Recently I've found my hands reaching only for relationship books off the bookshelves , and surprisingly enough I have come to enjoy how intricately some writers come up with words and quotes describing what really goes on during the battle of the sexes. Have you ever felt something in your relationship and just didn't know how to put it? Well - welcome to (some) of the most knowledgeable quotes ever written by the all-knowing relationship experts, Which number do you like best Add yours if you wish!!!!

1. A man chases a woman until she catches him
2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a
wife.
3. The definition of a man? A life support system for a penis
4. A Woman needs to know but one man well to understand all men; whereas a man may know all women and not
understand one of them
5. 100% of divorces begin with Marriage
6. The more the nagger nags, the more isolated she becomes
7. Men's brains are mono-tracked. They can't make love and answer questions on why they haven't taken out the
garbage at the same time.
8. A woman usually wants to be heard, not fixed.
9. In heaven, every man has 3 remote controls and all toilet seats are left up.
10. Men dint want to know what's on television, they want to know what else is on television.
11. Men dint get lost - they simply discover alternative destinations.
12. Moses wondered in the desert for 40 years, he wouldn't ask for directions either.
13. Why does it take 4 million male sperms to find a fertilized egg? Not one wants to ask for directions.
14. For a man, one pair of shoes, one suit and a couple of shirts will last for many seasons. The same hairstyle endures
for years, perhaps decades. And even better, is wallet, as a consequence, will last far longer too.
15. A woman will dress carefully according to the weather, the season, fashion, her own coloring, where she is going,
how she feels about herself that day, who she's seeing, what she'll be doing. A man merely performs the sniff test on
a piece of clothing he's left lying over the arm of a chair.
16. We always hold hands, if I let go, she shops.
17. What can you tell from a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out his clothes.
18. men will use a well-planned, direct approach to get what they want. Women prefer emotional blackmail.
19. All men are the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart (Marilyn Monroe)
20. A man equates being given advice by a woman as saying he is wrong and that she doesn't trust him.
21. The only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys.
22. Men can feel overcome by emotion when watching sport but seldom in an emotional relationship.
23. "My wife said if I didn't stop being so obsessed with Manchester United, she'd leave me. I'm really going to miss her."
24. Adam and Eve were the happiest and the luckiest couple in the world because neither of them had a mother-in-law.
25. Men's brains are solution-oriented, Women's brains are process-oriented
26. Men prefer looks to brains because most men can see better than they can think.
27. A woman's face is a canvas upon which daily, she paints a portrait of her former self. (Picasso)
28. The only fashion shows many men will actively enjoy are swimsuit parades.
29. DO NOT read women's magazines, they will only make you feel ugly
30. Sexual attractiveness in 50% what you've got and 50% what others think you've got (Zsa Zsa Gabor)
31. When a man sees a naked woman, he becomes dumbstruck. When a woman sees a naked man, she usually bursts
into laughter.
32. People say they love the truth, but in reality they want to believe that which they love is true. (Robert Ringer)
33. A woman will lie to make you feel good. A man lies to make himself look good.
34. The number one question men ask that makes women lie: 'How was I?'
35. The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off. (Mal Pancoast)
36. What's the difference between lying to the taxman and lying to your wife? If you get caught, the taxman still wants
to screw you.
37. Men value accomplishments, women value relationships
38. The young man was terrified about the first time he'd have sex with his girlfriend as he was sure his penis was too
small. Eventually, he realized he couldn't put it off forever, and nervously asker her back to his place. Tentatively, he
began to take off his clothes, then turned the lights down low. Nervously, he finally put his erection in her hand and
hoped that she might not notice its size. "No thanks," she said, "I don't smoke."
39. A man's body symmetry is more important to a woman than his facial symmetry - which is why champion boxers can
still often attract beautiful women.
40. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. (Rodney Dangerfield)

So - there you go - credit for the rest of the quotes go to Steve Nakamoto and Allan and Barbara Pease, ENJOY!

• They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense
• It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women, and then he turns them into Wives !!!!
• Q: What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
A: Magnets have a positive side!
• It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE Vs ARRANGED.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
• A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE,
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!

• I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette
• I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
• When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
• Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Montaigne
• After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. -- Hemant Joshi
• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner
• Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. - Mae West
• "I was married by a judge, I should have asked for a jury." - George Burns
Unknown Author Quotes
• Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
• Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
• Marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
• Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
• Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without.
• I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
• If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
• Behind every successful man stands an amazed Mother-in-Law!
• When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.

A woman's love is long when she's waiting,
A man's love is strong when he's mating.