I had met my now ex-boyfriend in school, and he looked like such a simple guy with a simple life. No problems. We became best friends, and months later we got into a relationship. He told his mother about me a couple of months into us pre-dating each other, and she seemed to be ok with it as my ex had told me, she had never accepted him to be with a girl before and she had made him break up with an ex from the past. I finally got to meet her a few more months down the line, although my spirit didn't feel ready, but the first impression went well. She welcomed me with hugs, and constantly assured me to make myself comfortable, and we spent hours just talking and she looked happy. I told her I was Ghanaian and Caribbean and she didn't seem to mind, only to find out much later down the line, almost a year into our relationship she told him to break off the relationship with me. Only to find out, she has plans to set him up with another girl from her culture (she's igbo), and she feels I am messing up her plans. Not to mention I am also currently pregnant and she doesn't want me to carry to full term. So she is strongly against everything. His father likes me and doesn't care (he's Yoruba).

What am I supposed to do, why would this woman pretend for so long just to go and behave like this after taking advantage of me? Is marrying outside of your country in Nigeria that big of an issue? I don't know what I've done wrong, I didn't know these things were an issue because everything seemed fine.

skressed1:
I had met my now ex-boyfriend in school, and he looked like such a simple guy with a simple life. No problems. We became best friends, and months later we got into a relationship. He told his mother about me a couple of months into us pre-dating each other, and she seemed to be ok with it as my ex had told me, she had never accepted him to be with a girl before and she had made him break up with an ex from the past. I finally got to meet her a few more months down the line, although my spirit didn't feel ready, but the first impression went well. She welcomed me with hugs, and constantly assured me to make myself comfortable, and we spent hours just talking and she looked happy. I told her I was Ghanaian and Caribbean and she didn't seem to mind, only to find out much later down the line, almost a year into our relationship she told him to break off the relationship with me. Only to find out, she has plans to set him up with another girl from her culture (she's igbo), and she feels I am messing up her plans. Not to mention I am also currently pregnant and she doesn't want me to carry to full term. So she is strongly against everything. His father likes me and doesn't care (he's Yoruba).

What am I supposed to do, why would this woman pretend for so long just to go and behave like this after taking advantage of me? Is marrying outside of your country in Nigeria that big of an issue? I don't know what I've done wrong, I didn't know these things were an issue because everything seemed fine.

Dear, I simple, I cute, I am calm everything you want I am. My parents will accept you, I will take you to them before we start dating.

Lets hook up, I am single and willing to mingle to settle down. we can talk more via pms. What do you say?

Concentrate more on your un-born child, your bf and his father...leave the mum for now...when time comes she would have no other choice than to accept you and her grandchild...

Mind you this can only work if ur bf and his father is truthfully behind you...you can also talk the dad to convincing his wife you mothet inlaw


All the best

The mother has evil intentions, so we were warned to keep the child away from her because she doesn't even want to see the child come into the world successfully. His father remarried and his wife has been kind. But my ex is so strongly controlled by his mother so he doesn't have his own identity and she is trying to get rid of me because I'm in the way of what she's trying to do. I don't understand, why didn't she just say from the beginning that she doesn't want him to date a girl who is not one of them instead of causing all this drama

BornnAgainChild:
Concentrate more on your un-born child, your bf and his father...leave the mum for now...when time comes she would have no other choice than to accept you and her grandchild...

Mind you this can only work if ur bf and his father is truthfully behind you...you can also talk the dad to convincing his wife you mothet inlaw


All the best

I appologize on behalf of my country BUT there are reasons why things happen...

1) You are not from a country they can respect

2) Igbo and Yoruba do not mix so for the woman to be igbo n marry a yoruba man... then she is the one controlling the home else its the Father whom you claim has no issues with you that should have taken a final stand on this matter.

3) Outside USA, Germany, Italy, France, Spain Nigerians do not really think much of any other country.... in Africa Nigerians feel we are the best... tho thats not true but am just saying how it is o

4) Pregnancy outside wedlock speaks volumes over here about the upbringing of the parties nd their parents... so this is why it may be denied.

5) It is all a game of politics. So I advice you, walk away from them and give birth to your bundle of Joy in peace.

