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My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post - Family (6) - Nairaland

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Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by Nobody: 11:20am On Nov 26, 2017
Niyi6:
Since she has apologised, forgive her.
she will do worst ....she cant even read ,write or speak ...married to Phd student they belong to different world
Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by ibkayee(f): 11:21am On Nov 26, 2017
sirfee:
What are you insinuating?Can you do same,is that a pay back or what...




PS:I'm against cheating.
ibkayee:

It doesn't give her liberty to nor does it make it right, but it's difficult to feel much sympathy for you, the sermon about trust in marriage you added was quite funny too

Hope you can work through it the same way she did when you were the one cheating, good luck
Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by Xisnin(m): 11:23am On Nov 26, 2017
Since you live in the UK, I have a very strong advice for you.
Only stay in the marriage if you can overlook her flaw but if
you can't prepare to quit the marriage first.

Because making life difficult for her can make her turn against
you and giving the country you live in, you might end up in jail
or lose all your assets to her.

Be wise!

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by elegantslayer(f): 11:23am On Nov 26, 2017
betafuture:
I am very sorry, it seems like anytime I post on Nairaland is actually the time I have great challenges in my life, however, my posts also reflect the chronicle of my life. You may wish to check out my last posting about how I was sacked in the Bank with a debt that was guaranteed by a junior staff, whose job was threatened by the loan I obtained and she guaranteed for me. please find the link https://www.nairaland.com/2282140/loan-incured-before-termination-appointment Like I mentioned in that post, I got a job as with a Rep member and he appointed me as the Special assistant on a salary of 80k monthly and my boss paid my rent, of which I engage with my lender to take 50k with me monthly and right off the excess interest and stop disturbing the junior colleague, an arrangement they agreed to and everybody was fine, save that I had to struggle to cope with 30k monthly as a family man, working in Abuja. My wife never complained. I just gave her 25k from the salary, once received, to buy food for the family why I tried to manage with the remaining 5k. It was tough! Luckily, a junior lady cousin who works in a bank was posted to Abuja and we had to accommodate her. She was very kind and understood my plight. Sometimes, she drops up to 50k for my wife to augment the house expenses. She would tell me and sometimes, I would take additional 10k to ad to my pocket money.

The home was running, my son, my wife and my cousin, including myself were very happy. As a banker, I had learned the skill of marketing and networking and negotiation. In the course of my sojourn in the national assembly I met a head of a parastatal wjo needed me to do some strategic alliance between his organization and my boss. We later became great friends, and i realized I could access a scholarship to study in the UK through him. To cut the story short, I pursued this opportunity to the latter and I got a Federal government scholarship to pursue a Masters degree in the UK. I saw this as an opportunity to rewrite the story of my life. Two months in the UK, I began to look for means to bring my wife and son to join me in the UK. While I was in UK, I made it a point of duty to send 150k to my wife in Nigeria on monthly basis (Remember I was on scholarship) and I also do student work in the UK. Because we did not sell our car during the crisis, I also gave the custody of the car to her.

FIRST SUSPICION

When she was about coming to the UK with my 7 years old son, we decided to give out some of our home appliances and sell most of them including the car. Since I was not in Nigeria, she was to manage the transactions. Because I opened her e-mail address, i do see her mails, so i could see the alert on her GTB. The first thing that prompted me was that the amount she received for the sales of our car was 100k higher than what she declared to me. (The fund was meant to buy the flight tickets for her and my son). There were other expense transactions that were over declared, but the actual amount debited to her account were quite low. I did not confront her on these issues until she arrived UK with my son. When I did, I could see the way she manipulatively and professionally lied her way out of the whole issue. I did not pick an offense, hence i made her to understand that I was never convinced. Since then my instinct told me that if she could lie to me so much on finance, maybe there are other things going on in her life that I never known. However, I opened her Facebook account for her years ago in Nigeria, but I never bothered to check it. Out of curiosity, I tried login into her Facebook account and I discovered she has changed the password. My first reaction was to check it, but had I done that, she would have been conscious, then I used my skill as an trained IT security expert to crack her password and then access her Facebook. I ran through all her messenger message and everything was fine. Apart from a certain guy who always beg her for assistance and prayer, there was nothing really suspicious about her messanger and then, we continued with our normal life.

After a week in UK, she started to work as a carer (her visa permitted her to work fully), and she began to make money. I know how much enters her account and we decide how to spend. My son also start schooling and life began to have meaning again. I finished my masters with a distinction and the best graduating student in my department and my University offered me automatic admission for PhD, with part scholarship.l To remain, we needed to source funds to show evidence that my family can stay with me in the UK and show evidence of the balance of school fees. We sourced for money everywhere. She brought all she had and we had to borrow both from UK and Nigeria. My boss was very supportive and I commenced the PhD this September. As a family, we have a problem. My son is now 8 years and we have been trying to make another baby but it does not seem to be forthcoming. We have been to hospitals in the UK, we were both tested and once told my sperm motility was low, treated, but later we were considered both ok.

