Can people remember those days that you can virtually buy anything you want to eat on a bicycle showglass. Something like akara,pofpof,fan ice,scotch egg,buns, egg buns etc. Our last born was very young then and mum used to take her to shop with her, then she buys everything she wants to eat for her from these sellers regularly.
We used to have late night prayers before going to bed once in a while or when anyone of us misbehaves just to rebuke the devil I guess.

Anyway, we take turns to pray and we always prayed in yoruba starting from the first born to the last, then mum and grand finale dad. Each of our prayers is about 50secs long and by the time our last borns's prayers starts, we are already dead in laughter cos its always thesame prayer and we all know; it goes

Errrrm errm in the mighty name of Jesus - we all say amen( laughter gaining momentum)
in the energy blood of Jesus - amen
errrrm errm these bicycles, that sells rush e( akara), the ones that sells pof pof and the ones that buns may Jesus not let them hit us - our Amen will be in extreme laughter.

The funny thing is, both dad and mum dont find it funny. He will just look at our direction with his eyes still closed as if they told not him not opened them just to get us to behave.

Dad enters the kitchen and picks from the meat mom's frying(hands unwashed)
Mom- filthy man,all these years you still avn't changed
Dad- hmnn, filthy indeed, 5 yrs, 10 yrs,20 yrs,now almost 30yrs, u haven't left the filthy man
(all burst into laughter)

I kom 4rm a vry high class home, wen my dad is in d hse wit we hs children, he pollutes d air, &tels us 2 tel him "thank u daddy", which sme of us did, my mum wud get angry, and warn my dad by polluting d air again, we d children wud get angry but we cnt cntrl our laughter.

My dad is a funny disciplinarian. one day, i served him dinner but forgot to put a napkin on the table for him to wipe is hands aftr washing. So, after eating and washing his hands, he called me and asked me to bow my head close to him, apparently he was going to clean his hands on my head. i sheepishly presented my head for the ritual thinking he wanted to examine my hair that i just barb that evening. i only realised evrything when evryone at the table bursted into laugh.

^^^very funny

Bibankee:

Dad enters the kitchen and picks from the meat mom's frying(hands unwashed)
Mom- filthy man,all these years you still avn't changed
Dad- hmnn, filthy indeed, 5 yrs, 10 yrs,20 yrs,now almost 30yrs, u haven't left the filthy man
(all burst into laughter)

With all due respect to my daddy,that guy dey tell lies naturally!When i was 17yrs and yet to even write my SSCE exam,he ambitiously made me do jam and i failed it by just few marks.well my dad was so dissapointed that whenever his buddies come visiting he will report me to his friends that i am 24yrs old and yet i could not pass jamb, can u imagine.and most of them believed!

Again when i failed that first jamb,my dad was working in Lagos then while i and the rest of my other family was in another state in 9ja.so each time my dad makes his bi-weekly visit to see us,he always mock me and compare me with our neighbors kids in Lagos and how they took the same jamb exam with me and have since gained admission into uni lag while i was still 'roasting' at home.i felt so embarrassed!well years later , after i was in year two in Uniben,i went visiting my dad in Lagos only to discover that my so-called neighbors kids whom my daddy boasted/used to torment me where still  at home attempting jamb. That was when i doff my imaginary hat for my daddy and crowned him 'chairman of lies'.lol!

;d ;d :d :d :d :d

this thread is just too funny!

This is definately the best post I have ever read on NL to date, Thanks denzel2009 for lightening up my morning.

I remember growing up and my parents used to attend different churches. Naturally, we would always like to go with our Dad. My mum had a game plan. Anytime my brother followed her to church, he always told us tales of Mr Biggs ice cream and meatpie. Before i knew it, myself and my sista 'switched' to following my mom to church just to have a 'feel' of the after-church Mr Biggs experience, My popsie soon realised this and started offering us after-church yoghurt! Meeeeeen, it was coool!

God bless our parents!!!!!!!!!!!

here's one scenero

MUM: who took the hair cream i kept in my wardrobe

ME: Not me

MUM: are u trying to tell me, the hair cream grew legs/wings and walked out of this room?

ME:I don't know

MUM: u'd better come and look for it before i descend on u

ME: mom, isn't that the hair cream on ur dressing table?

MUM: I Know i didn't put it there,anyways thank God there are no ghost in this house

She also has this massive steel cup she uses to drink her tea and always dunk the bread in her tea.