I wish you well and also next time never sleep with any dude until you know him and what his culture permits... God Bless you and your Baby.

skressed1:
I had met my now ex-boyfriend in school, and he looked like such a simple guy with a simple life. No problems. We became best friends, and months later we got into a relationship. He told his mother about me a couple of months into us pre-dating each other, and she seemed to be ok with it as my ex had told me, she had never accepted him to be with a girl before and she had made him break up with an ex from the past. I finally got to meet her a few more months down the line, although my spirit didn't feel ready, but the first impression went well. She welcomed me with hugs, and constantly assured me to make myself comfortable, and we spent hours just talking and she looked happy. I told her I was Ghanaian and Caribbean and she didn't seem to mind, only to find out much later down the line, almost a year into our relationship she told him to break off the relationship with me. Only to find out, she has plans to set him up with another girl from her culture (she's igbo), and she feels I am messing up her plans. Not to mention I am also currently pregnant and she doesn't want me to carry to full term. So she is strongly against everything. His father likes me and doesn't care (he's Yoruba).

What am I supposed to do, why would this woman pretend for so long just to go and behave like this after taking advantage of me? Is marrying outside of your country in Nigeria that big of an issue? I don't know what I've done wrong, I didn't know these things were an issue because everything seemed fine.

I didn't know. She seemed interested when I was telling her where I am from, but because I'm from a respectful family I would've thought she would be ok with it because I thought what matters more is who I am as a person, I do not account for my country because I didn't choose where I was from and respectfully, those are where my parents are from. She never expressed any issues, until now. Thank you for your kind words, God bless you also.

greatnaija01:
I appologize on behalf of my country BUT there are reasons why things happen...

1) You are not from a country they can respect

2) Igbo and Yoruba do not mix so for the woman to be igbo n marry a yoruba man... then she is the one controlling the home else its the Father whom you claim has no issues with you that should have taken a final stand on this matter.

3) Outside USA, Germany, Italy, France, Spain Nigerians do not really think much of any other country.... in Africa Nigerians feel we are the best... tho thats not true but am just saying how it is o

4) Pregnancy outside wedlock speaks volumes over here about the upbringing of the parties nd their parents... so this is why it may be denied.

5) It is all a game of politics. So I advice you, walk away from them and give birth to your bundle of Joy in peace.

I wish you well and also next time never sleep with any dude until you know him and what his culture permits... God Bless you and your Baby.

skressed1:
The mother has evil intentions, so we were warned to keep the child away from her because she doesn't even want to see the child come into the world successfully. His father remarried and his wife has been kind. But my ex is so strongly controlled by his mother so he doesn't have his own identity and she is trying to get rid of me because I'm in the way of what she's trying to do. I don't understand, why didn't she just say from the beginning that she doesn't want him to date a girl who is not one of them instead of causing all this drama

Let's take the focus from your supposed future mother in-law. What's your boyfriend's stand in the situation?. She broke off his previous relationship, then she's breaking off this one again, is he such a mama's boy that he let's his mum take major life decisions for him?. I blame the kid you're with and not the mother. He's yet to be a man, and you should be lucky he's your ex now else his mum would have been the one to decide what you wear and eat.

Unfortunately. He is extremely afraid of her. I remember him crying to me once saying he hates the way she is, but he told me that when she does such things it's like he can't speak. I honestly don't understand what kind of family I have gotten myself involved with because I thought they were simple people.

Benita27:
Let's take the focus from your supposed future mother in-law. What's your boyfriend's stand in the situation?. She broke off his previous relationship, then she's breaking off this one again, is he such a mama's boy that he let's his mum take major life decisions for him?. I blame the kid you're with and not the mother. He's yet to be a man and you should be lucky he's your ex now, else his mum would have been the one deciding even what you wear and eat.

skressed1:
Unfortunately. He is extremely afraid of her. I remember him crying to me once saying he hates the way she is, but he told me that when she does such things it's like he can't speak. I honestly don't understand what kind of family I have gotten myself involved with because I thought they were simple people.

Men fight for what they want, boys quit. What does his mother have on him?. He shouldn't be in a relationship 'till he could say "No" to her demands.

Just imagine when your mum is the one who decides whom you marry?. Joke of the year!.

I honestly do not know. My mom warned me not to be with him because she said something is not right with that family of his, but I fought for our relationship and stayed with him because I didn't see any strange behavior until certain points, and still I chose to stay because its him that I loved but of course I didn't appreciate certain things regarding his surroundings aka his mom

It is joke of the year and its extremely unfortunate lol

Benita27:
Men fight for what they want, boys quit. What does his mother have on him?. He shouldn't be in a relationship 'till he could say "No" to her demands.

Just imagine when your mum is the one who decides whom you marry?. Joke of the year!.

skressed1:
The mother has evil intentions, so we were warned to keep the child away from her because she doesn't even want to see the child come into the world successfully. His father remarried and his wife has been kind. But my ex is so strongly controlled by his mother so he doesn't have his own identity and she is trying to get rid of me because I'm in the way of what she's trying to do. I don't understand, why didn't she just say from the beginning that she doesn't want him to date a girl who is not one of them instead of causing all this drama

You really need to be very careful...stay away from the mum henceforth if u want you and your baby to be alive...Id advice u to visit a spiritual house for prayers...whichever religion u practice...