Since her arrival in the UK, I noticed that my wife suddenly repel sexxx. Sometimes, we had sexxxx just once in a month, she would find a way of brushing away by advances. At a level, i had to ask if there was any problem, but she said it was because of the new environment, her jobs and what have you. This further told me that all was not well in my marriage. She knows I love her and I would do anything for her. While we were yet trying to pay my tuition, her mum got a US visa and all the children were making contributions for her journey, I had to take from my school fees and send to Nigeria and manage my school to give us more time. I tried to ensure that we continually live like one happy family.

Do not let me sound like one perfect good guy. I had also lived a rough bad life in the past and she is aware. During my days in the bank, I had been sexually reckless and irresponsible. There was a time I left office to a gal house, fckked her and I never knew that the condom we used was stick to my shoe. I drove with it home, entered home very late at night, my wife was already angrily waiting for me in the house, only to see a used condom with sperm inside attached to the soul of my shoe. It was an issue that we had to battle with for weeks, even though I never confess it was from, I told a story that it must have got gummed to me at the mechanic village where I had gone to pick my car in the evening (She was aware that someone has accused my mechanic of having sexxx in his car, leaving condom at the back seat). after few weeks, we resolved the issue and we continued leaving normal life. However, there was also a time I suspected her activities on Facebook and I realised a guy whom she has known in the past has been pestering her and she seems to be encouraging him (That was during our period of financial crisis). I had confronted her, she had denied they never had anything but the guy was just pestering her. I apologised and went sober. I called the guy (who was also married) and lived in another faraway city. The guy denied having anything to do with her that she just knew her while growing up. The guy originally blasted me, but later called back and apologized and promised never to disturb her again. I was hurting for months, after which I forgave, forgot and moved on. Let me also state that during the period of my financial crisis, I made a covenant with God, after listening to a message, that whatever the case maybe, I will remain faithful to my wife. This I have manage to keep despite advances from both married and single friends and acquaintances.

THE REAL ISSUE

Now, we are living in the UK and very happy, she is working full-time, while I pursue my PhD full-time, work part-time and my son schools full-time and we were all happy, save the issue of delayed pregnancy and (to me, the poor sex life from her). Let me also state that I bought her a Samsung phone (when she arrived last year), which I have full access to because I know her password. Few months ago, she told me she wanted a bigger phone that she would send the one I bought her to my younger brother in Nigeria who had been disturbing her for a phone. Even though, I thought we did not need to spend money on a new phone at that crucial time because of the looming school expenses, I consented just for her to be happy and she got herself a Samsung galaxy s8 plus for 700pounds, which she would repay of 2 years. The first thing that prompted me about the phone was that she changed her password, but I never mind because I thought she was preventing my son, who always loved to play game on her phone from accessing the phone. However, after few weeks, I began to feel very uncomfortable about the whole stuff. My instinct just told me all was not well. Whatever was it, I could not place my finger on it. But after reviewing my work with my supervisor in the University yesterday, I just felt like going home to rest, instead of studying in the school and then, I met wife in the house with my son. She was trying to order some items online for my son for Christmas and on arrival, she gave her phone to select what we should buy for him, and then, the FB message came into her phone and I could read...'it is not what you think, I have been very busy'

I selected the item I thought was ok, gave returned her phone, picked my laptop and logged in to her Facebook. My wife pretended she was enganging me in discussion, but was responding to the message from a guy, who obviously was her lover and she wrote (I was reading from my computer without her knowledge) 'You know I will ALWAYS LOVE YOU'. and the other guy responded 'I love you more baby' (By this time, I was already burning on the seat, but I somehow managed to keep my calm). She wrote 'But you don't call me' ...and she stood up and went to the kitchen (I wanted to gather enough evidence before I reacted), but immediately she got to the kitchen, she deleted the conversation. At this time, I could not take it. My son was in the sitting room, watching cartoon. I went to her in the kitchen and aggressively confronted her. She originally pretended she did not know what I was saying, but when she say the aggression and seriousness in me she started begging and crying. I lost control of my emotion. I was angry and shouting. My son was there. He was too young, but very intelligent. he understood everything and began to blame his mum, at the same time asking me ti give mum a second chance. I was bitterly hurting. I felt like tearing her into pieces, but if I tried that in UK, it will be straight to jail. She could not state the reason behind her action. She was still trying to lie. She said the guy was her ex and they recently became friends on Facebook and the guy is trying to rekindle the old relationship. The guy is based in Nigeria, they do not even see. Everything she said was incoherently sense. All she wanted was that I should forgive her. I should not tell anybody. She cried, wept and what have you. I was hurting. If it were to by Nigeria, she would have left my house yesetrday, but in UK, it is difficult. The love turned to hatred. She managed to convince me to enter room with her, so that she will discuss the issue with me, without getting our son involved. In the room, it was the same crying and plea for forgiveness and a promise it would never happen again. I told her i was ok, but she would not let me out. I had to angrily shove her away from the door and she hit her head against the wardrobe. i was too angry, too sad, and too hateful to care. i called her all manners of unprintable names. I cursed her, I was just too angry. She kept begging. I left for the sitting room and she came back, knelt down before me and kept begging. My son was crying that two of us were making him sad. The young boy even threatened to tell his teacher in the school on monday. I was too angry to listen. I just told her to let me be. She stood up with tears in her eyes to enter the toilet, I checked her Facebook account again and realised that the lover had sent another message thus: "My dear I don't call you always to protect your home, but I always check your pictures every night before I go to bed" As I was reading, she stupidly deleted that again in the toilet. (Please note that my wife always post our family pictures on facebook, stating how I am the best husband in the world).

