babapupa:

Like I said, Ignore me if you don't feel like debating or arguing. It's not by force to quote Babapupa.

When idi0ts speak, you try. However, the medium of the forum does make it a bit difficult. We can't always ignore all the idi0ts, now can we? How funny it is that you accuse THE AMAKA of insecurities when she reacts to the post you wrote, filled with yours. What was that, projection? Maybe a little of internal angst displacement?

What we're witnessing is another side of Igbo culture and their violent belief system that  husband has the right to scold his wife if she does something wrong. As the head of the family who paid dowry price on her head, he has the right to reprimand or scold her. A good wife should not exchange words with the husband. Itis a mark of disobedience or challenge to his manhood.


And if a woman doesn't submit like bingo, they label her the derogatory owalu anya. A remark that implicates her as a culture
deviant, thereby putting her in double jeopardy of losing the existing marriage and having slim chances of remarrying.

ikenwan:

When idi0ts speak, you try. However, the medium of the forum does make it a bit difficult. We can't always ignore all the idi0ts, now can we? How funny it is that you accuse THE AMAKA of insecurities when she reacts to the post you wrote, filled with yours. What was that, projection? Maybe a little of internal angst displacement?

Instead of boring me with your needless nothings, debating the topic or counter and disprove my assertions with your own argument would have sufficed. This is a discussion forum, not angry tirade forum.

Nah, but in all seriousness, this shiyyt is crazy! I had this discussion with a friend. He's Ibo, been here since he was 11 yrs old (is 33 yrs old now), raised in Alabama, yet, he thinks women are supposed to be properties; BECAUSE THE IBO COMMUNITY SAYS SO, NO WONDER HE NEVER GETS NO GALS TO STAY WITH HIM FOR LONG! One thing I give to the Ibos though is their ability to brainwash their kids into accepting, as the Gospel, even their most archaic beliefs!

babapupa:

Of course you are, if not, why not just ignore my post instead of your dirty mouth tirades?  You are in a way confirming my assertions about Igbo folks violent nature.

One thing i have noticed about people like  you here on NL is that you are attention seekers.

See how hurt you are already because no one wants to argue with you.

Sorry.

Ileke-IdI:

LOL Ok, thanks.
Will be watching for EzeUche's case to air

lol . . . If you watch their program -- deadly women for a while, you get the sense that a high percentage of the men murdered are those who have that "men have needs" mentality. I am not in anyway suggesting it is OK, but  I believe it goes to show that actions do have reactions. Terrible, and honestly, I gets me wondering how many of the cases of men dropping dead in places like Nigeria are really just men dropping dead.

Debate you? Your words are not even yours. You have nothing to debate about. You lifted quotes straight from a five year old report concerning one single community in Anambra State, and then generalized it to somehow represent Igbo communities everywhere. Any debate that may arise from this would be on your stupidity in using such an obviously flawed logical fallacy. If you were debating the comprehensively retarded, that may have worked. It won't work here.

onye_ngbu:

One thing i have noticed about people like  you here on NL is that you are attention seekers.

See how hurt you are already because no one wants to argue with you.

Sorry.

You are the one seeking attention because like the quote below, it's not by force to quote or pay attention to me.
Obviously, reading and comprehension is not your forte.

Like I said, Ignore me if you don't feel like debating or arguing. It's not by force to quote Babapupa.

ikenwan:

Debate you? Your words are not even yours. You have nothing to debate about. You lifted quotes straight from a five year old report concerning one single community in Anambra State, and then generalized it to somehow represent Igbo communities everywhere. Any debate that may arise from this would be on your stupidity in using such an obviously flawed logical fallacy. If you were debating the comprehensively retarded, that may have worked. It won't work here.

Unfortunately for you, it makes not difference because this is your culture and way of life. We see it every day and it was even documented by the United Nations.

ikenwan:

Debate you? Your words are not even yours. You have nothing to debate about. You lifted quotes straight from a five year old report concerning one single community in Anambra State, and then generalized it to somehow represent Igbo communities everywhere. Any debate that may arise from this would be on your stupidity in using such an obviously flawed logical fallacy. If you were debating the comprehensively retarded, that may have worked. It won't work here.

If I were you, I will ignore that sicko.

Ezeuche,this is for u,
the roles played in nigeria? hiss
we are making money as you guys so you all should come to term with that and respect us.

it is mandatory for women married to a nig men learn how to hold gun and fire, use baseball bat, kitchen knives etc
protect ya selves i say

Archaic men.
It's sad really.

