The Truth About Delta Tradition That Forbids Married Women From Cheating On Their Husbands Or Die (Part 2)

Social and political commentator, Alexander Thandi Ubani has thrown more light on the controversial tradition in Delta that forbids women from cheating or face severe consequences.

After obtaining more information from credible sources, I have decided to add additional information to my first article - The Truth About Delta Tradition That Forbids Married Women From Cheating On Their Husbands Or Die (Please Read Here).

In my quest to help many people who are unaware or may have been misinformed about the tradition In Delta state that forbids a woman from cheating on her husband practiced mainly by the Aniomas, Isokos and Urhobos of Delta state, I have decided to write a part two that will provide more clarification to the previous submissions I made about the tradition.

As I had stated in my previous article, the practice is still very much obtainable in these areas. A woman married to a man from any of these places is forbidden to have sexual intercourse with a man who is not her husband. Failure to adhere to this tradition results in severe consequences for the woman and her family as she will bring a curse upon her household.

This curse is only valid if the woman is traditionally married to a man from Anioma, Isoko or Urhobo of Delta state and her bride price duly paid. The Itsekiris as I have been informed are exempted. If her bride price has not been paid, the curse has no effect on her.

If her husband is a non-indigene of Delta and doesn't belong to any of the communities mentioned above, the curse/tradition cannot affect her even if she cheats on her husband.

Edited: Here are some traditional facts you must know:

1). In some parts of Delta, the curse is commonly referred to as Ishi/Ishia Ishi - confession of infidelity.

2). For the curse to befall a woman who cheated, the husband must be Isoko, Urhobo or from any of the communities in Anioma - Ukwuani, Enu-Ani (Ibusa, Ogwashi-Uku, Asaba, parts of Igbodo, Ilah, Isseles, Idumujes, Onichas etc); Ika (Agbor, Umunede, Owas etc) and Aboh.

3). This custom applies only if the woman is traditionally married and her bride price paid. So, if her bride price has not been paid, nothing will happen to her if she cheats.

4). The curse only affects the husband if he is aware of the wife's infidelity, covers up for her and continues to eat her food. If the husband is not aware of his wife's infidelity, the curse will not affect him.

5). If the woman is married to an Isoko or Urhobo man and cheats, her children will fall sick and die. She also dies if she still refuses to confess.

6). If she's married to a man from Anioma and cheats, her children will fall sick and die. The woman is also at the risk of losing her life. If she's pregnant, the curse will force her to undergo cesarean operation and may die during childbirth.

7). If she survives childbirth, the child will not accept breast feeding from her but will accept from any other woman. It is at this point that the elders will start to interrogate the woman to know if she cheated on the husband.

8. If she is not breast feeding, the last child will suddenly develop illness and stop accepting food prepared by her until the child finally dies.

9). The sudden refusal of food by her child is usually a signal to the family that the woman might have cheated on the husband, and it's at this point that the family will start investigation to ascertain the truth. If she refuses to confess, she too will fall sick and die.

10). In some cases, if the woman runs away after cheating, and moves on with another man other than her husband, the curse will force her to remain barren until she dies mysteriously, unless she returns her bride price.

11). The only one totally free from the curse is the man or men the wife cheats with.

12). If the husband is aware of the wife's infidelity and tries to cover it up, he will be struck with swollen belly and legs.

13). The curse does not affect a woman from any part of Delta state married to a non-indigene of Delta state. It affects only women married to an indigene of any of the above mentioned communities.

14). The curse is also applicable to a woman from Delta married to a man from Delta belonging to any of the communities.

15). If she confesses, in some instances, she's expected to task the men she has been sleeping with - if they are reachable - to contribute for the ritual
to avert the curse on her family. If they are not reachable, she carries the burden all alone.

16). For the curse to be averted, the woman must confess and perform rituals to free her husband and children.

17). As part of the cleansing ritual, the woman will be flogged with a particular leaf and caused to strip naked before the family elders.

18). This is the reason most women from Delta prefer to marry non-Deltans.

19). The easiest way to be free from the curse for any woman is to return her bride-price.

20) In Urhobo culture, a married man can only be accused of committing adultery if he sleeps with a married woman - even at that, nothing happens to him if he is not caught. When he is caught, he is forced to pay a fine.