My anger erupted again and I rushed to meet her in the bathroom and asked her why she deleted the last message of the guy and she tearfully answered that she did not want me to see anything that could aggravate my anger the more. I angrily snatched the phone from her and smashed it on the floor. She knelt down at my feet and continued to cry and beg for forgiveness, but I was hurting so badly. I left for sitting room again and my son was confusedly crying. She came back and knelt before me and continued begging and weeping and begged we should go back to the room to discuss, at least to protect our son. After a while, i followed her. There was nothing to say; the same weeping, crying and promises to not do it again and swearing that they never had anything together. I told her I needed to talk to the guy and she pleaded I should not. I told her she is giving me an impression that she is protecting the guy so that she could continue her illicit affairs with him and told her it would not work. The can change tactics, but its is only a matter of time. I told her, I would forgive her, but I cannot trust her again and when there is no trust in marriage, the marriage is gone. I also told her I must engage that guy that she should give me his number, but she said her phone is no longer working. I made her feel comfortable that I have forgiven her, but honestly I am hurting. I went back to my laptop, continued chat with the guy on her messenger, but he was now online. We both slept on the same bed, i realised she could not sleep. In the middle of the night she woke me up to beg again, she was offering a make-up sexxx, but I was not interested. I told her i had forgiven her, but I am still hurting and there is no way i could have erection with her. In the morning, I checked her messanger, i discovered the iddiot has responded, still claiming to love her. I checked his profile, I realised he is a muslim, who has a wife with two kids. His location was not shown, but most of his pics her in Nigeria apart from two which have foreign background. I also realize he has limited posts on FB, but the phone number on his FB page is US phone number.

From my wife's FB account, I sent a message thus:

Hi, Mr Farouq, my name is Adams, I am Grace husband
I just wish to inform you that all the rubbish you have been doing with my wife are now exposed to me
I advise you in the name of whatever thing you believe, STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

I also realize you are a married man. If you have any moral integrity and respect for family values, you will know that
responsible men do not run after married women or break homes.

I do not care whatever you claim you think of her, just heed this warning STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

He read it an never respond. I went to her facebook setting and unfriended him.

I left home in the morning to go study in the library, but honestly, I could not assimilate anything. I am so emotionally broken down, so psychologically disturbed. The whole event kept playing in my head. I found it difficult to rationalise it. I continued to find fault in my being and my personality. I know I am very attractive handsome young man. Despite showing I am married, ladies still flock around me. I am also a passionate lovemaker. I dress well and look neat. I don't seem to understand where I have failed. Sometimes I just close my eyes and i feel tears dripping, but I have got to be strong. As for her, she has remained in the room since morning, hiding her head in shame and crying profusely. I have cut off communication with her since I came back from school and I have enganged myself in drinking spirit maybe my spirit will be strenghtened.

This is my story, this is my ordeal. Please I need advice.

Thanks.






op,i read ur story bit by bit.....but plz for d sake of your son pls forgive her, at least she was remorseful.pls I plead on her behalf with God's name

1 Like

Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by Afonjanightmare(m): 11:24am On Nov 26, 2017
Mznaett:


Please tell us the meaning of 'Man". Since you know better than us here...

Ouch! I almost forgot to read this part " when ladies start paying bride price and financing weddings then you can have a say.

Lest I forget, if the wife is a liar and adulterous demon, then the man is what? undecided

Typical African man you're...




A man is a male human, a natural leader and the head of every "normal" family. My parents are still married after 36yrs, my mother still brings my dad his meal and carries the plate to the kitchen till date, my mom stands in front of my dad when he's talking (my dad is seated o!) note: my mom is a masters degree holder and an Assistant director in the federal ministry of labor and employment, no power tussle @ all in the family, everyone knows their place. See, this feminist movement brought by the whites won't work in Africa, quote me anywhere, let women submit to their husbands just as the Bible says, in Islam, you are allowed to marry 4wives hence you can take care of them.

