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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? (12422 Views)
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My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Nobody: 2:22pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
HI, my dad is havin an affair outside n d chic is really eatin him,dat he doesnt care about us again. am realy connfused,do i talk to him politely or quarel hm. he was paid he's salary yes ter day,he left home n he is yet to come bck home. i am nt angry dat he is cheating on my mum oh,bt d fact dat he doesnt care about his children,dats realy bad. |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Nobody: 2:46pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
talk to him politely or quarrel him?! no matter what this person does you have to always remember that he is your father and should give him that respect. if he is loosing his mind because of sweet young toto then you have to try to understand his position"as an adult" before making a fool out of yourself. politely talking to your dad might be a good idea but you have to make sure that you express your feelings the right way. dont mention your mother in your plea and focus on letting him know how he is hurting his children well being (thats even if he cares to listen). i am pretty sure he already knows but dont really care (especially if that gf of his is 15yrs or younger than him). many older guys out there also go through whats called a mid-life crisis and unfortunately there is not much to help in that case. i would suggest you start looking for a job to take care of your needs (possibly family needs too) and probably move out of the family home as that person seems not to care about y'all well being. |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Nobody: 3:07pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
dont tell your mom yet please. and do not walk away either pull your dad over to the side and maybe cry a little so he'll feel sorry for you. I no that seems shallow but its worth a try and a real father will always feel the pain and agony of his child tears. |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Nobody: 3:08pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
my dad loves me the most,maybe i will try talking to him 4st,then see wat happens nxt. 1 Like |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Fhemmmy: 3:09pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
I will advice to talk to him politely and with respect, cos he is your father and one curse is all it takes. besides, why would you wanna tell your mother? better to talk to you Dad and let him know you feel about what he has done. Good luck |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Nobody: 3:13pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
kissmylips:then there's hope go try that girl and see what happend. I wish you all the best. 1 Like |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Fhemmmy: 3:16pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
rokiatu: Seconded |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by ayettymama(f): 3:34pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
Whatever you do do not interfere with his life that will aggravate the situation remember he might have been charmed him cheating has nothing to do with you just make sure its not upsetting your mother you need to remind him of his responsibilities in the house remain good and treat him kindly arrange family getogethers and picnics go out and take photos and put them everywhere in the hse take up all his time u are his family have fun together let him be happy with all of you family are sposed to spend time together and share stories and jokes help him with his work, help him out around the hse dont be too demanding, be understanding he might be cheating because of the fustrations at home |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Remii(m): 3:35pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
Your father may not listen, he may think you are fighting for your mum. I think you should remove the distraction I mean the girl. Try to identify her , if she has other affairs, then you can prove to your father that he is being used so on his own may drop her. But he if your father is looking for a second wife, , be prepared, |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by snowdrops(m): 3:48pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
Men will always be men. Rather than be reactionary why not tackle the root cause. No man enjoys extramarital affair. There must have been something that pushed him into it. That said, he is not a child and should take responsibility for any decision he makes. Leave him to his mess and let his conscience push him back home. |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Fhemmmy: 3:51pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
snowdrops: Not in all cases. |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by snowdrops(m): 3:56pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
Fhemmmy:Trust me on this. I am a man and have friends who are and have been there. On the surface, they may look contented or not bothered, but deep down they are miserable. Its a creepy life sneaking behind your family/loved ones for away games. That said, there must have been a void in his family life that he thought would be or expecting to be filled by this extra-marital affair. |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Fhemmmy: 3:59pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
snowdrops: Inasmuch as i do agree with you, there are still some men, that just enjoy doing it. have you heard of what is said, that give some men a queen, then still wanna do the house-help for no reason, some just see it as a conquest |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by snowdrops(m): 4:04pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
You ve got a point. |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Fhemmmy: 4:18pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
snowdrops: See Tiger woods, what reason could he have. he could divorce, cos he has a prenup already. |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by ayettymama(f): 4:43pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
lolz no amt of prenup could save tiger in a divorce case!! the woman has two kids for him and theyve been together 6yrs prenup isnt foreva! he wouldve just lost half his money!! hehehehehehe the man is a monkey! im guessin thats why they decided to work it out but u dont no what happens in his life so u cant really spk for him how do unno maybe the woman chose to turn a blind eye to his desires?? prob why hes in clinic now sef instead of the woman to try and change too! men are diff and thier reasons for cheatin are diff cos most of them are monkeys! but as an adult wiv children i think fustrations drive most of them- |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Fhemmmy: 4:50pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
ayettymama: The pre-nup is still in place. However, what we saying here is that, he had no reason for his action, than just wanna have fun |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Nobody: 4:54pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
