LadyT:

I dont mean to attack but this example can never be used as a reason as to why smacking/beating doesnt work.  what your sister lacked was disciple and parental supervision running away was not an option for me I knew my mum would kill me once I returned

To get pregnant at age 15 to me means she had quite a free life because obviously no one knew her whereabouts at all times to me thats crazy she was even able to get an abortion and no one knew until she nearly died.  Dont get me wrong we children we try anything given half the chance but your sister sounds spoilt to me.  

The fact no one has told her to get a bloody grip why are you paying her rent? what exactly is wrong with her?

ElRazur:


Try reading the thread. A lot have been said. Thanks for your input.

oyb:

in retrospect, most of this corporal punishment/discipline is not about correction - but about enforcing dominance/breaking your kid's spirit
some of these posts reference the fact that the more discipline the parents meted out, the more stubborn the kids were

sort of reminds me of secondary school. i was notorious for being stubborn and talking back to seniors . so at the slightest infarction, a prefect would have me cutting grass for extended periods way beyond the crime.

there was this once - i decided that this ish is too long. i don tire. i aplogised to the prick - who then started crowing around that he has 'tamed oyb'

some of this comes off as more of the same

Orilee9ice:

elrazur, my point is are you doing yourself any favours by remembering the unpleasant past you have had, i think you you should be focusing on is if you have children, the same doesnt happen to them, i had an equally bad (if not worse upbringing too!) but i am making sure that it never happens to my kids,  which doesnt mean i am spoiling them rotten, hum they know me,

LadyT:

@El it is painful but the key thing now is that it is all well and good us sitinng here myself included counting our parents faults etc.  But what exactly are we going to do to make sure we bring up decent human beings?

I can tell you this no parent is ever going to be perfect

if the kids are too many then what's the point? Huh

besides, remembering birthdays involves spending money. Nigeria is a poor country and anyway we mark religious holidays so knock on wood

@ bawomolo.how u dey my broda, just got back from una area (hyde blvd- South Connell drive) which neighbourhood are u in,

LadyT:

Ujujoan I agree children are all different my youngest brother was a nightmare he got into trouble the most.

I pity your sister but she needs to let go and not allow it to ruin her life. Its so easy for me to say not going thru what she went thru. Its a shame her intelligence was not spotted earlier and channelled into other things.  Can you not have a honest conversation with her.  Its not fair shes been left to waste away

LadyT:

Ujujoan I agree children are all different my youngest brother was a nightmare he got into trouble the most.

I pity your sister but she needs to let go and not allow it to ruin her life. Its so easy for me to say not going thru what she went thru. Its a shame her intelligence was not spotted earlier and channelled into other things.  Can you not have a honest conversation with her.  Its not fair shes been left to waste away

if the kids are too many then what's the point? Huh

besides, remembering birthdays involves spending money. Nigeria is a poor country and anyway we mark religious holidays so knock on wood

bawomolo:

remembering birthdays doesn't have to involve spending money. a simple card from hallmark can help.

too many kids? then get a damn calendar. these are little things that makes a child feel appreciated. money isn't everything
i guess birthdays are meant for the rich

Ujujoan:

In one post I made, I called her a 'lost soul'. She's trying to find her path but she just doesn't know how. You know, sometimes I think the whole banging on the head must have loosend a nut. I dont know, just a thought!  

I dont agree how many 3 year olds back in your day would dare smack their parent back? Those who suffered abuse always go to the extreme and often refuse to disciple their kids Im not just talking about smacking alone. Im talking about disciple talking to a child about why you had to smack them giving children warnings to behave before resulting to beating. Children need structure

bawomolo:

has she tried talking to a professional, pastor, counseling etc?

what's she trying to do career wise. the last thing she needs are men taking advantage of her fragile mental and financial state. men love women with daddy issues.

bawomolo:

remembering birthdays doesn't have to involve spending money. a simple card from hallmark can help.

too many kids? then get a damn calendar.  these are little things that makes a child feel appreciated. money isn't everything
i guess birthdays are meant for the rich
hey man i stay in the south suburbs

LadyT:

How are you so sure she was dating this old pervert?  Maybe he was sexually abusing her?  One young girl who was sexually abused said it felt good downstairs but bad upstairs refering to her genitials and her head.