21). The man is allowed to sleep with any single woman he likes.

22). A man who is notorious for sleeping with people's wives instead of receiving the same punishment as that given to the woman is rather cursed and banished from the village.

My submission:

This tradition is ridiculous. It tends to curb infidelity using a discriminatory method. It specifically targets the women while giving a free pass for the men. It is as though the gods see men as a special kind of breed while the women are antagonized and chained to submission. This is unjust.

Irrespective of how we try to justify this tradition, it is totally against the principle of equity and justice. It is an unfair, unjust and a hostile tradition meant to keep women at bay while granting freedom to the men.

Without mincing words, fidelity in marriage should be a virtue expected from the man and woman. Demanding fidelity from a married woman while the man is allowed to dip his phallus in any available opening is not only wicked, but also an atrocity that must be stopped.

This tradition must be abolished.

Alexander Thandi Ubani is an Editor at Tori.ng
Send your feedback to: thandiubani@yahoo.com

References:
Special thanks to Eloho Mudiaga Orhiunu, Ezeh Chinenye Matthew-Emmanuel and others for the invaluable information they provided me.

Further notes from: Adultery in Urhobo and The Principle of Utility by Irorobeje Monday

Source: https://www.tori.ng/news/123585/the-truth-about-delta-tradition-that-forbids-marri.html

Wow! Just wow!! This should definitely make the front page. Lalasticlala

This is tradition at its peak.


It was when they imported this Middle East gods into Nigeria that our problems started.

I hope one day, Nigerians will realise a man in the Middle East did not die for their sins in Nigeria.

Person wey no Sabi una during his existence.

CC Lalasticlala Seun Ishilove Mynd44 Dominique MissyB3 Fynestboi

That's why they fvck indiscriminately while they are single

dairykidd:
That's why they fvck indiscriminately while they are single

Are you for real?

Thandiubani:


Are you for real?

Real brov

I remember passing a compound some years ago in the village and I saw plenty leaves on the ground in a particular compound, lots of it. Lots of people gathered because the house was not fenced. In fact the family did not even try to make it a hidden affair, people were even watching from the window.

I got home and I told my mom, she told me a woman must be undergoing cleansing for committing adultery.

From what she said, the offender would be unclad, while the old/mature women in her family would be the ones to perform the cleansing. Momsi said those women would use those leaves to flog-flog her in her v-junction. After the indoor cleansing, the woman would pack those plenty leaves on her own to the community 'bury-ground' with a basin. She goes on subsequent trips to the Bush till the place is clean.

I also know of a woman who lost her first son on the day of her husband's burial. Last last village people said it was because of infidelity. A cleansing had to be done for the sake of her other kids.

Thandiubani:
The Truth About Delta Tradition That Forbids Married Women From Cheating On Their Husbands Or Die (Part 2)

Social and political commentator, Alexander Thandi Ubani has thrown more light on the controversial tradition in Delta that forbids women from cheating or face severe consequences.

After obtaining more information from credible sources, I have decided to add additional information to my first article - The Truth About Delta Tradition That Forbids Married Women From Cheating On Their Husbands Or Die (Please Read Here).

In my quest to help many people who are unaware or may have been misinformed about the tradition In Delta state that forbids a woman from cheating on her husband practiced mainly by the Aniomas, Isokos and Urhobos of Delta state, I have decided to write a part two that will provide more clarification to the previous submissions I made about the tradition.

As I had stated in my previous article, the practice is still very much obtainable in these areas. A woman married to a man from any of these places is forbidden to have sexual intercourse with a man who is not her husband. Failure to adhere to this tradition results in severe consequences for the woman and her family as she will bring a curse upon her household.

This curse is only valid if the woman is traditionally married to a man from Anioma, Isoko or Urhobo of Delta state and her bride price duly paid. The Itsekiris as I have been informed are exempted. If her bride price has not been paid, the curse has no effect on her.

If her husband is a non-indigene of Delta and doesn't belong to any of the communities mentioned above, the curse/tradition cannot affect her even if she cheats on her husband.

Edited: Here are some traditional facts you must know:

1). In some parts of Delta, the curse is commonly referred to as Ishi/Ishia Ishi - confession of infidelity.

