Quote from reddit:

''No real man will fvck himself like that''- NoFap community reddit user's grandpa (insert name here if you know him)

So i've been crawling round the web for some days now after a bitter ordeal (check my profile to read more). What necessitated my crawling around and thus coming across the word 'NoFap' was as a result of the recent 'shocking' revelation i received about my life and why i am the way i am- more like 'why things are the way they are in my life, currently' (still check my profile for reference).

So at the very bottom line of my life, the period when things were falling apart, when the center just refused to hold regardless of how hard i tried, i was just googling my experience and what had led to it when i came across the sub-reddit community 'NoFap'....meaning...no stroking your shaft, diick, junior and john thomas. Whatever you call it...just don't want to state the obvious. So i decided to create a NoFap community for Nairaland as a way of healing myself and healing other people too.

So this is what the journey so far had thought me:

- Not everything is spiritual or has to do with spirituality, infact most things aren't, so always consult your doctor for anything that has to do with your body both psycologically and physically. However, don't rule out prayer entirely. Infact pray like never before and more importantly, believe you'd get what you want to have regardless of the circumstances.

- Porn is one of the worst things that happened to humanity yet it sells like hot cake... Meaning, that anything is popular doesn't make it good enough for you.

- Don't just trust everyone.... Hell! What did i just say? I meant, if you can, just don't trust anyone at all.

I'll tell you more on the next paragraph. Its gonna be a long write up but you can grab your popcorn and sip your zobo while i tell you how i got here and why you really don't want to be like me. Not if you are reasonable and want to have a great life.

A brief history about myself and how i got to even google NoFap

I went to a borden school (boys only)...no women at all except school teachers, so i remember occassionally when all my classmates would have to peep from the window to watch a lady catwalking by because seeing women was just a luxury for us at that time and boys had to be boys you know (insert wink).

Anyway, having had sex much earlier in life on my own part, my adolescent age was ladden with higher than normal sexual desire so i was that guy in class who would bring in sexual content like newspapers- Vanguard page 14 (can't remember the exact page) for everyone to watch, wrote about how to catch girls and distributed for everyone to read (relationship expert), peeped at ladies through the window when i had the chance (i rarely do this anylonger tho).

So i did all of that but still wasn't satisfied. Infact the more i did those, the more i wanted more. And there were just boys around so no one to vent my spreen (sexually) on. But i was a good thinker, i had always came up with solution to my problem so the situation back then wasnt gonna be any different so i invented fapping for myself and i literally fapped myself to death... No joke

All of these was happening in SS3 tho so the first time i tried to fap, it took a longer time to release and i didnt enjoy it much, it felt forced. However, the tingling sensation i got while ejaculating was heavenly. Although it always made me tired and a little bit hungry afterwards, i wanted to experience that sensation over and over again. While in SS1 & SS2, i had looked at sexual images on my phone but never fapped to them until SS3. Now, having known what ejaculating felt like, i wanted to have it more and more and the only way to do that then was fapping. I had an office for myself at school so i always went there whenever i wanted to fap. There, i would lay on the floor, think up sexual images and fapped with them. It was also in this SS3 that i started watchinf full blown porn! I smuggeld my phone into school and watched porn with it and fapped with it too.

Other than the mental damages this was doing to me which i didnt know about at that time, i only knew it was a 'sin' and i always felt a little guilt, weakness and social disconnection after watching it then but that was it.. I don't think i got depressed as a result till later.

when i got out of school, i did watch porn still but only on rare occasions since i didnt have money for data. At school, i used school wi-fi. So my first depression as a result of porn was very short lived and it didnt occure sooner after i've watched porn so it was hard to know if watching porn actually caused it and after that, i didnt really get depressed again regardless of if i watched porn or not (again, i rarely watched it then). My second depression was more suicidal that the first one. Admitedly, i had watched porn, lots of it and fapped, yet i still couldnt connect the dots so i lived my life still. That time, at no one time did i have more than five of them on my phone and i really rarely watched it, that is, if once in two or three weeks will be considered as rare. After watching, i would get seriously depressed after a some months so i couldn't just connect the dots. I started working so i had the money and data to download it any time i wanted but i exercised a lot of caution then.

However, slowly i got addicted. I watched it more often now and when i did, i downloaded a lot of it. I didnt still know i got depressed as a result. I mean i thought my depression was normal and that everyone went through the same thing occassionally.

I continued watching my porn, and things kept getting worse and worse. I had started watching it often this time and my depression had started happening often. During this period i lost weight, i lost confidence, i lost motivation, i even got proud (i still dont why i get proud as a result of porn but it happens), my productivity suffered, my relationship with pple suffered too. This continued for months yet i didnt stop watching porn so the depression kept getting worse.

At a time, i sort to know the reason why this was happening to me so i began to ask myself questions and to fix the shattered bits of my life. I had quit my day job to focus on my own bussiness. I discovered that i have been so far away from God for a long time, infact, at that time, i seriously doubted if God exists. I came really close to God. I began to frequent the religion section and began being close to God. Started praying and listening to religious songs. Also stopped watching porn or even thinking about it.

during this period, because i didn't watch porn, or even think about sexual stuff, my life started returning to normal. No depression whatsoever as long as i abstained. My life got normal. I began to wonder why i didnt do this a long time before. Occassionally i relapsed. At that point i was still taking everything spiritualy so i didn't know about the dangers of getting back to porn after stopping. This time i downloaded dozens of it, close to 100 diferent clips and i watched them all. Of course i was still close to God but i didnt believe being close to God should stop me from watching porn and fapping as long as a prayed everyday right? after about three weeks, depression hit me yet again. You know, the reason why i got back to porn was that i thought God just wanted me to be close to Him but that i was free to watch porn and masturbate if i liked... I didnt know the problem was from watching the porn itself. Chai! Again, i ran to God and started praying and reading the Bible and downloading christian songs and listening. With time it stopped again. Then with time i got back to it gain. This time around, the depression hit me much harder...it was more severe than the former one and lasted more days. Each time i had to run to God till i learnt that the porn that i watched was the reason for the depression. How i knew was that i noticed that as long as i didn't watch porn, i wouldnt get depressed not matter how long it took and that each time i got back to the porn, the depression would come sooner and more severe than the former one. So at this point, i thought this sort of thing wasnt normal and that God just didn't want me to view it because i was just 'special'- sort of.

Two months, i abstained from porn and masturbation, i even found that even looking at anything sexual: images, ass, etc, just anything that would make me aroused or think about sex would make me depressed so i tried my possible best to avoid that too. It was very difficult but i succeeded mostly. Then came the biggest relapse..

i met someone who told me that there was absolutely convinced me that there was nothing absolutely wrong with watching porn.

Honestly i think it was my fault because if i had followed a medical approach, i don't think i would go back to it. The person took a spiritual approach so he/she got me. I got back to watching porn big time. Within that period i watched a lot of porn oo..hmm. Then came the depression again. This time, too much. Infact the truth is that a lot of things happened inbetween so while doing a google search, one thing led to the other so i stumbled upon Nofap. Discovered that a lot of people were actually going through my kind of problem and it wasnt a spiritual problem at all like i used to think. Anyway am going through rehabilitation. It hasnt been easy so far trust me....and what made it more difficult for me is the fact that any kind of lust no matter how small would lead me back to depression so i have to guide my thoughts very strongly. I started 1st Sept. It hasnt been easy but i think it would be worth it in the long run.

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