Hi!

Ok, I just want to ask a question that's been confusing me for a long time. There are often these conditions which are attached to true love, what it should do and what it should'nt do. The way I see it , the only type of perfect love is that which God loves us with. But there's one problem. God is . . . God. And we are just puny humans who mess up in the most terrible ways a lot of the time.

So when you hear ;

" If a guy/girl loves you, he will wait for you "
Or
"If a guy/girl loves you, he will never cheat on you"
Or
"If a guy/ girl loves you, he will never do something to hurt you intentionally"

Some people are brought up in violent environments and thus, their idea of love is twisted and their way of expressing it is just not what a "normal" person is used to. But that does't mean they aren't in love, does it?
What if someone is excessively selfish and they just are not used to the idea of looking after anyone's interests but theirs due to their background? Falling in love wont CHANGE their character's automatically, will it? If anything it makes them more selfish because they may want to play the field and keep the one they want waiting in the wings but intentionally hurting them in the process.

I just wonder a lot of the time because if someone was in that type of relationship, the general consensus would be "Get rid of him/ her! " or " Kick him to the curb! " as I hear a lot of people say on this forum. So when exactly does it end? I hope I've made sense but I'm just really confused about this because it seems as though everyone has their own definition of love these days.

A man is said to be in love when he can ignore the needs of his mother, father, siblings & friends just to meet that of a girl. Any other expression less than this is 'lust'

Love is a strong bond btw 2 people who appreciates,cherish,understands and accept each other d way they are.U knw ur lv when he or she occupies d centre stage of ur mind.

Acidosis:

A man is said to be in love when he can ignore the needs of his mother, father, siblings & friends just to meet that of a girl. Any other expression less than this is 'lust'

That isnt what my question is about and someone in 'lust' can ignore the needs of other important family members, to meet that of the needs of a girl.

Trivially, I must say, I understand exactly what Your point is.
I've had personal reasons- which I cannot even begin to spew on a public forum- to ponder on this issue. My last decision was to, first, understand the difference between actions and motives. Since then, I've learnt to deal with the motive behind people's action and not the action itself. To be honest, it has helped me alot - anatha discussion.

IyaBasira:

There are often these conditions which are attached to true love, what it should do and what it should'nt do.  So when you hear ;

" If a guy/girl loves you, he will wait for you "
Or
"If a guy/girl  loves you, he will never cheat on you"
Or
"If a guy/ girl loves you, he will never do something to hurt you intentionally"

Conditions/rules that should be kicked in the drain. Most times, it's people who haven't gotten into the room that try to deafen others with these 'rules'.
When it comes to ''Love'', there are no laid down rules. . . .In fact, I'm of the opinion that, there are no fixed rules to any action - either as to its incitation or  original intent. I'll exemplify, what I mean by that proposition  . . .
''Assuming there are 100 people on earth, and 70 have cried when hurt. 30 have never cried, therefore, they've never been hurt  . . . .In short, if You're hurt, You must cry''. False!!!

I'll exemplify again, this time, as to intent . . . .
''If you hurt someone, it's because you hate them . . . .  because it's not rational that You would hurt someone you care about.
John says Mary hurt him, therefore Mary hates John''.
Unless Mary verifies this conclusion, One can boldly say, it's false. For, Mary could have hurt John for his benefit [unknowingly to him] and not as a result of hate.

IyaBasira:

The way I see it , the only type of perfect love is that which God loves us with. But there's one problem. God is . . . God. And we are just puny humans who mess up in the most terrible ways a lot of the time.

I concur!!!
I opine that, human is incapable to Love, as supposed. We can't even love ourselves perfectly. Also, There's nothing like true or fake love. Love is love . . . . It's either  love or not. Only God can love, and how he does that, I know not.
What man feels, and calls 'Love', I can't explain. Iice made a comment on a thread, that made me reflect. . . . . I quote

iice:

love is not a something on its own, it's just a term.  We humans give it life. . .thus, our love is subject to our interpretation/manipulation/strength/weakness. 

So much truth in this comment.

IyaBasira:


Some people are brought up in violent environments and thus, their idea of love is twisted and their way of expressing it is just not what a "normal" person is used to. But that does't mean they aren't  in love, does it?
What if someone is excessively selfish and they just are not used to the idea of looking after anyone's interests but theirs due to their background? Falling in love wont CHANGE their character's  automatically, will it? If anything it makes them more selfish because they may want to play the field and keep the one they want waiting in the wings but intentionally hurting them in the process.

