Hi guys!

This is my first post in the romance section, and I hope to find this section helpful.

I love my fiance so much. In fact, I can't imagine my life without her. We've both been in different relationships before meeting each other. I guess the strenght of our bond is in the experiences we've had; the importance of appreciating one another. The challenge we face now, is that parts of her emotions have been badly affected by previous experiences.

To begin with, when I first net her, I never imagined I could fall in love with her; she didn't seem  to be 'my type'. I'm Ibo, while she's Urhobo. She's 'just fine', unargueably the least attractive girl I ever dated. She's 'smallish' compared to my preference of tall ladies. She's speaks with an accent, and has a few challenges with her English. Despite all these, I still fell in love with her. Beyond what I've mentioned, she's a very wonderful person with qualities that far out-weight the perceived short comings.  I fell in love with her because of these qualities. I can't list all her qualities, but she is just terrific - the ideal wife.

Now back to the topic. We both love each other, but parts me her emotions have affected by the past, and it's taking her like 'forever' to heal. The last time we talked about it, she was in tears, and I could feel her pain. She says she's still 'scared' of putting all her emotions into the relationship. To be fair to her, has greatly improved emotionally compared. To when we first met.

Apart from her 'caged' emotions, she's not naturally romantic. You know, when I listen to Basketmouth and other comedians talk about Warri girls and romance, I see it only as a joke. But believe me, romance to her sounds like 'Latin'. She's really trying to adjust, but its not just in her. I often catch myself thinking of romance with other girls, though I've never cheated on her, and I don't wish to.

My challenge is that I love this girl so much, but concerned about her own challenge in the

What do you mean by she isn't romantic? No PDA? Doesn't hug you? Doesn't touch you?

I find your Warri slur quite offensive

Ebonyeyes:

I find your Warri slur quite offensive

hey poster you've upset the waffi girl now,

Kenny_G:

hey poster you've upset the waffi girl now,

Yes he has. There are emotionless people in every race/tribe etc. He also had the guts to rate her the lowest in the attractive scales in terms of the girls he has dated. The poor girl, if only she knew what her supposed fiance was writing about her.

Aaaw, @ cnario, it was actually sweet to read about how she wasn't really your type but you fell for her. Not here to give you advice, but since you've gone this far with her you might as well try to soften her up and open her up to "romance". It might take time but with patience you could mould her into who/what you want her to be.

Guyz , d dude narratd d story 4 u 2 help rectify d prob. Help him and avoid dissing

Sorry guys, my mobile had to split my post. Below is the concluding part. Sorry also for the typo. I'll edit later with my laptop.

I dont want to seem insensitive to her challenges. But what if she's never going to live up to my expectations emotionally? Do I need to down-grade my emotions to be at par with hers? So far, we've not had any problems, but as a Melancholic guy, I'm just trying to make sure all is well. Moreover, sex with her is the best I've had. I don't know if I'm demanding too much, but I wish she could be more emotional - like touching, necking, stroking, without necessary having sex.

In summary, My work is hectic - I am a programmer, and after work, I wish to be in the arms of a loving woman. Based on all I've said, what do you guys think?

Cheers!

Lol, like latin.

Recommend counseling to her?  There seems to be some underlying problems, as you mentioned, for why she isn't able to communicate or display her romantic affections to you.  She must have had a past unlike any other Though that's no excuse, because we all have a past.  It's not about what the past has done to you but how you overcome the challenges of the past.  She must persevere and open her heart to love and be loved in return.

At the end of the day though, if you see no change I would advise you to step out of the relationship.  You are already contemplating cheating on her, and I have feeling that if temptation overwhelms you and a weak moment arises you will bite the bait.  You clearly know what you want, so I would advise you not to settle in the relationship for the sake of comfort and convenience.  I'm not suggesting that you should give up or back out easily; have some patience, but at the same time some changes must be made by her and you must be her guiding light.  If she loves you dearly and truly I don't anticipate this being too difficult for her.

If this is the only glitch in your otherwise exceptional relationship, I'll say you're well on your way to a blissful marriage with this woman if she can make this change.

Lastly, I hope this relationship isn't all about what you want though? Life does not revolve around one person in a relationship. Try to understand her own needs too. See what you can do to ease her worries, relax her, and hopefully allow her to let her guard down.

Ahh. Well, I don't think you can change her. She may try to be romantic but it'll only last for a little while. Personally, romance is a huge part of me and I'll never stay with someone robotic. It's up to you.

@EBONYEYES

i'm so sorry if you find what I said offensive. I never meant to ridicle anyone especially not my fiance. If you read in between the line, you'll understand that what I meant was that she's far better than the 'tall, slim girls' I've been going after all my life. I never meant to attack any tribe. Moreover, its a known fact that Niger Delta girls make the best wives.

