ElRazur:


It is, getting people to talk about it is a massive step forward in the right direction.

spikedcylinder:

Then you shouldn't have started it in the first place. Please face another direction.

mädchen:

No energy to throw more light on that one! Please read slowly, it will come to you surely!

Ujujoan:

Yea, and I really do hope you listen to some of the suggestions you are getting here. I'm actually a bit worried about you.    

ElRazur:

A lot of people read and take things away which sometimes are used positively. I am good. Heading out in the evening to take some wild photography, so yeah am good.

Okija_juju:


Lord knows I feel better now after reading through 8 pages of different levels os child abuse/discipline. If only there was a way to get our parents to read this thread.

Ujujoan:

Lol 

Photography is good, really good. But you are not actually dealing with the problem. You are just hiding behind the wild life and camera!

I still say you reach out to your sister. I can hold your hand if you want   

ElRazur:

I agree, it is a coping mechanism I have in place. I really have let it go, however talking about it makes me upset and relieved at the same time. I guess the upset comes in as a result of Sister STILL not seeing the error of her ways.

Take for example, her son was here for some exchange programme with the One UK university. I drove him all the way from London - Newcastle (He had friends with him) and I paid for his accommodation and gave him money etc. He stayed with me and what not. I mean, anyone who drive will tell you London - Newcastle is very far. And I mean very far.

All of the above are no biggies for me, but my sister did come across like I owed her or something, and to make matters worse (for reasons I dont wanna go into) her son pissed me off and starting to get involve. Whatever the case, she's made it hard for me to have a relationship with her, and my fear is that she is putting that same poison in her kids. I have vowed on my life that the whole hatred things stops on me and it will never go another generation, but someone my sister is starting to be successful in getting her kids involve.

What was my point again? Can remember lol. Playing pro online jare.

Ujujoan:

Okay El, I understand. It's worse cos she's not owning up to her mistatkes and is even involving her kids! I honestly do not care about her, it's you I'm worried about. Are you reaaly going to live the rest of your life having squabbles with your sister and her kids? Won't your own kids pick up on the whole thing? Don't you think it'll affect them?  

Isnt there a way to avoid all of that?  

Quote from: ElRazur on Today at 01:47:25 PM
I agree, it is a coping mechanism I have in place. I really have let it go, however talking about it makes me upset and relieved at the same time. I guess the upset comes in as a result of Sister STILL not seeing the error of her ways.

Take for example, her son was here for some exchange programme with the One UK university. I drove him all the way from London - Newcastle (He had friends with him) and I paid for his accommodation and gave him money etc. He stayed with me and what not. I mean, anyone who drive will tell you London - Newcastle is very far. And I mean very far.

davidylan:

Dayokanu! And i thot my dad was bad!

The man flogged me so bad for eating akara too slowly when i was 4 until i passed out. I still have faint cane marks on my left cheek from that wanton moment of child abuse. Many times i find myself laughing at the usual - "i will kill you today and not miss you, at least i have 2 other children".

oyb:

i guess your sister is entertaining the elusion and passing it on - that she is responsible for what you are today that you are ungrateful because u now have money etc etc

sadly, its also something we sometimes see when relatives take in wards in order to 'better' them - the wards become househelps in all but name. the very smart ones make it in spite of this - and the relatives then  try to take credit for these achievements

Ujujoan:

No fighting here pls!

davidylan:

Now that i've started thinking of my own children, i horrifically find myself begining to like some of those things my dad would do to me back in the days. I would not hesitate to flog my own child very well . . . i dont believe in the system of raising children in the west . . .

Its all good to blame our parents . . . at the end of the day we might be no better than they were. I learnt to forgive my parents long ago, at least now they try to say "i love you" every two minutes and sometimes it can be uncomfortable especially as you were not used to hearing it from them for so long.

Yeah i will love my own kids too, but the tradition of serious whipping must be passed on to the next generation. Afterall how would they claim a nigerian heritage too.

stillwater:

Ok, we just had Sunday church service and I usually see the rapport between my friends and their mothers. It was and still is a beautiful experience for me seeing how friendly these girls or anybody is with their mothers. So this particular Sunday, I wanted to go the friendly route with my mother. So after church service, I saw her heading for the gates and I approached her and said something like 'mummy. mummy' . As usual she killed the moment and retorted angrily 'what are you still doing here? Would you get yourself back home? What are you still doing hanging around the church? You'd better get back to the house.'   That totally killed my spirits.

. . .I have seen a lot of this from my Mum too so I know wat u mean. hmm My Mum get PHD for this department eh. .the woman can snub chai I neva see!

ElRazur:

Yes. You are correct. But she is wrong. I was born here, and just so happen to live in naija after mum died. I partly went to a public school and whatever I am today, am sorry she deserves no credit whatsoever for it.  Not to sound like I am bragging, if I am not an intelligent person, I would have suffered as a result of how she messed me up in my opinion.

I really still do not know why my dad allowed me to go and live with her, he was doing well in lokoja, but just one day decided to offload me over to lagos without no explanation. Smh.

Ujujoan:

Look at it this way. She had her own children, her own responsibility . . only to have you thrusted uopn her. She was prolly taking out her frutrations on you. While that was veeeeeeeery wrong, you can at least try to see things from her own perspective!

She still thinks that the little resources she had to spend on you was a huge sacrifice on her part.

Honestly, I think you guys should talk about it!  

davidylan:

Now that i've started thinking of my own children, i horrifically find myself begining to like some of those things my dad would do to me back in the days. I would not hesitate to flog my own child very well . . . i dont believe in the system of raising children in the west . . .

oyb:

actually, i'm very sure his dad was sending feeding money etal

jay bee:

@EL
I did london to sunderland 2 weeks ago and i was like WTF, i def ain't doing this again.
Drove for 8 hrs combined all in a single day
PS: Sunderland is like 15 miles from Newcastle
I swear you don try. Your NL bravado aside, you are a very genuine nice person cos me i don't think i can forgive such.

Wallie:

I think that the cycle can be broken as there is a fine line between abuse and discipline. One just has to check one’s action to make sure it doesn’t go overboard. In Yoruba, there’s a saying that, “ti o ba fi owo otun ba omo wi, wa fi owo osi fa mora.” Excluding the fact that I probably just murdered that quote and Yoruba, it literally means that when you spank a kid with your right hand, you should pull the kid closer to you with your left hand.

In other words, even if you have to discipline your kids, you have to re-assure them of your love not long afterwards and explain to them why they deserved the spanking. You might even consider bribing them after the disciplinary action.

The truth is that when a kid has a health dose of respect for you as the person in charge, you don’t even have to discipline that kid any longer because he/she will tend to listen to what you say when you’re serious. But you need to establish that your warnings are not empty.

jay bee:

@EL
I did london to sunderland 2 weeks ago and i was like WTF, i def ain't doing this again.
Drove for 8 hrs combined all in a single day
PS: Sunderland is like 15 miles from Newcastle
I swear you don try. Your NL bravado aside, you are a very genuine nice person cos me i don't think i can forgive such.

Ujujoan:

Look at it this way. She had her own children, her own responsibility . . only to have you thrusted uopn her. She was prolly taking out her frutrations on you. While that was veeeeeeeery wrong, you can at least try to see things from her own perspective!

She still thinks that the little resources she had to spend on you was a huge sacrifice on her part.

Honestly, I think you guys should talk about it!