kneehighbootz:


OP please ignore this satanic advice.
Every m.0r0n and their brother will come of their pit holes and give advice.
If the subject matter being discussed is more than your IQ, why not ignore and peruse other topics?

your dad, mum and entire family are mo.r.on.. If somones opinion differ from yours, is it all that hard to ignore and peruse other comments?

TimeManager:

Why would you demonize men by your shallow & myopic reasoning?.. Did you skip the part she admitted she still loves him inspite?
Why not address the issue rather than draw a gender line?
I'm sick of NL dumbheads.

kiss the truth!

And lemme guess, the truth would be for her to marry her rapist, abi?
You must think life is a nollywood movie. Why not step away from your phone screen and join real life?

weyreypey:

You are capable of forgiveness

God forbid!

Not in this case.
Where my sanity is involved?
Forgive in rape, no dey my dictionary. Such evil people are not meant to be alive to torment others anymore.

Anyways that's it for tonight from my end, Feeling sleepy here.. smiles.

victorian:






God forbid!

Not in this case.
Where my sanity is involved?
Forgive in rape, no dey my dictionary. Such evil people are not meant to be alive to torment others anymore.

Anyways that's it for tonight from my end, Feeling sleepy here.. smiles.

Don't be like lalas247. Sleep well.

weyreypey:

Don't be like lalas247. Sleep well.

Lalas247? Wait hows she like?

kneehighbootz:


OP, I'm truly sorry about what happened to you. You know, your story has really helped me make a decision about someone today.

These type of men hardly change. They are narcissists who see it as their right to a woman's body and he will forever rationalise his actions.
I think you shouldn't let him get away with it. Report him to the police, tell his family members and his friends so they know what kind of animal he is, that he will go as far as raping his own fiancee.

He is Ammon and he was never in love with you, He was only lustful for your body.

I'm sorry and I deeply empathise with your situation. Try and confide in a trusted friend. You'll need their support.

let her go drag herself in the mud when she also stand the chance of letting go. If the said fiance isn't attractive to the O.P, she wouldn't have gave in to him. If you've bn fooled by a lady before you'd know better. And he sees himself as the Ops' husband already, he probably wanted to make sure he's not being fooled. OP is pained now because they can't marry each other because 'spiritually', they are not meant, if the thing had eventually worked out, she'd have bn less pained and still it's still not the guys' fault they won't be together at the end, 'It just doesn't end up happening'. OP is just feeling what every other girls do feel after breakup.. They all (including the non virgins, even professional prostitutes) always regret giving their bodies to the men that never keep them. Her own major issue is just the 'Virginity and Wedding night ecstasy (or probably fantasy)'. I am against rape and if she thinks she can take the shames, let her see the end of the man that would have bn her husband if not for spiritual (Religion) reason.

weyreypey:

Don't be like lalas247. Sleep well.

Goodnight.

thorpido:
Do you consider reporting him to the authorities? What he did is rape and he has no excuses for doing that.

You don't think your people will like him,in your heart of hearts,you don't really think he is the one.
You should wear your shoes to walk,innit?

did she say she was raped

@Smileng, i hope you get to read this.

Never said this to anyone before except my sis (i regreted i did cos she abused me with it when we had issues), am Writing this to encourage you.

I am called this omo depa when i was in school. At 24 i never dated anyone and a virgin. Was so glad when i clocked 24 n still a virgin cos i was like i have just one year to finish school. I never wanted to date anyone until after school. One day i thought, i think i should start looking out!!!

That was how i met a guy. Not my match in the faith but he was in for all i wanted him to be. Brilliant, fun to be with, wipes my tears (i was being maltreated at home so i wanted someone i can talk to or run to). He wanted sex by all means, and then after about 3 months i tokd him i cant do it cos am a virgin. He shouted you mean you are my wife? I think most guys love virgins, lol. He was ready to go on with the relationship. Later he begged us to be kissing, i said never and one day i visited him crying, and after consoling he kissed me unexpectedly and that was how we continued kissing until one day.