2). For the curse to befall a woman who cheated, the husband must be Isoko, Urhobo or from any of the communities in Anioma - Ukwuani, Enu-Ani (Ibusa, Ogwashi-Uku, Asaba, parts of Igbodo, Ilah, Isseles, Idumujes, Onichas etc); Ika (Agbor, Umunede, Owas etc) and Aboh.

3). This custom applies only if the woman is traditionally married and her bride price paid. So, if her bride price has not been paid, nothing will happen to her if she cheats.

4). The curse only affects the husband if he is aware of the wife's infidelity, covers up for her and continues to eat her food. If the husband is not aware of his wife's infidelity, the curse will not affect him.

5). If the woman is married to an Isoko or Urhobo man and cheats, her children will fall sick and die. She also dies if she still refuses to confess.

6). If she's married to a man from Anioma and cheats, her children will fall sick and die. The woman is also at the risk of losing her life. If she's pregnant, the curse will force her to undergo cesarean operation and may die during childbirth.

7). If she survives childbirth, the child will not accept breast feeding from her but will accept from any other woman. It is at this point that the elders will start to interrogate the woman to know if she cheated on the husband.

8. If she is not breast feeding, the last child will suddenly develop illness and stop accepting food prepared by her until the child finally dies.

9). The sudden refusal of food by her child is usually a signal to the family that the woman might have cheated on the husband, and it's at this point that the family will start investigation to ascertain the truth. If she refuses to confess, she too will fall sick and die.

10). In some cases, if the woman runs away after cheating, and moves on with another man other than her husband, the curse will force her to remain barren until she dies mysteriously, unless she returns her bride price.

11). The only one totally free from the curse is the man or men the wife cheats with.

12). If the husband is aware of the wife's infidelity and tries to cover it up, he will be struck with swollen belly and legs.

13). The curse does not affect a woman from any part of Delta state married to a non-indigene of Delta state. It affects only women married to an indigene of any of the above mentioned communities.

14). The curse is also applicable to a woman from Delta married to a man from Delta belonging to any of the communities.

15). If she confesses, in some instances, she's expected to task the men she has been sleeping with - if they are reachable - to contribute for the ritual
to avert the curse on her family. If they are not reachable, she carries the burden all alone.

16). For the curse to be averted, the woman must confess and perform rituals to free her husband and children.

17). As part of the cleansing ritual, the woman will be flogged with a particular leaf and caused to strip naked before the family elders.

18). This is the reason most women from Delta prefer to marry non-Deltans.

19). The easiest way to be free from the curse for any woman is to return her bride-price.

20) In Urhobo culture, a married man can only be accused of committing adultery if he sleeps with a married woman - even at that, nothing happens to him if he is not caught. When he is caught, he is forced to pay a fine.

21). The man is allowed to sleep with any single woman he likes.

22). A man who is notorious for sleeping with people's wives instead of receiving the same punishment as that given to the woman is rather cursed and banished from the village.

My submission:

This tradition is ridiculous. It tends to curb infidelity using a discriminatory method. It specifically targets the women while giving a free pass for the men. It is as though the gods see men as a special kind of breed while the women are antagonized and chained to submission. This is unjust.

Irrespective of how we try to justify this tradition, it is totally against the principle of equity and justice. It is an unfair, unjust and a hostile tradition meant to keep women at bay while granting freedom to the men.

Without mincing words, fidelity in marriage should be a virtue expected from the man and woman. Demanding fidelity from a married woman while the man is allowed to dip his phallus in any available opening is not only wicked, but also an atrocity that must be stopped.

This tradition must be abolished.

Alexander Thandi Ubani is an Editor at Tori.ng
Send your feedback to: thandiubani@yahoo.com

References:
Special thanks to Eloho Mudiaga Orhiunu, Ezeh Chinenye Matthew-Emmanuel and others for the invaluable information they provided me.

Further notes from: Adultery in Urhobo and The Principle of Utility by Irorobeje Monday

Source: https://www.tori.ng/news/123585/the-truth-about-delta-tradition-that-forbids-marri.html

The term traditionally married and bride price paid should not be used together here it can lead to confusion. The major factor here is the bride price and nothing more, once a lady family accept her bride price everything fall in place.