You're on point.

Missy B:

Trivially, I must say, I understand exactly what Your point is.
I've had personal reasons- which I cannot even begin to spew on a public forum- to ponder on this issue. My last decision was to, first, understand the difference between actions and motives. Since then, I've learnt to deal with the motive behind people's action and not the action itself. To be honest, it has helped me alot - anatha discussion.

Conditions/rules that should be kicked in the drain. Most times, it's people who haven't gotten into the room that try to deafen others with these 'rules'.
When it comes to ''Love'', there are no laid down rules. . . .In fact, I'm of the opinion that, there are no fixed rules to any action - either as to its incitation or  original intent. I'll exemplify, what I mean by that proposition  . . .
''Assuming there are 100 people on earth, and 70 have cried when hurt. 30 have never cried, therefore, they've never been hurt  . . . .In short, if You're hurt, You must cry''. False!!!

I'll exemplify again, this time, as to intent . . . .
''If you hurt someone, it's because you hate them . . . .  because it's not rational that You would hurt someone you care about.
John says Mary hurt him, therefore Mary hates John''.
Unless Mary verifies this conclusion, One can boldly say, it's false. For, Mary could have hurt John for his benefit [unknowingly to him] and not as a result of hate.


I concur!!!
I opine that, human is incapable to Love, as supposed. We can't even love ourselves perfectly. Also, There's nothing like true or fake love. Love is love . . . . It's either  love or not. Only God can love, and how he does that, I know not.
What man feels, and calls 'Love', I can't explain. Iice made a comment on a thread, that made me reflect. . . . . I quote


So much truth in this comment.
You're on point.

***Sighs with relief***     

Thanks very much. I'm actually asking this question because there was someone I used to like and was going out with. I really looked up to him and respected him, so when the news got out that he liked someone else, things started going downhill. After a while he started trying, but I'm one of those people who doesnt forgive easily , so even though he started trying really hard eventually, I was still too much of a believer in Disney fairy tales (lol) to accept that he WAS willing to change and make an effort.

Normally I wouldnt even care, but I heard through the grapevine that he's just cheated on his present girlfriend. I feel a bit sad, because I think he's lost and needs help and I was once in that position to help him but I didnt.  And once this news gets out, its going to be a whole vicious cycle all over again.

IyaBasira:

***Sighs with relief***     

Thanks very much. I'm actually asking this question because there was someone I used to like and was going out with. I really looked up to him and respected him, so when the news got out that he liked someone else, things started going downhill. After a while he started trying, but I'm one of those people who doesnt forgive easily , so even though he started trying really hard eventually, I was still too much of a believer in Disney fairy tales (lol) to accept that he WAS willing to change and make an effort.

Normally I wouldnt even care, but I heard through the grapevine that he's just cheated on his present girlfriend. I feel a bit sad, because I think he's lost and needs help and I was once in that position to help him but I didnt.  And once this news gets out, its going to be a whole vicious cycle all over again.

I'D like to connect this post with Your original post, by saying, someone can Love You and still cheat on You, hurt You or leave You. It boils down to what I talked about in the first part of ma former post on this thread - Actions and Motive.
I just Love to understand why people do certain things. It's not always about what they do, but also about Why - For me.

I think cheating is a weakness/flaw. Inability to handle responsibility or be satisfied and stick with what You have, Plus, lack of courage to leave a particular person [if You think You aren't coping] before bringing another person in.

IyaBasira:

I think he's lost and needs help and I was once in that position to help him but I didnt. 

If what You mean by ''help him'' is change him . . . .  Girlfriend, forget it.
No one can change anyone . . . .Change comes from within.

Missy B:

I'D like to connect this post with Your original post, by saying, someone can Love You and still cheat on You, hurt You or leave You. It boils down to what I talked about in the first part of ma former post on this thread - Actions and Motive.
I just Love to understand why people do certain things. It's not always about what they do, but also about Why - For me.

I think cheating is a weakness/flaw. Inability to handle responsibility or be satisfied and stick with what You have, Plus, lack of courage to leave a particular person [if You think You aren't coping] before bringing another person in.

If what You mean by ''help him'' is change him . . . .  Girlfriend, forget it.
No one can change anyone . . . .Change comes from within.

I have no intentions of doing such. Lol. Altering someone never works , i know.