We had an argument and he vowed to purnish me by disvirgining me, haaa, mogbe, like play like play, Only God safe me that day but..... i wasn't disflowered that day but what happened to me that day left us with no choice but to submit to him to do it.

I got pregnant as a virgin. That day when he couldn't find his way into me cos i hard there like iron. He released around it and i got pregnant. Ha wan die, final year in school, and my school fees is no beans, private university. I wan die, i saw my myself a looser, a great sinner, a prostitute, i called myself unprintable names. I practically was reading bible to judfe myself.

To crown it, if my dad ever hear of the pregnancy na to disown me, and i aborted it. The day he disvirgined me i almost ran into a moving car but i remembered hell, i prayed for forgiveness abd begged God to kill me. What am i living for? I used to see myself as a queen, queen virgin, but now queen prostitute. I see myself as a different girl, but now as other girls. My worst nightmares were when i remember my pride was gone.

I looked like aid patient and i was called a witch at home. This one has been caught by some powers stronger than hers, beta stop drinking blood. Hehehe, that was what i got from home they never knew i was dieing of mt sin inside.

For over 6 good months, i cry daily for forgiveness. Glory to God, one day, while ready my bible i read if the son if man set you free you are free indeed! Like cold water was poured from my head down, the guilt left me, i had peace from then. Became happy.

He left me after that incident. Got married three years after to my sweet heart, told him all that happened and he did not believe i lost my virginity cos our first night, i was fully tight. He said I am still a virgin. He told his people he married me a virgin. We had to use different ointment before he could get through. That's the perfection in healing and forgiveness.

God bless you.

If he is still forcing himself on you he will do it for the rest of ur life,plus stand up and make a decision for yourself and leave DAT relationship ,,u said it yourself his not your partner so let go before he does something terrible

Hmmmm.....

[quote author=Metooreal post=70198714]@Smileng, i hope you get to read this.

Never said this to anyone before except my sis (i regreted i did cos she abused me with it when we had issues), am Writing this to encourage you.

I am called this omo depa when i was in school. At 24 i never dated anyone and a virgin. Was so glad when i clocked 24 n still a virgin cos i was like i have just one year to finish school. I never wanted to date anyone until after school. One day i thought, i think i should start looking out!!!

That was how i met a guy. Not my match in the faith but he was in for all i wanted him to be. Brilliant, fun to be with, wipes my tears (i was being maltreated at home so i wanted someone i can talk to or run to). He wanted sex by all means, and then after about 3 months i tokd him i cant do it cos am a virgin. He shouted you mean you are my wife? I think most guys love virgins, lol. He was ready to go on with the relationship. Later he begged us to be kissing, i said never and one day i visited him crying, and after consoling he kissed me unexpectedly and that was how we continued kissing until one day.

We had an argument and he vowed to purnish me by disvirgining me, haaa, mogbe, like play like play, Only God safe me that day but..... i wasn't disflowered that day but what happened to me that day left us with no choice but to submit to him to do it.

I got pregnant as a virgin. That day when he couldn't find his way into me cos i hard there like iron. He released around it and i got pregnant. Ha wan die, final year in school, and my school fees is no beans, private university. I wan die, i saw my myself a looser, a great sinner, a prostitute, i called myself unprintable names. I practically was reading bible to judfe myself.

To crown it, if my dad ever hear of the pregnancy na to disown me, and i aborted it. The day he disvirgined me i almost ran into a moving car but i remembered hell, i prayed for forgiveness abd begged God to kill me. What am i living for? I used to see myself as a queen, queen virgin, but now queen prostitute. I see myself as a different girl, but now as other girls. My worst nightmares were when i remember my pride was gone.

