Ok, where should i start with this write up, i do not want to win the award for the longest writeup ever on Nairaland but i will make it short as possible if i can.

So i wrote about my observations about boys from single mothers homes and many people couldn't handle it, i was having fun reading the comments. so back to my topic. The reality is women can not train boys into men, that is why it is important that boys have a strong man mentor in their lives, it could your grandfather, father or uncles. anyway, back to the topic

How do single mothers in naija destory their boys and stop them from being a resposible man to his future wife or girl friend and society at large?

- Not letting him know he his your son just because you had him when you were 16 or even 20 doesnt mean you have to deny him.i have seen it often when the son called his mother sister and not mummy, how do you want him to feel when he is matured and knows that you infact is not his sister but his real mother. lot of anger and betrayal, resentment towards women

-Talking bad about his father and projecting your anger for his father on your son, when all a young boy here is how you talk bad about men especially his father from you, what you are basically doing is making him hate his father or making him learn to disrespect any male figure he comes in contact with, sometimes, this might also affects his self esteem and can make him withdraw socially and emotionally.

-Not allowing his father to see him can destroy a boy, just because it didnt work out with his father doesnt mean the boy cant have a good relationship with his father. not allowing his father in his life will make him lose a sense of identity, sometimes it is funny when a boys takes their mother father's surname instead of his real father surname, this basically makes him lost his identity.

-bringing a new man or step father into his life, most boys find it hard to connect with a man not their father, it can infact put lot of pressure on the step father to connect with a boy not his.

-making excuses for your son when he does wrong, this makes him have entitlement mentality

- not punishing him for wrong doing because you do not want to be harsh on him very common among emotional single mothers

- how does a man cope with life difficulties, if you teach him how to be emotional, an emotional man can be seen as a weak man by his peers and also by women.

- not teaching him what boundaries are,i kinda of feel that boys not knowing how to move on after a relationship or a boy stalking a woman after a brakeup can be as a result of his single mother not teaching him boundaries, i believe only a strong father can.

-making their son very dependent on them, they basically turn their son into husbands, thereby using their son to get their emotional needs and support met, this can prevent him from growing up to be a functional man who can have a good relationship with a woman.many of these women also prevent their son from exploring and experimenting life.

-Using threat, intimidation and verbal abuse to control their sons especially when he tries to act masculine. this abuse makes the boy see women as emasculating, domineering and very hostile, it can make him avoid relationships with women.

-trying to run his life and control everything he does, making him a pure mama's boy who can not do anything himself without the permission of his mother.

-trying to define your son manhood on your terms, trying to make a perfect man out of him, will make him grow up to become a man that cant do anything without the leadership of a woman.

-not supporting him to be independent and trying hard to sabotage his plans because you will feel lonely when he leaves the house.

-shaming him when he expresses his masculinity

- not encouraging him to embrace his sexuality, teaching him to be ashamed of sex and his sexuality just because you are ashamed of yours

-Misleading and telling him lies that he has to be friends with women to get a romantic relationship with women, remember, friends are always friend zoned.

- and lastly telling him that all women are prostitutes and expressing your jealous at young single girls that get involved with him, also making sure he doesn't get close to any woman by sabotaging his relationships.

Boys need their fathers in their lives, a healthy boy will do society and mankind good

Wetdick u shud have mentioned me immediately u made dis topic,now u allowed,dat bet guy take FTC.

I agree wit u on dis one,I see u followed my advice and did dis ur observation in a lab wit a smart lab attendant,wearin a lab coat.U made an error wen u failed To state dat d women u are talkin about is all dose blaady feminists.

U got an 8 over 10 on dis one.

WETDICK VIEWS SECONDED

ShinqRambq:
Wetdick u shud have mentioned me immediately u made dis topic,now u allowed,dat bet guy take FTC.

I agree wit u on dis one,I see u followed my advice and did dis ur observation in a lab wit a smart lab attendant,wearin a lab coat.U made an error wen u failed To state dat d women u are talkin about is all dose blaady feminists.

U got an 8 over 10 on dis one.

WETDICK VIEWS SECONDED

i didnt follow any of your advic, i just did my thing. LOL

I totally agree with this

wetdick:
Ok, where should i start with this write up, i do not want to win the award for the longest writeup ever on Nairaland but i will make it short as possible if i can.

