help, my guy displays his anger towards me in public places and end up apologizing to me indoor, i have expressed my feelings towards this attitude several times but he kept promising to turn new leaf but he didn't . he even yells at me in eateries and other places and people there focus their attention on us, it was like hell because i have never felt so ashamed all my life,though all these does not change the fact that he loves me and he is also caring and can do just anything for me but are these enough?. now he wants to marry me, although i love him. can you endure this kind of attitude forever coz marriage is a life contract?

herzy:

help, my guy displays his anger towards me in public places and end up apologizing to me indoor, i have expressed my feelings towards this attitude several times but he kept promising to turn new leaf but he didn't . he even yells at me in eateries and other places and people there focus their attention on us, it was like hell because i have never felt so ashamed all my life,though all these does not change the fact that he loves me and he is also caring and can do just anything for me but are these enough?. now he wants to marry me, although i love him. can you endure this kind of attitude forever coz marriage is a life contract?

Keep your eyes on him every-time your guy wanna go out with him, with a close tacking to make sure he doesn't smoke some pot,crack or marijuana or if he does make sure you have some in your handbag in-case the jouncing starts in public quietly put some of the above into his hand so he can go calm his head. If he still act the same after this, Sweetie run run run for your life

Just as Reality said, find out if he dey polish eye sometimes.

I am very sorry to hear this,

His behavior PUBLICLY is UNACCEPTABLE.

I don't know what to say here.  Because to yell at me or become negative towards me PUBLICLY is LIKE KILLING ME and the relationship ENDS.

Here's why:

If you treat him the way he treats you - in the eyes of men - we all live in a male dominated society:  You would be wrong.  A large percentage of men would still see you as wrong even though the man might have treated you badly, if you respond in like kind, you would be the one seen to be in the wrong in male-dominated societies.  Yes, they would see him as wrong but would see you as being a loud, ignorant, uncouth, undisciplined woman.  Sadly, that is the case.

Also, if you snap out on him publicly because he has mistreated you and you retaliate in kind - If he tends to be violent, which you might not know yet, but it sounds like he will and can go there as well because of his behavior publicly towards you "a woman" - he might even hit you for "disrespecting him."  This is what bothers me.  If you treat him the same way - YOU as a woman will be considered to be in the wrong.  Because you have disrespected "your man."  So if you want the relationship, you can't treat him the same way - even though it would be teaching him a lesson and giving him a taste of his own medicine.  But it would be destructive to him in the order of things, male and female and destructive to your relationship as it would decline even more so and RIGHT AWAY.

He knows what he is doing because he apologizes.

I guess, if you want him and want to hold onto the relationship with him because he is GOOD IN OTHER AREAS.  This is what I would do:

I would END ALL CONTACT after the next outburst.  I wouldn't treat him in the same manner publicly.  I would take the shame while he was in my presence.  As soon as he dropped me off (if we don't live together) and if we do live together (as soon as he left for work, etc,  I would be packed and GONE)  I would END ALL CONTACT VIA PHONE and I WOULD BE HONEST WITH HIM IN EITHER A VOICE-MAIL, TEXT AND/OR EMAIL - I would NOT TELL HIM FACE TO FACE OR VIA PHONE - because phone means questions can be answered - there are no questions anymore, his outbursts deletes a question and answer session.  Because there have been too many and it has been ongoing.

He needs time to think - REALLY THINK.  I would SHAKE HIM UP FROM THE FLOOR UP.  It is better for you to let him know just how serious you are about this as it is COMPLETELY EMBARRASSING, humiliating.  You are not his child.  You are HIS WOMAN who takes care of him on different levels, i.e., sexually, domestically, psychiatrically (listening to his thoughts, ideas, future and current plans), emotionally supportive, and if you work, you are contributing financially to (TEAM- US) etc,   As a couple the two of you are ON THE SAME SIDE - so his dissing you publically is LUDICROUS and CRAZY.  You are a TEAM - going toe to toe with each other positively and his behavior is killing the TEAM.

Be honest, totally honest.  Tell him how you feel, let him know that you are NOT LISTENING TO ANYMORE APOLOGIES, you need space to heal, that he has torn you apart in front of strangers and you are HURTING AND IN PAIN.  You need time to think and you need to put yourself back together again - that he has humiliated you and you need to feel like a woman again and you cannot trust him at this particular time to treat you right when he gets upset or impatient.  It has become painfully obvious that his temper has turned on him and made him out to be a liar and insincere BECAUSE his temper has made his apologies appear shallow and non-believable.  

