So you meet someone  and you both like each other, and over time the feeling started getting stronger and what not. The only downside is that distance is a big problem. I am not taking about Kano-to-Lagos type of distance, but Germany or Yankee to Nigeria type of distance.

So once day, the guy was like you know what, while it is difficult for us to see each other at this point, I have no problem with you having sex with another guy if you want to.   For the sake of argument, this guy was genuinely being upfront and do not see the fuss about sex if should the girl choose to do it.     

One of the many reasons the guy suggested this is because, the gal is fine and truth be told someone will eventually come along and try to sleep with her anyway and the gal may also need to have intimacy at some point.


Anyway, the gal then turned around and said to the guy that she is shocked and appalled that the guy can say such a thing! She even went further to accuse the guy of not caring enough etc.



Now nairalanders, is there anything bad in making such a suggestion? Bearing in mind that the guy actually cares, but do not want the issue of sex with other people be a problem at all.

Also, will you allow this as a lady? If not, why not?

I'm not quite sure how a guy will not mind his lady shagging other guys - especially once he really cares about and wants to marry.

But then. . .that's just me.

ElRazur:

Now nairalanders, is there anything bad in making such a suggestion? Bearing in mind that the guy actually cares, but do not want the issue of sex with other people be a problem at all.

Also, will you allow this as a lady? If not, why not?

Well, I think the guy went too far . . .  somethings do not need to be said!

It's like by telling her to go ahead and have an affair he's trying to appease his own consience.  

Personally, I dont think any guy that truly cares for a girl and wants to settle down with her will say something like that to her!  

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying he doesn't care . . .  but it looks like he has given up on the relationship already!

2 my own take
i ll blast d hell outta him
even if i v 2 do it,it doesnt v 2 com 4rm him
it only shows truely he neva cared

So what about people who like each other, but in the mean time have sex with other people as a stop gap? Let's be real, these things happen and the guy was only being upfront with his views? No?

Den it shldnt v cm 4rm him
dat wz lyk a way of tellin er off
its rude

The guy merely suggested it and said "it is up to her".

I don't know about you, but I have a feeling that there is nothing suggesting the guy do not care, after all he was just pointing out the obvious. Abi I no dey see am from the ladies perspective?

Wat an unreasonable suggestions
sm1 lyk me actually tk things in minor
bt nt dis
its uncalled 4
its sickenin
its crazy
its beta he tells me babe i think dis so called rel cant work,i think its best we all v it in drms n let it end dere
i wont tk it
infact i myt end d so called world instanta

How is it unreasonable? Do you mind explaining?

Simply cos it doesnt mk sense
ow wld he picture it
cmon think of it
well as said earlier he wldnt feel a thing cos he neva truely cares n feels nottin
inshort d dude is a slowpoke

iice:

Hmmm someone a long time ago asked me that question.  
I said i'd tell a person to do that. . .the someone got confused by my reaction

Do you see anything wrong with what the guy suggested?

iice:

Not really.

Do you mind elaborating a little bit as to why you do not see anything wrong with it. This is very important please. A few ladies here disagree while ignoring the fact that men and women who like each other but are apart as a result of great distance will more than likely have sex with someone else as a stop gap if needed.

Thats the problem with distance relationships. I dont believe in it if both parties dont have a way of meeting physically anytime soon

I think the guy is probably cheating on the girl, or he's planning to sleep with someone else. He don't want to take the guilt alone, so to be fair enough he's
giving the girl the go ahead also

There's no excuse for cheating whether long distance or near.

El stop trying to justify your actions. Just tell the girl you've met someone else and the distance relationship is not working for you and stop decieving her jor.

iice:

Ha Ha. I'm a realist and a practical one. However this is subjective.
He/she sleeping with another person can happen and i say can, because some people do happen to go a while without having to sleep with another person. Abstinence is hard but not impossible like it's been said in another thread. I can understand if he says i should do that. And if i know him, as i should. . .i wouldn't see it as him giving himself carte blanche to sleep around. I would see it as it being a practical thing. Doesn't mean i would do it, but i can understand. I've said time and again, i'm very mental about things. I suppose it seems like being in an open relationship.

I think the point was to be upfront and to put across a practical approach to things. Thanks.

(333*333*)

Ujujoan:

El stop trying to justify your actions. Just tell the girl you've met someone else and the distance relationship is not working for you and stop decieving her jor.

I never said this was about me lol.

Also, I never mentioned in the OP that it was a relationship, I just stated they both like each other a lot.

Trust female nairalanders to try and find meaning and motives for every thing.

Ujujoan, have you ever been in a similar situation where distance was a barrier? If yes, how did you cope?

hmmm

Can't see anything wrong with that. Seems deception and deceit are now part and parcel of relationships, otherwise why would she feign offence at his stating that which is already happening or can possibly happen?

Seems the unwritten rule in relationships these days is 'see no evil, hear no evil, think no evil, suspect no evil, and believe no evil. . .even if evil surrounds you'.  That is what most people interpret as 'maturity' and 'security' abi? Make dem dey deceive themselves. So when someone lets his partner know that he admits the possibility of poo happening, the partner 'forms' righteous indignation and accuses him of not caring? Yet if them say make she go swear for Babalawo Shrine say that thing wey the guy talk no go happen she go pick race pass Usain Bolt.

