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My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? - Family (1) - Nairaland

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Her Dad Is Attracted To Her - What Should She Do / Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. / Parents Having An Affair (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by ayettymama(f): 7:33pm On Feb 05, 2010
^^ exactly

like we know what goes on behind closed doors!

thier grwn adults

let them solve thier problems
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Outstrip(f): 7:40pm On Feb 05, 2010
ayettymama:

looooooooooool

well im guessin she means cos the guy is not takin care of his kids

but your right

alot of men cheat

and nobody ever knows!!!

she just believes children=mother

has no idea!!

nuttin concern u with another couples life

i mean in your own ways u could encourage your parents to draw closer

but bullying your dad will just make him run away

its nothing to do with standards

its to do with your level of understandig and maturity




Like I said to each family their own. It is definitely about standards. The man is cheating and flaunting it. It is definitely about standards. If any case shows it it is this one. She does not need to know who her dad is screwing or how he did it. No one needs the gory details but they should not act like he is a victim her.
What do you mean by "another couple" as if these are not her parents. Cheating is a form of abuse. When you abuse your spouse you abuse your children. So please don't water down what I said. I mean what I say and I say what I mean. I don't know how she will get the message across but their father needs to know that they are aware and they are disappointed and that they expected more from him and they are standing solidly behind Mom. No matter how old you get your parents are still your parents and not just for mouth. They should be an example.
I don't know what you mean by bullying here. Please I cannot laugh. My parents always held us to a higher standard as a matter of  it was ridiculous most times and I find that that is why I hold my father so high. He is human so I am sure that he will make mistakes but I will call him out on it. That is what he taught me. Should my father ever do such a thing I know he would be ashamed for his children to know. The fact that her father simply does not care if the children knows says a lot. To make it worse you guys are telling them to do family picnics and pretend that nothing happened. Why in the world do we have family then? Please abeg enough of the fakeness. If it was the wife that cheated nobody would be saying family pictures and picnics. I have heard it all now.
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Busybody2(f): 8:20pm On Feb 05, 2010
Outstrip:

I don't even know what to tell you because I know that if my Dad ever even dared I would not even bother addressing him as my father. When you cheat on your wife you cheat on your children. If the children stand solidly behind their mother then the man might buckle up and stop acting like a 15 yr old child. All this talk to him gently and pet him on his head is ridiculous.


My sentiments exactly undecided Despite the girl's plea for help that her dad is cheating to the detriment of not only their Mum, but her and her siblings, and has started to neglect them, and flaunting it in their face, and people are telling her to pet him or move out, what if she is only 15 years old angry


Nigerian women are supposed to be doormats and turn the other eye when their husband is cheating on them, now the children are supposed to play dumb too, hmmm, thats why a lot of children grow up dysfunctionally angry


Kissmylips, this is an issue for your grown folks, but you need to tell your Dad just once, that you know what he is getting up to and that if he does not stop, you would be reporting him to your Mum.
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by bawomolo(m): 8:54pm On Feb 05, 2010
Whatever you do do not interfere with his life

that will aggravate the situation

remember he might have been charmed

i love nigerians, a man cheats and he might have been charmed?
excuses galore
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by kokoye(m): 9:30pm On Feb 05, 2010
bawomolo:

i love nigerians, a man cheats and he might have been charmed?
excuses galore

Yes, Some have in the past. not just in nollywood.

Do you believe there's jazz?

I ask because I do. I have seen it with my eyes.
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Outstrip(f): 9:40pm On Feb 05, 2010
kokoye:

Yes, Some have in the past. not just in nollywood.

Do you believe there's jazz?

I ask because I do. I have seen it with my eyes.

Point is as long as people keep blaming Jazz there will never be accountability. People simply need to learn to say "It is my fault" or "I was wrong" or "I admit it and I will never do it again". The it was the devil defense is very irresponsible.
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by ayettymama(f): 9:43pm On Feb 05, 2010
regardless of whether u believe it or not

women jazz men anywho

the man is still held accountable cos
women dont go around jazzin random men
they obviously cause it themselves
but sometimes the jazz can cause the irrational behavoir
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by kokoye(m): 9:47pm On Feb 05, 2010
Outstrip:

Point is as long as people keep blaming Jazz there will never be accountability. People simply need to learn to say "It is my fault" or "I was wrong" or "I admit it and I will never do it again". The it was the devil defense is very irresponsible.

The ones who were actually jazzed never really come around to blame it on the devil. they just appear dazed and are happy to be back home.