I can understand your feeling or reaction toward this practice because i was once in your shoe too. To me what is good for the goose is also good for the geese too, but after trying to understand the thoughts of the ancestors or trying to understand where they were coming from before enacting such practice, i became weak and surrender. You see in my effort i asked an elder and he said that it was necessary so as to curtail disunity in the society then as everybody knew each other as it was a small society and an act like a married woman cheating can cause unpalatable issues in the society then.

All these will not stop a married woman who wants to cheat to cheat. Not only deltans have this type of culture on marriage infidelity. Other groups in nigeria also have it but it does not stop a married woman who wants to have sexual flings to have sexual flings.

lefulefu:
All these will not stop a married woman who wants to cheat to cheat. Not only deltans have this type of culture on marriage infidelity. Other groups in nigeria also have it but it does not stop a married woman who wants to have sexual flings to have sexual flings.

You are hundred percent right, some cheat and go away scot free but not for long. Do you know ordinary jokingly confessing adultery to her husband or husband relative can avert the cause for sometime? Some of this women go the extra mile to secure protection but las las the cause will still attack them.

enm:


You are hundred percent right, some cheat and go away scot free but not for long. Do you know ordinary jokingly confessing adultery to her husband or husband relative can avert the cause for sometime? Some of this women go the extra mile to secure protection but las las the cause will still attack them.

yea some married women even sort the help of native doctors to revert the curse and maybe u right about d curse still having its effect cos d way u see some husbands die mysteriously u tend to wonder. Anyway na wife wey no wan play away match no dey play away match cos custom or no custom a wife who wants to play outside will still do it.

from what I heard from my dad's elder sister's husband...it deeper than what's stated up there...an it does affect the man as well if the woman is cheating..

abiolamitodun:
from what I heard from my dad's elder sister's husband...it deeper than what's stated up there...an it does affect the man as well if the woman is cheating..

Read before you Comment, dad's elder sister's husband indeed

"after trying to understand the thoughts of the ancestors or trying to understand where they were coming from before enacting such practice" Maybe, you can help me understand too. There is no excuse for this tradition. It should be abolished.

Traditional African marriage is not all about paying 'bride price'. Bride price is just one out of a list of many other things one is expected to fulfill. I don't know if you understand. For instance, some communities require that you pay back not just the bride price, but also the monies spent on the traditional wedding when a woman cheats on her husband if she doesn't want to continue with the marriage anymore. I added 'traditionally married' to encompass that idea too.

enm:


The term traditionally married and bride price paid should not be used together here it can lead to confusion. The major factor here is the bride price and nothing more, once a lady family accept her bride price everything fall in place.

I can understand your feeling or reaction toward this practice because i was once in your shoe too. To me what is good for the goose is also good for the geese too, but after trying to understand the thoughts of the ancestors or trying to understand where they were coming from before enacting such practice, i became weak and surrender. You see in my effort i asked an elder and he said that it was necessary so as to curtail disunity in the society then as everybody knew each other as it was a small society and an act like a married woman cheating can cause unpalatable issues in the society then.

You are mistaken. It actually does. Some have shared their experiences with me how the tradition stopped them. The fear of what will come upon them is enough to stop some. But, there are still hardened ones who don't care.

lefulefu:
All these will not stop a married woman who wants to cheat to cheat. Not only deltans have this type of culture on marriage infidelity. Other groups in nigeria also have it but it does not stop a married woman who wants to have sexual flings to have sexual flings.

You are right.

ogorwyne:
I remember passing a compound some years ago in the village and I saw plenty leaves on the ground in a particular compound, lots of it. Lots of people gathered because the house was not fenced. In fact the family did not even try to make it a hidden affair, people were even watching from the window.

I got home and I told my mom, she told me a woman must be undergoing cleansing for committing adultery.

From what she said, the offender would be unclad, while the old/mature women in her family would be the ones to perform the cleansing. Momsi said those women would use those leaves to flog-flog her in her v-junction. After the indoor cleansing, the woman would pack those plenty leaves on her own to the community 'bury-ground' with a basin. She goes on subsequent trips to the Bush till the place is clean.

I also know of a woman who lost her first son on the day of her husband's burial. Last last village people said it was because of infidelity. A cleansing had to be done for the sake of her other kids.