In summary, the op is a weak and effeminated male who is not only a disgrace to humanity but a disgrace to other male species in the animal kingdom.

5 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by frankwyte: 11:24am On Nov 26, 2017
Sorry bro! But listenup , the truth is that you are not yet mature to handle a home..... Maturity is keeping a home together and taking best decision that bothers on Family. coming to public forum and telling us your family challenge is something i considered childish to say the least.
Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by Jman06(m): 11:24am On Nov 26, 2017
I would have sympathized with you but since you also cheated on her i think you deserve what you got.

Cheating men deserve cheating wives and i wish ladies will start paying back and not just sit back and suck up all the cheating by their men. You will be surprised how those men would go on defensive and stop cheating. But make sure you have a means of livelihood before you do that.

4 Likes

Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by IAmSkinny: 11:24am On Nov 26, 2017
Well it is so unfortunate. All I learned from this story is how to travel to UK cus that's all I wanna do mehn.
Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by sirfee(m): 11:25am On Nov 26, 2017
ibkayee:
smiley Noted,no hard feelings.


Cheers

1 Like

Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by ibkayee(f): 11:25am On Nov 26, 2017
sirfee:
smiley Noted,no hard feelings.



Cheers
smiley

1 Like

Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by Offpoint: 11:26am On Nov 26, 2017
betafuture:
I am very sorry, it seems like anytime I post on Nairaland is actually the time I have great challenges in my life, however, my posts also reflect the chronicle of my life. You may wish to check out my last posting about how I was sacked in the Bank with a debt that was guaranteed by a junior staff, whose job was threatened by the loan I obtained and she guaranteed for me. please find the link https://www.nairaland.com/2282140/loan-incured-before-termination-appointment Like I mentioned in that post, I got a job as with a Rep member and he appointed me as the Special assistant on a salary of 80k monthly and my boss paid my rent, of which I engage with my lender to take 50k with me monthly and right off the excess interest and stop disturbing the junior colleague, an arrangement they agreed to and everybody was fine, save that I had to struggle to cope with 30k monthly as a family man, working in Abuja. My wife never complained. I just gave her 25k from the salary, once received, to buy food for the family why I tried to manage with the remaining 5k. It was tough! Luckily, a junior lady cousin who works in a bank was posted to Abuja and we had to accommodate her. She was very kind and understood my plight. Sometimes, she drops up to 50k for my wife to augment the house expenses. She would tell me and sometimes, I would take additional 10k to ad to my pocket money.

The home was running, my son, my wife and my cousin, including myself were very happy. As a banker, I had learned the skill of marketing and networking and negotiation. In the course of my sojourn in the national assembly I met a head of a parastatal wjo needed me to do some strategic alliance between his organization and my boss. We later became great friends, and i realized I could access a scholarship to study in the UK through him. To cut the story short, I pursued this opportunity to the latter and I got a Federal government scholarship to pursue a Masters degree in the UK. I saw this as an opportunity to rewrite the story of my life. Two months in the UK, I began to look for means to bring my wife and son to join me in the UK. While I was in UK, I made it a point of duty to send 150k to my wife in Nigeria on monthly basis (Remember I was on scholarship) and I also do student work in the UK. Because we did not sell our car during the crisis, I also gave the custody of the car to her.

FIRST SUSPICION

When she was about coming to the UK with my 7 years old son, we decided to give out some of our home appliances and sell most of them including the car. Since I was not in Nigeria, she was to manage the transactions. Because I opened her e-mail address, i do see her mails, so i could see the alert on her GTB. The first thing that prompted me was that the amount she received for the sales of our car was 100k higher than what she declared to me. (The fund was meant to buy the flight tickets for her and my son). There were other expense transactions that were over declared, but the actual amount debited to her account were quite low. I did not confront her on these issues until she arrived UK with my son. When I did, I could see the way she manipulatively and professionally lied her way out of the whole issue. I did not pick an offense, hence i made her to understand that I was never convinced. Since then my instinct told me that if she could lie to me so much on finance, maybe there are other things going on in her life that I never known. However, I opened her Facebook account for her years ago in Nigeria, but I never bothered to check it. Out of curiosity, I tried login into her Facebook account and I discovered she has changed the password. My first reaction was to check it, but had I done that, she would have been conscious, then I used my skill as an trained IT security expert to crack her password and then access her Facebook. I ran through all her messenger message and everything was fine. Apart from a certain guy who always beg her for assistance and prayer, there was nothing really suspicious about her messanger and then, we continued with our normal life.

