HI,

my dad is havin an affair outside n d chic is really eatin him,dat he doesnt care about us again.

am realy connfused,do i talk to him politely or quarel hm.

he was paid he's salary yes ter day,he left home n he is yet to come bck home.

i am nt angry dat he is cheating on my mum oh,bt d fact dat he doesnt care about his children,dats realy bad.

talk to him politely or quarrel him?!  no matter what this person does you have to always remember that he is your father and should give him that respect. if he is loosing his mind because of sweet young toto then you have to try to understand his position"as an adult" before making a fool out of yourself.

politely talking to your dad might be a good idea but you have to make sure that you express your feelings the right way. dont mention your mother in your plea and focus on letting him know how he is hurting his children well being (thats even if he cares to listen).

i am pretty sure he already knows but dont really care (especially if that gf of his is 15yrs or younger than him).
many older guys out there also go through  whats called a mid-life crisis and unfortunately there is not much to help in that case.
i would suggest you start looking for a job to take care of your needs (possibly family needs too) and probably move out of the family home as that person seems not to care about y'all well being.

dont tell your mom yet please. and do not walk away either pull your dad over to the side and maybe cry a little so he'll feel sorry for you.
I no that seems shallow but its worth a try and a real father will always feel the pain and agony of his child
tears.

my dad loves me the most,maybe i will try talking to him 4st,then see wat happens nxt.

I will advice to talk to him politely and with respect, cos he is your father and one curse is all it takes.
besides, why would you wanna tell your mother? better to talk to you Dad and let him know you feel about what he has done.
Good luck

kissmylips:

[b]my dad loves me the most,[/b]maybe i will try talking to him 4st,then see wat happens nxt.

then there's hope go try that girl and see what happend. I wish you all the best.

rokiatu:

then there's hope go try that girl and see what what happend. I wish you all the best.

Seconded

Whatever you do do not interfere with his life

that will aggravate the situation

remember he might have been charmed

him cheating has nothing to do with you

just make sure its not upsetting your mother

you need to remind him of his responsibilities in the house

remain good and treat him kindly

arrange family getogethers and picnics

go out and take photos and put them everywhere in the hse

take up all his time u are his family have fun together

let him be happy with all of you

family are sposed to spend time together and share stories and jokes

help him with his work, help him out around the hse
dont be too demanding, be understanding
he might be cheating because of the fustrations at home

Your father may not listen, he may think you are fighting for your mum. I think you should remove the distraction I mean the girl. Try to identify her , if she has other affairs, then you can prove to your father that he is being used so on his own may drop her. But he if your father is looking for a second wife, , be prepared,

Men will always be men.
Rather than be reactionary why not tackle the root cause.
No man enjoys extramarital affair. There must have been something that pushed him into it.

That said, he is not a child and should take responsibility for any decision he makes.
Leave him to his mess and let his conscience push him back home.

snowdrops:

Men will always be men.
Rather than be reactionary why not tackle the root cause.
No man enjoys extramarital affair. There must have been something that pushed him into it.

That said, he is not a child and should take responsibility for any decision he makes.
Leave him to his mess and let his conscience push him back home.

Not in all cases.

Fhemmmy:

Not in all cases.

Trust me on this. I am a man and have friends who are and have been there.
On the surface, they may look contented or not bothered, but deep down they are miserable.
Its a creepy life sneaking behind your family/loved ones for away games.
That said, there must have been a void in his family life that he thought would be or expecting to be filled by this extra-marital affair.

snowdrops:

Trust me on this. I am a man and have friends who are and have been there.
On the surface, they may look contented or not bothered, but deep down they are miserable.
Its a creepy life sneaking behind your family/loved ones for away games.
That said, there must have been a void in his family life that he thought would be or expecting to be filled by this extra-marital affair.

Inasmuch as i do agree with you, there are still some men, that just enjoy doing it.
have you heard of what is said, that give some men a queen, then still wanna do the house-help for no reason, some just see it as a conquest

You ve got a point.

snowdrops:

You ve got a point.

