ElRazur:

I think by the time they stopped, the damage is already done. Also most of them only stopped because age caught up with them (You can still tell in their voice you that they wish they were in control)

Most of these damage are almost irreparable and sows a seed that most likely will give out negative result. I am a good example of that, I did not attend his funeral because of what I experienced from him. And as it stand, it will probably be the same with my Sister IF attempts are not made to reconcile etc.   You see, I am speaking from the heart and it is clear to see that I have hatred and unwillingness to probably forgive sown in me towards these set of people.

mädchen:

Well I honestly hope that the system changes. It's a terrible culture, a terrible system and a ridiculous way of handling kids. It is. A lot of these parents must have been frustrated, work, in-laws, cheating spouses, and they took it out on the poor defenceless kid. Were they really trying to 'raise' healthy and balanced kids? I would say no! It's just instilling fear.

I also beg to differ that it was a general thing. I was NEVER hit by my parents.  My parents always spoke to my siblings and I . They understood that we were individuals.  And  I love and respect them totally today for that! Communication lines should always be kept open!  YES, I was born and raised in Nigeria! What is bad is bad, there's no other name for it. Beating your kids until they are almost comatose is wrong!!!!!!! Simply put!

ElRazur:

I think by the time they stopped, the damage is already done. Also most of them only stopped because age caught up with them (You can still tell in their voice you that they wish they were in control)

Most of these damage are almost irreparable and sows a seed that most likely will give out negative result. I am a good example of that, I did not attend his funeral because of what I experienced from him. And as it stand, it will probably be the same with my Sister IF attempts are not made to reconcile etc.   You see, I am speaking from the heart and it is clear to see that I have hatred and unwillingness to probably forgive sown in me towards these set of people.

Ujujoan:

When I say 'general', I mean majority! I know their methods were a bit tough, but I still think it wasn't all bad. As humans, they made mistakes, but they did that in good faith!

mädchen:

Hey, ElRazur, are you getting help or talking to anyone about your experiences? These set of people had a hold on you when you were young and defenseless, and holding on in anger and unforgiveness still gives them the power over you! (Even if it's not in the same way) Please share and talk to someone and be completely healed (((((hugs))))

mädchen:

And when you 'whoop the poo out of that kid' , what does that solve? [b]Does it stop the kid from stealing again [/b]As we have read on this thread, some people have said that they became better liars. *Food for thought*

Okija_juju:

@ Uju

After reading your elder sisters experience, I wanna go home and hug my mum & tell her I love her!! I am so sorry for how your sister was treated!! I guess I had it good!!

WOW!! Hot water on a kid!!     I am in tears!

mädchen:

I wonder if it was really in good faith, or just taking out their frustrations. However, the cycle must be broken! It goes to the very root of our actions as a society.  Sad really

spikedcylinder:

Yes!!!!! It stopped me from stealing milk and meat o. My mother nearly killed me!

mädchen:

I am sooooo sorry your poor sister had to go through all of this. Is she in Nigeria now? You are right ! Showing love is all that a kid needs, they are not goats that have to be flogged! No way! They are human beings, malleable and impressionable. We can clearly see that from your sisters case. Bless her!

spikedcylinder:

Yes!!!!! It stopped me from stealing milk and meat o. My mother nearly killed me!

mothersjoy:

ujujoan i do think you are living in coocoo la la land as stealing is a serious offence enough to deserve a whooping but only from parent who dont steal themselves.

I remember the adage in nj 'ibi ti eyan bantin she lo tin je' and he who practices this is a thief cos they use it to justify stealing such that a thief parent begats a thief child in my book.

mothersjoy:

ujujoan i do think you are living in coocoo la la land as stealing is a serious offence enough to deserve a whooping but only from parent who dont steal themselves.

I remember the adage in nj 'ibi ti eyan bantin she lo tin je' and he who practices this is a thief cos they use it to justify stealing such that a thief parent begats a thief child in my book.

mädchen:

Methinks that when a child steals the first time one should look at the underlying cause and reason for such action. It could be a plethora of things. Attention seeking, genuine need that has not been met? Whooping that child hasn't solved anything

And I agree being a parent one must lead by example! TOTALLY!

Ujujoan:

LOL  

But simply sitting you down and telling you not to steal but to ask if you wanted something would have stopped you from stealing too!

Okija_juju:

[font=Comic Sans Ms]
@ Topic

I have really bitter childhood memories of my Mum especially! My dad only flogged me once when my aunt snitched on me "that I had a cartoon indecency magazine (Knackson) with me. _{*** I wonder how I was supposed to learn bout sex when nobody would tell me nothing bout it!! ***}. But my mum always had my back. I remember her beating the poo outta one of my school teachers who flogged me till I bled outta my eye.

My mum was the same person who saw that I was gettin into too much trouble in my Naija Uni & pulled all the money we had then as hard as things were for us back then to send me to Ghana to get an education. Even when the school work was so bad and I was bout failling outta school, she was the only person who encouraged me to keep pushing harder till I graduated!!

The thing is even in all these rather brutish and wicked forms of discipline they used to raise us, they never once did it out of malice or hatred! Like someone here pointed out, atimes it was transfer of aggression from the hard day they had. As a kid, I would be flogged for breaking a dish while I was washing it, today my younger ones break dishes on a regular and its no big deal!

My parents never once said "I love you" to me as a kid, but today, my mum never ends any phone call without it!! They did it to us thinking they were doing us good, to some of us (like me), it helped us get to where we are today, to others like Uju's elder sister, it broke them!!

mädchen:

Well, I hope you wont succeed in killing your own kid , when you 'whoop the poo' out of him

What are you on about? Did my mother succeed in killing me?

spikedcylinder:

You think? I love milk pass anything for this world. Me wey my eye dey chook like hired killer. I needed the beatings o if not, I wouldn't have known how grave an offence such as stealing was.

spikedcylinder:

What are you on about? Did my mother succeed in killing me?

Okija_juju:

this thread is a front runner for thread of the year!! i gonna call my mum later today!

Ujujoan:

I agree!

oyb:

let it out

welcome to the nl couch

Ujujoan:

lol

I guess in a way, this could be therapeutic!

Ujujoan:

lol

I guess in a way, this could be therapeutic!

mädchen:

No energy to throw more light on that one! Please read slowly, it will come to you surely!