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Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. - Family (1) - Nairaland

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Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by pcguru1(m): 8:57am On Sep 10
Lawlahdey:
In every home, Godly and African, the man is considered to be the head of the family and the crown of his woman. It is his responsibility as the head of the home to provide the family's financial and material needs. It is his responsibility to protect the family in all ways.
Likewise, it is the responsibility of the wife to take care of the home and the family's spiritual and social needs. A good woman makes a good wife and mother. A good woman is the mother of the home and the family.

Nowadays though, it has become the mantra of the 21st century man that he cannot marry a woman who isn't ready to bring anything to the table. Honestly, I have no problem with a woman working to bring something to the table to support her man. It's no biggie.

But you have to know that once I start sharing your responsibilities with you, we will share mine too. If I have to work hard to bring something to the table, you have to know that we will share your crown as the heads of the family. I have become your head and you have become my head. We are both heads.

If I do the dishes all through a month, you will do the dishes all through the next month.
-If I do the laundry this week, you will do the laundry the following week.
-If I cook the meal for breakfast, Dear husband, you'll make dinner.
-You have to go the market on days when I can't.
-You will leave your work to take care of the kids on days when I can't.
-I'll be submissive to you only if you're submissive to me.

Dear husband, you will wash my bra and also my panties. You will clean the house. While I'm washing and cleaning the kitchen, you will wash and clean the toilet.
And trust me, we won't be needing a maid or a houseboy/girl because it's both of our responsibilities and we have to share it.
Not to worry, I'll be taking care of my share of the financial responsibilities too.

Afterall, it is about sharing responsibilities!


Cc: Lalasticlala, Dominique, Mynd44.

Its kinda logical if both parties can agree, for me I see no problem its practically where I stay and currently I do chorea where I stay alone so its no biggie, however I pcguru will wash no woman's panties and bra, I wash my boxers myself because I consider it rude or odd to even send it to the drycleaners. Ewwwww you lost me there , am sure its a joke

4 Likes

Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by claremont(m): 10:14am On Sep 10
Seriously, you all need to wake up because it seems most of you haven't. The rest of the modern world has woken up ages ago.

The days of the man being the 'hunter-gatherer' and the woman being the 'breeder' have long gone. It's no longer customary in the modern world for the man to be the workaholic whilst all the woman does is to open her legs to him at night. They both have to contribute, not equally, but comparatively based on their income. As for the mundane chores the OP highlighted in her post, all those chores are automated in the modern world anyway. It seems you are looking at this issue from a Nigerian perspective of using hand labour to perform those chores, it's not done that way in developed countries, and who does them isn't gender-specific either. I don't think a man requires a woman to put on a washing machine or a rice cooker or a deep-fryer or a dish washer or order a home delivery of groceries etc.

So, using chores as an excuse not to make a comparative contribution IS a moot point. Try again.

11 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by Lawlahdey(f): 11:56am On Sep 10
claremont:
Seriously, you all need to wake up because it seems most of you haven't. The rest of the modern world has woken up ages ago.

The days of the man being the 'hunter-gatherer' and the woman being the 'breeder' have long gone. It's no longer customary in the modern world for the man to be the workaholic whilst all the woman does is to open her legs to him at night. They both have to contribute, not equally, but comparatively based on their income. As for the mundane chores the OP highlighted in her post, all those chores are automated in the modern world anyway. It seems you are looking at this issue from a Nigerian perspective of using hand labour to perform those chores, it's not done that way in developed countries, and who does them isn't gender-specific either. I don't think a man requires a woman to put on a washing machine or a rice cooker or a deep-fryer or a dish washer or order a home delivery of groceries etc.

So, using chores as an excuse not to make a comparative contribution IS a moot point. Try again.
That's why I started my write-up with "In every home, African and Godly", sir Westerner

4 Likes

Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by Ezionye(f): 12:29pm On Sep 10
pcguru1:


Its kinda logical if both parties can agree, for me I see no problem its practically where I stay and currently I do chorea where I stay alone so its no biggie, however I pcguru will wash no woman's panties and bra, I wash my boxers myself because I consider it rude or odd to even send it to the drycleaners. Ewwwww you lost me there , am sure its a joke

Lol

There's no biggie in washing pants or bra. Its just like washing other clothing. Sending them to the dry cleaners is entirely different.

