I previously started a thread some days ago about 'how I allowed a good man slip my hands'. But I can't even continue writing that one again because I have stuff happenin presently, The other story is about the past and I have decided to let the past rest inorder to deal with this new issue bugging me.

Now here's what is happening-
I have been supportive to my boyfriend who has been on his own (doing Business) since he graduated a couple of years ago. The business isnt a big one, just enough for him to get by. At a point, he decided to look for a job as a stable means of income.

He got an one excellent one last year. An extremely well-paid international job. And there was an instant change in his character. The guy is no longer recognizable to the guy I've been dating all these while. I was with him when he didnt have a job, I stuck by him through thick and thin! Now I dont understand why he wants to treat me this way!
He is now proud, arrogant and talks down at me and others! I can't even reach him emotionally anymore! He claims he doesnt really have the time to act the way he used to,  due to the busy nature of his job, but I know better. He has changed!

Pls, I'd appreciate advice on how to make the situation better. Does anyone have valuable words of counsel?



N.B-Some1 misquoted the word 'Applicant'. I meant applicant as in 'job applicant'. I didn't want to use the word 'formally jobless' to describe my boyfriend. I think its insultive!

so wheres the question? or are you informing us?

@Shola2009-Maybe am just using this medium to vent, but I'd also appreciate advice on how to make the situation better.

@spikedcylinder-

Well, he talks down at me like I am a little girl he's chastising. I find it degrading and insulting cos he very well saw me as a woman when he came to ask me out. Nowadays, am bein treated like a little pest of a girl.

Then he's insultive and overbearing. Insultive words dat av neva bein used on me b4, (atleast not from my loved ones), are being used on me by him when he's angry(and believe me, he's often angry nowadays). Though he later apologizes, I find the words ringing in my head and I find tears just running down my face!

Then, he doesnt tell me stuff anymore. I don't know what his plans, his activities, etc. he's getting more secretive by the day!

There's still loads of other things he does,

@poster
just because you supported him in his hour of need does not mean you were not equally insultive or rubbing it in while he was depending on you, no man just changes overnight the guy must have been condoning your yawa while he was depending on you and him getting a job moe or less liberated him and restored his self esteem

Kenny_G:

@poster
just because you supported him in his hour of need does not mean you were not equally insultive or rubbing it in while he was depending on you, no man just changes overnight the guy must have been condoning your yawa while he was depending on you and him getting a job moe or less liberated him and restored his self esteem

Aren't you jumping the gun there? How do you know she was being insultive towards the guy? Assumptions is wrong and you know it

chika98:

Aren't you jumping the gun there? How do you know she was being insultive towards the guy? Assumptions is wrong and you know it

of course there is no basis for my assumtions, but hey in all honesty if a woman can come online and brag about her generousity to her boyfriend what is to say she never at anytime shoved it in his face? The guy can't just change overnight there must be a mitigating factor; that or the guy is mad which i doubt cos the poster claimed they've been together for years,

Kenny_G:

of course there is no basis for my assumtions, but hey in all honesty if a woman can come online and brag about her generousity to her boyfriend what is to say she never at anytime shoved it in his face? The guy can't just change overnight there must be a mitigating factor; that or the guy is mad which i doubt cos the poster claimed they've been together for years,

I guess we musta been reading two different posts. I didn't get a sense of brag in her post up there. She is a woman confused and wants some help. Saying she was there for him when he had nothing has absolutely nada to do with shoving things in his face. Give her a break and offer some advice if you've got some

my dear, the true character of a man is known when he is rich. I've been down that lane before and i understand how you feel. The best thing for you to do now is to let him be and move on with your life. It's because of men like him that makes women like me not give a damn about broke asssss niggers, most of them are so full of shit.

