crave for.. You'll even hate yourself when that feeling is none but pity.

Wishing you good luck.. (the strength I suppose use write my next article, see what I'm doing.. SMH )

thanks man for spending your 'strength' on me

mofeoluwadassah:
nawa o

Jus try

This is a very easy case.

There's nothing wrong with you. It's just your personality.

A person's behaviour and personality are embedded into the subconscious part of the person.

There was a time in your life when you saw driving as a big deal because we couldn't drive. But 2 years down the line, it's already instinctive.

We weren't born natural car drivers, hence it wasn't imprinted in our subconscious. Hence we got to learn it.

So we started reading about and studying cars and how to drive a car.

Then we set out for our first drive. Started the engine, rolled the car. Then we crashed the car . At that point, we feel like "I no dey drive again jare. " We gave up. But according to experts, crashing a car while learning is a sure sign that you're now mentally ready to learn how to drive. But that's actually the point where virtually everyone gives up on driving.

Let's relate that to your case!

You noticed that you don't connect with anyone at all. Connecting to people emotionally is not a part of you. It's not instinctive. So you have to learn it, and send right into your subconscious (it's just like entering data into a database).

You started learning it in your previous relationship when you decided to use some sort of schedule on calling her, visiting her, et al. You were on the right track, but, just like the car learner above, you gave up when you felt it was becoming burdensome and mechanical.

When a person starts learning typing with computers, the person gets to a point where the thing just looks too mechanical and routine. That's actually the breaking point. That point where it dawns on you that the process is really too mechanical is actually when it's just about to register in your subconscious and become instinctive. Some people don't even notice that phase, but others notice it and usually give up. But that's actually the breaking point. That's the point where the egg shell cracks for the little chick to emerge.

So what you have to do is to draw up another plan/schedule and stick to it for at least one year (it will definitely register in you before one year elapses. Depending on the commitment of your partner sha.) Spend the weekend with her and listen to her too. Don't assume you know a lot, because that's how people like you reason. You have to use your head, but be consciously flexible.

One thing I love about human personality is that it can be easily tweaked. An introvert can tweak himself to operate as both (though he's not really both) with ease. It's all about practice.

Once it registers in your subconscious, just know that your personality has been altered. That does not mean that you will become a crying baby o. You will still be you. But that thing is already there and you will notice.

Wow! Never thought about it like that. Thanks mehn

ikp120:
This is a very easy case.

There's nothing wrong with you. It's just your personality.

A person's behaviour and personality are embedded into the subconscious part of the person.

There was a time in your life when you saw driving as a big deal because we couldn't drive. But 2 years down the line, it's already instinctive.

We weren't born natural car drivers, hence it wasn't imprinted in our subconscious. Hence we got to learn it.

So we started reading about and studying cars and how to drive a car.

Then we set out for our first drive. Started the engine, rolled the car. Then we crashed the car . At that point, we feel like "I no dey drive again jare. " We gave up. But according to experts, crashing a car while learning is a sure sign that you're now mentally ready to learn how to drive. But that's actually the point where virtually everyone gives up on driving.

Let's relate that to your case!

You noticed that you don't connect with anyone at all. Connecting to people emotionally is not a part of you. It's not instinctive. So you have to learn it, and send right into your subconscious (it's just like entering data into a database).

You started learning it in your previous relationship when you decided to use some sort of schedule on calling her, visiting her, et al. You were on the right track, but, just like the car learner above, you gave up when you felt it was becoming burdensome and mechanical.

When a person starts learning typing with computers, the person gets to a point where the thing just looks too mechanical and routine. That's actually the breaking point. That point where it dawns on you that the process is really too mechanical is actually when it's just about to register in your subconscious and become instinctive. Some people don't even notice that phase, but others notice it and usually give up. But that's actually the breaking point. That's the point where the egg shell cracks for the little chick to emerge.

So what you have to do is to draw up another plan/schedule and stick to it for at least one year (it will definitely register in you before one year elapses. Depending on the commitment of your partner sha.) Spend the weekend with her and listen to her too. Don't assume you know a lot, because that's how people like you reason. You have to use your head, but be consciously flexible.

One thing I love about human personality is that it can be easily tweaked. An introvert can tweak himself to operate as both (though he's not really both) with ease. It's all about practice.

Once it registers in your subconscious, just know that your personality has been altered. That does not mean that you will become a crying baby o. You will still be you. But that thing is already there and you will notice.

.

wow...op thread is not only long...even the replies are!
#epic
#faints

Lol hence the warning

antieverything:
wow...op thread is not only long...even the replies are!
#epic
#faints

Thanks for your contributions keep em coming

Op nothing is wrong with you. Your personality is exactly what am working towards. Cherish it Bro, you are emotionally superior to 90 percent of humans and that's a good thing. Your kind will do very well as top entrepreneurs and investment bankers. Honestly I would like some tips on how you became how you are.

tensazangetsu20:
Op nothing is wrong with you. Your personality is exactly what am working towards. Cherish it Bro, you are emotionally superior to 90 percent of humans and that's a good thing. Your kind will do very well as top entrepreneurs and investment bankers. Honestly I would like some tips on how you became how you are.

Oh really? I don't know how I became this way o

.