The ones who blame it on the devil are the devil themselves.
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Fhemmmy: 11:06pm On Feb 05, 2010
Damn, lame excuses
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by fifi09(f): 11:22pm On Feb 05, 2010
Fhemmmy:

Damn, lame excuses

LOL, okaaaay!
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Fhemmmy: 3:24am On Feb 06, 2010
^^^ Na true now
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by bawomolo(m): 5:40am On Feb 06, 2010
Fhemmmy:

Damn, lame excuses

abi o. I wonder if a woman can claim "jazz" if she is caught cheating. the reaction would probably be different
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by oyb(m): 8:26am On Feb 06, 2010
bawomolo:

i love nigerians, a man cheats and he might have been charmed?
excuses galore

bush man - we are simply following shaggy's lead - it wasn't me  cheesy

but u know nigerians na - everything na devil push me  cheesy - be happy you're not a slave to the wiles of your manliness
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by oyinda3(f): 12:16am On Feb 07, 2010
man first you have to understand that people cheat on their spouse for different reasons. so each and everyone is different. to say that NO MAN ENJOY CHEATING is a damn lie.
which old guy s.hagging a young UNI student will not enjoy the experience? especially if the wifey has put on extra weight due to multiple pregnancies and the toto has passed the "tokunbo stage"

many men out there are miserable in their marriage but yet stick to it because of family, children and the pressure of being seen as a bad person in the society where they live.

i can show you many instances where men would have divorced their spouse if the process wasnt such a pain in the neck and a possible huge financial loss. believe me, if you have worked all your life, reach a certain comfort in life, the last thing they want is to loose it all because of the cow wifey sleeping next to them.

MRBROWNJAY your posts have sexist undertones most of the time, which is understandable as u are a guy, but this one is just over the top.
stop condoning cheating! because i'm sure if it were a topic about a wife cheating, your advice will be totally different from what u have here. u would have called the lady all sorts of names and assumed her to be unworthy of any respect.

how can u excuse cheating because "divorce process is expensive" whereas you have nothing to say about the guy who is wasting all his money on some outsider rather than caring for his wife and kids welfare. even if you want to call the wife a cow (God knows what she did wrong beside maturing naturally), aren't the children human beings?

and i don't get what it is about some naija men who "work all their life" with the wife and kids standing by them enduring the hardship and pain. but once they hit it big, they want to enjoy the returns ALONE 
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by r231(m): 12:18am On Feb 07, 2010
No matter how tactfully you raise the matter, he is likely to be angry and defensive. He is also likely to become more secretive about what he's doing.
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by oyinda3(f): 12:25am On Feb 07, 2010
anyways @ topic,

I really don't have anything to say besides the fact that u have an irresponsible father. and that's just bad luck on ur part because I don't know how you will be able to talk sense into his head. but you can try. In fact, u should try since u said that he loves you. goodluck

assuming u lived in the US and are under 18, ur dad will be obliged to care for ur welfare and assume some financial responsibility for u. he brought u into the world didn't he?
but naija is a very sexist country with no rules so dunno what to say to that.
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by spoilt(f): 12:28am On Feb 07, 2010
NEWSFLASH:

your dad is not going to stop cheating because you ask politely. At this point he's in his midlife crisis and thinking with his crotch.  shocked  My point?  Let the affair run its course and by the end he will learn the time old valuable lesson of not forsaking your family for some random girl. Dont they all?
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Tatase(f): 1:43am On Feb 07, 2010
I think you're in a very difficult position between your two parents complicated further by the fact that you're a daddy's girl. I understand your wanting to talk it over with him and I would probably feel the same way in your shoes. However, I probably wouldn't say anything because ultimately, I'm the child in the relationship. It sucks to realize that your parents aren't perfect and can be pretty messed up too but it's also difficult as the child to take on the disciplinarian-chastising role. There's a delicate balance between expressing yourself and overstepping your boundaries.

I think you should try to organize hang-outs with him. Or tell him that you rarely see him anymore. Or that you worry when he doesn't come home, that sort of thing. Don't overtly go in and let him know you know about the other woman. Talk about what your real issue is, you and your siblings feel a little abandonned like you're not as close to him as you were before. As much as you want to mention the other woman, unfortunately it's not your place to do anything but pray and be supportive to your mom and give your input only upon request. Sorry o, the whole situation sucks!
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by aloyemeka2: 2:07am On Feb 07, 2010
ayettymama:

lolz

no amt of prenup could save tiger in a divorce case!!

the woman has two kids for him

and theyve been together 6yrs
prenup isnt foreva!


he wouldve just lost half his money!!

hehehehehehe the man is a monkey!
im guessin thats why they decided to work it out

but u dont no what happens in his life
so u cant really spk for him
how do unno maybe the woman chose to turn a blind eye to his desires??
prob why hes in clinic now sef
instead of the woman to try and change too!

men are diff and thier reasons for cheatin are diff
cos most of them are monkeys! but as an adult wiv children
i think fustrations drive most of them-

Oh yes they can. The woman is back like I predicted after talking to her lawyers. Tiger has an IRONCLAD prenup and not even a 20 year old marriage can guarantee her 30% of his asset. If she had taken the decision to divorce him, she would have been just any baby mama out there collecting fat child support. Tiger's prenup is so harsh that the max she can get in a 10 year marriage is $15M without any alimony.

