Nerdg:
She told me of being pregnant and later had a stillbirth at the 7months.

The background.
I met her when we were teens and have always loved her. She refused me sex and along the line, her neighbor gave me (who is her relation). She learnt about this and we had our first break up.
We both got admission into different universities and couldn't see again.
We later met again and settled with a condition that there would be no sex. This didn't go down well with me and I called it off. This repeated and there was even a time I walked her out of my house because of this issue and didn't give her tfare. My house is like 1hr drive from where she lives.
The issue:
I love this girl to the extent that anytime I thought of getting married, she will come to mind.
Now I have a good job and she's done with school. I proposed to her and she accepted it.
Is about 3 months now, she came on my birthday 3 months ago. That was all. She doesn't come always because she stays with her elder brother and can't leave house just like that.

Note, we haven't had sex till now.

About 2 weeks ago, I told her about how I got a girl pregnant and we had to abort it and that since then I haven't been myself. That it pains me to this day. We talked about it and she was sorry over it.

Yesterday, we had a very deep discussion and she revealed to me that she had a relationship at school. They were together for 4yrs. I then asked her if she had ever missed her period. She said yes. But not to this school boyfriend but another man. She wanted to keep the pregnancy but her parents refused because the guy is not a good person. The guy wanted the pregnancy but her family didn't want the guy to marry her. She finally had a stillbirth at the 7th month.

I was stunned. I know she's not a virgin, she told me but I was confused. Sex had always been our problem and I never expected that she had experienced something like this. Now she asked me that she hope she won't regret telling me this. I told her no that she won't regret but I'm stunned.

Please should I still go on with this marriage?

Nerdg:
She told me of being pregnant and later had a stillbirth at the 7months.

The background.
I met her when we were teens and have always loved her. She refused me sex and along the line, her neighbor gave me (who is her relation). She learnt about this and we had our first break up.
We both got admission into different universities and couldn't see again.
We later met again and settled with a condition that there would be no sex. This didn't go down well with me and I called it off. This repeated and there was even a time I walked her out of my house because of this issue and didn't give her tfare. My house is like 1hr drive from where she lives.
The issue:
I love this girl to the extent that anytime I thought of getting married, she will come to mind.
Now I have a good job and she's done with school. I proposed to her and she accepted it.
Is about 3 months now, she came on my birthday 3 months ago. That was all. She doesn't come always because she stays with her elder brother and can't leave house just like that.

Note, we haven't had sex till now.

About 2 weeks ago, I told her about how I got a girl pregnant and we had to abort it and that since then I haven't been myself. That it pains me to this day. We talked about it and she was sorry over it.

Yesterday, we had a very deep discussion and she revealed to me that she had a relationship at school. They were together for 4yrs. I then asked her if she had ever missed her period. She said yes. But not to this school boyfriend but another man. She wanted to keep the pregnancy but her parents refused because the guy is not a good person. The guy wanted the pregnancy but her family didn't want the guy to marry her. She finally had a stillbirth at the 7th month.

I was stunned. I know she's not a virgin, she told me but I was confused. Sex had always been our problem and I never expected that she had experienced something like this. Now she asked me that she hope she won't regret telling me this. I told her no that she won't regret but I'm stunned.

Please should I still go on with this marriage?

Nerdg:


Money shouldn't be part of this, I think? However, I foot her bills and she's very comfortable with it

Inanna:
You're very silly. You fuçked her relation, got another girl pregnant and made the girl to abort for you, broke up with your girl severally because she didn't want to satisfy your dirty urges, basically treated her like shît. Now she was honest enough to tell you her own little secret which is very mild compared to what you've done.
In all honesty, you don't deserve that girl. Go and look for someone in the same category as slime as you.

hadex90:
One Word, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE...the only reason she told u was because virginity cannot be hide from ur husband. i swear there is more to her than what she revealed. i hate hypocrite MOFOS

LolaO:
You don't even love her, all you want is to sleep with her, I can't count the number of times you mentioned "SEX" alone

You both are cut from the same cloth, you have no right to judge her. Forgive her the same way she forgave you.
Happy Married Life in Advance (with no more dark secrets, hopefully)

Nerdg:
She told me of being pregnant and later had a stillbirth at the 7months.

The background.
I met her when we were teens and have always loved her. She refused me sex and along the line, her neighbor gave me (who is her relation). She learnt about this and we had our first break up.
We both got admission into different universities and couldn't see again.
We later met again and settled with a condition that there would be no sex. This didn't go down well with me and I called it off. This repeated and there was even a time I walked her out of my house because of this issue and didn't give her tfare. My house is like 1hr drive from where she lives.
The issue:
I love this girl to the extent that anytime I thought of getting married, she will come to mind.
Now I have a good job and she's done with school. I proposed to her and she accepted it.
Is about 3 months now, she came on my birthday 3 months ago. That was all. She doesn't come always because she stays with her elder brother and can't leave house just like that.