I looked like aid patient and i was called a witch at home. This one has been caught by some powers stronger than hers, beta stop drinking blood. Hehehe, that was what i got from home they never knew i was dieing of mt sin inside.

For over 6 good months, i cry daily for forgiveness. Glory to God, one day, while ready my bible i read if the son if man set you free you are free indeed! Like cold water was poured from my head down, the guilt left me, i had peace from then. Became happy.

He left me after that incident. Got married three years after to my sweet heart, told him all that happened and he did not believe i lost my virginity cos our first night, i was fully tight. He said I am still a virgin. He told his people he married me a virgin. We had to use different ointment before he could get through. That's the perfection in healing and forgiveness.

God bless you.
God bless you too

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All I can say is that the OP has serious psychological issues.....and a lot of self esteem issues too. I see mental breakdown in the horizon for her if she is not careful. You were raped. Too bad. Sorry.
But just come off it already and go do something with ur life. Idleness is obviously a big part of your problem
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Thank you. you said it all.

vululadilolo:
He raped you to coerce you into marrying him? He violated your body to achieve his "goal" of "keeping" you for himself? Very sick, manipulative and pervert way of thinking!

I would not advise you to marry someone who doesn't respect your boundaries and can commit such a vile act (rape). I would however advise you to seek therapy/counselling/help for what he did to you. Did you report him to the authorities?

If he is raping you now, how do you think he is going to behave when you are going to be married to him? Marital rape exists in case you don't know.
His behaviour ( the rape) shows that he seems to be ready to do anything ( even the worst) to achieve what he wants and doesn't value his partner's opinions/beliefs or feelings. Do you really want to be married to someone like that?

There are ton of people who were not virgins when they got married and are happy in their marriage. Being a virgin (or not) does not guarantee a "good" marriage. Your husband should be interested in you as a person and not just your hymen. You should also bring more than "just" your body in your marriage.

You need to reshape your mind: Your "pride" should be in who you are as woman and not what you can "offer" in bed( Virginity). Your "value" as a person did not/should diminish because of the rape( or even if you had sex voluntarily). That's why I said seek therapy or talk about it to someone you trust.

Don't feel guilty for what happened or not being a "virgin" (easier said than done). Stay strong and good luck in whatever you decide to do!

just look at some posts up there. average Nigerians with their one way thinking. rape is one of the deadliest social problem which I always kick against but I have learnt not to take side in a story like this because is full of dependent religion, and begging of public sympathy


imagine someone that's rape asking what she can do? you're in a date with someone for a year as you claimed, he cut your hymen, and you still continue to visit him and he kept raping means you're also enjoying it but you're not just comfortable with it


if truly you don't like sex, why continue with him? why continue with him even when your pastor said he's not your husband?


I just feel you're satisfying your self gratification at the detriment of staining his image


there is no rape here, just lack of understanding btw the two of u

alterswerve:
Virginity is not the same as sexual purity.

I don't know what you mean bro but it sure sounds nice. Hehehehe..

Don't complicate issues, it's simple. Call his ass and tell him exactly how you feel if you love him and only hurts cos your first time which ought to be beautiful nd memorable you know, in fact, a night of bliss has become a night.

Now try to get past it and have him sincerely apologise cos he might not have intended it to go down this way and there is also a possibility he does not know.

I verily believes he loves you, cos till death do us part ain't no child's play. So why you tell him the honest truth about how you feel in the most submissive way. You know how best to talk to him. You can also choose to send him a mail or a sms.

This should walk better as you would be able to put down exactly how you feel and transmit same to him let it hit him like a bomb. You shouldn't feel the pain alone.

Let him feel some guilty too which I believe he will once he come s to the knowledge of how his actions of the past has greatly damaged you psychologically.

This should determine what happens next. Pls be vigilant for songs you can't take in a marriage and don't go into it if your mind says no.

I repeat till death do us part ain't no child's play. Don't ever mortgage your happiness for nobody and learn to roll with he who brings out the very best in you and not cause you persistent heart ache.