So i wrote about my observations about boys from single mothers homes and many people couldn't handle it, i was having fun reading the comments. so back to my topic. The reality is women can not train boys into men, that is why it is important that boys have a strong man mentor in their lives, it could your grandfather, father or uncles. anyway, back to the topic

How do single mothers in naija destory their boys and stop them from being a resposible man to his future wife or girl friend and society at large?

- Not letting him know he his your son just because you had him when you were 16 or even 20 doesnt mean you have to deny him.i have seen it often when the son called his mother sister and not mummy, how do you want him to feel when he is matured and knows that you infact is not his sister but his real mother. lot of anger and betrayal, resentment towards women

-Talking bad about his father and projecting your anger for his father on your son, when all a young boy here is how you talk bad about men especially his father from you, what you are basically doing is making him hate his father or making him learn to disrespect any male figure he comes in contact with, sometimes, this might also affects his self esteem and can make him withdraw socially and emotionally.

-Not allowing his father to see him can destroy a boy, just because it didnt work out with his father doesnt mean the boy cant have a good relationship with his father. not allowing his father in his life will make him lose a sense of identity, sometimes it is funny when a boys takes their mother father's surname instead of his real father surname, this basically makes him lost his identity.

-bringing a new man or step father into his life, most boys find it hard to connect with a man not their father, it can infact put lot of pressure on the step father to connect with a boy not his.

-making excuses for your son when he does wrong, this makes him have entitlement mentality

- not punishing him for wrong doing because you do not want to be harsh on him very common among emotional single mothers

- how does a man cope with life difficulties, if you teach him how to be emotional, an emotional man can be seen as a weak man by his peers and also by women.

- not teaching him what boundaries are,i kinda of feel that boys not knowing how to move on after a relationship or a boy stalking a woman after a brakeup can be as a result of his single mother not teaching him boundaries, i believe only a strong father can.

-making their son very dependent on them, they basically turn their son into husbands, thereby using their son to get their emotional needs and support met, this can prevent him from growing up to be a functional man who can have a good relationship with a woman.many of these women also prevent their son from exploring and experimenting life.

-Using threat, intimidation and verbal abuse to control their sons especially when he tries to act masculine. this abuse makes the boy see women as emasculating, domineering and very hostile, it can make him avoid relationships with women.

-trying to run his life and control everything he does, making him a pure mama's boy who can not do anything himself without the permission of his mother.

-trying to define your son manhood on your terms, trying to make a perfect man out of him, will make him grow up to become a man that cant do anything without the leadership of a woman.

-not supporting him to be independent and trying hard to sabotage his plans because you will feel lonely when he leaves the house.

-shaming him when he expresses his masculinity

- not encouraging him to embrace his sexuality, teaching him to be ashamed of sex and his sexuality just because you are ashamed of yours

-Misleading and telling him lies that he has to be friends with women to get a romantic relationship with women, remember, friends are always friend zoned.

- and lastly telling him that all women are prostitutes and expressing your jealous at young single girls that get involved with him, also making sure he doesn't get close to any woman by sabotaging his relationships.

Boys need their fathers in their lives, a healthy boy will do society and mankind good

You wrote some brilliant points however some of the points are generalistic in nature which isn't true. They don't apply to all boys or single mother as portray by you. You need to balance your report when writing articles.

Most single ladies wey u dey see say their child dey refer to as their elder sister dey instruct their kids to do so cos dem still dey d dating market. U know some men will run if they find out the lady they are dating is a single mom cos of d baby daddy wahala wey fit occur..except if d man is very understanding.

Pikin way wan spoil go spoil ...
All this write up na trash when it comes to the practical..
Boys will be boys

lefulefu:
Most single ladies wey u dey see say their child dey refer to as their elder sister dey instruct their kids to do so cos dem still dey d dating market. U know some men will run if they find out the lady they are dating is a single mom cos of d baby daddy wahala wey fit occur..except if d man is very understanding.

but is that not selfish on the part of the mother?