Make haste now...before its late...Pray that wont be ur portion ijn

I know its easier said than done but this is the time you Bleep them and their discrimination/pcssy behaviour. Just leave them alone and walk away. When the baby is born, let them cough more than their share of the child support. Whew!

Madam poster but you have been advised enough from your previous post on this matter

picture of you or ur just trying to cajole the poor woman

The best thing you can do now is just to prepare for your unborn baby and likely a life of raising that kid yourself.
First thing first should have been for you to know what direction your relationship was going and the kind of guy you were dating before getting pregnant............a guy whose parents are not together,a mummy's boy who has no say of his own and someone who's not from your country.........should have made you tread with caution.

Don't invest unnecessarily in this relationship anymore.Cut your loss and move on.

I don't understand what you really wanted OP...U said he was an EX right? Based on my little knowlege,I know that EX belongs to the past..

So what do you want people to advise you on?

<<<<Do you want people to advise you on how to go about the child warefare and support?

<<<<was it to help u scold your Ex for his immaturity

<<<<Was it for us to hand it down cold on your Ex's mother for her meddling tendencies in your relationship

<<<<Or was it the fact that u still harbour some romantic feeling towards this Ex and u were asking for advice on how to get him back..

pls explain.. so that people that can help can understand what u wanted..

Check out this thread www.nairaland.com/3872924/contemporary-residential-designs-nigerians#59595326

focus on yourself and your unborn child. he is your ex, so wetin remain

Why are you calling him your ex? Isn't he the one you wanna get married to?
Or is there something I'm missing?

You had a lucky escape. What if the clearly immature guy had disappeared 10 years after marrying you ??

He doesn't have a mind of his own and there is no guarantee that the new woman his Mummy sources for him will last with him.

Stay away from this guy even if he comes begging.

He feels he is doing you a favour and if he can deny his unborn child, then what "long term" chance do you have with him ?

Cut your losses and God will give you a "mature minded" man from any race that will treat your child as his own.

I wanted insight on what it is nigerians hate about people that aren't from their own country. Because I had no idea these things are still such a problem nowadays. And what to do going forward regarding the arrangements of my child being kept away from the evil grandmother

Richy4:
I don't understand what you really wanted OP...U said he was an EX right? Based on my little knowlege,I know that EX belongs to the past..

So what do you want people to advise you on?

<<<<Do you want people to advise you on how to go about the child warefare and support?

<<<<was it to help u scold your Ex for his immaturity

<<<<Was it for us to hand it down cold on your Ex's mother for her meddling tendencies in your relationship

<<<<Or was it the fact that u still harbour some romantic feeling towards this Ex and u were asking for advice on how to get him back..

pls explain.. so that people that can help can understand what u wanted..

I appreciate your kind words. Thank you so much, I agree.

Ilekokonit:
You had a lucky escape. What if the clearly immature guy had disappeared 10 years after marrying you ??

He doesn't have a mind of his own and there is no guarantee that the new woman his Mummy sources for him will last with him.

Stay away from this guy even if he comes begging.

He feels he is doing you a favour and if he can deny his unborn child, then what "long term" chance do you have with him ?

Cut your losses and God will give you a "mature minded" man from any race that will treat your child as his own.

My ex because we are no longer in a relationship

Mustiboy:
Why are you calling him your ex? Isn't he the one you wanna get married to?
Or is there something I'm missing?

skressed1:
I wanted insight on what it is nigerians hate about people that aren't from their own country. Because I had no idea these things are still such a problem nowadays. And what to do going forward regarding the arrangements of my child being kept away from the evil grandmother

Ok I just want to let u know that it's not a country thing...it is an individual kinda thing..a lot of Nigerian men have married foreign ladies and most of them are living peacefully .....

So i guess the woman doesn't like you...She alone will be in a better position to tell u why she doesn't fancy what you were selling..

Besides, u are a woman..u know some women would see someone just once, and dislike that person's appearance by just looking..no matter what u do, they will not like it...

As for your child, u and your ex should sit down and talk about the way forward....Since both of u planned to bring a child into the world, both of u should sit together and device a way forward..

Finally, I have to ask that when the baby arrives, pls do not teach the child about hate..The woman got something against you, do not try and make the grudges u have with her affect the kid..Do not make it feel as if she also have something against your child..I know it is hard to believe but it is the only truth..It is very easy for a mother to turn the heart of their kids against someone

Good luck

She pretended to like me and that is why I feel deceived. She invited me into her home and allowed me to stay with her, she would invite me to family events, she would sit down and talk and make jokes with me, pray with me, she would ask me to give her things instead of being true to herself and just simply expressing she is not happy with whats going on because she wants her son for someone else. Or she doesn't like me. Why go through all that effort and waste time pretending? That is the part I do not understand. A conversation with him may be coming soon seeing as other family members have intervened and are opposing her behavior.

