My fellow nairalander do u ever get bored in you relationship and for the married couples do u get bored at times in your marriages

as for me i feel a few times in a relationship or marriage one might be bored.
though one can be creative to spice up the marriage/relationship but how long can one be creative or innoovative to keep the marriage/relationship interesting

another question is at what year of marriage does it start getting boring
after 3,4,5,6,7,8, years of marriage.

After marriage u call ur selves honey,darling and so on,
later it turns to first name basis, then it turns to papa or mama iyabo, baba/mama blessing

at what time does ur wife or husband stop been crazy about u.

i av withnessed a few married women who get distracted in their wedding becos they are bored and look for a close male friend to spice them up not neceesarily sleeping with them.

these are worrying questions for single pple like us who will marry later

need inputs here

@ iice

You got it already, just have to say "i second that"

i dont agree with the "spontaneous" thingy. You have to "work hard" at something that does not come natural or is forced. When you meet TRUE LOVE, even routine can be a bliss with that person.
when i find myself having to work extra hard to keep the spark i know it is time to call it a day and move on.

not true david, there will always be occasional low points, its those points that show whether you truly 'love' someone or not, things will not be pleasurable 24/7/365 - tough times will come, how you handle them show the depth of your committment.

keeping things fresh like iice said is very important. don't get too habitual.

David, I don't think "moving on" whenever you get bored will work for a marriage. You need something better.

debosky:

not true david, there will always be occasional low points, its those points that show whether you truly 'love' someone or not, things will not be pleasurable 24/7/365 - tough times will come, how you handle them show the depth of your committment.

keeping things fresh like iice said is very important. don't get too habitual.

maybe i need to expand on my point a little more. It is indeed true that all relationships pass through a low phase BUT as long as the love is genuine, it never dies. Like you said, it is how those periods are handled that further strengthens your relationship. I dont believe in the "working hard" to spice things up theory. You dont have to "work hard" to be regarded as a child to your parents, even when they feel like removing your neck for stealing meat from the soup pot, you will still remain the child they will always love and cherish.

I do not advocate that we should not even bother to spice things up but we should be careful to avoid being trapped into a "i have to work extra hard" to keep this woman happy and keep the flame burning. REAL relationships are the ones were ordinary routines take on a special glow just because that special someone is in your life.

I use an example, when i was dating my ex, we didnt really do as much as most of our friends but our relationship remained the envy of most who knew us. The key being when you are both deeply in love, everything you do is geared towards satisfying the interests of the other party rather than fulfilling yours. That alone is enough to keep your flame roaring.

Seun:

David, I don't think "moving on" whenever you get bored will work for a marriage. You need something better.

For one, i wont be marrying someone i am not convinced i love whole heartedly so the issue of getting bored in the marriage should not arise. Should that occur (God forbid), there is no room for "moving on". That is reserved for girlfriends and not wives.

@ David

Please eehn. don't be offended ooh, just that my curiosity can't keep shut any longer, so i just have to share the thought with you if that's OK?

If this your ex. that you mentioned is the same you talked about on some other thread, then I'll never stop to wonder what went wrong . . and no, you don't have to answer, its a rhetorical question

@ David again lol

Well when iice said working hard. I'm sure she didn't mean you should have an out of body experience in the name of working hard. "Working hard" has alot of definitions and all depends on the person using it and what they want it to mean

Say you're having a distant relationship, i'll think "working hard" in this means the frustration you beat everyday, the resisting of temptations coming from upstairs, downstairs and sideways is "working hard", having the endurance and courage to wait upon your loved one is "working hard"

Now over to a relationship where you're together: Coming home from work, totally exhaused but still won't take to the tirdness Cos you have a date with your loved one so instead of calling it off you still manage with all you got to show up is "working hard", seeing that you're partner lately hasn't been theirself, some do push their loved ones away when they're at their lowest points, the determination to go through the mental trauma, be there for them even at their worst, trust on "love" to help you through the bad times is "working hard", 

BTW, note that even though you know what you're life with your wife in future will look like, not everybody is that opportuned. Suddenly their marriage starts taking an abrupt "left swing", they do "work hard" to come through

And then there is a case of marrying someone, but even though you love each other, you have different hobbies and likes, undergoing the compromises and meeting each other half way is "working hard", doing things to please the other person even though its not your own definition of fun, but because you love the person and you just love being with the person even if it means being in a den is[b] "working hard"[/b]

Now you might not want to call it[b] "working hard"[/b] in your own terms (any name you give it is Ok by us, like i always like to say "any definition that works good for one is just fine as far as it doesn't hurt someone else) but remember some will not go through all that i mentioned above, and to those that do them, we might say they[b] "work hard"[/b] (they're willing to go that extra mile as long as you're together)!!!!!!!