*Hauwa*:

it is mandatory for women married to a nig men learn how to hold gun and fire, use baseball bat, kitchen knives etc
protect ya selves i say

I'll probably kill a mofo before he kills me.

Only foolish flies follows coffin to the grave.I don't care what culture,only a foolish man will go out of his way and act stupid and outrageous for the sake of a bit-ch.

It is not worth the trouble to bother for something that can be replaced.A recent gun rampage and killing in england by one low life Moal was because a bitc-h dumped him and he couldn't take it,even when he has three lovely children to live for.

If we can go back to the original topic, I would say that maybe the problem is the inability of some Nigerians to adapt well to some aspects of American / Western societies. Compared to the scarcities of Nigeria, America is a place filled with uncommon excesses, and to a degree, most Americans have learned to moderate themselves in ways someone just coming from Nigeria has to learn to do.

Electricity is nearly constant, there is always running water (hot and cold), food is always just around the corner at the store, and the streets are kept clear of trash. It really is a culture shock for newly arrived Nigerians who must learn new ways to interact with each other.

phew!! me too   in a heartbeat we have come a long way my sister, abt time  

important to hit home. baseball bat don't miss target
you making money, real good money and someone born of a woman will say you must play extreme wifey or die hard trying? shaking my head

chiogo:

Archaic men.
It's sad really.

I'll probably kill a mofo before he kills me.

*Hauwa*:

phew!! me too   in a heartbeat we have come a long way my sister, abt time  

important to hit home. baseball bat don't miss target
you making money, real good money and someone born of a woman will say you must play extreme wifey or die hard trying? shaking my head

LOL@ Baseball bat - can't go wrong with that one. Tiger Wood's wife style.
But seriously, I don't understand how these men could be having this mentality of being superior when the woman does all the work, brings all the money. It doesn't make sense. She shouldn't treat him like crap either but don't expect her to act like a slave either. That nonsense can fly in Naija where women have no rights.

Kobojunkie:

lol . . . If you watch their program -- deadly women for a while, you get the sense that a high percentage of the men murdered are those who have that "men have needs" mentality. I am not in anyway suggesting it is OK, but  I believe it goes to show that actions do have reactions. Terrible, and honestly, It gets me wondering how many of the cases of men dropping dead in places like Nigeria are really just men dropping dead.

ROTFLMAO!!

If I tell you of the case that one of my aunts husband in Nigeria. . . . just because of some problem, he beated her repeatedly with his baby on her back. She left and he had her mother thrown in jail. Because he didnt get enough respect. I'm telling you, I feel sorry for any man I end up with. Even my mom worries about that, that I might kill someone  . I have no problem respecting a man, but if you dont deserve it and you're demanding it. . . . best get out of my face.

New generation of Nigerian men are getting more rubbish. . . . I blame Nigerian women for not taking the time to properly discipline our children. They grow up expecting women to treat that like kings like their father were treated. But if your father deserved it and you dont, why expect it?

ikenwan:

If we can go back to the original topic, I would say that maybe the problem is the inability of some Nigerians to adapt well to some aspects of American / Western societies. Compared to the scarcities of Nigeria, America is a place filled with uncommon excesses, and to a degree, most Americans have learned to moderate themselves in ways someone just coming from Nigeria has to learn to do.

Electricity is nearly constant, there is always running water (hot and cold), food is always just around the corner at the store, and the streets are kept clear of trash. It really is a culture shock for newly arrived Nigerians who must learn new ways to interact with each other.

But here is the kink in that  . . . many of those fin-gered in these have spent considerable amount of time living and socializing with people of other cultures in the west. .  they are mostly not the newcomers involved here.  Yes, there is the inability to adapt but I think it also points to problems with our culture in Nigeria that needs to be dealt with before globalization overtakes us and we find ourselves tackling this problem right there in Nigeria, in overwhelming numbers.

Ileke-IdI:

ROTFLMAO!!
New generation of Nigerian men are getting more rubbish. . . . I blame Nigerian women for not taking the time to properly discipline our children. They grow up expecting women to treat that like kings like their father were treated. But if your father deserved it and you dont, why expect it?