See Tiger woods, what reason could he have.
he could divorce, cos he has a prenup already.

lolz

no amt of prenup could save tiger in a divorce case!!

the woman has two kids for him

and theyve been together 6yrs
prenup isnt foreva!

he wouldve just lost half his money!!

hehehehehehe the man is a monkey!
im guessin thats why they decided to work it out

but u dont no what happens in his life
so u cant really spk for him
how do unno maybe the woman chose to turn a blind eye to his desires??
prob why hes in clinic now sef
instead of the woman to try and change too!

men are diff and thier reasons for cheatin are diff
cos most of them are monkeys! but as an adult wiv children
i think fustrations drive most of them-

ayettymama:

lolz

no amt of prenup could save tiger in a divorce case!!

the woman has two kids for him

and theyve been together 6yrs
prenup isnt foreva!

he wouldve just lost half his money!!

hehehehehehe the man is a monkey!
im guessin thats why they decided to work it out

but u dont no what happens in his life
so u cant really spk for him
how do unno maybe the woman chose to turn a blind eye to his desires??
prob why hes in clinic now sef
instead of the woman to try and change too!

men are diff and thier reasons for cheatin are diff
cos most of them are monkeys! but as an adult wiv children
i think fustrations drive most of them-

The pre-nup is still in place.
However, what we saying here is that, he had no reason for his action, than just wanna have fun

snowdrops:

No man enjoys extramarital affair. There must have been something that pushed him into it.

man first you have to understand that people cheat on their spouse for different reasons. so each and everyone is different. to say that NO MAN ENJOY CHEATING is a damn lie.
which old guy s.hagging a young UNI student will not enjoy the experience? especially if the wifey has put on extra weight due to multiple pregnancies and the toto has passed the "tokunbo stage"

many men out there are miserable in their marriage but yet stick to it because of family, children and the pressure of being seen as a bad person in the society where they live.

i can show you many instances where men would have divorced their spouse if the process wasnt such a pain in the neck and a possible huge financial loss. believe me, if you have worked all your life, reach a certain comfort in life, the last thing they want is to loose it all because of the cow wifey sleeping next to them.

Fhemmmy:

The pre-nup is still in place.
However, what we saying here is that, he had no reason for his action, than just wanna have fun

how are u soo sure of that??

regardless of what the woman has signed

he will lose half his money!
or over a quarter at least!
minus money for the children!

even the one with no kids married for less than that get money
but im wonder how ur soo sure
he was gettin any at home??
i mean crucify him if u must

but what did he see in the stew
before he decided to taste the ash??

as for Tiger "donkey" Woods, he has to pay up because if he even think of not paying her a "fair" amount, the media is going to crucify him and he will have no sponsors on his side at the end of the ordeal. . . . . .and no sponsors means no money!

ayettymama:

Whatever you do do not interfere with his life

that will aggravate the situation

remember he might have been charmed

him cheating has nothing to do with you

just make sure its not upsetting your mother

you need to remind him of his responsibilities in the house

remain good and treat him kindly

arrange family getogethers and picnics

go out and take photos and put them everywhere in the hse

take up all his time u are his family have fun together

let him be happy with all of you

family are sposed to spend time together and share stories and jokes

help him with his work, help him out around the hse
dont be too demanding, be understanding
he might be cheating because of the fustrations at home

Wow, did you cough this up or you were spoonfed with it? I'm not used to seeing such replies from you.

If this is all you, I dough my hat.

Nice advice.

talk 2 him. and pray he listens

ayettymama:

how are u soo sure of that??

regardless of what the woman has signed

he will lose half his money!
or over a quarter at least!
minus money for the children!

even the one with no kids married for less than that get money
but im wonder how your soo sure
he was gettin any at home??
i mean crucify him if u must

but what did he see in the stew
before he decided to taste the ash??

It is on the news, however, Tiger will be able to afford to pay her all she wants.
However, if the divorce would have been before all the news of his numerous mistress broke out, he would have been pitied by few people, but all the way he has messed around, he is a dead man walking.

MRbrownJAY:

as for Tiger "donkey" Woods, he has to pay up because if he even think of not paying her a "fair" amount, the media is going to crucify him and he will have no sponsors on his side at the end of the ordeal. . . . . .and no sponsors means no money!

Very true

I don't even know what to tell you because I know that if my Dad ever even dared I would not even bother addressing him as my father. When you cheat on your wife you cheat on your children. If the children stand solidly behind their mother then the man might buckle up and stop acting like a 15 yr old child. All this talk to him gently and pet him on his head is ridiculous.

Outstrip:

I don't even know what to tell you because I know that if my Dad ever even dared I would not even bother addressing him as my father. When you cheat on your wife you cheat on your children. If the children stand solidly behind their mother then the man might buckle up and stop acting like a 15 yr old child. All this talk to him gently and pet him on his head is ridiculous.

If you wont talk to him, at least pray for him if you truly love him. Dont forget there might be influences and evil forces at work. In Nigeria especially.

Outstrip:

I don't even know what to tell you because I know that if my Dad ever even dared I would not even bother addressing him as my father. When you cheat on your wife you cheat on your children. If the children stand solidly behind their mother then the man might buckle up and stop acting like a 15 yr old child. All this talk to him gently and pet him on his head is ridiculous.

loooool

ive seen people do that countless times

and seen it break homes countless times

in some cases 'two wrongs dont make a right'

the children have no idea what is goin on btn the parents

so they cant just interfere and take sides
its a recipe for disaster!!

as long as u dont no wats drivin the man away
u shouldnt assume u can bully him into comin back!