I know she will stay after all she went there in the first place because of the money and she must find the money before leaving him. I am thinking she may demand for a prenup update or hang in there for 10 years, get an abuse rap on his head which will make Tiger to rush and settle beyond the prenup.
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by aloyemeka2: 2:10am On Feb 07, 2010
kissmylips:

HI,

  my dad is havin an affair outside n d chic is really eatin him,dat he doesnt care about us again.

am realy connfused,do i talk to him politely or quarel hm.

he was paid he's salary yes ter day,he left home n he is yet to come bck home.

i am nt angry dat he is cheating on my mum oh,bt d fact dat he doesnt care about his children,dats realy bad.

Sorry to hear that. Just pray for him because he may not know what he is doing. Also study your mom and see how she is treating him. Men bottle their emotions and do not talk like  women. If your mom is making him miserable, he may decide to take refuge elsewhere instead of yapping about it. That is men for you but women always shout on top of their voice thinking that it will get their point across without knowing that it worsens the situation.

At least, women will give you series of verbal warning before they leave you but men prefers to leave without warning. That is just their nature.
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by GL(f): 2:26am On Feb 07, 2010
Outstrip:


Like I said to each family their own. It is definitely about standards. The man is cheating and flaunting it. It is definitely about standards. If any case shows it it is this one. She does not need to know who her dad is screwing or how he did it. No one needs the gory details but they should not act like he is a victim her.
What do you mean by "another couple" as if these are not her parents. Cheating is a form of abuse. When you abuse your spouse you abuse your children. So please don't water down what I said. I mean what I say and I say what I mean. I don't know how she will get the message across but their father needs to know that they are aware and they are disappointed and that they expected more from him and they are standing solidly behind Mom. No matter how old you get your parents are still your parents and not just for mouth. They should be an example.
I don't know what you mean by bullying here. Please I cannot laugh. My parents always held us to a higher standard as a matter of  it was ridiculous most times and I find that that is why I hold my father so high. He is human so I am sure that he will make mistakes but I will call him out on it. That is what he taught me. Should my father ever do such a thing I know he would be ashamed for his children to know. The fact that her father simply does not care if the children knows says a lot. To make it worse you guys are telling them to do family picnics and pretend that nothing happened. Why in the world do we have family then? Please abeg enough of the fakeness. If it was the wife that cheated nobody would be saying family pictures and picnics. I have heard it all now.



i also don't understand why posters want her to pet the man. if it was a woman cheating everyone would be talking about how irresponsible the woman is. now it's the man we're blaming it on jazz and midlife crisis.
i agree that when a man abuses his wife it affects the children. it's hard to be in such a home and pet the wrongdoer. the kids feel very hurt also, and i don't see why they should sweep it under the carpet. she should talk to her father, and talk to him well.
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by psman(f): 3:03am On Feb 07, 2010
kissmylips thikng about the resion why your dad have afire , thing ask your self , cause he is not getting what he want form your mum i sorry dear
its happen cause , man also have limt , and your papa is also a man first then husband and then father. man have needs too , its not the overnight
he chang his mind . find the cause about this,
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by chiogo(f): 3:04am On Feb 07, 2010
Na wa for these replies.
Poster, you say you don't mind him cheating on your mom? Are you for real?
You do realize cheating also brings about STD's, right? So if he contracts AIDS and gives it to your mom, you still don't mind? I'm just saying.
At least he should make up his mind if it's divorce he wants rather than playing that "I-can-have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too" game.

Anyway, many people here are just yarning dust, which kain yeye respect for a cheating father? puhlease!!! If he was bold enough to cheat, you should also be bold enough to tell him as it is.
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by samsoft(m): 4:54am On Feb 07, 2010
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Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Abekeade08(f): 5:36am On Feb 07, 2010
Eyin Nairalanders, make una leave Matter for Mathias joh.