After a week in UK, she started to work as a carer (her visa permitted her to work fully), and she began to make money. I know how much enters her account and we decide how to spend. My son also start schooling and life began to have meaning again. I finished my masters with a distinction and the best graduating student in my department and my University offered me automatic admission for PhD, with part scholarship.l To remain, we needed to source funds to show evidence that my family can stay with me in the UK and show evidence of the balance of school fees. We sourced for money everywhere. She brought all she had and we had to borrow both from UK and Nigeria. My boss was very supportive and I commenced the PhD this September. As a family, we have a problem. My son is now 8 years and we have been trying to make another baby but it does not seem to be forthcoming. We have been to hospitals in the UK, we were both tested and once told my sperm motility was low, treated, but later we were considered both ok.

Since her arrival in the UK, I noticed that my wife suddenly repel sexxx. Sometimes, we had sexxxx just once in a month, she would find a way of brushing away by advances. At a level, i had to ask if there was any problem, but she said it was because of the new environment, her jobs and what have you. This further told me that all was not well in my marriage. She knows I love her and I would do anything for her. While we were yet trying to pay my tuition, her mum got a US visa and all the children were making contributions for her journey, I had to take from my school fees and send to Nigeria and manage my school to give us more time. I tried to ensure that we continually live like one happy family.

Do not let me sound like one perfect good guy. I had also lived a rough bad life in the past and she is aware. During my days in the bank, I had been sexually reckless and irresponsible. There was a time I left office to a gal house, fckked her and I never knew that the condom we used was stick to my shoe. I drove with it home, entered home very late at night, my wife was already angrily waiting for me in the house, only to see a used condom with sperm inside attached to the soul of my shoe. It was an issue that we had to battle with for weeks, even though I never confess it was from, I told a story that it must have got gummed to me at the mechanic village where I had gone to pick my car in the evening (She was aware that someone has accused my mechanic of having sexxx in his car, leaving condom at the back seat). after few weeks, we resolved the issue and we continued leaving normal life. However, there was also a time I suspected her activities on Facebook and I realised a guy whom she has known in the past has been pestering her and she seems to be encouraging him (That was during our period of financial crisis). I had confronted her, she had denied they never had anything but the guy was just pestering her. I apologised and went sober. I called the guy (who was also married) and lived in another faraway city. The guy denied having anything to do with her that she just knew her while growing up. The guy originally blasted me, but later called back and apologized and promised never to disturb her again. I was hurting for months, after which I forgave, forgot and moved on. Let me also state that during the period of my financial crisis, I made a covenant with God, after listening to a message, that whatever the case maybe, I will remain faithful to my wife. This I have manage to keep despite advances from both married and single friends and acquaintances.

THE REAL ISSUE

Now, we are living in the UK and very happy, she is working full-time, while I pursue my PhD full-time, work part-time and my son schools full-time and we were all happy, save the issue of delayed pregnancy and (to me, the poor sex life from her). Let me also state that I bought her a Samsung phone (when she arrived last year), which I have full access to because I know her password. Few months ago, she told me she wanted a bigger phone that she would send the one I bought her to my younger brother in Nigeria who had been disturbing her for a phone. Even though, I thought we did not need to spend money on a new phone at that crucial time because of the looming school expenses, I consented just for her to be happy and she got herself a Samsung galaxy s8 plus for 700pounds, which she would repay of 2 years. The first thing that prompted me about the phone was that she changed her password, but I never mind because I thought she was preventing my son, who always loved to play game on her phone from accessing the phone. However, after few weeks, I began to feel very uncomfortable about the whole stuff. My instinct just told me all was not well. Whatever was it, I could not place my finger on it. But after reviewing my work with my supervisor in the University yesterday, I just felt like going home to rest, instead of studying in the school and then, I met wife in the house with my son. She was trying to order some items online for my son for Christmas and on arrival, she gave her phone to select what we should buy for him, and then, the FB message came into her phone and I could read...'it is not what you think, I have been very busy'