I agree . . . women bear a lot of the blame here considering they are the one's responsible for raising most of our kids down there in NIgeria and abroad. And yeah, the new generation are really not any much different from their fathers in this.

ikenwan:

If we can go back to the original topic, I would say that maybe the problem is the inability of some Nigerians to adapt well to some aspects of American / Western societies. Compared to the scarcities of Nigeria, America is a place filled with uncommon excesses, and to a degree, most Americans have learned to moderate themselves in ways someone just coming from Nigeria has to learn to do.

[b]Electricity is nearly constant, there is always running water (hot and cold), food is always just around the corner at the store, and the streets are kept clear of trash. It really is a culture shock for newly arrived Nigerians who must learn new ways to interact with each othe[/b]r.

What exactly does running water have to do with trigger pulling?


Anywaz, yes, the new enviroment is tough. Imagine having to deal with bills . . . . that's enough to drive ppl crazy!

I've followed this topic closely and I've come to certain conclusions.

The problem is that the concept of marriage in Nigeria means a different thing from what obtains in the US. As a married Igbo man in the US, I can discuss this very easily.

The core idea is for the man (being the head of household in Igbo culture) to realize that the success or failure of the marriage lies with him, and he must make that conclusion BEFORE he gets married to ANYONE IN NIGERIA.

I know so many happy marriages in Nigeria which broke irreparably in the US, and I mean real happy marriages with both parties understanding their roles in the home. The man provides for his family, and the woman also provides when she can. In modern times BOTH parties work in Nigeria and provide for the family, but the man still remains the head of household. He consults his wife before making sensitive decisions, but the buck really stops with him. THERE CAN NEVER BE TWO CAPTAINS IN ONE SHIP. The ladies in Nigeria understand that and defer to their husband, while the men love their wives and will even die for them. Please note that this has almost nothing to do with class or education. I know many illiterate Igbo men with degree holder wives in Nigeria, and they live happily.

But out here, the women buy into a false sense of EQUALITY at home and start challenging EVERY decision the man makes. US is a highly individualistic society with also zero societal support. You can really do anything you want with yourself as long as you are not breaking the law. A married man or woman can do ANYTHING they want provided they can live with the consequences. In Nigeria it is not like that. There are societal consequences to actions.
So when that societal support gives way, only FEW WOMEN are not tempted to push the limit of their "freedom". And when the chips fall, the man is mostly left holding the empty bag after many years of planning his family and providing for them in Nigeria, he loses it all because the woman decided to enjoy her "freedom".  

The US is mostly a community property nation, direct implication is that in the event of any divorce, the woman almost always takes possession of the house and the children until visitation rights are worked out. The man MUST move out. Most of these men have invested (like most Igbo men) heavily in their families: wives upkeep (Igbo man will buy the best clothes for his wive and will even starve doing so), kids (Igbo man must send his kids to the best school, he will starve instead), and other similar sacrifices. Such deviant women never even think about these. All they see is the chance to take what the man worked so hard for and leave. The next day, don't be surprised if she starts dating your close friends! That is what lead to these types of homicides. They can never be justified, but how can anyone justify such heartlessness from some Igbo women in the US?

A friend of mine went through a similar ordeal. He nearly died! ( a lot of guys just go to sleep and never wake up!). It is that bad. He has survived his for 10 years now while his wife was busy sleeping with any man of her fantasy. Guess what folks, she now wants to come back to the man! She has sent emissaries, done almost everything she can to get back but the husband has since moved on (though he is still single). He cannot remarry. He was broken beyond repair!

My final advise and submission on this topic to Nigerians (especially Igbo men in the US) : NEVER MARRY A WOMAN IN NIGERIA AND BRING HER TO THE US. PERIOD!

Let Nigerian women in Nigeria marry Nigerians at home, while those abroad should marry abroad to anyone of their choice. The gap is too much.

Only very few marriages survive this culture shock.

I mostly blame the men for this crisis.

Too many Naija men living abroad are clueless and lazy. This subsequently breeds disrespect from the women who are used to knowledgeable and strong men; men like their fathers, who raised them to believe in the man of the house; men they looked up to; men that treated their mothers with love and affection.

Many women also make horrible choices in partners. They go after lying buffoons and flamboyant charlatans. What do they expect?

Too many women are complete idiots in the art of spouse selection.

ikenwan:

If we can go back to the original topic, I would say that maybe the problem is the inability of some Nigerians to adapt well to some aspects of American / Western societies. Compared to the scarcities of Nigeria, America is a place filled with uncommon excesses, and to a degree, most Americans have learned to moderate themselves in ways someone just coming from Nigeria has to learn to do.

