all these stories of bended knees, romantic one liners, restaurants, travelling e.t.c. are not our culture. Of course there is nothing wrong with imbibing some good parts of other cultures but they should not be the gold standard by which others are mentioned.

Of course if i had a white chic by the time i would be proposing she would be well grounded in the flower and she-goat chasing tactics. What were we dating for? Of course to know how a proper naija man does his thing!

The most important thing is to be creative and do something that will make her oooh and aaah. it does not matter if you do it in space or sitting on a stool washing your gums with palmwine!

Ladies check this .If a Nigerian man is not into Mills&Boom(or is it Boon) or watching foreign movies where do you think he will get the idea of romantic dinner and the bended knee proposal.Why the question of seeing your parents comes in is because in our culture the marriage contract is seen as a very different matter from what the whites do, which is basically a continuation of the romantic and often not very meaningful(divorce after 6 months etc.) things the couple do. The Naija guy probably would have discussed it with his parents ,family ,friends etc about the serious step he was about to take. By this time the woman would have got to know what was going down , any formal act on bended knees would not really come as such a wonderful oooh aaahhh moment.
But for this day and age it is nice for a guy to propose, it makes the ladies feel good. I for one had never asked a girl out and I dated quite a number until many years ago one girl made a big issue of the fact that I never toasted her i.e asked her to be my girl friend .Funny thing was she came to spend a weekend at my house and started this matter after some serious action.
From then I changed my moves ,unfortunately this also included having to learn to tell someone it was over instead of letting things die out as i used to.

@ topic

well a proposal is an agreement between two people (anyway that's if the person you're proposing to gives a "yes" for an answer), now how its being done shouldn't really matter that much as long as its done and both parties are happy with it.

when i say a proposal is necessary, it doesn't necessarily have to mean the go-down-on-one-knee scenario, you can do it seated, holding the girl's hand, you can do it standing, popping the question and you can do it lying down, just looking into her face. you can hide the ring in her food, drinking water, wherever, you might even ask without the ring

how could i forget babyosisi's touching story, you can do it while doing laundry, no matter how you choose to go about it, fine. just make it formal.

I'm sure none of us wants our "black/african" men to turn whites, we just want them to tell us the "intention" in their own unique way, so we know we're part of the decision

What a topic in nairaland may be I will take mine to the top of MIKE ADENUGA TOWER or mont KIRIMANJARO so that the world will no that I am romatic. What a wahalaaaaa!

davidylan:

Of course if i had a white chic by the time i would be proposing she would be well grounded in the flower and she-goat chasing tactics. What were we dating for? Of course to know how a proper naija man does his thing!

Could you please give more details on this? I mean, it's the first time I hear about it and made me curious. Hey, I just want to learn!

white`Nkem:

Could you please give more details on this? I mean, it's the first time I hear about it and made me curious. Hey, I just want to learn!

It's tradition o. In the old days, well it still happens these days, when you wanted to formally ask the hand of a girl in marriage you sent a delegation of your relations to do the official asking from the girls family.
Of course as our elders say, proverbs are the palm oil with which words are eaten.
You would ask the family using parables like "we came looking for a beautiful flower we heard you have in your backyard", or "we came to look for the she-goat that stole our yam".

Of course all they are saying is, our son wants to marry your daughter in plain language but they always love to coat it in flowery words.

Gettit?   Sorry u're white so you wont be getting that if you married a nigerian.   I guess things are more formal where you come from.

If i were going to propose to you for instance, it wont be done in plain language. You must be able to pick up such cues!

@topic how?


how? erhm i no know oh! can someone remind me?

so all these babes don marry? abeg make I comot this thread jare, go find single babes

i like the she goat stealing yam proposal, lol.

Bottomline is, men should try to do woteva will make their she goat happy, if na oyinbo style of ring on bended knees or na proper naija style of the whole village begging to pluck a beautiful flower from ur papa's backyard.

i prefer the naija style though.

A friend of my brother prepared a local meal, took it to a Lady's office and pleaded for her hand in marriage, today
they are happily married. Please lets appreciate and encourage what we have.

@swetangel
thats a new one! cooked and brought to the office ke? i'll say yes instantly.

na oyinbonisation dey kill all u girls.u guys watch too much movies, and i know for sure that neither one of u guys' fathers proposed to ur mothers.i wonder when we africans will stop living under the shadows of oyinbo people.propose ko, propose ni!! all i know is  that the woman will get the message when the time is right for they guy.shikena!

area boy1 you are the ones giving naija guys bad name in the romance department. when we say you guys are not romantic now una go vex!

hey!!spoilt brat, can u define romance?tell me the essence of romance when u know u guys will get a divorce after some years.to me, that is called hypocricy of the highest order.what u girls think is romance is actually deceit.take that from me.

area boy cool down oh!
you think because a guy is not romantic the marriage will last longer?
try to be more tender towards your lady. it doesnt cost anything extra. i know naija guys look at the cost of everything. romance doesnt have to cost a penny.