Write that letter to him and let him know that you are not built to withstand this type of stress, dishonor and lack OF LOVE that he is exhibiting in front of every TOM, D.ICK, AND HARRY on the street, he is turning on you like you stole something - tell him that you love him very much, but you also love yourself and your "God-given self-love" is telling you to walk away.  

However, Instead of walking away from him permanently, you are taking a self-imposed 2 weeks to a month short break to rethink this relationship - you need to revisit the reasons that you "chose him" in the first place and you are "trying to remember why you are with him" because simply put, his outbursts and the trauma he has caused has given you amnesia and it has become almost impossible for you to remember why you are together because he has trampled all over the love you had/have for him and you fear that your love is starting to "not exist for him" anymore.  

Then ask him for his input and that you will only take it via email, or posted letter.  That you do not want to see him for a while and please do not call or come by because you cannot trust him in public any longer until he has had time to really think about the relationship - ask him if YOU ARE WHAT HE WANTS.  Because at this point you really doubt it.

That is how I would handle it.  CUT HIM OFF for a while - I promise you that as of right now, his temper will get MUCH UGLIER if you marry him - if he doesn't change.  If he is clowning you in public without regard to who is standing around - you will be running for your life because his verbal abuse will turn physical.  Let him know that you are willing to go to counseling with him, if he needs you to attend.  Do some research, find out if he is used to seeing this type of behavior from a male in his family.  Ask people that know him or "know of him" - His behavior was picked up from what he has been exposed to and what he sees as normal.  Find this out.  His behavior did not crop up overnight.  How does his dad treat his mother?

If you love him - stick with him - BUT HANDLE THIS or this will be handling you on a much deeper level that won't be good in the future.  It will also help him - I am sure he cannot be happy - treating you in this manner.  He knows it is wrong or he wouldn't be apologizing.  Tough love right now.  If he is for you - he won't leave you - he will focus on his growth and development within himself and the two of you will grow stronger together once you can work through this, he will be happier and so will you.

If he decides to end it and leaves you during the break - PRAISE GOD'S HOLY NAME - Alleluia - God got you out in time, dry any tears that form, dust your feet off and keep walking. The disrespectful, ignorant one is out of the way, no longer blocking the sun so it will shine brightly for you to see - that other person(s) that has had their eye on you and this is their "golden opportunity" to present their video to your awareness to let you know that they are definitely interested. Tighten your seat-belt, have fun, you are going for ride. Enjoy being single - take your time to select the next one.

Can't give advice on how you can help him, but i can on how you can help yourself. And that's by walking on egg shells around him and giving him no reason whatsoever to shout at you in public. Cos thinking about it, there must be things you do in public that deserves 'scolding'. Just can't imagine him shouting, 'baby won't you finish cracking up those chicken bones?!', 'everytime' you hang out with him.

He can neva stop,he is a monster,nt once nor twice neither 7,ha omo run o,he go soon break ur front teeth

He is just trying to feel he is in charge
the thing is u both should lossen up
abit

He is supposed 2 run u naked sef,wit post lyk u need a hard 4k,mumu lyk u

@poster
although scolding you in public is pointless, may i ask what was the reason of the scolding?!

i would fully understand him if he did scold you because some guy came at you guys table to ask for your number and you gladly gave it to him smiling. some gals are disrespectful like that and, before dumping them, a good scolding wouldnt hurt.

the sad fact is that your bf doesnt have much respect for you or your feelings. it probably wouldnt change after marriage and you better sort it out NOW because the more you go, the sillier the scolding may get.

What i can tell u here is that, No matter how u try to change dis person he can never be changed.I can still recall that i personally used to do alike to ma girl but,I'm very happy nd proud to say that i've changed to good nd perfect .Just that the reason why i used to do this to ma girl publicly was simply because i felt guys ware after her ''trying to snatch her away from me'' .I know this is crazy ,but it's the main point of me doing that to her.So u can figure things out urself by trying tocarry out some investigations ''NOT BY ASKING HIM ''ooooo .