Electricity is nearly constant, there is always running water (hot and cold), food is always just around the corner at the store, and the streets are kept clear of trash. It really is a culture shock for newly arrived Nigerians who must learn new ways to interact with each other.

Haha. Not necessarily. The culture shock I believe, doesn't stem from constant electricity and whatnot. The culture shock is how the American family is run, like if a woman works more than the husband, naturally, he would help out more around the house. These Nigerian men killing their wives obviously think differently. Many of them are still stuck to the Nigerian mentality that the man is the head of the household(which is true in most if not all societies) but does not translate to the wife being a slave. Neither does that mean he can't assist around the house if the wife is the one handling the financial burden of the family.

I think these men start to notice their women blend more into the American culture and expect their husbands to contribute in other ways since they can't do so financially - these expectations may seem belittling to the men and they start to feel intimidated and claim their wives have been brain-washed by the American society whereas, their wives are only embracing the new culture. I don't know what men like these expect to happen when they move to a new environment since change is almost inevitable. People like these are just better off staying back home in Nigeria, they are obviously incapable of handling a culture such as America's.

Wow!!!, Look at all the finger pointing, men blaming women, women blaming men. Problem solved!

Onlytruth:

I've followed this topic closely and I've come to certain conclusions.

The problem is that the concept of marriage in Nigeria means a different thing from what obtains in the US. As a married Igbo man in the US, I can discuss this very easily.

The core idea is for the man (being the head of household in Igbo culture) to realize that the success or failure of the marriage lies with him, and he must make that conclusion BEFORE he gets married to ANYONE IN NIGERIA.

I know so many happy marriages in Nigeria which broke irreparably in the US, and I mean real happy marriages with both parties understanding their roles in the home. The man provides for his family, and the woman also provides when she can. In modern times BOTH parties work in Nigeria and provide for the family, but the man still remains the head of household. He consults his wife before making sensitive decisions, but the buck really stops with him. THERE CAN NEVER BE TWO CAPTAINS IN ONE SHIP. The ladies in Nigeria understand that and defer to their husband, while the men love their wives and will even die for them. Please note that this has almost nothing to do with class or education. I know many illiterate Igbo men with degree holder wives in Nigeria, and they live happily.

But out here, the women buy into a false sense of EQUALITY at home and start challenging EVERY decision the man makes. US is a highly individualistic society with also zero societal support. You can really do anything you want with yourself as long as you are not breaking the law. A married man or woman can do ANYTHING they want provided they can live with the consequences. In Nigeria it is not like that. There are societal consequences to actions.
So when that societal support gives way, only FEW WOMEN are not tempted to push the limit of their "freedom". And when the chips fall, the man is mostly left holding the empty bag after many years of planning his family and providing for them in Nigeria, he loses it all because the woman decided to enjoy her "freedom".  

The US is mostly a community property nation, direct implication is that in the event of any divorce, the woman almost always takes possession of the house and the children until visitation rights are worked out. The man MUST move out. Most of these men have invested (like most Igbo men) heavily in their families: wives upkeep (Igbo man will buy the best clothes for his wive and will even starve doing so), kids (Igbo man must send his kids to the best school, he will starve instead), and other similar sacrifices. Such deviant women never even think about these. All they see is the chance to take what the man worked so hard for and leave. The next day, don't be surprised if she starts dating your close friends! That is what lead to these types of homicides. They can never be justified, but how can anyone justify such heartlessness from some Igbo women in the US?

A friend of mine went through a similar ordeal. He nearly died! ( a lot of guys just go to sleep and never wake up!). It is that bad. He has survived his for 10 years now while his wife was busy sleeping with any man of her fantasy. Guess what folks, she now wants to come back to the man! She has sent emissaries, done almost everything she can to get back but the husband has since moved on (though he is still single). He cannot remarry. He was broken beyond repair!

My final advise and submission on this topic to Nigerians (especially Igbo men in the US) : NEVER MARRY A WOMAN IN NIGERIA AND BRING HER TO THE US. PERIOD!

Let Nigerian women in Nigeria marry Nigerians at home, while those abroad should marry abroad to anyone of their choice. The gap is too much.

Only very few marriages survive this culture shock.

Excellent post!