I selected the item I thought was ok, gave returned her phone, picked my laptop and logged in to her Facebook. My wife pretended she was enganging me in discussion, but was responding to the message from a guy, who obviously was her lover and she wrote (I was reading from my computer without her knowledge) 'You know I will ALWAYS LOVE YOU'. and the other guy responded 'I love you more baby' (By this time, I was already burning on the seat, but I somehow managed to keep my calm). She wrote 'But you don't call me' ...and she stood up and went to the kitchen (I wanted to gather enough evidence before I reacted), but immediately she got to the kitchen, she deleted the conversation. At this time, I could not take it. My son was in the sitting room, watching cartoon. I went to her in the kitchen and aggressively confronted her. She originally pretended she did not know what I was saying, but when she say the aggression and seriousness in me she started begging and crying. I lost control of my emotion. I was angry and shouting. My son was there. He was too young, but very intelligent. he understood everything and began to blame his mum, at the same time asking me ti give mum a second chance. I was bitterly hurting. I felt like tearing her into pieces, but if I tried that in UK, it will be straight to jail. She could not state the reason behind her action. She was still trying to lie. She said the guy was her ex and they recently became friends on Facebook and the guy is trying to rekindle the old relationship. The guy is based in Nigeria, they do not even see. Everything she said was incoherently sense. All she wanted was that I should forgive her. I should not tell anybody. She cried, wept and what have you. I was hurting. If it were to by Nigeria, she would have left my house yesetrday, but in UK, it is difficult. The love turned to hatred. She managed to convince me to enter room with her, so that she will discuss the issue with me, without getting our son involved. In the room, it was the same crying and plea for forgiveness and a promise it would never happen again. I told her i was ok, but she would not let me out. I had to angrily shove her away from the door and she hit her head against the wardrobe. i was too angry, too sad, and too hateful to care. i called her all manners of unprintable names. I cursed her, I was just too angry. She kept begging. I left for the sitting room and she came back, knelt down before me and kept begging. My son was crying that two of us were making him sad. The young boy even threatened to tell his teacher in the school on monday. I was too angry to listen. I just told her to let me be. She stood up with tears in her eyes to enter the toilet, I checked her Facebook account again and realised that the lover had sent another message thus: "My dear I don't call you always to protect your home, but I always check your pictures every night before I go to bed" As I was reading, she stupidly deleted that again in the toilet. (Please note that my wife always post our family pictures on facebook, stating how I am the best husband in the world).

My anger erupted again and I rushed to meet her in the bathroom and asked her why she deleted the last message of the guy and she tearfully answered that she did not want me to see anything that could aggravate my anger the more. I angrily snatched the phone from her and smashed it on the floor. She knelt down at my feet and continued to cry and beg for forgiveness, but I was hurting so badly. I left for sitting room again and my son was confusedly crying. She came back and knelt before me and continued begging and weeping and begged we should go back to the room to discuss, at least to protect our son. After a while, i followed her. There was nothing to say; the same weeping, crying and promises to not do it again and swearing that they never had anything together. I told her I needed to talk to the guy and she pleaded I should not. I told her she is giving me an impression that she is protecting the guy so that she could continue her illicit affairs with him and told her it would not work. The can change tactics, but its is only a matter of time. I told her, I would forgive her, but I cannot trust her again and when there is no trust in marriage, the marriage is gone. I also told her I must engage that guy that she should give me his number, but she said her phone is no longer working. I made her feel comfortable that I have forgiven her, but honestly I am hurting. I went back to my laptop, continued chat with the guy on her messenger, but he was now online. We both slept on the same bed, i realised she could not sleep. In the middle of the night she woke me up to beg again, she was offering a make-up sexxx, but I was not interested. I told her i had forgiven her, but I am still hurting and there is no way i could have erection with her. In the morning, I checked her messanger, i discovered the iddiot has responded, still claiming to love her. I checked his profile, I realised he is a muslim, who has a wife with two kids. His location was not shown, but most of his pics her in Nigeria apart from two which have foreign background. I also realize he has limited posts on FB, but the phone number on his FB page is US phone number.

From my wife's FB account, I sent a message thus:

Hi, Mr Farouq, my name is Adams, I am Grace husband
I just wish to inform you that all the rubbish you have been doing with my wife are now exposed to me
I advise you in the name of whatever thing you believe, STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

I also realize you are a married man. If you have any moral integrity and respect for family values, you will know that
responsible men do not run after married women or break homes.

I do not care whatever you claim you think of her, just heed this warning STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

He read it an never respond. I went to her facebook setting and unfriended him.

I left home in the morning to go study in the library, but honestly, I could not assimilate anything. I am so emotionally broken down, so psychologically disturbed. The whole event kept playing in my head. I found it difficult to rationalise it. I continued to find fault in my being and my personality. I know I am very attractive handsome young man. Despite showing I am married, ladies still flock around me. I am also a passionate lovemaker. I dress well and look neat. I don't seem to understand where I have failed. Sometimes I just close my eyes and i feel tears dripping, but I have got to be strong. As for her, she has remained in the room since morning, hiding her head in shame and crying profusely. I have cut off communication with her since I came back from school and I have enganged myself in drinking spirit maybe my spirit will be strenghtened.

This is my story, this is my ordeal. Please I need advice.

