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You Do Not Care. - Romance (2) - Nairaland

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13 Ways To Get Over A Guy Who Does Not Care About You / Why You Should Not Care About What People Say About You / 13 Ways To Get Over A Guy Who Does Not Care About You. (2) (3) (4)

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Re: You Do Not Care. by GL(f): 12:15am On Nov 11, 2010
i would be surprised if a guy tells me that, and i would have a serious discussion with him about open relationships and expectations etc. for the most part, nigerian guys can't even stand the thought of their girl having sex with someone else. if he's not trying to create an excuse for his cheating, maybe it's not such a big deal.

long distance relationships are kind of open already anyway, and someone almost always cheats (sexually or emotionally). if it's a long-term long distance relationship, then there's a possibility that the sex would become emotional and not just be a form of release. and at least one of them would develop strong feelings for their sex partner.
Re: You Do Not Care. by ElRazur: 7:01am On Nov 11, 2010
I think most men are able to just have sexxxxx alone without no emotional attachment involve. It is usually the female that see sex as a big deal where whom ever they "give it to" must come running when ever they call - be it emotionally or in other ways.

I personally do not see the big fuss about sexxxx. I think it is truly possible to have sex with someone else while one's heart is lies with another person.

If most agree that it is hard to dealing with great distances, especially when two people like each other, then why not open all the options that are possible that in my opinion may help bind them together even more?

Overall, it appear the females have a problem with this kind of idea, whereas most men who have posted in here see no big deal about it. Could this just be the bottom-line of the matter at hand? That is, gender seeing things differently?
Re: You Do Not Care. by maclatunji: 10:01am On Nov 11, 2010
Imagine, so the guy is telling the girl he thinks she is worthless and loose. while he is worthless cum useless at the same time.
Re: You Do Not Care. by Nobody: 10:58am On Nov 11, 2010
Why will i bother myself if my distance bf tells me to have s3x with another guy.
I will just ignore him cos i know what to do.He dosent need to tell me when i shld have fun.
He is just feeling insecure that is why he will ask me to do such.
I dont have to be angry wit this statement cosi knw he only wants to see my rxn.
The issue is evn if u dont cheat, he wont believe u so why explaning urself or trying to clear urself
As a lady, do whatever will make u happy since u knw what u want.
You dont have to be bothered by what he said
Re: You Do Not Care. by Tinksh(f): 11:19am On Nov 11, 2010
I would be so offended and walk away. If my guy was happy for me to sleep with other people then he doesnt treasure me or love me deeply. I believe a guy would say that so he is free to do the same, again, not love!!!
Re: You Do Not Care. by madlady(f): 11:33am On Nov 11, 2010
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Re: You Do Not Care. by TheSkipper(m): 11:57am On Nov 11, 2010
Dude probably has chicks in heavy rotation and just felt guilty. You would have to be increibly trusting to allow your girl to sleep around, then think somewhere down the line when your together that she will still be faithful.

Apart from that he's still being honest, I thought that's what chicks wanted?
Re: You Do Not Care. by ElRazur: 12:21pm On Nov 11, 2010
A lot of people getting things mixed up. There is a difference between bringing up an issue (or suggesting an issue) and "asking"

The guy never asked her to go and have sex. He brought it up and laid it all at her feet by saying it is up to her if she wants to.

Why are people missing this?
Re: You Do Not Care. by TheSkipper(m): 12:27pm On Nov 11, 2010
I see your point dude, but in essence bringing it up is the same as suggesting it.

Its like 'bringing up' in conversation with your girl that you wouldn't be opposed to having a party, she's gonna assume your asking her.
Re: You Do Not Care. by Creamish(f): 12:38pm On Nov 11, 2010
If i was d chick, i'd say hez giving an excuse to screw around . . cos hez got a hidden agenda . .


. .then again, he just might av a clear mind . .just dint think it thru from d other point of view . . undecided
Re: You Do Not Care. by iice(f): 2:28pm On Nov 11, 2010
TheSkipper:

I see your point dude, but in essence bringing it up is the same as suggesting it.

Its like 'bringing up' in conversation with your girl that you wouldn't be opposed to having a triple sin, she's gonna assume your asking her.

Assume being the keyword.
Re: You Do Not Care. by Nobody: 2:42pm On Nov 11, 2010
i know not think the guy is not fully commited to the rship.he does not want the gal claiming she was waiting for him.

he wants to be free nand if she likes him enough to take the risk of waiting for him fine and good.The way the guy said it was wrong why didnt he just say lets have an open rship.that way he can be honest wtout being crude.