Shallom.

I'm I the only one suspecting she wasn't raped. She simply made a mistake.

Op sorry for your loss....if reporting him will heal you then by all means go ahead

I for one the whole virginity, wedding day stuff is all bull to me......the brain is for better things than useless memories of wedding night...that should have been spent sleeping after the wedding stress.........but then I respect those that feel it is the holy grail

Anyways future partner, girlfriend or wife..... kindly disvirgin yourself..... I don't give a crap about it.....if I like you it's because of your personality and not the condition of the flesh between your legs

Richy4:
This sounds to me like a bad scripted movie...

The dude raped u..and u chose to keep it bottled up...

You said u can't leave because u love him... ok

If you don't want to marry him, and the thought of marrying him has not crossed your mind what in God's name where you doing with him for one year?

You can't have all the package at a go dear.. you said he was financially ok, educated, promising.. etc but not God fearing.. I guess you were thinking that you might change him....and he ended up changing u..
If u loved him as u claimed, accept him with all his faults.. don't let any one decide for you whom to be with..

If you don't want him, you should have ended it long time ago.end it.. don't marry him because you were no longer a virgin...that will be suicidal..
A lot of men would still want to be with you not because of your virginity...

Please next time don't go to a man's house when you know that you won't play ball even if he is an angel.. always meet at a public space.. even when you were hugging him, give some room for Jesus between the two of you..

Gbam. I knew someone will say something in this line. Too many conflicting stuff you already raised. I am not saying you lying. Just conflicting stuff. You won't get a good response here. Which one do you intend to accept? It seems the issue has to do with you making up your mind. You have asked 5 people and they say it's not him. Who are they and what gives them more sense over you who knows him?

I see you are overly religious and too hard on yourself. Even a religious person might have done the same and even treated you worse afterwards. I think we have been so programmed to think of religion over love. Religion makes us so hard on ourselves. I know a few whi ended marrying badly. The problem is there are many wolve's in sheep's clothing. For Jesus to have said this, don't you think there are many sheep's in wolves clothing too? For you to bring this here, I believe you love him but conflicted. Conflicted with what all the silly and selfish advisers will do. Your family won't like him? Watch na when his money comes. He probably would even respect and treat them the best. I have seen such a case and the lady stood her ground because she saw his heart. Do you see his heart?
I think you do else you won't be here confused.

People pretend and its easy to pretend to get you. Give ten guys here access to you and you will fall. Why? Because they know what you want and will go along.
They will even follow you to church and fear God pass you. Lol.

Let me ask you. How did you end up with him? You did not meet any of those God Fearing guys in your church? This happens a lot because there seems to be no correlation between religion and love. Stop beating yourself aunty and move forward with your life. He didn't dis virgin and leave you. He doesn't treat you badly. He still wants to marry you. You don't know a man until you spend time with him. That's why you stuck with him. You know this man already. He sinned, he apologize, forgive him na. What will Jesus do?

And you too, forgive yourself. Jesus forgave you a long time ago.

Finally, why do we call this thing dowry? It's bride price. I understand men making the mistake. Why do women do too? Please Google the difference again?

no matter the pains,na you still enjoy more than the man

yvelchstores:
he doing such a thing to u, obviously he is not who I shld invest the rest of Ur life with. But 5 persons told u he wasn't the one, what were u still doing with him? Anyway, now he took Ur virginity, that's a small price compared to loosing Ur entire life married to a "monster". Sorry, clean Ur eyes and be strong.

smileing:


I was hopping to see a concrete evidence to confirm that he is not the one
was blinded by love too

Yes ohhh....just like Aunty Eve, despite Baba God's stern warning, so focused on d forbidden fruit till she took a bite to confirm if God's warning was the truth or fallacy.
SMH.

Orchid45:
See a professional psychotherapist, not your pastor, youth president, a family friend or someone you think is religious. Rape can lead to mental disorder or even suicide if not given the attention it deserves.