Note, we haven't had sex till now.

About 2 weeks ago, I told her about how I got a girl pregnant and we had to abort it and that since then I haven't been myself. That it pains me to this day. We talked about it and she was sorry over it.

Yesterday, we had a very deep discussion and she revealed to me that she had a relationship at school. They were together for 4yrs. I then asked her if she had ever missed her period. She said yes. But not to this school boyfriend but another man. She wanted to keep the pregnancy but her parents refused because the guy is not a good person. The guy wanted the pregnancy but her family didn't want the guy to marry her. She finally had a stillbirth at the 7th month.

I was stunned. I know she's not a virgin, she told me but I was confused. Sex had always been our problem and I never expected that she had experienced something like this. Now she asked me that she hope she won't regret telling me this. I told her no that she won't regret but I'm stunned.

Please should I still go on with this marriage?

Frankyboy1:
I pray you scroll down enough to read my message! Forget what kids are saying down there, I am a man who has been in the game long enough to advise you. DON'T MARRY HER! You have always loved her and she has been ur childhood crush and your kind of ideal woman all along, but she is not who you thought she was all this while! She is not and has never been in love with you neither is she naturally attracted to you! She likes you enough to MARRY you, cause as a woman you foot the bill and the time is right, but for her withstanding you sexually all these years,but was dishing it out to someone else and even insisted on keeping the child outside wedlock! Ogbeni that is the man she really loved! A woman that loves you and is sexually active,can't withstand ur advances for years even when she knows you were genuine about her! Find a girl who loves you for you, and has good moral standards,but her knees grow weak at ur touch or advances! If not you 're marrying a woman whom after a while ur sexual advances might even irritate her! Sexuality and raw chemistry is a big ingredient in marital relationship

madridguy:
From your write up I think she's trying to test you and see how you will react to her dark side too. She might as well be hurt to hear the dark side of you and maybe she cooked something up to see your reaction too.

My observation though.

Inanna:
You're very silly. You fuçked her relation, got another girl pregnant and made the girl to abort for you, broke up with your girl severally because she didn't want to satisfy your dirty urges, basically treated her like shît. Now she was honest enough to tell you her own little secret which is very mild compared to what you've done.
In all honesty, you don't deserve that girl. Go and look for someone in the same category as slime as you.

NoToPile:
Lool, you dated her while you both were teens and you expected she will give you sex ? Orishirishi.

I am an advocate of no sex before marriage but I think she was wise enough not to have sex in her teenage years, a smart teenager won't have sex simple.

She got to the university became more matured and entered a 4 year relationship and ended up having sex, getting pregnant and having a still birth and you are pissed that she had sex with 2 other people.

Did you expect her to sleep with you as a teenager.

I can see some boys shouting she doesn't love u, she's there for your money blablabla as if they will encourage any of their teenage sisters to be having sex up and down.


Your major problem is not the still birth because its not even a secret not to talk of being dark, your challenge is that she didn't sleep with you while you were dating and then went ahead to sleep with someone else years later and that is something you can't deal with but you expect her to deal with your sleeping with her relation and you aborting a baby with another girl.

She's smart for saying no marriage no sex because it seems that sex itself is your problem.

So you wanted to be having sex with a girl as a teenager abi and you are pissed of she didn't give u but slept with others years later,

What won't I hear on Nairaland.


Either way No sex before marriage will have sorted all this matter out. That's still the best in all situations.

Nerdg:


Did you read the part I said all our break-ups were because she refused sex with me. Why do she do this? My problem is why we had issues because of sex and she's getting it somewhere else?

whitebeard:
Op u also aborted a pregnancy, abeg both of u are the same, I don't know if u should marry but the way u guys are revealing secrets to yourselves is also a good sign.

Nerdg:


You're capturing the part you like. However, I wish you can understand the theme rather than a paragraph. Let me help, we had many break-ups only because I tried to have sex with her. Meanwhile she's already sexually active. That's the problem not the stillbirth

Originalsly:
Bro... this is called security...and my view is that's her primary interest in you. Sex with you has been off limits... fine with others... but not you....red flags waving in your face. She had a bf.. but got pregnant by another man... what does that tell you? Do you really think marriage will change all of this? ...she'll be a different person? As she is in confession mode... try finding out why to date she refuses to have sex with you but have no problem doing so with others. Whatever the reason given... figure out if the same wouldn't apply after marriage.
If in the end... you decide to follow your heart and go blind into marriage hoping for the best.... abeg...before you leap. .. take her to a reputable hospital and have her tested for HIV, herpes and gonorrhea. I have the feeling she is seriously infected and is sparing your life by not having sex with you. Maybe after marriage she'll confess that one....then what? Look well before you leap.

sherlockhush:
Pls read the op words properly. She dated when was in the university. Who knows by then if she is having sex.

Nerdg:


I don't think she's trying to test me



My worry is why she had always refused me sex whereas she's this exposed. Could it be because of this she accepted my proposal?