You need to leave that man alone, A MAN THAT LOVES YOU truly will never do that to you in public, A MAN THAT LOVES HIS WOMAN WILL PROTECT, REVERE, AND CRADLE her. He doesn't love you, sorry to say,

It is up to you to decide WHETER you wants to deal with that or not,

LOVE DOES NOT HURT, let me share something with you, and this is TRUE STORY, no child should NEVER witness that in their life!

My aunt was dating this guy who seems to be TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE and treated us like royal. I would always spend time with my aunt and my cousins because they were FUN! Anyway, one day I spend the night over my aunt's house and we had pizza night that night, I remember playing UNO cards with my cousin until we heard a screeching noise that sound like a cat who been tossed out the window, (don't ask me how I know )

Anyway, we all ran to the front of the house, my aunt was reasoning with the man we thought was a knight and he apparently been through something, he then saw us and left I assumed he was embarrassed, We were glad he left and we thought that was the end of it,

Apparently that wasn't the end of it, and he came back that very same night which was late and everyone were sleep, I was awaken by a thunderous noise appear to be some thumping in the ground, I walked to the door and peeked out, I saw my aunt screaming for her life as this man was beating her head with a smoldering hot iron and busted her head open,

She survived only to live with over 100 staples in her head, every time she go through metal detector, it goes off,

The point of me sharing this is that DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS REAL and you do not have to be physically harmed to experience domestic violence,

Domestic Violence exist when there are:

Verbal abuse
Sexual abuse
Mental abuse
Physical abuse
Pyschological abuse
emotional abuse


All of these violence are not acceptable and should not be tolerated UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES, over 2 million women worldwide are being abused DAILY, and 20,000 women die EVERY TEN MINUTES, because of the abuser saying " I love you and I didn't mean it",

Inked_Nerd:

font=times]
OP: Love my ašš?!?! The man is verbally abusing you and you're here complaining. Dump his sorry ašš!!! It will only escalate if/when he marries you. Now its scolding, then it will turn violence. Leave him before it gets worse.[/font]

This is coming from a female. I, myself, am a male, and I concur with every word of it.

This guy doesn't love you. He doesn't even LIKE you. He's taking pride that he feels he OWNS you. Uh, hello? He doesn't. Were he sincere, he'd apologize to you in the public situation in which he's humiliated you (and also made himself look every bit as immature and insecure as he truly is).

There are PLENTY of men who will respect you. This clown is not one of them. I'd say good riddance to bad garbage.

Becareful Derrelli,

You gon get the female sharks circling around your boat,

We women like MEN that think with their brain and not their THIRD LEG, right Mr. Cock?


Good comment Derrelli, you just saved MENkind,

And I, queeneve, like women who refuse to allow themselves to be mistreated and disrespected. As I view it, no real "man" would treat a woman badly. In any relationship, it's important for each party to uplift and support the other, while keeping the relationship grounded and realisitic. Putting the other party down can only doom what might be a thriving relationship.

Disrespect!!! Thats what it is and if he doesnt respect you now he wont after marriage. Please dont be one of those that believes marriage will fix everything, it doesnt. It makes good things better but bad things worse. You deserve to be treated better no matter his excuse!

Preach Preach Preach!

He should not be shouting at you in PUBLIC or in PRIVATE, you are both adults and should talk about issues, how is screaming going to help the situation? This man has got issues that probably have nothing to do with you but he is taking it out on you, don't let him. . . . . .stop it now before it escalates to physical violence!

. . . . lucky for u, he has decided to show u wat married life with him would be like . . . ballz in ur court . . . stay if ur having fun wit the public display . . or bail if ur not d "embarassment friendly" type . .

Are you richer than the guy? Are you very beautiful? I think your guy is in the grip of inferiority complex. He feels he doesn't deserve you, and thinks you feel the same. His fear is that someone more deserving might come around and grab you anytime soon, hence the need to boss around while the offer lasts. My advice is sit him down and ask him why he's always scolding you. If he tries to avoid answering, know that my guess was right. Press further and let him know he's your one and only. But if he gives a direct (and harsh) answer, then know he's either in a financial mess or is getting tired of you.

herzy:

help, my guy displays his anger towards me in public places and end up apologizing to me indoor, i have expressed my feelings towards this attitude several times but he kept promising to turn new leaf but he didn't . he even yells at me in eateries and other places and people there focus their attention on us, it was like hell because i have never felt so ashamed all my life,though all these does not change the fact that he loves me and he is also caring and can do just anything for me but are these enough?. now he wants to marry me, although i love him. can you endure this kind of attitude forever coz marriage is a life contract?