Thanks.






for the sake of your kid forgive her, you were wrong before, she's wrong now... but for sake of your kid future... forgive Her.
I know what effect a broken family can have on a child. I was from one
Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by Orlins: 11:26am On Nov 26, 2017
When you cheated, you denied, she didn't catch you in the act. She only had to let the initial thoughts of you doing it fade away. Talk to your wife and ask her to come clean, if she has had any sexual relationship during the 3months before she joined you, she should tell you and be ready to forgive her. Now what prompted your wife to have a lover outside her marriage? Have you checked yourself? You may have focused too deep in your PhD degree and forgotten how you used to treat her. Try to fix it all. For your son to speak for her, she really is good wife and mother. I'm glad you are passionate about sex, I urge you to have a make-up passionate sex with her and remain happily in love. Bless up
Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by crisycent: 11:27am On Nov 26, 2017
I took time to read your story; I feel for you bro. Especially when you’re in a country that you cannot SLAP her brain to default setting. The lord is your strength.

Forgiveness is entirely up to you! I will say consider your son in whatever decision you take.
Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by AngelicBeing: 11:28am On Nov 26, 2017
Yawns, Next story jare tongue
Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by Nobody: 11:29am On Nov 26, 2017
Divorce her. This is crazy

1 Like

Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by chimeziedickson: 11:29am On Nov 26, 2017
Do find a place in your heart to forgive her for the sake of d little boy,if she is really remorseful and repentant..it is not worth dieing for.....

1 Like

Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by lionness(f): 11:29am On Nov 26, 2017
women are completely complex beings unlike most men. Sometimes it's really hard to even explain how our mind works, but one thing is certain, you wife has been sleeping with that guy. The proof you need was the fact she wasn't enjoying sex with you. Once another man is sleeping with a married woman, we start getting attached to them. Thats the cold and sad truth. I didn't want to confirm this because of the hate it would rile up in you, but you still need to forgive her, but don't make it easy for her. Make her life completely miserable for as long as you could, and then finally let her in. Because if she could start nurturing love for the man who isn't even with her, and keep messaging him after all this time she's been with you, and punish you with not giving you good sex, she's really intending of meeting her lover again. And the only way to get the man out of her system is to threaten everything she holds dear. I am a woman, and I know how we think and the only time we really appreciate a husband we've fallen out of love with is when he's taking a second wife, or when he's threatening to leave us. Let her suffer, let her cry for over a month or more. After all, it's not like you came to London to cheat on her, you worked your ass off to get her and your son over there. Let her regret ever cheating so much that the thought of ever trying it in the future would be a no no...

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Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by BumbleBee2ice(f): 11:30am On Nov 26, 2017
@ Op, I wouldn't chastise u neither will I commend u but what I can tell u is, what is happening in ur marriage now u r d architect, though I don't support ur wife's flirting too in d least.

Most women starts cheating in marriage only if they perceive or they have caught their spouse doing d same nd it's mostly done as an act of retribution which is later regretted.
Some women will av full knowledge of ur cheating acts but instead of confronting u with it they feel paying u back in ur own coin will be d only reasonable thing to do @ d moment which I believe to be very wrong if u ask me...

She must have known this person d time she was still in Nigeria wen she felt u were also been unfaithful wit her.
Nevertheless Uncle betafuture grin, it's a good thing u caught her @ her game now nd she showed considerable amount of remorse/regret nd as d whole reality av since dawned on her, I'm sure she won't be so proud to ever engage in such again.

Pls think of dat Lil man nd reconsider given ur wife that second chance. embarassed
Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by CaesarDon(m): 11:31am On Nov 26, 2017
@ betafuture to be Frank I feel ur pain. when a guy cheats he isn't most times emotionally attached to his mistress, the same cannot be said for a lady, her spouse or boyfriend suffers, that is why she denied you sex cos her heart cannot be with 2 men at the same time I don't think she loves u cos she had the effonterry to deny u sex after all you've done 4 her

Bros u don't need a magician to tell u dat she cheated and trust me a cheating lady would most likely always cheat, which is very evident dat she still had dat audacity to make contact with d guy even after leaving the nigeria bros a cheating wife can kill

my advice betafuture is don't buy that emotional blackmail crap she's selling ,do not entrust her with anything from finance to ur life, tread softly when dealing with her and don't let her know ur plans strat looking at the possibility of leaving without her in fact leave ur place for some days or weeks u may even call d attention of her family do not take this matter with levity hands

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Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by traeces(m): 11:32am On Nov 26, 2017
The idea of a cheating wife is one of the most difficult things for a man to process in a marriage but you are not the first and you won't be the last unfortunately. At least she is sorry and grieving. For a working class wife in the UK where she could easily have called the police on you for the violent behavior of shoving her against the wall and breaking her phone, that is something.
Forgive her and save your marriage

1 Like

Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by joshuatop1313: 11:33am On Nov 26, 2017
once a woman admits dat she's guilty n wrong , I don't see any reason behind you smashing her phone on ground or going extra mile of doing otherwise... fine, you yourself av confessed that u cheat in d time past... so, forgive and forget everything. I don't see any reason of you monitoring ur wife up n down..it is not ideal, totally wrong. stop checking her Facebook account is none of ur business bro, am sorry abt dat...build ur trust n understand her..Ask her series of qtn why she's acting so strange n u guyz shd settle it amicably...