So try washing one today cheesy

2 Likes

Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by pcguru1(m): 12:40pm On Sep 10
Ezionye:


Lol

There's no biggie in washing pants or bra. Its just like washing other clothing. Sending them to the dry cleaners is entirely different.

So try washing one today cheesy

Make i hear say i wash am, I don't know why i just can't and if i have to it must be that my wife is pregnant and is weak then that's no problem because it's the only logical reason to wash it, if not i ain't washing mehn kiss
Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by needful: 1:24am On Sep 11
Nigerian Men have lost it. I pity the next generation because the way things are going now, it maybe a woman's world in the next generation in nigeria. What I do not understand is the big deal in a man washing clothings, cooking, infact house chores. Love or no love, let's digest it. We both left house around 5am to work and came back by 6pm. Common sense as a man should told you that as you are tired, so is with the other party. What I see in Nigerian marriage is selfishness, Ego, blames, materiality, pretence to mention but few. May God help us.

11 Likes 1 Share

Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by Adesina12: 2:43am On Sep 11
Let all and every home go back to the scriptures and you shall be guided
Wherever and whenever we think our wisdom can solve it all then we have missed it
As a Muslim, i will quote from Quran which make man head of the family with prescribed responsibilities likewise woman has her roles
There is nothing like sharing of role especially in finance, shelter, clothing and security.....all these are men roles
On no account will a man these responsibilities with his wife except in difficult situations
If every home follows the word of our creator there shall be peace
I would suggest women should stop competing with men in work places to allow us play our role but alas!!!
There is lopsided situation everywhere......may God almighty guide us
Well done Lawlahdey......miss money

2 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by Lawlahdey(f): 6:38am On Sep 11
Adesina12:
Let all and every home go back to the scriptures and you shall be guided
Wherever and whenever we think our wisdom can solve it all then we have missed it
As a Muslim, i will quote from Quran which make man head of the family with prescribed responsibilities likewise woman has her roles
There is nothing like sharing of role especially in finance, shelter, clothing and security.....all these are men roles
On no account will a man these responsibilities with his wife except in difficult situations
If every home follows the word of our creator there shall be peace
I would suggest women should stop competing with men in work places to allow us play our role but alas!!!
There is lopsided situation everywhere......may God almighty guide us
Well done Lawlahdey......miss money
Thank you naani kiss
Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by Nobody: 2:27pm On Sep 11
The "African" and "Godly" mentality is the reason why i try as much as possible to keep people away from my house
I work 8 hours just like my spouse, we pool paychecks at the end of the month to run the home.
I try to do most of the cooking and tidying up not because i am a woman but cos he is clumsy in doing it, (I will always complain in my mind how he folded the clothes or how he laid the bed)
At times i come back home really tired and ask him to go and peel potatoes for dinner, at times i ask him to mop the floor which he does without complain.
No right thinking man should see himself as an alpha and not do "women's duty" when you expect a woman to pick up some of your "male" responsibilities.

7 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by ImaIma1(f): 2:58pm On Sep 12
If the woman is also working and having kids, i see no reason why the man cannot help with chores. It is not a matter of rules or not. A man that loves you and cares about your wellbeing will not see you working like a slave and not help.
Some men are ok with sitting down and dishing out orders instead of helping and getting involved. They would rather complain about the food not being ready or the child crying. It's just selfishness and pride.
And if the man is too lazy too help her,he should get a help that can. People wonder why some wives age faster and look older than their husbands. This is part of it.
Don't pray to marry such men that still see chores as solely a woman's job.

4 Likes

Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by bukatyne(f): 4:26pm On Sep 12
RuthDaniels:
"When you do the right thing for the wrong reasons, there's bound to be a failure."

If a man lives his life according to society, then he is on the road to destruction. Not only is the society a group of different persons with different views, personalities,norms and reasonings, Society changes to. A man who lives according to the society is like someone who is asking for directions from a group of people who speaks different languages.

That said, Where there is law, there lies sin. What if we create a World where no one is under any obligations.
Where the woman washes the husband's clothes because she wouldn't stand her lovely spouse go dirty to work, or cook for her husband because she won't allow him to go hungry for a second. A world where the husband provides for his wife because he can't stand her lacking anything. Won't things work out well in such world,?
If partners can put and meet each other's needs first not because they are obligated to but because they feel that's how it should be, then the home will be paradise on earth.