As far as I'm concerned, a so-called serious relationship MUST be founded on hard truth, not unearned trust and mutual deceit.  . .else it'll be nothing but a disgraceful sham. And I'll rather be in an honest open relationship than a mutually deceitful 'closed' relationship.

pro01:

Can't see anything wrong with that. Seems deception and deceit are now part and parcel of relationships, otherwise why would she feign offence at his stating that which is already happening or can possibly happen?

Seems the unwritten rule in relationships these days is 'see no evil, hear no evil, think no evil, suspect no evil, and believe no evil. . .even if evil surrounds you'.  That is what most people interpret as 'maturity' and 'security' abi? Make dem dey deceive themselves. So when someone lets his partner know that he admits the possibility of poo happening, the partner 'forms' righteous indignation and accuses him of not caring? Yet if them say make she go swear for Babalawo Shrine say that thing wey the guy talk no go happen she go pick race pass Usain Bolt.

As far as I'm concerned, a so-called serious relationship MUST be founded on hard truth, not unearned trust and mutual deceit.  . .else it'll be nothing but a disgraceful sham. And I'll rather be in an honest open relationship than a mutually deceitful 'closed' relationship.

Hard to ague against your points. Well said. 9.5 out of 10.

.

I would also have an issue with that too!  I wish my man would tell me, hey livedit, it's okay for you to sleep with other men since we live on opposite sides of the world. Then that would draw up a tremendous red flag as to how much exactly he is committed in this relationship. I don't care if him and I lived on different planets. I will not cheat on him and I expect the same respect from him.  Are they in a committed relationship? If not then, he basically giving her the okay that she can still date and do what she want and he will do the same. But telling someone that it's "okay" to sleep with other people while in a relationship is NOT an option! I would've been greatly offended by that remark. If they don't ever plan on getting together and making it official then, no. I still wouldn't have said that though. You use the term of you are free to see and date whomever you like. Not it's okay to go sleep with every Tom, manliness of Harry? Ummm noooo! 

livedit:

I would also have an issue with that too!  I wish my man would tell me, hey livedit, it's okay for you to sleep with other men since we live on opposite sides of the world. Then that would draw up a tremendous red flag as to how much exactly he is committed in this relationship. I don't care if him and I lived on different planets. I will not cheat on him and I expect the same respect from him.  Are they in a committed relationship? If not then, he basically giving her the okay that she can still date and do what she want and he will do the same. But telling someone that it's "okay" to sleep with other people while in a relationship is NOT an option! I would've been greatly offended by that remark. If they don't ever plan on getting together and making it official then, no. I still wouldn't have said that though. You use the term of you are free to see and date whomever you like. Not it's okay to go sleep with every Tom, manliness of Harry? Ummm noooo! 

Would you rather he keeps mute and do it behind your back while maintaining a false approach with you?

From what I can tell, they like each other and that is about it. But there may be possibility that a relationship may happen.

I'll definitely not find it funny.

interesting, hmmmmm

I never said this was about me lol.

Also, I never mentioned in the OP that it was a relationship, I just stated they both like each other a lot.

Trust female nairalanders to try and find meaning and motives for every thing.

Ujujoan, have you ever been in a similar situation where distance was a barrier? If yes, how did you cope?

STOP DECEIVING YOURSELF AND CALL A SPADE A SPADE.
If there is no relationship, and only a "like each other a lot" friendship, then the guy does not have any business telling her to sleep with anyone.
And if there is a relationship, i mean they both agreed to date each other exclusively, the guy is still wrong for asking her to sleep around just because of distance barrier. SO TELL YOURSELF THE TRUTH.

nakedwire:

STOP DECEIVING YOURSELF AND CALL A SPADE A SPADE.
If there is no relationship, and only a "like each other a lot" friendship, then the guy does not have any business telling her to sleep with anyone.
And if there is a relationship, i mean they both agreed to date each other exclusively, the guy is still wrong for asking her to sleep around just because of distance barrier. SO TELL YOURSELF THE TRUTH.   

I'm sorry if what I am saying is not good enough for you. No vex.

It is entirely possible for two people to like each other and not cross over into having a full blown relationship. Same way it is possible for two people to have sexxx with each other and not be in a relationship.

The guy never asked the gal to sleep around but suggested that she can if she wants to due to the distance involve and the fact it may eventually happen anyway. You see,what you are saying is different from what I posted in the OP.

ElRazur:

Would you rather he keeps mute and do it behind your back while maintaining a false approach with you?

From what I can tell, they like each other and that is about it. But there may be possibility that a relationship may happen.

If that is the case, then he could've just left things as they are. Everybody deserves to know where they stand in a relationship. So they are just talking and not in a committed relationship, then I think he could've worded alot better than that. Because you can go do whatever with whomever I won't be mad, I'd look at him like he is crazy! When you are only dating, of course I'd be like you are free to see whomever you want to see. Then once they call it exclusive then that is just what it means "exclusive". I appreciate all honesty in a relationship, but him telling me versus to me already knowing the deal, wouldn't make me feel any better. He just need to learn a better way to communicate his feelings. That is his only crime if this is the case.

lol. . . . .not a nice thing to say