My view, developed over a decade of observation of Igbo marriages in the US, is that the likelihood of a failed marriage is highest when an Igbo man living in the US goes home to marry an Igbo woman. The odds are better for the Igbo man who goes to Nigeria to marry from any other ethnic group.

Anybody made the same observation?

Onlytruth:

I've followed this topic closely and I've come to certain conclusions.

The problem is that the concept of marriage in Nigeria means a different thing from what obtains in the US. As a married Igbo man in the US, I can discuss this very easily.

The core idea is for the man (being the head of household in Igbo culture) to realize that the success or failure of the marriage lies with him, and he must make that conclusion BEFORE he gets married to ANYONE IN NIGERIA.

I know so many happy marriages in Nigeria which broke irreparably in the US, and I mean real happy marriages with both parties understanding their roles in the home. The man provides for his family, and the woman also provides when she can. In modern times BOTH parties work in Nigeria and provide for the family, but the man still remains the head of household. He consults his wife before making sensitive decisions, but the buck really stops with him. THERE CAN NEVER BE TWO CAPTAINS IN ONE SHIP. The ladies in Nigeria understand that and defer to their husband, while the men love their wives and will even die for them. Please note that this has almost nothing to do with class or education. I know many illiterate Igbo men with degree holder wives in Nigeria, and they live happily.

But out here, the women buy into a false sense of EQUALITY at home and start challenging EVERY decision the man makes. US is a highly individualistic society with also zero societal support. You can really do anything you want with yourself as long as you are not breaking the law. A married man or woman can do ANYTHING they want provided they can live with the consequences. In Nigeria it is not like that. There are societal consequences to actions.
So when that societal support gives way, only FEW WOMEN are not tempted to push the limit of their "freedom". And when the chips fall, the man is mostly left holding the empty bag after many years of planning his family and providing for them in Nigeria, he loses it all because the woman decided to enjoy her "freedom". 

The US is mostly a community property nation, direct implication is that in the event of any divorce, the woman almost always takes possession of the house and the children until visitation rights are worked out. The man MUST move out. Most of these men have invested (like most Igbo men) heavily in their families: wives upkeep (Igbo man will buy the best clothes for his wive and will even starve doing so), kids (Igbo man must send his kids to the best school, he will starve instead), and other similar sacrifices. Such deviant women never even think about these. All they see is the chance to take what the man worked so hard for and leave. The next day, don't be surprised if she starts dating your close friends! That is what lead to these types of homicides. They can never be justified, but how can anyone justify such heartlessness from some Igbo women in the US?

A friend of mine went through a similar ordeal. He nearly died! ( a lot of guys just go to sleep and never wake up!). It is that bad. He has survived his for 10 years now while his wife was busy sleeping with any man of her fantasy. Guess what folks, she now wants to come back to the man! She has sent emissaries, done almost everything she can to get back but the husband has since moved on (though he is still single). He cannot remarry. He was broken beyond repair!

My final advise and submission on this topic to Nigerians (especially Igbo men in the US) : NEVER MARRY A WOMAN IN NIGERIA AND BRING HER TO THE US. PERIOD!

Let Nigerian women in Nigeria marry Nigerians at home, while those abroad should marry abroad to anyone of their choice. The gap is too much.

Only very few marriages survive this culture shock.

I thinkn most of this is so far from the true reality of the situation.

it is akin to believing the piece below

Igbo men being stock fish lovers, it was easy to believe the storyline. “A certain consignment of Okporoko from either Norway or Cape Cord was the cause of this sudden collective death of men from a certain stock/race. Some mocked that the gods of stockfish were taking vengeance on the grandchildren of a race who massacred its own forebears! That many more Igbo men in America would die before the stockfish gods were appeased.” There was palpable fear in the male Igbo community everywhere in the US then. Whose turn would it be amongst the Okporoko consuming Igbo men?

The other thing I personally notice about these  homicidal marriages is that the women are mainly nurses.
No pun intended, but nurses are not the most educated Nigerians, and it shows in their behaviors.

I know of one case where a certain hospital human resources department was complaining bitterly about the behaviors of some Nigerian nurses in their employ. They exhibit uncontrolled gluttony at the sight of condiments deposited at the pantry for staff light refreshment. Some of these nurse basically cart these condiments home leaving empty pantries behind.
Other workers from other countries would simply take what they needed eg. one sachet of fast Quaker oat meal, just enough for self. The Nigerian nurse will empty the entire tray!
That is the same attitude they adopt when dealing with their husbands at home.