Breakup with the guy and get him arrested.

bad advice

lie lie lie all dis advice leave leave run run are all lies sister let me tell you categorically 98% of men will also do the same thing that he did don't mind those sayin report him leave him do you know that marriage is an institution not bundage you said among all coming he is the one you fill at easy with that is more reason you should forgive him and give him another chance it take only a real man to break protocol just to protect or should i say preserve his what he did is not abominable to the level people are makin it to look like he did what 85% of men would have still don i didn't say he is practically right but message i want to pass is that friendship is all about sacrifice and i believe he has tried do you think to court for a year is easy he may have done that not because he has the strengt but to please you so you see one thing i also want to advice you is if you want to build a relationship don't build it by trust alone incorporat understanding

In my own opinion, the man didn't rape you. Why did have to be with a man in a private place, to extend, of force you to sleep, with him. You mentioned it, that you love him. Which one to you want us to believe?
The main reason why you're angry, is because you lost your virginity, but my dear, you can eat your cake and have it. Loosing of virginity, is not the end of the world.
If you love this guy, forgive him, and go ahead and marry him,after all you wll still marry another man.
I won't advise you report him, because this will bring more ridicules ,to your personality and your image.
You didn't tell your age or the age of the guy.
If you're underage, you can take legal action against him.
I advised that you don't be alone with any man in private, until you've seen that your relationship, is heading for marriage.
Wishing you the best for the future.

smileing:


please sir throw more light to your statement

Its his sin not hers

moneychannel:


From my understanding, most people here didn't understand you. What he did from the way you presented the issue wasn't rape, reason why you didn't report him to officials or your parents. Even though you weren't ready for the act, he led you into it.
One question you asked no one has answered, "those that married non virgin how their spouse took it"? To be honest with you dear, no one cares about virginity in marriage to the best of my knowledge. What men need is a woman that can respect them, love them, understand them, don't nag. No one has ever mentioned virginity as one of the qualities in a woman he wants to marry in my over 30 years in Nigeria.
So live your life and go ahead and marry that guy if you love him. Forget God fearing, God will use because of you and have mercy on him if you're God fearing. (It's biblical).
Finally, in as much as I hate to say this but I have to, virginity is over rated.
Committing suicide cuz you got disvirgined is worst than prostitution.

Exactly. She wasn't raped or just that the guy deceived her into having sex and now she's feeling remorseful only to change topic to rape.

Though false rape accusation laws need to be implemented in this country until then people won't just wake up and start throwing the word 'rape' around anyhow.

If she was raped at the initial time why didn't she report to the authorities so that a DNA or foresenic test would've be carried out? A DNA or whatever test doesn't prove anything when you don't report the case at the time it was done.


This story is made up

smileing:
Please I need responsible advice

Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.

He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me

I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him.
I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't.
for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.

Till this day he forcefully had sex with me .
He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)

He is OK, financially, is educated and promising.
But not God-fearing as I wanted.

Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night.
and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.

I feel less of myself and sinful too


Please what should I do?


those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset

Personally I have a lot to say, but I think your mom is the best person to offer advice as she knows you better than everyone here.


On behalf of all sane men, though little in number, I apologise, if we where in d same area, I would have put the creep in coma for 5 good days.


Really sorry, I just hate rape & despise rapists

Judging by what you said you love him ,he's financially ok and educated but the only problem you have is that he is not God fearing and again how to convince your parents . Sister , that he dis virgined you doesn't make him a rapist , it can happen to any man/woman , I understand you are hurt because you only wanted to enjoy sex on your wedding day. However , what I don't understand is this issue of "he's not your husband " by these fake pastors , the so called men of God have done more harm than good in marriages so personally I don't rely on their fake prophecies . You should go on your knees to find out by yourself whether the guy is for you or not. Don't forget your ealier said "you love him"