snowdrops: man first you have to understand that people cheat on their spouse for different reasons. so each and everyone is different. to say that NO MAN ENJOY CHEATING is a damn lie. which old guy s.hagging a young UNI student will not enjoy the experience? especially if the wifey has put on extra weight due to multiple pregnancies and the toto has passed the "tokunbo stage" many men out there are miserable in their marriage but yet stick to it because of family, children and the pressure of being seen as a bad person in the society where they live. i can show you many instances where men would have divorced their spouse if the process wasnt such a pain in the neck and a possible huge financial loss. believe me, if you have worked all your life, reach a certain comfort in life, the last thing they want is to loose it all because of the |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by ayettymama(f): 4:56pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
Fhemmmy: how are u soo sure of that?? regardless of what the woman has signed he will lose half his money! or over a quarter at least! minus money for the children! even the one with no kids married for less than that get money but im wonder how ur soo sure he was gettin any at home?? i mean crucify him if u must but what did he see in the stew before he decided to taste the ash?? |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Nobody: 4:58pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
as for Tiger "donkey" Woods, he has to pay up because if he even think of not paying her a "fair" amount, the media is going to crucify him and he will have no sponsors on his side at the end of the ordeal. . . . . .and no sponsors means no money! |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by kokoye(m): 5:32pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
ayettymama: Wow, did you cough this up or you were spoonfed with it? I'm not used to seeing such replies from you. If this is all you, I dough my hat. Nice advice. |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by iz2much: 5:40pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
talk 2 him. and pray he listens |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Fhemmmy: 5:53pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
ayettymama: It is on the news, however, Tiger will be able to afford to pay her all she wants. However, if the divorce would have been before all the news of his numerous mistress broke out, he would have been pitied by few people, but all the way he has messed around, he is a dead man walking. MRbrownJAY: Very true |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Outstrip(f): 6:38pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
I don't even know what to tell you because I know that if my Dad ever even dared I would not even bother addressing him as my father. When you cheat on your wife you cheat on your children. If the children stand solidly behind their mother then the man might buckle up and stop acting like a 15 yr old child. All this talk to him gently and pet him on his head is ridiculous. 1 Like |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by kokoye(m): 6:46pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
Outstrip: If you wont talk to him, at least pray for him if you truly love him. Dont forget there might be influences and evil forces at work. In Nigeria especially. |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by ayettymama(f): 6:52pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
Outstrip: loooool ive seen people do that countless times and seen it break homes countless times in some cases 'two wrongs dont make a right' the children have no idea what is goin on btn the parents so they cant just interfere and take sides its a recipe for disaster!! as long as u dont no wats drivin the man away u shouldnt assume u can bully him into comin back! |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Fhemmmy: 7:04pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
Outstrip: That will be the biggest mistake and the most childish thing you ever done. Granted, the man has wronged you and not good what he did, but he is still your father, no matter what and he deserves your respect, if you wont respect him as a father cos of what he has done, u cld at least find out why, talk to him, cos u never know, that cld be the life saver 1 Like |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Outstrip(f): 7:14pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
ayettymama: To each their own. Unless he is ready to tell me that my mother cheated on him and even worse yet he has neglected his duties as a father. To each their own. My father always held us to a higher standard and I do the same to him. I will stand solidly behind my mother as I am sure mu other siblings will without a doubt. When you do such a thing you wrong the whole family not just the wife. How did the child get to even know. To the point that she knows that her father got paid and is somewhere spending it on some chick. That is shameful but like I said all families are different. The man has to be held accountable. I WILL STAND SOLIDLY BEHIND MY MOTHER. If that pisses him off and he decides to not acknowledge the family then he was not ready to be a father in the first place. This is an opportunity for the mother to teach her children a lesson in life. They will most likely still be husband and wife at the end of the day but all this babying the man as if what he did is not shameful is beyond me. 1 Like |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Nobody: 7:16pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
Outstrip: what kind of BS statement is that?! a man cheating on his wife can still perform his fathers duties PERFECTLY. its only his husbands duties that he is failing. your father is an adult and you should probably treat him as such. he knows what is good for him so accept your father for who he is rather than trying to have him be the one you want him to be for your selfish needs. as i always say: better be separated and happy than stay married and be miserable. if a couple is unhappy together they should divorce pronto but its because of kids(probably like yourself) that many stay together in misery. should your father also be sexually miserable for the rest of his life because you dont like to see him with other women than your mother?! |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Outstrip(f): 7:17pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
kokoye: I agree with praying here before you address an elderly person in the family. Wehave had to do interventions in my extended family and many times we prayed before addressing it with the person. I am not buying that whole mamiwater made him do it though. The prayers are more like let them receive the message with wisdom and stuff like that. I get the whole prayer thing |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by ayettymama(f): 7:20pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
MRbrownJAY: looooooooooool well im guessin she means cos the guy is not takin care of his kids but ur right alot of men cheat and nobody ever knows!!! she just believes children=mother has no idea!! nuttin concern u with another couples life i mean in ur own ways u could encourage ur parents to draw closer but bullying ur dad will just make him run away its nothing to do with standards its to do with ur level of understandig and maturity |
Re: My Dad Is Having An Affair:Do I Talk To Him Politely? by Nobody: 7:27pm On Feb 05, 2010 |
ayettymama: children should never try to interfere with their parents business. its their ishhhh and nobody else's. trying to force a father to do what YOU think is the "right thing" by standing by the mother is wrong. . . . . . especially if you dont fully know why that man decided to do what he did. |
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