your story is half baked dear

no human scolds you out of the blue there is always something in your writting you never gave us evem 2 or 3 example of a scanario e.g words said before he scolds you etc


it is quite obvious that he did scolds you over certain things or issue let hear those things and we will judge fairly and give advise according to what happened

ZIM DRILL:

your story is half baked dear

no human scolds you out of the blue there is always something in your writting you never gave us evem 2 or 3 example of a scanario e.g words said before he scolds you etc


it is quite obvious that he did scolds you over certain things or issue let hear those things and we will judge fairly and give advise according to what happened

Even if she had provoked him, it still does not make it ok for him to scold her in public, embarassing her like that, What happened to talking about issues as adults as opposed to yelling at the other grown up like a child, hell, even 3 year olds hate being shouted at!

Tink_sh:

Disrespect!!! Thats what it is and if he doesnt respect you now he wont after marriage. Please dont be one of those that believes marriage will fix everything, it doesnt. It makes good things better but bad things worse. You deserve to be treated better no matter his excuse!

exactly its disrespect lol, he should learn so gently man's attitude.

ZIM DRILL:

your story is half baked dear

no human scolds you out of the blue there is always something in your writting you never gave us evem 2 or 3 example of a scanario e.g words said before he scolds you etc


it is quite obvious that he did scolds you over certain things or issue let hear those things and we will judge fairly and give advise according to what happened

well no matter what she does i think he shouldn't do that at all

SA Goddess:

Even if she had provoked him, it still does not make it ok for him to scold her in public, embarassing her like that, What happened to talking about issues as adults as opposed to yelling at the other grown up like a child, hell, even 3 year olds hate being shouted at!

dont be daft like her

if she doesnt want embrassment why would she provoke him

its a two way dear under your (EVEN IF SHE HAD PROVOKED HIM) dont provoke then he wont embrass her ---simple as that

in other words you are saying she can provoke him and he must remain a gentelman, thats bull crap dear never create a sitaution and expect people to react the way that suits you

Kelvinj:

exactly its disrespect lol, he should learn so gently man's attitude. well no matter what she does i think he shouldn't do that at all

why should he ? he also a human who get out burst out of anger etc we dont what the guy goes through we only heard a half baked story

the rest is everyone assumptions thats the reason i said you must atleast gave us 3 cases and we analyse it

190:

what else are u expectin 2 hear

dump him of course!!

^^^ Yes! Yes!! DUMP HIM,

All the reasons you are giving are excuses for not leaving hime. Reason and Excuses = THE SAME THING

This man will end up beating you if he hasnt done so already if you marry him book an appointment in the divorce court the same day. When you marry you will see the beast he is.

ZIM DRILL:

dont be daft like her

if she doesnt want embrassment why would she provoke him

its a two way dear under your (EVEN IF SHE HAD PROVOKED HIM) dont provoke then he wont embrass her ---simple as that

in other words you are saying she can provoke him and he must remain a gentelman, thats bull crap dear never create a sitaution and expect people to react the way that suits you

You must be a bully too or a man with a low self esteem, what does embarrassing someone in public do for you? I can hear you are one of them (those that throw tamtrums in public because "she provoked me" Nonsense! mxmmmmm!

SA Goddess:

You must be a bully too or a man with a low self esteem, what does embarrassing someone in public do for you? I can hear you are one of them (those that throw tamtrums in public because "she provoked me" Nonsense! mxmmmmm!

you are daft too

1 you are running to defend someone who only told you what she wants you to hear

2 why provoke someone still expect them to act your way ---- how daft--- if you are smart like the way you want to be believe then  she shouldnt provoke, then we can determine that the boyfriend is a nut  becoz he throw tantrums from nowwhere but dont cry foul after someone responds to your slap


3 with your reasoing it is ok for a lady to provoke but bad for man to respond whatever way eg scolding

This is not about me or you ZIM so I will let it slide!

SA Goddess:

This is not about me or you ZIM so I will let it slide!

yes i know

am only dealing with your reasoning or crushing your points

to be treated like a lady you must act like a lady

in this case all ma trying to get is, if the lady is all clear or she took part in making him explode dont get me wrong i aint defending the nigga but i just want to hear what happened or what was said before he explode


with such infor then we either say the guy is just a nut or all are to blame