@Kenny-G

Well, like any other normal couple, we had our times of troubles and arguments. But I never made him feel less of a man just because he didnt have a job.
My parents too welcomed him like their own son and never on any occasion asked me why he wasnt providing my needs. He never even depended on me cashwise and I never did on him too cos I knew he was still trying to find his feet. So how would I have been rude? He was always commending my patience and always told me not to worry that things would get better.

I know how important it is to feed a man's ego and so, I always encouraged him and made him feel on top of the world.

And pls don't misquote me, am not bragging of my generosity, cos I had no money to give. But I had love and support, and I gave alot of it!

lola-luv:

@Kenny-G

Well, like any other normal couple, we had our times of troubles and arguments. But I never made him feel less of a man just because he didnt have a job.

And pls don't misquote me, am not bragging of my generosity, cos I had no money to give. But I had love and support, and I gave alot of it!

far from it, i never misquoted you, all i'm saying is men dont just go from saints to ogres especially given all you claim to have done for him; he must have been harboring some resentment and the fact that he now feels financially empowered gives him the courage to behave thus. Dont get me wrong I'm not condoning the behaviour but I like to look at things objectively

@lola

This things happens often just try 2 sit him down and talk things over ask him wat u have done wrong dat could warrant such behaviour. we are all human and i know sumtin must be wrong 4 him to behave dat way. just try and and talk it over with him.

Kenny_G:

far from it, i never misquoted you, all i'm saying is men dont just go from saints to ogres especially given all you claim to have done for him; he must have been harboring some resentment and the fact that he now feels financially empowered gives him the courage to behave thus. Dont get me wrong I'm not condoning the behaviour but I like to look at things objectively

Then you know little about how the human minds work!

That's why I never date broke guys, cos they r never really their true self untill they have a few extra cash in their pocket!  

A man might try to stick to a woman when he feels he needs the financial assistance butwhat happens when he doesnt anymore

@ Poster!

You are lucky you didnt marry him and end up finding out this part of him. Just leave him and face your life, he's not worth the stress!

UJUjoan

Then you know little about how the human minds work!

That's why I never date broke guys, cos they r never really their true self untill they have a few extra cash in their pocket!  Undecided

A man might try to stick to a woman when he feels he needs the financial assistance butwhat happens when he doesnt anymore Huh

@ Poster!

You are lucky you didnt marry him and end up finding out this part of him. Just leave him and face your life, he's not worth the stress!

You be correct chick, you spoke my mind

@ topic

Level don change and he don pass you.

at kenny G its obvious u dont know the power of money and the effects it has on most (black) men. the bible knew what it was saying when it pointed out money is the root of evil. its the only thing that can make a man go mad over night. it turns brothers against each other, friends into enemies, child against its own parents, it divied families, u think it doesnt have the power to turn a guy against a common girlfriend i assure u if u unexpectedly won £5,000,000 by tomorow morning u wouldnt even recognize urself u would be doing and saying things u never even knew u where capable of. as some one already said ,"the true character of a man is known when he is rich" but that applies mostly to the weak and shallow minded guys who thing money is the begining and end of the world(and beliv me 80% of nigerian guys fall into this category). another thing i know is love is ALWAYS stronger than money. a man who really loves his woman wont ditch or mistreat her when hes rich,instead he will be looking for ways to spoil her and make her feel special. im sorry to tell u babes but this guy never really loved u! he was only sticking with u back then probably becuz u where the only woman willing to date him in his broke situation and losing u to a richer guy would have been the last straw that would have completely shattered his self estime. the sad thing about relationships is most times, one way or another one person ends up used and ditched. just free the guy babe and trust me, hes karma will catch up with him sooner or later.

p.s ur post said something about YOU mistreating a good guy and letting him slip away, so maybe this is YOUR own karma catching up with u

slyfoxxjoe:

p.s your post said something about YOU mistreating a good guy and letting him slip away, so maybe this is YOUR own karma catching up with u

Oh I hate that biatch!