Thandiubani:
You are mistaken. It actually does. Some have shared their experiences with me how the tradition stopped them. The fear of what will come upon them is enough to stop some. But, there are still hardened ones who don't care.

yes oo the very hardened ones will still keep on fucking weda dem place juju on dem. Ok take for example in yoruba land wey dem get dis potent juju called magun wey go gum d cheating wife and her lover. Tell me how dat one don take deter women from dere not to cheat. Dont we hear regular stories of married women gumming with their lovers all d time. See ehn even if it means dat her children will die or husband will die if she cheats some dont care oo. As long as dat turgid rod satisfies their down dere dat is all that matters to them.

Hahaha. The truth is that some women still don't care. Juju or no juju they will do what they want.

lefulefu:
yes oo the very hardened ones will still keep on fucking weda dem place juju on dem. Ok take for example in yoruba land wey dem get dis potent juju called magun wey go gum d cheating wife and her lover. Tell me how dat one don take deter women from dere not to cheat. Dont we hear regular stories of married women gumming with their lovers all d time. See ehn even if it means dat her children will die or husband will die if she cheats some dont care oo. As long as dat turgid rod satisfies their down dere dat is all that matters to them.

Thandiubani:
Hahaha. The truth is that some women still don't care. Juju or no juju they will do what they want.

yes oo some dont care and dats why i dey laugh wen i hear say ned nwoko don initiate im recent young wife into one thing one thing to prevent her cheating. A young like dat wey don see it all na how u wan take cage her? With juju? i laugh.

Thandiubani:
"after trying to understand the thoughts of the ancestors or trying to understand where they were coming from before enacting such practice" Maybe, you can help me understand too. There is no excuse for this tradition. It should be abolished.

Traditional African marriage is not all about paying 'bride price'. Bride price is just one out of a list of many other things one is expected to fulfill. I don't know if you understand. For instance, some communities require that you pay back not just the bride price, but also the monies spent on the traditional wedding when a woman cheats on her husband if she doesn't want to continue with the marriage anymore. I added 'traditionally married' to encompass that idea too.

For instance, some communities require that you pay back not just the bride price, but also the monies spent on the traditional wedding when a woman cheats on her husband if she doesn't want to continue with the marriage anymore.

This is the first time i will be reading or hear about this. All i know is that the only thing return is the bride price to indicate a divorce and free the from any cause as a result of sleeping with other men. Also know a widow who want to remarry will need to return the bride price first.

Returning of all expenses during the traditional marriage is what i don't know of. Please which community practice this?

lefulefu:
yes oo the very hardened ones will still keep on fucking weda dem place juju on dem. Ok take for example in yoruba land wey dem get dis potent juju called magun wey go gum d cheating wife and her lover. Tell me how dat one don take deter women from dere not to cheat. Dont we hear regular stories of married women gumming with their lovers all d time. See ehn even if it means dat her children will die or husband will die if she cheats some dont care oo. As long as dat turgid rod satisfies their down dere dat is all that matters to them.

That's why the husband must be very observant and if in doubt or suspecting her wife of cheating, the safest thing to do is to ask her and if she says no, let your family member know about your suspicion, family member will contact her family and a meeting will be held where the husband and wife will be present and if she says no, everything ends there but if she is actually cheating you the husband as been cleared and free from any curse it is the woman that will suffer for it.

That's why it is a dangerous and delicate issue to suspect your wife because there is the tendency of breaking up the bond in the marriage if the woman is not guilty.

Infedility is not the only thing that can activate this curse and attack the woman husband. Rejecting your wife food in annoyance is a serious taboo, even water sef and denying of sex, that's why as an isoko married man watch what you saying anger or the type of vow you make against your wife and children so also the wife too.

If we really want to understand this curse and the purpose it serve, we need to bring other area out too and deliberate on them.

Yes. There is always a first time and that's why I said some communities. It's a practice common among the Urhobo people of Delta state.

Irorobeje Monday wrote it in his reseaerch work: Adultery in Urhobo and The Principle of Utility. It's available online.

enm:


For instance, some communities require that you pay back not just the bride price, but also the monies spent on the traditional wedding when a woman cheats on her husband if she doesn't want to continue with the marriage anymore.