Im happy you all havent abandoned her

My parents did all the wrong(s) this world could endure, But today i realized they only made me a better person

Basics007:

Waoh! Such an interesting thread. Ironically when d OP started seems as if no1 was interested.
I guess my experience is not really different from what a lot of posters have posted so far.
But i remembered a funny one. After a misdemeanor,my mother will call me a monkey then ask me,"what did i just say?"

bawomolo:

or it could be the daddy issues. either way such behaviors/acts aren't normal.   the old perv needs to be chilling in jail with his name on a sex offenders list if this was obodo oyinbo.

you most likely become a better person regardless of the bad things they did and not because of the bad things they did.

tensor777:

Bad as you say that is there are surprisingly loads of perversions and abominations that you support and promote that in Nigeria would also see you locked up.
Who are you to judge reaaly?

Got back home and my dad changed his trousers to shorts in readiness for the epic flogging,

LadyT:

  Dayo There is no way your Dad could beat you for 3 hours straight! Was he not tired?

dayokanu:

Ok Now to the grandfather of all beatings. September 9 1995 (Ojo buruku esu gbo mimu)

I was attending JAMB lessons in prepararion for the UME held on December 2 1995. I would usually get to lessons like 3pm and hang around smooching girls in empty classes until its like 5pm. When I would go for classes by then the already quiet class would erupt into cheers since i was the ringleader of the troublesome students The queer thing was that I was still the smartest in the class. The teachers reported me that i was a disruptive influence and the lesson co-ordinators told me to stop attending and even detailed a gateman to make sure I dont come into the premises. One of our neighbours daughter went home to tell her parents who in turn informed mine.

My dad heard and drove me to the lesson co-ordinators house who told him how bad I was.

Got back home and my dad changed his trousers to shorts in readiness for the epic flogging,  he had 4 canes at home then, He locked me in the room and started after like 2hrs all the canes were worn out and broken. My mom was banging on the door shouting but he wont listen.

after the canes were finished he went to get electric cables (Nigerian wire and cable those thick grey coloured cables. He kept a sack or wires at home for emergency electrical repairs) When my mom saw him carrying the sack of cable to where I was, she attempted to wrestle him and he shove her aside. And my Part 2 of the ordeal started with those cables. In the meantime my mom ran to some of his friends house to get them to stop the beating by the time his friends came back It was already over an hour of cable beating and cables dont wear out.

It took his friends to stop him, they pleaded with him in the name of everything . I couldnt get up for a while, I was like 3 times fatter cos all my body was swollen, The next day was Sunday I couldnt go to church. My mom came to the room, She was also crying and brought the bible and she was ministering to me that she believed the devil was using me. After that, she said every morning before I bathe, I should read Psalm 3 into the water I would use to bath and pray everyday.

When my father came the next weekend. He told me to get a paper and write an undertaking that I would be of good behaviour. I wrote it and he kept it in my file (He had a file for everyone of us which contains all our academic progress from nursery 1). In my undertaking, I deliberately wrote "i would be of good behaviour till I get to university". And he was like "you intend to turn bad after you get into University?" and I got a quick 6 strokes

It was like a week before I could walk properly and for months after the scars were still all over me, My friends in school noticed some black lines on my skin like 4 months after when the scars were healing and they knew what was up.

That was the last major beating I got.

olybaby50:

My parents did all the wrong(s) this world could endure, But today i realized they only made me a better person
When i think of my dad. The thing i remember about him becomes countless.
All the same i give thanks to them cause i would have learnt the hard way
Mum and Dad! Thanks for every and God bless (R.I.P)*2

LadyT:

Dayo There is no way your Dad could beat you for 3 hours straight! Was he not tired?

oyb:

i doubt if these beatings dk is discussing had any beneficial effect

meanwhile for all the advocates of out and out beating - you do realize that most serial killers were among other things often brutalized as children and this was the start of their desensitization to inflicting pain?

seriously and no offense intended some of this stuff comes off as sadism