@ujujoan n stephina u gals really spoke ma mind.
@poster it is nt new dat u kn a man's xter only wen he is rich,just move on wit lyf one day he ll surely come back 2 ur level.

Learn this trick of being the woman that keeps the man she wants:

When a man is at his low points, move closer to him and be there for him. Reassure him and make him feel like he is still worth something  and will come out of the phantom zone eventually.

When success hits, become elusive and make Urself the prize again. U don't want to appear too available to a man whose levels has just changed for the better. He'll want new clothes, new furniture, new cars, new everything and he just myt end up feeling like he needs a new woman too forgetting U helped him through the dung he just came out of.
U can be that new woman by making it clear without being nasty or immoral that U can actually want new things too and that myt include a new man, "or maybe not?"

Supply and demand. Know how to control those and keep the balance in your favor and U'll have better opportunities at keeping the man U want.


For the guys, U want a tip? Don't ever let Urself get caught up in a web of a woman's emotions U didnt spin. If U spun it, U'd know how to move thru it and catch your meal. If she is caught up in those she created herself, stand back at a distance and spin new webs and guide her into them. Don't follow too deep, lead and when unsure of what's happening, stand aside.

A man's true character is best found in prosperity rather than it is in adversity. People of insufficient means aren't necessarily nice people. Most are just nice cos they feel by being nice good fortune will smile on them.

Onchedu:

A man's true character is best found in prosperity rather than it is in adversity. People of insufficient means aren't necessarily nice people. Most are just nice cos they feel by being nice good fortune will smile on them.

^^^Today I learned something, thanks

Onchedu:

Learn this trick of being the woman that keeps the man she wants:

When a man is at his low points, move closer to him and be there for him. Reassure him and make him feel like he is still worth something and will come out of the phantom zone eventually.

When success hits, become elusive and make Urself the prize again. U don't want to appear too available to a man whose levels has just changed for the better. He'll want new clothes, new furniture, new cars, new everything and he just myt end up feeling like he needs a new woman too forgetting U helped him through the dung he just came out of.
U can be that new woman by making it clear without being nasty or immoral that U can actually want new things too and that myt include a new man, "or maybe not?"

Supply and demand. Know how to control those and keep the balance in your favor and U'll have better opportunities at keeping the man U want.


For the guys, U want a tip? Don't ever let Urself get caught up in a web of a woman's emotions U didnt spin. If U spun it, U'd know how to move thru it and catch your meal. If she is caught up in those she created herself, stand back at a distance and spin new webs and guide her into them. Don't follow too deep, lead and when unsure of what's happening, stand aside.

^^^WOW!

Onchedu:

A Woman's true character is best found in prosperity rather than it is in adversity. People of insufficient means aren't necessarily nice people. Most are just nice cos they feel by being nice good fortune will smile on them.

gbam!

Kenny_G:

@poster
just because you supported him in his hour of need does not mean you were not equally insultive or rubbing it in while he was depending on you, no man just changes overnight the guy must have been condoning your yawa while he was depending on you and him getting a job moe or less liberated him and restored his self esteem

true word! not my intention to generalize- but it often comes to that- the chic often feels she is doing d guy a favor for stickin around, while deep down he knows she is just using him as a backup plan.
check out the title sef-
"MY APPLICANT BOYFRIEND"- wtf do u take us for idiots

SA Lady:

^^^Today I learned something, thanks

U'r welcome.

What does "applicant boyfriend mean"?

my sister,u will neva know d true character of a man until he has cash flowing on him
jst try nd talk things out with him,if it doesn't work out .
move on wit ur life.

(they are all d same)

Hmmm. . . Ok!

SA Lady:

^^^WOW!

This really says it all. Nice @ Onchedu. One must preserve his or her sense of self worth first to get valued respect from people.

poster

if his job is that serious, then you might want to attribute his behavior to stress. If i were you i would give him some time to settle down at the job and not be so clingy because now you know he will have money and you dont want to loose your investment. I say chill out and just wait and see.