Outstrip:

I don't even know what to tell you because I know that if my Dad ever even dared I would not even bother addressing him as my father. When you cheat on your wife you cheat on your children. If the children stand solidly behind their mother then the man might buckle up and stop acting like a 15 yr old child. All this talk to him gently and pet him on his head is ridiculous.

That will be the biggest mistake and the most childish thing you ever done.
Granted, the man has wronged you and not good what he did, but he is still your father, no matter what and he deserves your respect, if you wont respect him as a father cos of what he has done, u cld at least find out why, talk to him, cos u never know, that cld be the life saver

ayettymama:


loooool

ive seen people do that countless times

and seen it break homes countless times

in some cases 'two wrongs dont make a right'

the children have no idea what is goin on btn the parents

so they cant just interfere and take sides
its a recipe for disaster!!

as long as u dont no wats drivin the man away
u shouldnt assume u can bully him into comin back!

To each their own. Unless he is ready to tell me that my mother cheated on him and even worse yet he has neglected his duties as a father. To each their own. My father always held us to a higher standard and I do the same to him. I will stand solidly behind my mother as I am sure mu other siblings will without a doubt. When you do such a thing you wrong the whole family not just the wife. How did the child get to even know. To the point that she knows that her father got paid and is somewhere spending it on some chick. That is shameful but like I said all families are different. The man has to be held accountable. I WILL STAND SOLIDLY BEHIND MY MOTHER. If that pisses him off and he decides to not acknowledge the family then he was not ready to be a father in the first place. This is an opportunity for the mother to teach her children a lesson in life. They will most likely still be husband and wife at the end of the day but all this babying the man as if what he did is not shameful is beyond me.

Outstrip:

I don't even know what to tell you because I know that if my Dad ever even dared I would not even bother addressing him as my father. When you cheat on your wife you cheat on your children. If the children stand solidly behind their mother then the man might buckle up and stop acting like a 15 yr old child. All this talk to him gently and pet him on his head is ridiculous.

what kind of BS statement is that?! a man cheating on his wife can still perform his fathers duties PERFECTLY. its only his husbands duties that he is failing.
your father is an adult and you should probably treat him as such. he knows what is good for him so accept your father for who he is rather than trying to have him be the one you want him to be for your selfish needs.

as i always say: better be separated and happy than stay married and be miserable.
if a couple is unhappy together they should divorce pronto but its because of kids(probably like yourself) that many stay together in misery. should your father also be sexually miserable for the rest of his life because you dont like to see him with other women than your mother?!

kokoye:

If you wont talk to him, at least pray for him if you truly love him. Dont forget there might be influences and evil forces at work. In Nigeria especially.

I agree with praying here before you address an elderly person in the family. Wehave had to do interventions in my extended family and many times we prayed before addressing it with the person. I am not buying that whole mamiwater made him do it though. The prayers are more like let them receive the message with wisdom and stuff like that. I get the whole prayer thing

MRbrownJAY:

what kind of BS statement is that?! a man cheating on his wife can still perform his fathers duties PERFECTLY. its only his husbands duties that he is failing.
your father is an adult and you should probably treat him as such. he knows what is good for him so accept your father for who he is rather than trying to have him be the one you want him to be for your selfish needs.

as i always say: better be separated and happy than stay married and be miserable.
if a couple is unhappy together they should divorce pronto but its because of kids(probably like yourself) that many stay together in misery. should your father also be sexually miserable for the rest of his life because you dont like to see him with other women than your mother?!

looooooooooool

well im guessin she means cos the guy is not takin care of his kids

but ur right

alot of men cheat

and nobody ever knows!!!

she just believes children=mother

has no idea!!

nuttin concern u with another couples life

i mean in ur own ways u could encourage ur parents to draw closer

but bullying ur dad will just make him run away

its nothing to do with standards

its to do with ur level of understandig and maturity

ayettymama:

looooooooooool

well im guessin she means cos the guy is not takin care of his kids

but your right

alot of men cheat

and nobody ever knows!!!

she just believes children=mother

has no idea!!

nuttin concern u with another couples life

i mean in your own ways u could encourage your parents to draw closer

but bullying your dad will just make him run away

its nothing to do with standards

its to do with your level of understandig and maturity

children should never try to interfere with their parents business. its their ishhhh and nobody else's.
trying to force a father to do what YOU think is the "right thing" by standing by the mother is wrong. . . . . . especially if you dont fully know why that man decided to do what he did.