A lot of people get bored, i get bored too but you just have to keep at it. Try other ways to spice up the relationship. Sometimes things just happen naturally and the spice bounces back. If the guy is not making any effort, you do your part, he would follow your lead after a while.Its absolutely Normal to be bored after a while. Its not a biggy but what you do when you are thats what counts.

@ cute-ass
Keep wondering.  

Hope i didnt imply working/work hard like busting your chops but work at in the sense of making an effort.

I agree 100%

i get bored, heck its human, how to keep it alive?, errm, 'WORK HARD'

like ma gurl @cute-ass, said, working ghard is the key

and like @iice said, you need a commitment to keeping the relationship alive and to each other, THAT IS WHAT WILL TAKE YOU THROUGH THE TRYING TIMES, and believe me, there are alot of those!! simply because no 2human beings are same, God is a wonderful creator. In as much as Variety is the spice of life, variety causes trbl

I easily get bored especially if the person is not innovative and too sterotype.As the saying goes "Variety is the spice of life".

For one, i wont be marrying someone i am not convinced i love whole heartedly so the issue of getting bored in the marriage should not arise.

Love is temporal. Today you may think you love wholeheartedly, but over decades those feelings can change.

iice:


Try not to settle into routines, that becomes a habit and thus become hard to break.

Show me a married couple who say they haven't settled into a routine and I will
show you a couple of liars.

No matter how hard you try a routine is inevitable and is not necessarily a bad thing.

VOR:

Show me a married couple who say they haven't settled into a routine and I will
show you a couple of liars.

No matter how hard you try a routine is inevitable and is not necessarily a bad thing.

word! @david you need to wake up and smell the coffee

ikamefa:

word! @david you need to wake up and smell the coffee

Go and wear your glasses and read what ii wrote. He and i share the same view.

I said earlier that i dont subscribe to this fantasy of "dont settle into a routine, work hard to keep the flame . . ."
the true test of REAL love is when it can thrive even when both parties have settled into a routine. When you have to work extra hard to "keep the fire burning" then you should take a closer look at that thing you call love.

When you love your girl even when she's sick and cant get up from bed then you know you are really in love! Not those who love only when she spends 10 yrs in the salon trying to look her best for u.

Seun:

Love is temporal. Today you may think you love wholeheartedly, but over decades those feelings can change.

Love is not temporal, the attraction and infatuation you feel for each other at the beginning is what is temporal.

LOVE IS A DECISION

http://nigeriaworld.com/feature/publication/awodele/101105.html (good write up).

VOR:

No matter how hard you try a routine is inevitable and is not necessarily a bad thing.

Then they should pick up another routine, if sex is scheduled for Monday they should change it to Friday, if they eat Asaro on Tuesday they should change it to Thursday. If the woman always wear big mummy's pants she should pick up routine of wearing thongs.

The answer to this thread might not be unconnected with sayings such as: every beginning must have an end; what goes up must come down, no condition is permanent etc, etc. But remember that, the essence of religion is to seek solace when one begins to experience some of these odd-times. Run to God for help via prayers. You must definitely be heard and answered. Marriage and relationship is never a bed of roses.

McDoe:

The answer to this thread might not be unconnected with sayings such as: every beginning must have an end; what goes up must come down, no condition is permanent etc, etc. But remember that, the essence of religion is to seek solace when one begins to experience some of these odd-times. Run to God for help via prayers. You must definitely be heard and answered.

Why does everything with us Nigerians have to be about prayers, god and spirituallity?
If it was so simple we'd have the greatest country in the world. Especially taking into
account the number of churches and therefore prayers that must be said in them.

Sorry I know I have gone off topic somewhat.

VOR:

Why does everything with us Nigerians have to be about prayers, god and spirituallity?
If it was so simple we'd have the greatest country in the world. Especially taking into
account the number of churches and therefore prayers that must be said in them.

You are not out of topic. You are only expressing your beliefs. To me, I still know that God is a Nigerian. Without Him, this country would have segregrated long ago. My brother , please don't doubt the power of prayers; besides, with God all things are possible.

McDoe:
My brother , please don't doubt the power of prayers; besides, with God all things are possible.

Yes we know with God all things are possible but me i have found out a lot of us nigerians are lazy and hence hide under the canopy of religion.

Like my friend will say somethings don't need prayer, if you are hungry go and eat, if you are sleepy go and sleep, if your marriage is getting dull spice it up. Yes if you have no innovation you can ask God for innovation of what YOU should do, there's no need for praying endlessly.

Some marriages just need for the man to take the woman alone on a holiday (not your hometown or inlaws) with no kids and serenade her because she is stressed, yet they will be going from MFM to redeem camp looking for solution.

I am only talking of undiluted ways of reaching and appreciating God. Count me out of prosperity preachers.