At bold,

You are interestingly falling back to the traditional setting.
Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by bukatyne(f): 4:30pm On Sep 12
Adesina12:
Let all and every home go back to the scriptures and you shall be guided
Wherever and whenever we think our wisdom can solve it all then we have missed it
As a Muslim, i will quote from Quran which make man head of the family with prescribed responsibilities likewise woman has her roles
There is nothing like sharing of role especially in finance, shelter, clothing and security.....all these are men roles
On no account will a man these responsibilities with his wife except in difficult situations
If every home follows the word of our creator there shall be peace
I would suggest women should stop competing with men in work places to allow us play our role but alas!!!
There is lopsided situation everywhere......may God almighty guide us
Well done Lawlahdey......miss money

How does women stop competing with men in the work place?

3 Likes

Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by Tizbid(m): 4:31pm On Sep 12
My dad still washes my mum's clothes and help around the house if need be,I need mention too that he's the breadwinner of the house. Personally I really don't see anything special with sharing home chores. If u are happy with the person u married and u both see each other as helpmates then that shldnt be a problem.

3 Likes

Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by Creeza(m): 6:53pm On Sep 12
Lol... Lawlahdey you've killed me o! Chai I rolled on the floor to this. grin WAIT IM COMING FOR YOU.


But before then, i experienced this not quite a long time ago.

A lady i know ,more like a neighbour, their flat is next to mine. So it happened that this woman is sought of a bread winner and her husband tries too, you know, when opportunity bears a kind name and when the beer parlours are in recession (note he is a terrible drinker grin God forgive me ) and when his demons elude him.

But, this very incident got me cracking : One night, I eavesdroped- put it midly- i was out in the balcony - at half past 9pm, and then the next thing I heard after an angry man stormed out into his own balcony was pitiful. The wife asked him if he had replaced the hot water which he used to bath, that is replace it in the bucket where a boiler was connected to an outlet. Crazy! I must say, so I stopped what i was doing and listened more.

The man replied ' I no put any water o!'

The furious wife yelled with impunity.

The man groaned. Then began ' so if you put water for your husband to baff, you go expect am to replace the water. Okay wait for me'

I heard the man's first son say '' but papa why u no replace the water?

I laughed when the man said '' Your father there!!

' thank God i have only one' The boy replied.

Then the woman stormed out, told her son to go replace the water giving that he and his younger siblings hadnt taken their evening bath. The man rambled on how he had turned into a boy boy in his own house. This and that, but the lady said something that broke my ankle literally.
It was pitiful.

'which house? You get house? Your mate are building duplex, you are here waiting for me to 'boil hot water so you go baff, that skin go peel one day'
she said scornfully.

Chai. Now is this one part of 'sharing responsibilities? I DOUBT O. And this is a very true story.

1 Like

Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by Lawlahdey(f): 6:59pm On Sep 12
Creeza:
Lol... Lawlahdey you've killed me o! Chai I rolled on the floor to this. grin WAIT IM COMING FOR YOU.


But before then, i experienced this not quite a long time ago.

A lady i know ,more like a neighbour, their flat is next to mine. So it happened that this woman is sought of a bread winner and her husband tries too, you know, when opportunity bears a kind name and when the beer parlours are in recession (note he is a terrible drinker grin God forgive me ) and when his demons elude him.

But, this very incident got me cracking : One night, I eavesdroped- put it midly- i was out in the balcony - at half past 9pm, and then the next thing I heard after an angry man stormed out into his own balcony was pitiful. The wife asked him if he had replaced the hot water which he used to bath, that is replace it in the bucket where a boiler was connected to an outlet. Crazy! I must say, so I stopped what i was doing and listened more.

The man replied ' I no put any water o!'

The furious wife yelled with impunity.

The man groaned. Then began ' so if you put water for your husband to baff, you go expect am to replace the water. Okay wait for me'

I heard the man's first son say '' but papa why u no replace the water?

I laughed when the man said '' Your father there!!

' thank God i have only one' The boy replied.

Then the woman stormed out, told her son to go replace the water giving that he and his younger siblings hadnt taken their evening bath. The man rambled on how he had turned into a boy boy in his own house. This and that, but the lady said something that broke my ankle literally.
It was pitiful.

'which house? You get house? Your mate are building duplex, you are here waiting for me to 'boil hot water so you go baff, that skin go peel one day'
she said scornfully.