@kissmylips, How old are you? If you are in secondary school or university, please find where this woman lives so you can watch her movements, pack your friends and beat the living daylights out of her. What arrant nonsense, Make sure you are not involved ooh, but tell your friend that one of them should act like another girlfriend of your father and leave her a stern message that she should stop seeing your father, and that if she keeps seeing him, the violence against her will escalate. (If I was the one cheating with your father, no one will tell me to run away before they disfigure me with beatings) grin

She will think your pops has other girlfriends responsible for the beatings. This should absolve you of responsibility when your father finds out about her beating. This will of course not stop your father from cheating, but should chase away the leech chopping your fathers money.
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Outstrip(f): 5:42am On Feb 07, 2010
How will that stop her dad from moving to the next one
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by ec3l(m): 6:34am On Feb 07, 2010
Hey, i'm really sorry about ur situation. I've been there, so i know how it feels.
It could have helped if we knew u and ur siblings' age, coz that would kinda determine what step u should take.
I know this may sound crazy but a dad who wouldnt take care of his kids coz of some biatch is not a dad.
How does he expect u guys to scale through? Even if ur mum pushed him outside, he shouldnt take it out on his kids. He loves u, u say but i cant understand how a dad who loves u wouldnt take care of u. Doesnt make sense. I'm not trying to point out everything wrong wit ur dad ok? Its just really sad.
Now i suggest talking to dad 1st, alone just the 2 of u. Dont make any threats, just talk sense. Let ur words be backed wit ur emotions. If that doesnt work, let ur siblings know what's up, then u guys can meet with him but this time more firm. If he wants to continue the affair, he's got to do what's right by u guys. He brought u into this world, he should take care of u all. If that doesnt work, tell mum but dont fight him. Just let him go, he's not worth it. If he could abandon his kids, his family, his world for some p.u.ssy, u got no use of him, and believe me one day, he'd come home on all fours. U guys just figure out how to move on without him. No violence, pray. God be with u.
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by hymen(f): 6:54am On Feb 07, 2010
My advice would depend on which part of the world you're in. . . .

If in Nigeria,kindly follow the advice below and include some anonymous blackmailing letters or text messages to your philandering dad!
Abekeade08:

@kissmylips, How old are you? If you are in secondary school or university, please find where this woman lives so you can watch her movements, pack your friends and beat the living daylights out of her. What arrant nonsense, Make sure you are not involved ooh, but tell your friend that one of them should act like another girlfriend of your father and leave her a stern message that she should stop seeing your father, and that if she keeps seeing him, the violence against her will escalate. (If I was the one cheating with your father, no one will tell me to run away before they disfigure me with beatings) grin
She will think your pops has other girlfriends responsible for the beatings. This should absolve you of responsibility when your father finds out about her beating. This will of course not stop your father from cheating, but should chase away the leech chopping your fathers money.


If outside,naija. . .I would move you involve some respectable pastor or Imam (depending on your beliefs).

As per those who believe a woman can cast a spell or 'jazz' a man. . . I need some actual examples.

I strongly doubt it. . . . .people get infatuated/fall in love. . .has little to do with 'jazz'. . . . . IMO smiley
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Eastbay: 7:02am On Feb 07, 2010
@Outstrip,
I think you're one of the few people being rational here.
You have the whole thing about family relationships dpwn to an art.
People saying children should mind their business is ridiculous.If my parents brought me into this world,that doesn't mean they are not accountable for their actions.Cheating is cheating.If my dad cheats,he loses my respect.Muuch the same way he would be disappointed if I stole and was caught and punished in public.
We in Nigeria are obsessed with this respect thing:our parents can't do wrong.But like you rightly said,if your parents don't expect you to bring shame to the family,they should also not bring shame to the family as well,and having extra-marital affairs is the height of cheating in my book.If my father cheats on the outside,he has lost his moral authority as a father,and therefore my respect.
The Bible that most of us thump but hardly ever read and understand says that Fathers (parents) should not anger their children into sinning but rather train them in a godly way (to paraphrase it),but most parents skip that part,only remembering where the same passage says children should obey their parents.
The thing about jazz is utter gibberrish.Like you said,people use it as an alibi,but in the end there is no accountability.Parents don't see the need to be accountable to their families.As for having peace conferences,it won't work.Calling the cheating party out is the right thing to do.If things degenerate from there,it's the fault of the philanderer,not you who tried to have him account for his misdeeds.
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by segzicres(m): 7:25am On Feb 07, 2010
i have a father lyk dt. he has a 2nd wife now n theres always a reason he's cheating. talk to mum n ask her how her marriage is? then ur dad then try to solve their problem 4 them. the'yll listen to u trust me.
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Saraha1(f): 7:41am On Feb 07, 2010
Talking to ur dad politely wil be good .and pls do it wit maturity, so dat he would? say ur mum sent you .
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by bist: 8:42am On Feb 07, 2010
Ur dad is mess.ed up my dear. Just pray dat God 4givs hiz damned soul.

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