This is the first time i will be reading or hear about this. All i know is that the only thing return is the bride price to indicate a divorce and free the from any cause as a result of sleeping with other men. Also know a widow who want to remarry will need to return the bride price first.

Returning of all expenses during the traditional marriage is what i don't know of. Please which community practice this?

Cheating has become so rampant that I don’t think this holds water any longer. And I wonder why the OP is even calling for the abolishment of the law/curse. Have you been sleeping with another man’s wife?

Don’t forget that the traditional African man is allowed to marry more than one wife unlike a woman marrying more than one husband, so I support the complete sustenance of these curses to help curb the rising infidelities in modern homes across Nigeria.

You should read to understand na.

I called for it to be abolished because it is unjust to ask a married woman to remain faithful to her husband while the same tradition allows the husband to sleep around. Reason am na.

So you want to be sleeping around but doesn't want your wife to sleep around. That's selfishness of the highest order. Evil tradition.

StPete:
Cheating has become so rampant that I don’t think this holds water any longer. And I wonder why the OP is even calling for the abolishment of the law/curse. Have you been sleeping with another man’s wife?

Don’t forget that the traditional African man is allowed to marry more than one wife unlike a woman marrying more than one husband, so I support the complete sustenance of these curses to help curb the rising infidelities in modern homes across Nigeria.

The same tradition here in Benin..
Funny enough,the punishments befall either the man or the children..

enm:


That's why the husband must be very observant and if in doubt or suspecting her wife of cheating, the safest thing to do is to ask her and if she says no, let your family member know about your suspicion, family member will contact her family and a meeting will be held where the husband and wife will be present and if she says no, everything ends there but if she is actually cheating you the husband as been cleared and free from any curse it is the woman that will suffer for it.

That's why it is a dangerous and delicate issue to suspect your wife because there is the tendency of breaking up the bond in the marriage if the woman is not guilty.

Infedility is not the only thing that can activate this curse and attack the woman husband. Rejecting your wife food in annoyance is a serious taboo, even water sef and denying of sex, that's why as an isoko married man watch what you saying anger or the type of vow you make against your wife and children so also the wife too.

If we really want to understand this curse and the purpose it serve, we need to bring other area out too and deliberate on them.

hm na waoh all dis tinzs jus dey make me dey fear.in my own culture it is said dat if a man's wife is cheating then if he knows about it or has an iota of suspicion about it then he eats her food then he might die.his stomach and legs gets swollen up then he dies.. you know i wonder how those men married to ex ashawos and runzgirls are able to cope. and besides with all these tribal curse in place the funny tin is marriage infidelity has tripled.

lefulefu:
hm na waoh all dis tinzs jus dey make me dey fear.in my own culture it is said dat if a man's wife is cheating then if he knows about it or has an iota of suspicion about it then he eats her food then he might die.his stomach and legs gets swollen up then he dies.. you know i wonder how those men married to ex ashawos and runzgirls are able to cope. and besides with all these tribal curse in place the funny tin is marriage infidelity has tripled.

Same thing too but suspecting your wife without informing anybody in your family is dangerous, eat her food or not.

To me according to my understanding this curse is not only meant for checkmating cheating but to build and maintain trust and harmony in the home.

Like for instance, in annoyance you reject your wife food or say you will have nothing to do with her all this you said in anger and maintain your stance my brother if you go back to eat her food or do anything with her my brother OYO is your case

For real? Is it a case of who copied who? I haven't heard of that sha.

Uyi168:
The same tradition here in Benin..
Funny enough,the punishments befall either the man or the children..

It's true. Even with the tradition in place, people still have a way of circumventing it.

lefulefu:
hm na waoh all dis tinzs jus dey make me dey fear.in my own culture it is said dat if a man's wife is cheating then if he knows about it or has an iota of suspicion about it then he eats her food then he might die.his stomach and legs gets swollen up then he dies.. you know i wonder how those men married to ex ashawos and runzgirls are able to cope. and besides with all these tribal curse in place the funny tin is marriage infidelity has tripled.

Thandiubani:
For real? Is it a case of who copied who? I haven't heard of that sha.

.
I was actually surprised when I saw the thread..
It's an old tradition in Benin oo..

No 13 is a life saver for these ladies. lol