AONE555:
Pikin was wan spoil go spoil ...
All this write up na trash when it comes to the practical..
Boys will be boys

interesting so pikin just spoil on his own, na wa for your mentality

asuustrike1:

You wrote some brilliant points however some of the points are generalistic in nature which isn't true. They don't apply to all boys or single mother as portray by you. You need to balance your report when writing articles.

most of the point are real, everybody comes from different environment and an environment can influence the way a mother sees her son up, just because it some of my point doesn not happen in this single mother home does not mean it is not happening in another home

wetdick:



but is that not selfish on the part of the mother?

yea its selfish on the part of the mother but then if she doesnt do such she might not get married.

lefulefu:
yea its selfish on the part of the mother but then if she doesnt do such she might not get married.

there are guys that marry single mothers. the most painful stuff for a guy is to know that he has been calling his real mother sister. it is bad for the boy.

wetdick:


most of the point are real, everybody comes from different environment and an environment can influence the way a mother sees her son up, just because it some of my point doesn not happen in this single mother home does not mean it is not happening in another home

I didn't say it doesn't happen I did say that you are too generalistic in your assertions. Most of those things don't happen in many homes

The most important, yet ignored reason why single motherhood is bad on boys is for the simple reason that masculinity is something that has to be taught by an eligible Male figure. For a boy to grow into a man, he needs a guardian to walk him through that path, to cultivate and develop him to understand his role as a man, until maturity. Men that grew up without father figures are prone to emasculation, premium feelings over logic (a typical female trait), prone to crime, lack will power, and a problem to society.

it's also worse for women, and I've seen it first hand. From irrational fear, to always searching for a father figure in potential boyfriend, and lack of direction in life. Fatherhood is important and a bigger determinant on how easy or hard navigating life will be.

Well Done Your Observation or Research Are Right But None apply to me I can say am a mama boy bcus she is the only one that brought me up but not by Attitudes, Behavior and Character I gat the real man hidden and it incredible...

Well Done Your Observation or Research Are Right But None apply to me I can say am a mama boy bcus she is the only one that brought me up but not by Attitudes, Behavior and Character I gat the real man hidden and it incredible...

Trash

wetdick:


interesting so pikin just spoil on his own, na wa for your mentality

.
Hey don't get me wrong..
I've seen family that have done everything humanly possible to bring up thier children in the right way but these kids still end up following the bad wagon, infact they are onces leading the bad wagon...
And also i have seen kid from broken home doing fine with or without their parents ...
All am saying is, it's not right for you to blame single mother ...

pansophist:
The most important, yet ignored reason why single motherhood is bad on boys is for the simple reason that masculinity is something that has to be taught by an eligible Male figure. For a boy to grow into a man, he needs a guardian to walk him through that path, to cultivate and develop him to understand his role as a man, until maturity. Men that grew up without father figures are prone to emasculation, premium feelings over logic (a typical female trait), prone to crime, lack will power, and a problem to society.

it's also worse for women, and I've seen it first hand. From irrational fear, to always searching for a father figure in potential boyfriend, and lack of direction in life. Fatherhood is important and a bigger determinant on how easy or hard navigating life will be.

good point

Sundarita:
Trash

ok

They mostly train their sons to be Captain White Knight aka Captain "Save a hoe".

Sundarita:
Trash

which part exactly?

Stats have it that most men who are considered weaklings lacked a proper fatherly presence,be it through divorce,death,etc. In other words,for those women who love controlling and manipulating men,this set of guys will be beneficial to your cause .

Then, a guy from a single mum especially if he was an only child was like a plague for me. I remember a wedding planner I met that said she had to break up with a guy like that.
His mum would call her everyday and ask if they have spoken that day and ask what they spoke about. The woman even told her that she had gone "somewhere" and no one can come between her and her son that she suffered alone for.
The babe just moved on because she foresaw trouble that she wasn't ready to put up with.

ImaIma1:
Then, a guy from a single mum especially if he was an only child was like a plague for me. I remember a wedding planner I met that said she had to break up with a guy like that.
His mum would call her everyday and ask if they have spoken that day and ask what they spoke about. The woman even told her that she had gone "somewhere" and no one can come between her and her son that she suffered alone for.
The babe just moved on because she foresaw trouble that she wasn't ready to put up with.

.........this doesn't only apply to single mums o,some mothers whom there husbands are there for them also like to over control their sons,infact they are jealous of any woman that comes into their sons life.............imagine my sister's mother-in-law shouting at her because she didnt show her(mum-in-law) the clothes her hubby bought for her before using them......these mothers still want to control their sons and their wives

And most who had fathers only learnt from them how to mistreat and cheat on their wives.

xendra:

And most who had fathers only learnt from them how to mistreat and cheat on their wives.

Single father is very rare.

Where do you people meet these kind of people?