@H2O2 - Thank you very much for you advice. I love this girl so much and would not want to find myself in a situation whereby I'll be cheating on her. She's almost a perfect wife, if not for her 'robotic' emotions (if I may use the words of Mikael). I've never met a girl like her all my life. But I'm also worried about her emotions.

Mehn! The choice is yours but I think you can tosh/upgrade her to your taste politely, if only she loves you and you need to listen to her too, then you have to be patient.

Mehn! The choice is yours but I think you can tosh/upgrade her to your taste politely, if only she loves you and you need to listen to her too, then you have to be patient.

@poster
eeyaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry oh. . . . . . . . . . . but the truth is you just can't have in all

cnario:

@EBONYEYES

i'm so sorry if you find what I said offensive. I never meant to ridicle anyone especially not my fiance. If you read in between the line, you'll understand that what I meant was that she's far better than the 'tall, slim girls' I've been going after all my life. I never meant to attack any tribe. Moreover, its a known fact that Niger Delta girls make the best wives.

Its ok hun Well you say she is good in other aspects why dont you teach her?

@ poster

i have had a similar relationship, mine was once called "fiance" as you now call yours.
but why did i use the word "was",  i took her for what you now see in yours, accepted her every words from the word go,

we both had past
but her silence and UNROMANTIC atittude was because she is afraid of loosing me.
until i found out she did not graduate from any school as she often claims.

i just have this advice for you and take it or leave it, but do not rain causes on me, "SHE IS HIDING A VERY IMPORTANT TRUTH ABOUT HERSELF TO YOU WHICH IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO KNOW NOW BEFORE YOU TAKE HER TO ALTER. it is the truth you take it or leave it;am a victim to this unromantic atittude of ladies.infact i took her to my people and latter we went to hers.

she can be romantic but she has to empty herself of inner fears of any issue before she can even kiss your feet not to talk of 'sucking your breast against your wish'

[size=24pt]poster cnario or whatever u call urself
please wen next u post
remove thoes watever that u attach to d bottom of ur replies

its really annonyin

tanks[/size]

Poster. . .
How heartfelt are you?

mama-gee:

Poster. . .
How heartfelt are you?

Jamb question mama-gee.
What's the meaning of that question?

190:

[size=24pt]poster cnario or whatever u call urself
please wen next u post
remove thoes watever that u attach to d bottom of your replies

its really annonyin

tanks[/size]

ROTFLMAO! GOSH. Now I've had a good lol I can now go off to bed!

puskin:

@poster
eeyaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry oh. . . . . . . . . . . but the truth is you just can't have in all

[size=13pt]seconded [/size]

maedan:


ROTFLMAO! GOSH. Now I've had a good lol I can now go off to bed!

remember to say the prayers
dont let d bugs bite~
but u can bite the bugs

cnario:

To be fair to her, has greatly improved emotionally compared. To when we first met.

Apart from her 'caged' emotions, she's not naturally romantic. You know, when I listen to Basketmouth and other comedians talk about Warri girls and romance, I see it only as a joke. But believe me, romance to her sounds like 'Latin'. She's really trying to adjust, but its not just in her. I often catch myself thinking of romance with other girls, though I've never cheated on her, and I don't wish to.

her unromantic attitude is probably linked to her 'caged' emotions, so if she gets over the emotions issue she should become more romantic. don't give up on her yet, especially since she's improving already. she has to make efforts to change though, not just expect healing and change to come naturally. you didn't mention how long you two have been together, but i think you should give her time. she'll most likely find a way to deal with this problem over time. now the question is how much time she needs, and how long you can wait. like puskin said, you can't have it all; you have to decide what you can/can't live without.

@ 190

the thing you see there is called a signature. It is automatically attached to all my comments. Like I said in the first page, this is my first time in the romance section, and I dont know your rules. So if you guys find my sig annoying, I apologise. Its just that my buddies in the Technology section have never raised a brow.

Cheers!

@GL

Thanks for you contribution. Well, I've dated her for 8 months.

H2O2:

Jamb question mama-gee.
What's the meaning of that question?

GUy, i really feel you. 4get about everything or story YOu have told us so far,
I know why you are still there even when she didnot not meet up all your othere standard!
The exceeded the most important one!!!!! cos on one thing,
THE BEST DESPOIL you have landed can't escape you.

ride on man!!!!!!!!!

chic2pimp:

God laf wan kill me 190, na ur problem be dat? The guy need help and u dey complain of him signature, u funny pass ay oh.

Hiss, rubbish


@poster
You dont have to me that that is your signature
BLA BLA PAPA~

take the damn thing out
its annonying and also took out my PC screen out~

[size=24pt]NA ONLY U GET SIGNATURE[/size]!!!

8 mths relationship and she doesn't want to let go of her previous life.

Guy you need to ask about her s-ex life with her ex. **most warri girls like their spouse giving them head, i did not tell you**

too_soon:


Guy you need to ask about her s-ex life with her ex. **most warri girls like their spouse giving them head, i did not tell you**

lol. No problem with that.