it seems u girls like being lied to, look,spoilt,dont let anyone decieve u,we nigerian men dont have it in our character to propose to a lady.we just go straight to the point when the time is right.we are just too proud to do that and that doesn't mean we dont love our women,it's not just our way of life,we african men have our own way of showing love to our women.do u know how romantic prince charles was to pricess diana?i'm sure there are very few men who could have been more romantic that him,but at the end of the day ,they still went apart.that goes to show that most of all the romantic bullshit of this white men actually fades away after a period of time because it is built on falsehood.is that what nigerian ladies want.plis answer my question.spoilt

please area_boy1 do you mind explaining what in your own terms, you mean by going straight to the point??

It's might sound wack but my hubby proposed to me on the phone, i can still remember like it was just yesterday. I remembered my phone falling down on the floor and just crying,that was the happiest day of my life

cut-ass,by that i mean telling her to marry u no asking her to.weak men beg women to marry them.just go straight to her and ask her when u are going to see her parents.she will love u forever.all those kneeling down to tell a woman to marry u is just an attribute of a wussy who either is not ready to be a man or just pretending,especially an african man.

area boy because we say we want romantic doesnt mean you have to get on your knees. just be a little imaginative. you dont have to demand to see my parents. naija guys are too giri-giri. their shakara sef. cant they be humble for once and ask nicely?

area_boy1:

cut-ass,by that i mean telling her to marry u no asking her to.weak men beg women to marry them.just go straight to her and ask her when u are going to see her parents.she will love u forever.all those kneeling down to tell a woman to marry u is just an attribute of a wussy who either is not ready to be a man or just pretending,especially an african man.

i get what you're trying to say, but when you say "telling", what if the girl doesn't want to marry you?? i hope she's allowed to refuse your "telling" or is it a must that she'll say yes because you're a "strong man"??

i no longer call that proposal but intimidation and bullying

area_boy1:

it seems u girls like being lied to, look,spoilt,don't let anyone decieve u,[b]we nigerian men don't have it in our character to propose to a lady.we just go straight to the point when the time is right.we are just too proud to do that and that doesn't mean we don't love our women,it's not just our way of life,we african men have our own way of showing love to our women.[/b]do u know how romantic prince charles was to pricess diana?i'm sure there are very few men who could have been more romantic that him,but at the end of the day ,they still went apart.that goes to show that most of all the romantic bullshit of this white men actually fades away after a period of time because it is built on falsehood.is that what nigerian ladies want.plis answer my question.spoilt

Na lie you talk there o. Plenty of Nigerian men have it in their character to be romantic and to propose to a lady. That our fathers did not teach us so much in the romance department does not mean we must not learn elsewhere.
The most important thing is to know what makes your woman happy and DO IT! If she likes romance, go and learn. If she's the type who does not care then you can let it slip but it wont hurt to make her blush once in a while.

My only point of disagreement with our women with their heads in the clouds is this; proposal does not need to follow the stereotype of giving the ring on bended knees. Be creative but make sure you do smth she will remember with a smile for yrs to come. At least give her a story to make her friends a little jealous ke!

davidylan:

Na lie you talk there o. Plenty of Nigerian men have it in their character to be romantic and to propose to a lady. That our fathers did not teach us so much in the romance department does not mean we must not learn elsewhere.
The most important thing is to know what makes your woman happy and DO IT! If she likes romance, go and learn. If she's the type who does not care then you can let it slip but it wont hurt to make her blush once in a while.

My only point of disagreement with our women with their heads in the clouds is this; proposal does not need to follow the stereotype of giving the ring on bended knees. Be creative but make sure you do smth she will remember with a smile for years to come. At least give her a story to make her friends a little jealous ke!

@ first paragraph: eheee! now you're talking. I was almost beginning to think i'll remain single since our men neither propose nor want to be romantic. or some people were beginning to make it seem that way for a moment

You just saved my day, now i know i can go on with my earlier plan of settling with no other person than the best _{i mean best in my own dictionary ooh, anybody that misunderstands that should ask ooh}

@ second paragraph: i don't think any of us was saying it had to be done on a bended knee, afterall not all white men bend their knee to propose, just be imaginative and creative, blow her mind away in your own little but unique way.
chikena!!! everybody is happy

i think a guy getting on bended knee is kind of corny.i think its even the sappiness of it that is endearing. . i would laugh my head off. you dont have to do that to prove you are romantic. there are a billion other ways. romance is about doing what other guys wouldnt do just to make her feel special. it doesnt make you less of a man.