When it comes that, most of us in the family including on his side as well have already agreed that the child has to be kept away from her under all circumstances for the sake of their protection. She doesn't want to see the baby come into the world, there is no way I can expose the baby to such. When it comes to that, we won't mention anything about her to the baby ever. All I want the child to know is that she is not around. But they still have grandparents so it shouldn't matter. She's irrelevant and the baby doesn't need to know

Richy4:

Ok I just want to let u know that it's not a country thing...it is an individual kinda thing..a lot of Nigerian men have married foreign ladies and most of them are living peacefully .....

So i guess the woman doesn't like you...She alone will be in a better position to tell u why she doesn't fancy what you were selling..

Besides, u are a woman..u know some women would see someone just once, and dislike that person's appearance by just looking..no matter what u do, they will not like it...

As for your child, u and your ex should sit down and talk about the way forward....Since both of u planned to bring a child into the world, both of u should sit together and device a way forward..

Finally, I have to ask that when the baby arrives, pls do not teach the child about hate..The woman got something against you, do not try and make the grudges u have with her affect the kid..Do not make it feel as if she also have something against your child..I know it is hard to believe but it is the only truth..It is very easy for a mother to turn the heart of their kids against someone

Good luck

skressed1:
She pretended to like me and that is why I feel deceived. She invited me into her home and allowed me to stay with her, she would invite me to family events, she would sit down and talk and make jokes with me, pray with me, she would ask me to give her things instead of being true to herself and just simply expressing she is not happy with whats going on because she wants her son for someone else. Or she doesn't like me. Why go through all that effort and waste time pretending? That is the part I do not understand. A conversation with him may be coming soon seeing as other family members have intervened and are opposing her behavior.

When it comes that, most of us in the family including on his side as well have already agreed that the child has to be kept away from her under all circumstances for the sake of their protection. She doesn't want to see the baby come into the world, there is no way I can expose the baby to such. When it comes to that, we won't mention anything about her to the baby ever. All I want the child to know is that she is not around. But they still have grandparents so it shouldn't matter. She's irrelevant and the baby doesn't need to know

I know u are angry.. but asking why she will go all the trouble pretending, she alone can answer that...But i have to let u know that there's a saying "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer".. I feel that was what was applied in your case...(just guessing)

Pls make sure u take care of the baby,I guess that's the major thing eveyone here on NL will be advising..

She's a woman scorned I can only think of that as her reason, and she wants to be the one who dictates who and what in her sons life. I was a threat to her. Thank you so much for your advice however, I truly appreciate it. Thats all I wanted to get out of this.

Richy4:


I know u are angry.. but asking why she will go all the trouble pretending, she alone can answer that...But i have to let u know that there's a saying "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer".. I feel that was what was applied in your case...(just guessing)

Pls make sure u take care of the baby,I guess that's the major thing eveyone here on NL will be advising..

skressed1:
My ex because we are no longer in a relationship

since you're no longer in a relationship, why care about his mother hating you?

Say no to pregnancy (and sex) before marriage. It's an aberration for a lady to get pregnant before wedding - even without bringing in religion. The days of hooking a guy to marry you by all means - is long gone, sis. I wish you well.

Did this woman expressly tell you that she doesn't want you to marry her son? Or did was it ur ex boyfriend who passed this message to you?

Sorry to burst ur bubble but I think it's the guy who wasn't interested and used his mum to clean up his mess

quote author=skressed1 post=59610780]She's a woman scorned I can only think of that as her reason, and she wants to be the one who dictates who and what in her sons life. I was a threat to her. Thank you so much for your advice however, I truly appreciate it. Thats all I wanted to get out of this. [/quote]

No, he wanted to reconcile with me after he broke up with me after giving it some time, and his mother told him no. He has never passed on any message about that to me. We found all this out through someone else who was telling us what her intentions for him are.

ciwi:

Did this woman expressly tell you that she doesn't want you to marry her son? Or did was it ur ex boyfriend who passed this message to you?

Sorry to burst ur bubble but I think it's the guy who wasn't interested and used his mum to clean up his mess

quote author=skressed1 post=59610780]She's a woman scorned I can only think of that as her reason, and she wants to be the one who dictates who and what in her sons life. I was a threat to her. Thank you so much for your advice however, I truly appreciate it. Thats all I wanted to get out of this.