Of course I personally will not marry anyone who is not holding at least a Masters degree in ANYTHING. I don't care what field. I need an educated woman at home!

So my advise again: NEVER MARRY A NIGERIAN WOMAN AND BRING HER TO THE US.

If you must marry her, then relocate to Nigeria. Simple.

I am just watching a channel 4 documentary right now about some nigerian churches in south london casting out witches on african children in  obodo oyibo of all places.Unfortunately most of the parents of the children are married and one will expect a marriage to work between foolish couples like that,that can't see beyond their noses.

Marriage is like a successful business union,it takes two people that are rationally in line with each other for it to work.

Onlytruth:

The other thing I personally notice about these  homicidal marriages is that the women are mainly nurses.
No pun intended, but nurses are not the most educated Nigerians, and it shows in their behaviors.

I know of one case where a certain hospital human resources department was complaining bitterly about the behaviors of some Nigerian nurses in their employ. They exhibit uncontrolled gluttony at the sight of condiments deposited at the pantry for staff light refreshment. Some of these nurse basically cart these condiments home leaving empty pantries behind.
Other workers from other countries would simply take what they needed eg. one sachet of fast Quaker oat meal, just enough for self. The Nigerian nurse will empty the entire tray!
That is the same attitude they adopt when dealing with their husbands at home.

Of course I personally will not marry anyone who is not holding at least a Masters degree in ANYTHING. I don't care what field. I need an educated woman at home!

So my advise again: NEVER MARRY A NIGERIAN WOMAN AND BRING HER TO THE US.

If you must marry her, then relocate to Nigeria. Simple.

Very strong position to take.

Just curious, did you marry your wife in the US or in Nigeria?

Kobojunkie:

But here is the kink in that  . . . many of those fin-gered in these have spent considerable amount of time living and socializing with people of other cultures in the west. .  they are mostly not the newcomers involved here.  Yes, there is the inability to adapt but I think it also points to problems with our culture in Nigeria that needs to be dealt with before globalization overtakes us and we find ourselves tackling this problem right there in Nigeria, in overwhelming numbers.

I'm glad you pointed this out!

@Ileke-IdI, @chiogo,
Lol I didn't mean that once electricity started working and water kept running, people started killing each other. What I was trying to say is that the way Nigerian families are run are generally the way their people adapted to the hardship of Nigerian society. Someone is always trying to keep someone else in line, and that someone else is always resenting being forced down. Western societies, on the other hand, work differently. Because there's almost always going to be an abundance of resources, the type of situation where one person (a government, a spouse, etc) tries to micromanage [i]everything [/i]doesn't always work. There's space to be more fluid when dealing with things, and to become more moderate too.

Cohomology:

Very strong position to take.

Just curious, did you marry your wife in the US or in Nigeria?

Of course I married her here (the US).
She and I have the same understanding of things. I can't tell her these things. She knows already.

The Igbo say that an orphan often eavesdrops when a father is advising his child. I've learned by watching other peoples experience here.

Onlytruth:

Of course I married her here (the US).
She and I have the same understanding of things. I can't tell her these things. She knows already.

My very good friend has been dating a girl in Naija and is planning to go home Jan '11 to marry her and bring her over. This girl seems like a very good girl and very smart too. From a good home also. I'm afraid for him now. So, you suggest he dumps her and marry someone here? This is a toughie!

Just so you understand me better, I am not saying newcomers are exempt either, but that culturally we have a problem that needs to be tackled, and that is inequality in society.
Our society in Nigeria essentially considers the man the god of the  house and in case of divorce, women risk losing it all and so most are essentially FORCED to stay in unhappy marriages because there are not a lot of options out there for them(as many think) after divorce. Women endure beatings, emotional torture and all from their spouses for their children's sake or so they do not incur shame of divorce or the sort. There are definitely a lot of divorced women out there but many rather than be hidden that dealt with.

I don't believe this is limited to one culture, I mean the issue with marriages abroad. I have friends who were jilted by women from other ethnicities just like that. I don't think it is simply a men only issue or something that can be cured by simply changing the ethnicity of people you date.I think what we see now is a result of bad cultural beliefs and ideas coming back to bite us. And this is not just for Nigerians and Africans to deal with. Even people from Arab countries and people from parts of Asia are also having to deal with this issue even more of recent.