spoilt and cute-ass,i refuse to be intimidated by u girls,u want to use girl power to bring me down abiheeeeeeeeeeeelp!!!lol.what i'm simply saying is that african men are more than romantic,the way we exhibit our masculinity to u girls is even more romantic than u think but it's a pity that u girls dont see it that way,u consider it bullying.but a real african girl whose reasoning is not beclouded by oyinbo lifestyle would appreciate we african guys.i still maintain my stand on not proposing to a woman.come to think of it,dont u think ?somebody it should be the other way round?why cant they be the ones to propose to us, i think that would be so romantic on ur own part cos some oyinbo women do that alot.tell me which girl will not like to propose to a fine boy like me, check my picture out.fine boy looking sexy!!!!did i hear u call my name?

no i didnt call your name, just talking to the person right above me

well with people like you, no girl would want to propose, because you're so rooted in living in the ways of our fore-fathers

well if you say you're a fine boy? who am i to wake you up from your dream lol _{just kidding ooh}. But of what use is your finess to me, if i don't feel appreciated and being treated like a lady by you.

and lastly, its the guy that is doing the marrying so you should propose (unless the girl can't wait, and want to do it), who does it is not our business nor problem (whatever floats one's boat, diffent strokes for different folks )

what we're saying is that you have to ask, whether the girl or the boy is the one doing the act.

asking is what we define as "proposal", ad when you're at it, find a romantic (and simple way if you like) to do it.

NOW WHAT IS SO DIFFICULT IN THAT??

@ areaboy, you are so fine even me sef i want to propose to you!

@area boy
african guys mean well but sometimes their agression is intimidating. it makes women get defensive and become a little bit more masculine just to be able to cope. (not good!)

and you're not ugly. hope you find the right woman for yourself. behind all that giri-giri is probably a good heart. we just want to be able to see it.

cute-ass and spoilt,i think i agrre with u girls .i was just trying to defend the men folk,we african men need to be more romantic,especially nigerian men.but u can really blame us,sometimes the situation in this country can even change the way u think and behave sometimes.the frustrations u go through everyday,u just find out ur orientation has been changed into something else.so,on behalf of nigerian men,we promise to be more romantic towards u girls and apologies to our past misdeeds.as for u daviddylan,u be gay?lol how u go talk say u wan propose to me,any way sha i no go mind ur sister ,that's if she fine oo.cute-ass&spoilt,it's been nice talking to u girls.it just a pity u girls are not in this country,i would have visited u to show how romantic a nigerian man can be.chaaal!!

cute-ass and spoilt,i think i agrre with u girls .i was just trying to defend the men folk,we african men need to be more romantic,especially nigerian men.but u can't really blame us,sometimes the situation in this country can even change the way u think and behave sometimes.the frustrations u go through everyday,u just find out ur orientation has been changed into something else.so,on behalf of nigerian men,we promise to be more romantic towards u girls and apologies to our past misdeeds.as for u daviddylan,u be gay?lol how u go talk say u wan propose to me,any way sha i no go mind ur sister ,that's if she fine oo.cute-ass&spoilt,it's been nice talking to u girls.it just a pity u girls are not in this country,i would have visited u to show how romantic a nigerian man can be.chaaal!!

area boy thanks for pointing out that the situation of the country is making our men more unromantic than necessary. just try and not use your frustrations on girls.

area_boy1:

cute-ass and spoilt,i think i agrre with u girls .i was just trying to defend the men folk,we african men need to be more romantic,especially nigerian men.but u can really blame us,sometimes the situation in this country can even change the way u think and behave sometimes.the frustrations u go through everyday,u just find out your orientation has been changed into something else.so,on behalf of nigerian men,we promise to be more romantic towards u girls and apologies to our past misdeeds.[/b]as for u daviddylan,u be gay?lol how u go talk say u wan propose to me,any way sha i no go mind your sister ,that's if she fine oo.cute-ass&spoilt,it's been nice talking to u girls.it just a pity u girls are not in this country,i would have visited u to show how romantic a nigerian man can be.chaaal!!

i just had to read this post over and over again, wipe my eyes and read again to make sure i wasn't seeing double.
Now you're talking and i might want to tell you that when you finally get that "someone", despite the frustration, treat her well, Cos you expect her to do the same despite all obstacles (igbos have an adage [b]"if the right hand washes the left hand, the left hand washes the right" ). Don't worry, we all hope for a better tomorrow , it shall be well

and it was fun talking to you too (convincing you and not confusing you that nigerian/african men should be nothing less than caring and loving and romantic _{(at least a bit)} don't be a stranger

BTW the apology and promise are appreciated too

@ spoilt
some down, some to go. But we'll get there kudos!

Black men can be romantic in their own way, I guess it all depends on what your idea of romance is and ur expectation thereof, getting down on one knee is typically an oyinbo thing and i would die of embarrassment if anyone did that to me, especially if they choose to do it in a public place (Shiver!) .

My husband proposed by sending me pictures of a Kolanut, a gourd of palmwine, and a red heart, he didn't have to say anything after that cos i knew what he meant . Now this might not work for some women but I was well pleased! (what can i say I be bush babe )