I and my siblings never liked eating beans.whenever my mom wud ask us to cook bean for lunch, we wud cook rice.one day, we made rice as uasual. unknown to us, my mom wrote her signature (S1) on the rice.
we chop better beating that day and she had to take the bag of rice to her room.

waohhhh, wonderful memory i grew up knowing my step mum as my mother, she is not educated, while my father of blessed memory was very educated, she refers to orheptal blood tonic as ore peter, my late dad will say ore peter ko ore john ni,new year is nu wuya, then there was this family friend of ours that his name is Akin Cole, my step mum will say Akin Kooru. and my late father liked pulling her legs, he would just com up with an issue that would make my step mum speak english by force

dad: arabirin, elo ni mo n je e ba?(woman, how much am I owing u now?)
mom:, naira
dad: hen! kini mo wa ra ni igba to le to yen?(screams! what ve i bought from u that is that expensive)

this happens every month when he is to pay whatever amount he has lent from his wife.

LWKMD

u guys ve prevented me from eating breakfast oh! i'm really laughing my ass off, thank God I'm d only one at home.

here's one
1.

me: dad pls i need money for,

dad: (cuts in) go and write it down and bring the list

mei quickly scribble some items i need down) i've written them down, see d list

dadhe looks at it) u know i don't have money and, ( he begins to strike off d items he thinks are not necessary, i protest and haggle over the list until we reach an agreement)

after some time has passed

dad: anyway when i come back i'm going to look 4 money(he steps out of the house)

me:

he comes back l8ta n d drama resumes again with some 'scenes' added or removed again with him giving me the 'agreed' money after 2 or 3 'episodes'


2. In the morning,the sound of the t.v (usually turned up to a very high volume) coupled with d sound of constant stirring of early morning cofee (the spoon stirs continously and noisily at a fast speed in d teacup such that i wonder why d mug hasn't broken yet), by my dad serve as an effective 'wake up alarm' for me despite d fact that i'm sleeping in the next room while he's at the sitting room.

God Bless our parents. But what is this thing about mum's with one big cup. mine has one as well and she dunks her bread in it too.

I had to come take a peek. My mum also still keeps a big stainless cup from which she drinks tea.

If you woke up in the morning and you didn't wash your face or gaggle before you greet or perked her she'd say se kon se enu gbigbe e lon gbe bo wa ki mi. Meaning i hope its not your dirty mouth you are bringing to greet me

Again if you broke any ware in the house or you complained about how she placed something in the house she'd shout you name and tell you to respect the ware tell you the date you were born and the date cum price of the ware and them she'd tell you its older than you.

bolanleodu:


Again if you broke any ware in the house or you complained about how she placed something in the house she'd shout you name and tell you to respect the ware tell you the date you were born and the date come price of the ware and them she'd tell you its older than you.

Tell me about it! that's my mum regular and stand by response. She used to threaten me anytime am carrying one of those wares that if i break them, she will use it to give me Oyo tribal mark . Mothers!!!!

summer in Nigeria my bro excessively combing his hair
Aunt: what exactly r u combing i have more hair on my vagina than u do on ur head,

Growing Up was fun except that MumC could be unnecessarily harsh particularly when she warns you about some certain things.
Imagine my dad calls us almost every now and then to ask if we have eaten and we are okay. I used to think he was just being d nice dad until I grew up and realised it was a means of ensuring we were indoors all through as we couldn't move d box phone whenever we needed to go out.
I remember the beatings you get for failing sums whenever you are taught at home and you claim you understood all you were taught.

being a teacher, pankere or long sticks used by masquerades is always smwhere in d house. d more we throw it out d more she keeps bringn it in.

Wen we kill a chicken n we r removn d feather, she wuld tell us nt 2 talk so dat new ones will nt grow.n weneva she wants 2 cut d gizzard, she will open her mouth n make sm sound, wen we ask y, she'll say its tradition.

Weneva u ask dad 4 money, he'll bring out some small currencies n tell u dats all he has. mum wuld always say dat if he says he has 1000 be sure he has 10,000 in hiding. wat he does is dat he keeps d money wen he comes back in d nite , hes so gud at keepn money in odd place where u can neva tink of dat even he himself wuld smtimes nt remember where he kept it. we dint beliv mum until days wen we innocently found money inside his shoe, inside a blender he built himself bt was nt workn well, inbtw dirty lundry nd some odd places. mum said wen they first gt married weneva she sees d money she wuld take out of it nd wuld tell him after sm days bt dad wuld be unable 2 ask cos he has already told her he dint av, she l8r stopd doing dis cos she said she feels guilty wenava she prays, as if her prayer will nt be answered. she told us abt sm odd places where he kept money.
in a particular incidence wen dad came back , mum was outside, he went in nd mum heard a sound like dat of a plank. few dats later he was frantically searchn d whole house nd wen mum asked he said she shudnt worry.l8r wen he seemed 2 av searched d whole house witout success he voiced out n accused mum of stealing d money since we were still young. mum became worried nd told her she dint. she l8r remembered d sound she heard dat day wen he came in. she started searchn arnd anytin made of wood. can u belive where dad saved d money he removed d foam on their bed, removed one of d planks nd kept d money directly under it.