Chai. Now is this one part of 'sharing responsibilities? I DOUBT O. And this is a very true story.
Lmao.
The husband is obviously useless. He doesn't deserve respect grin grin

2 Likes

Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by Creeza(m): 10:07am On Sep 13
Lawlahdey:
Lmao.
The husband is obviously useless. He doesn't deserve respect grin grin
u think so? smiley but he is still a man, at least that alone demands respect
Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by Lawlahdey(f): 11:59am On Sep 13
Creeza:
u think so? smiley but he is still a man, at least that alone demands respect
He deserves respect cuz he's a man?
Does he act like a man? sad

1 Like

Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by Creeza(m): 12:03pm On Sep 13
Lawlahdey:
He deserves respect cuz he's a man? Does he act like a man? sad
lol abi
Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by ElsonMorali: 9:12am On Sep 22
I'm kinda old school, so I subscribe to the notion that the man goes out into the world, struggle with the best in the jungle and brings back the loot to his home for his wife and kids to enjoy, while the woman tends the home front, raises our kids and has my back always.

If she wants to work, then we talk about it and see that it's the kinda job that doesn't put the management of the family in jeopardy.

Yeah, like I said, I'm old school.

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by Lawlahdey(f): 11:19am On Sep 22
ElsonMorali:
I'm kinda old school, so I subscribe to the notion that the man goes out into the world, struggle with the best in the jungle and brings back the loot to his home for his wife and kids to enjoy, while the woman tends the home front, raises our kids and has my back always.

If she wants to work, then we talk about it and see that it's the kinda job that doesn't put the management of the family in jeopardy.

Yeah, like I said, I'm old school.
Co-signed. kiss

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by ElsonMorali: 11:29am On Sep 22
Lawlahdey:
Co-signed. kiss

Cool. kiss kiss kiss
Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by ejlive: 3:22pm On Sep 22
WHEN A LITTLE GIRL HAS NO IDEA WHAT IT IS TO BE MARRIED


I AGREE WITH THE OP

BUT


WHEN RESPONSIBLITIES ARE SHARED HOPE YOU CAN KEEP UP



AND I HOPE U SHARE CARRYING OF THE PREGNANCYTO TERM


WHEN COUPLES OR FRIENDS KNOW WAT MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT , BOTH WILL TRY ANYTHING TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE IS HAPPY ,IT SHOULDNT B ONE SIDED

1 Like

Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by walexsho(m): 9:02am On Oct 02
Lawlahdey:
In every home, Godly and African, the man is considered to be the head of the family and the crown of his woman. It is his responsibility as the head of the home to provide the family's financial and material needs. It is his responsibility to protect the family in all ways.
Likewise, it is the responsibility of the wife to take care of the home and the family's spiritual and social needs. A good woman makes a good wife and mother. A good woman is the mother of the home and the family.

........


Cc: Lalasticlala, Dominique, Mynd44.

IRON LADY !!!!
Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by walexsho(m): 9:09am On Oct 02
Creeza:
Lol... Lawlahdey you've killed me o! Chai I rolled on the floor to this. grin WAIT IM COMING FOR YOU.


But before then, i experienced this not quite a long time ago.

A lady i know ,more like a neighbour, their flat is next to mine. So it happened that this woman is sought of a bread winner and her husband tries too, you know, when opportunity bears a kind name and when the beer parlours are in recession (note he is a terrible drinker grin God forgive me ) and when his demons elude him.

But, this very incident got me cracking : One night, I eavesdroped- put it midly- i was out in the balcony - at half past 9pm, and then the next thing I heard after an angry man stormed out into his own balcony was pitiful. The wife asked him if he had replaced the hot water which he used to bath, that is replace it in the bucket where a boiler was connected to an outlet. Crazy! I must say, so I stopped what i was doing and listened more.

The man replied ' I no put any water o!'

The furious wife yelled with impunity.

The man groaned. Then began ' so if you put water for your husband to baff, you go expect am to replace the water. Okay wait for me'

I heard the man's first son say '' but papa why u no replace the water?

I laughed when the man said '' Your father there!!

' thank God i have only one' The boy replied.

Then the woman stormed out, told her son to go replace the water giving that he and his younger siblings hadnt taken their evening bath. The man rambled on how he had turned into a boy boy in his own house. This and that, but the lady said something that broke my ankle literally.
It was pitiful.

'which house? You get house? Your mate are building duplex, you are here waiting for me to 'boil hot water so you go baff, that skin go peel one day'
she said scornfully.