Buh sir, u're too jealous...

I pray God will uphold ur family ijn...
Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by sirfee(m): 11:34am On Nov 26, 2017
ibkayee:

smiley
The only advice I have for the op is forgiveness,he should let go of his anger and bitterness (though it is easier said than done).I believe the game is balance...Mr Adams 1:1 Mrs Adam.



Moral lessons:Cheating is bad especially for married couples,karma is also a b*tch.
Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by valentineuwakwe(m): 11:35am On Nov 26, 2017
my man i understand you and only men who are married will understand this so boys should not comment. .all your actions are supported by me but you should have waited and control your emotions until you get that evidence you said you were loking for. .i had been in this shoe before. ?mine cheated on me with a pastor here in nigeria....but i handle the whole thing well and save self, my wife and marriage from scandals and village people story story. .we are yet to have any kids and would have sent her parking but i did not..i forgive her after she pleaded. .we are all guilty and you yourself is not a saint. .stop hurting your self by not letting go or forgiving her. .let it go and pretend as if nothing happen. .give her another chance. .life in the UK is not the same as here in nigeria. .besides you dnt have any evidence that she slept with the guy, just a Facebook chats. .
just be discrete n pretend you dnt care about his social media life like say 6months, then come back to check, then you can access her...but pls don't push her away or consider a divorce. ...cheers
Valentine Uwakwe

1 Like

Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by holusormi(m): 11:35am On Nov 26, 2017
dingbang:
But you cheated on her...even had sex with a girl...

And now your wife is just only chatting with someone else you are here boiling like molten magma ....


See God is not stupid ok... He has allowed the devil to come into your marriage which you started the adultery.. You are the one that needs to seek for mercy

How old are you ??
Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by positivetaught: 11:35am On Nov 26, 2017
I'm very sorry if I sound mean,but my candid advice to you is,if truly you can't trust her again then just take heart n your time complete your studies n come back home n divorce her to avoid had I know,a woman cheating can do anything to protect her interest including murder, take it or leave it but be very very careful with her.

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Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by Nickymichy(m): 11:35am On Nov 26, 2017
I must say i understand ur plight man... But at d same time u must understand d meaning of for better fir worse... Giv her another chance... Remember u once cheated on her and she forgave u...women are feeble vessel...persistent plea and disturbancefrm a man can bring dem down...stop hurting urself by having so much hate 4 her... She is still d woman u once loved... Draw her close and fix ur family... Prayer is d key.. In ds world der are many tribulations...God will c u through...
Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by ibkayee(f): 11:36am On Nov 26, 2017
sirfee:
The only advice I have for the op is forgiveness,he should let go of his anger and bitterness (though it is easier said than done).I believe the game is balance...Mr Adams 1:1 Mrs Adam.



Moral lessons:Cheating is bad especially for married couples,karma is also a b*tch.
True, he should also not be a hypocrite tongue
Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by benjsniper33: 11:36am On Nov 26, 2017
dingbang:
But you cheated on her...even had sex with a girl...

And now your wife is just only chatting with someone else you are here boiling like molten magma ....


See God is not stupid ok... He has allowed the devil to come into your marriage which you started the adultery.. You are the one that needs to seek for mercy

Shut the hell up and stop Judging, either you are faithful or not trails and tribulations must occur.
If things work that way who will be left alive?

Put yourself in his shoes and show some empathy

4 Likes

Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by Yameater(m): 11:36am On Nov 26, 2017
at op reply this post and i will tell you something
Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by ayobamiakinrind(m): 11:36am On Nov 26, 2017
Apina:


This one is strong.

And you had to quote the whole thing because of your scanty 4-word sentence? Kwantinu

1 Like

Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by farihafaheemah(m): 11:36am On Nov 26, 2017
Young man, you have to forgive your wife, she was remorseful on this issue, which mean she has realised her mistake. Pls give her second chance. For the sake of ur son, though I may be difficult to forget but try as much as possible to let it go. Be a man and move. Remember we seek forgiveness from our creator and HE forgives us and turn us to new creator, who are we not to forgive those who offended us. Give her second chance
Re: My Wife Is Adulterous: Advice Needed-long Post by farihafaheemah(m): 11:38am On Nov 26, 2017
Young man, you have to forgive your wife, she was remorseful on this issue, which mean she has realised her mistake. Pls give her second chance. For the sake of ur son, though It may be difficult to forget but try as much as possible to let it go. Be a man and move on. Remember we seek forgiveness from our creator and HE forgives us and turn us to new creation, who are we not to forgive those who offended us. Give her second chance

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