in another one he also kept money nd dint remember where again, I guess it was a big money so wen he culdnt find it, he threatened 2 go n find a babalawo (herbalist) 2 get d culprit - being mum 2 confess. mum was just laughing at him.she buys food stuffs in bulk n she used 2 buy a sack of elubo at a time which she den takes little by little 2 grind, it was months after we finished dis particular sack dat she found dad's money under d sack in d store, weevils from d elubo had already made hole in d currencies, she laughed took d money 2 d bank, changed it n used it 2 buy a particular cloth she wanted 2 buy 4 dem 4 xmas wich she had been begging daddy 2 give her money 4. d day dad wore it, mum told him dat since he plans on gettn a babalawo den dey wuld both be affected by d charm afterall dey were both wearn d cloth she bought wit d money.

clue:

God Bless our parents. But what is this thing about mum's with one big cup. mine has one as well and she dunks her bread in it too.

I dont know oooo, funny tin is dat I've gotten used 2 it 2. Takn tea wit a teacup is like punishment 2 me, its just neva satisfying. anoda tin I dint like while grown up bt was forced on me was "ogi nd akara or moi moi" . dat used 2 be our breakfast on saturdays nd we used 2 hate it bt we dint av a choice.neva thought I'll eva miss it bt on leavn d house I found myself missn it. nd anytm I get d chance I take it, even custard wont do,it has 2 be ogi

dupsy_tosh:

I dont know oooo, funny tin is dat I've gotten used 2 it 2. Takn tea wit a teacup is like punishment 2 me, its just neva satisfying. anoda tin I dint like while grown up bt was forced on me was "ogi nd akara or moi moi" . dat used 2 be our breakfast on saturdays nd we used 2 hate it bt we dint av a choice.neva thought I'll eva miss it bt on leavn d house I found myself missn it.    nd anytm I get d chance I take it, even custard wont do,it has 2 be ogi 

Are you sure we are not related? Is ithis Dupe my sister from another mother?

lol 
years ago, just after uni. i used to travel to up-country branches on official duties, then i was temporarily working with a bank. when i got back from such trips, i always gave my mom some cash like i was giving her. after a while i'd need some bucks again and teased her to lend out to one in need she'd simply smile and agree and bring the exact amount i had given her. didnt occur to me then till later on. she never used it but kept it [knowing her son would come back for this temporarily kept treasure to loot again]     
he he he makes me laugh at myself these days. . .
God bless momsi! momsi u d best!!

Fantastic thread!

We were all watching a soap and a man opened the car door for his wife. I asked my dad why he never did that for my mum. The guy replied, help me tell your mother o, before i even apply the brakes she has already jumped out of the car.

Mumsie was yabbing my father that when they were about to get married the guy promised her the latest Honda Accord and here she was with a jalopy. Popsie quickly replied, but the latest is not yet out, they keep bringing out the latest, she should be patient.

I just love my parents,

dupsy_tosh:

being a teacher, pankere or long sticks used by masquerades is always smwhere in d house. d more we throw it out d more she keeps bringn it in.

Wen we kill a chicken n we r removn d feather, she wuld tell us nt 2 talk so dat new ones will nt grow.n weneva she wants 2 cut d gizzard, she will open her mouth n make sm sound, wen we ask y, she'll say its tradition.

Weneva u ask dad 4 money, he'll bring out some small currencies n tell u dats all he has. mum wuld always say dat if he says he has 1000 be sure he has 10,000 in hiding. wat he does is dat he keeps d money wen he comes back in d nite , hes so gud at keepn money in odd place where u can neva tink of dat even he himself wuld smtimes nt remember where he kept it. we dint beliv mum until days wen we innocently found money inside his shoe, inside a blender he built himself bt was nt workn well, inbtw dirty lundry nd some odd places. mum said wen they first gt married weneva she sees d money she wuld take out of it nd wuld tell him after sm days bt dad wuld be unable 2 ask cos he has already told her he dint av, she l8r stopd doing dis cos she said she feels guilty wenava she prays, as if her prayer will nt be answered. she told us abt sm odd places where he kept money.
in a particular incidence wen dad came back , mum was outside, he went in nd mum heard a sound like dat of a plank. few dats later he was frantically searchn d whole house nd wen mum asked he said she shudnt worry.l8r wen he seemed 2 av searched d whole house witout success he voiced out n accused mum of stealing d money since we were still young. mum became worried nd told her she dint. she l8r remembered d sound she heard dat day wen he came in. she started searchn arnd anytin made of wood. can u belive where dad saved d money he removed d foam on their bed, removed one of d planks nd kept d money directly under it.