Chai. Now is this one part of 'sharing responsibilities? I DOUBT O. And this is a very true story.
This happens when courtship which is meant for learning and studying one another becomes an Avenue for sex and Romance

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by walexsho(m): 9:21am On Oct 02
Tizbid:
My dad still washes my mum's clothes and help around the house if need be,I need mention too that he's the breadwinner of the house. Personally I really don't see anything special with sharing home chores. If u are happy with the person u married and u both see each other as helpmates then that shldnt be a problem.
Home chores shouldn't be shared nor be seen as must for a man. The man can just do it on his own volition and it is not ok when the wife now sees it as a norm. Imagine the wife now says "when you are less busy please help wash my cloth" or the kitchen is not in order and the wife ask him why he did not clean it. It's absurd, westernization shouldn't take over our pride and Heritage

2 Likes

Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by walexsho(m): 9:25am On Oct 02
Lesson of this to the male is that be Man enough before jumping into marriage. Don't let anyone deceive you with some craxy religious ideology

1 Like

Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by Tizbid(m): 10:13am On Oct 02
walexsho:

Home chores shouldn't be shared nor be seen as must for a man. The man can just do it on his own volition and it is not ok when the wife now sees it as a norm. Imagine the wife now says "when you are less busy please help wash my cloth" or the kitchen is not in order and the wife ask him why he did not clean it. It's absurd, westernization shouldn't take over our pride and Heritage

Perhaps my use of the word "sharing" seems misleading.Didn't say anything is a must, It's all about mutual respect,not a case of one taking undue advantage of the other like u mentioned in your example. Lastly, if ur talk about the "our pride and heritage" in marriage is basically about male chauvinism,then I wish u all the best in ur married life.

1 Like

Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by mctowel01: 11:09pm On Oct 12
claremont:
Seriously, you all need to wake up because it seems most of you haven't. The rest of the modern world has woken up ages ago.

The days of the man being the 'hunter-gatherer' and the woman being the 'breeder' have long gone. It's no longer customary in the modern world for the man to be the workaholic whilst all the woman does is to open her legs to him at night. They both have to contribute, not equally, but comparatively based on their income. As for the mundane chores the OP highlighted in her post, all those chores are automated in the modern world anyway. It seems you are looking at this issue from a Nigerian perspective of using hand labour to perform those chores, it's not done that way in developed countries, and who does them isn't gender-specific either. I don't think a man requires a woman to put on a washing machine or a rice cooker or a deep-fryer or a dish washer or order a home delivery of groceries etc.

So, using chores as an excuse not to make a comparative contribution IS a moot point. Try again.
Most intelligent response. A lot has changed in the modern world. Now you just tuck your clothes into the machine, and its saving you time. A lot of manual tasks in naija are now automated. What does the woman do then?
Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by freshdude99(m): 8:55am On Oct 16
Lawlahdey:
It's not about what works for me, dear.
It's about reality.
And who told you that reality is a fair game? My dear just be careful what you post online, very few feminist make it in marriage or u might just be preparing urself to be a single mother!
Very draining I must tell you.
Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by yinkson(m): 7:31pm On Oct 31
RuthDaniels:
"When you do the right thing for the wrong reasons, there's bound to be a failure."



That said, Where there is law, there lies sin. What if we create a World where no one is under any obligations.

#word
Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by Nobody: 9:03pm On Oct 31
Lawlahdey:
I await them grin grin grin


lipsrsealed lipsrsealed lipsrsealed lipsrsealed lipsrsealed @

Dear husband, you will wash my bra and also my panties. You will clean the house. While I'm washing and cleaning the kitchen, you will wash and clean the toilet.

And trust me, we won't be needing a maid or a houseboy/girl because it's both of our responsibilities and we have to share it.
Not to worry, I'll be taking care of my share of the financial responsibilities too.
Re: Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. by enkayhope(f): 7:47pm On Nov 01
horlahsunbo225:
A single lady is advising the married woman
Good continue
Just tell your future husband all this and wait for his reaction
If you want your man to help there is a way you will say it not like forcing him or telling him it is his responsibility
All responsible man know.is good to help one's wife but they will do it at their own convient time not routine


LAWLAHDEY be wise
just like d woman will support financially at her own convenient time. I will say it again, na doz men wey no get anything at all dey do Oga pass, real men do things at home with love cos they know it's their home

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