in another one he also kept money nd dint remember where again, I guess it was a big money so wen he culdnt find it, he threatened 2 go n find a babalawo (herbalist) 2 get d culprit - being mum 2 confess. mum was just laughing at him.she buys food stuffs in bulk n she used 2 buy a sack of elubo at a time which she den takes little by little 2 grind, it was months after we finished dis particular sack dat she found dad's money under d sack in d store, weevils from d elubo had already made hole in d currencies, she laughed took d money 2 d bank, changed it n used it 2 buy a particular cloth she wanted 2 buy 4 dem 4 xmas wich she had been begging daddy 2 give her money 4. d day dad wore it, mum told him dat since he plans on gettn a babalawo den dey wuld both be affected by d charm afterall dey were both wearn d cloth she bought wit d money.

LMAO

@poster: this thread is addictive, c what u've caused

dupsy_tosh:

anoda tin I dint like while grown up bt was forced on me was "ogi nd akara or moi moi", dat used 2 be our breakfast on saturdays

we still take d stuff ova here oo.
pour plenty of sugar 

modele2:


We were all watching a soap and a man opened the car door for his wife. I asked my dad why he never did that for my mum.  The guy replied, help me tell your mother o, before i even apply the brakes she has already jumped out of the car.

Mumsie was yabbing my father that when they were about to get married the guy promised her the latest Honda Accord and here she was with a jalopy. Popsie quickly replied, but the latest is not yet out, they keep bringing out the latest, she should be patient.

           

           

Pamperme:

Tell me about it! that's my mum regular and stand by response. She used to threaten me anytime am carrying one of those wares that if i break them, she will use it to give me Oyo tribal mark . Mothers!!!!

Yeah the ila oyo part, really funny.

There where time every body would be gisting and mum would be angry about the noise the next thing would be o ya egbe ejo tan kansu yin koro mbi fun mi. Meaning take your town council forum away from here. I assure you that you'd better not utter another word for you own safety.

my mom is someone that can eat meat like no man's business.so one day my mom and late dad were eatting when my dad paused and was looking at his dear wife chewing all the meat in the soup ,the next thing he said he my mom was: dad : ekaete, mom:yes dear :dad: the day you stop eating meat i will tell you children to go and bye coffin cos i know you are dead.thinking my mom will get angry, she just burst out laughing her heart out.today, that joke is one of the joke she never forgets about my dad

[/quote]my mom is someone that can eat meat like no man's business.so one day my mom and late dad were eatting when my dad paused and was looking at his dear wife chewing all the meat in the soup ,the next thing he said he my mom was: dad : ekaete, mom:yes dear :dad: the day you stop eating meat i will tell you children to go and bye coffin cos i know you are dead.thinking my mom will get angry, she just burst out laughing her heart out.today, that joke is one of the joke she never forgets about my dad[quote]

This one got me reeling with laughter cos I could relate with it. In my family, my parents and siblings eat a lot of meat such that they've earned a title 'carnivore'. The competition is so stiff that one day my dad told my elder sis that he'll build a house close to an abattoir so that she'll have constant supply of meat! We all concurred and added that her confetti will be diced fried meat!

my dad (of blessed memory) had issues with the television.

9 o'clock network news is my dad's VALIUM FIVE, he will insist on tuning to the channel when its nine and the next minute he is gone_dozing with him leaning forward and his arm resting on the chair. funny

We tried to solve the problem by getting another tv and the old one stays in the bedroom, but in the morning he tunes the tv to AM Express, raise it to the highest volume and comes into the sitting room and be chatting with us. I still wonder what its alll about till date.

Dad I still miss you again tonight

denzel2009:

Are you sure we are not related? Is ithis Dupe my sister from another mother?

@denzel2009
lol, brother, sure, my mum's mother is the cousin of the nephew of ur mum's niece's cousin's aunty! lol

datz my way of describn a relative wen I dont really get d description my parents give, I just nod nd tell dem I get it.
soooo many family members

tayo_ast:

we still take d stuff ova here oo.
pour plenty of sugar

@tayo_ast
we can't excape it