I would have liked that.but on the flipside he may come to resent the gal if she agrees.
Re: You Do Not Care. by mengi: 2:55pm On Nov 11, 2010
Why asking the obvious, the guy is simply telling this babe that there is no commmitment, so she doesnot let hell loose when he calls off the relationship.

But am i been selfish, i can never tell my wife to fool around even if i were bedridden for years, God forbi!!!
Re: You Do Not Care. by TheSkipper(m): 2:58pm On Nov 11, 2010
Maybe it works for some people. I know an oyibo couple who have an open marriage and 3 kids. Such a strange relationship but I guess it works for them.
Re: You Do Not Care. by MissyB3(f): 3:30pm On Nov 11, 2010
Some things are best left unsaid!
Re: You Do Not Care. by Tinksh(f): 11:40pm On Nov 11, 2010
ElRazur:

A lot of people getting things mixed up. There is a difference between bringing up an issue (or suggesting an issue) and "asking"

The guy never asked her to go and have intimacy. He brought it up and laid it all at her feet by saying it is up to her if she wants to.

Why are people missing this?

If you know anything about women you will know that 'bringing it up' to us or most of us means he has been thinking about it and its the same as asking. Iy means it was on his mind and if he didnt want it then it would never of entered his head let alone come out of his mouth. Its a women thing, grin grin
Re: You Do Not Care. by ElRazur: 9:16am On Nov 12, 2010
Tink_sh:

If you know anything about women you will know that 'bringing it up' to us or most of us means he has been thinking about it and its the same as asking. Iy means it was on his mind and if he didnt want it then it would never of entered his head let alone come out of his mouth. Its a women thing, grin grin

There is nothing wrong with thinking about something. Most things that do well in this world - automobile design, food, electronics, politics et al - are thought of in the first place.

Your point to me, is almost insulting the females as it appears you are saying females are incapable of thinking or do not understand the concept of thinking. But maybe you can explain this "female thing" to me.
Re: You Do Not Care. by Nobody: 9:40am On Nov 12, 2010
El I agree with you . . . completely!

Men, unlike women, are better at handling detached sex and so the guy might not think it's a big deal.

But a relationship, which is NOT open, is supposed to have one important quality - fidelity! Now I understand 'body no be firewood' and a guy might feel compelled, because of the distance, to have a fling or two from time to time . . without compromising his feelings for his girl. I know that, you that that and so does your girlfriend. You don't have to say it to her! Somethings are just NOT meant to be said. It's not deception, it's diplomacy!

For you to suggest, knowing how hard it is for women to have 'detached' sex, that she goes ahead to have her fling means you are asking her to date other people. Simple! If finds herself in a 'complicated position' and cheats on you, she should feel guilty and remorseful, not justified and happy!. She should tell you with apology, not in difference! If she hides it from you, it should be because she cares how you will feel about not being the only man in her life, not because you 'should already know'!

Personally if a man says that to me, well he might as well forget me! cool cool
Re: You Do Not Care. by Kelvinj(m): 9:41am On Nov 12, 2010
Well i think that was the wrongest move you he made by sayin that, well somethings are better not said u know.
Re: You Do Not Care. by Tinksh(f): 10:00am On Nov 12, 2010
ElRazur:

There is nothing wrong with thinking about something. Most things that do well in this world - automobile design, food, electronics, politics et al - are thought of in the first place.

Your point to me, is almost insulting the females as it appears you are saying females are incapable of thinking or do not understand the concept of thinking. But maybe you can explain this "female thing" to me.

You totally misunderstood my point but thats ok. Also, i wasnt talking about politics, education and such, i was referring to your question of a man suggesting to his girl about sleeping with other people. Its a very emotional thing for some women and is not in the same thought process as the other things you mentioned. I would never insult women as i am one and as a women with women friends i do know a little of how some think. Emotions very rarely make sense to a man.
Re: You Do Not Care. by ElRazur: 2:30pm On Nov 12, 2010
@Ujujoan

Where is it a taboo to talk about the obvious, will you prefer I keep mute if you and I are involved in similar situation and pretend there is not much? shocked  Come on, if honesty is the best policy as my people talk, why can it not be applicable here.

Tink_sh:

You totally misunderstood my point but thats ok. Also, i wasnt talking about politics, education and such, i was referring to your question of a man suggesting to his girl about sleeping with other people. Its a very emotional thing for some women and is not in the same thought process as the other things you mentioned. I would never insult women as i am one and as a women with women friends i do know a little of how some think. Emotions very rarely make sense to a man.

Right.

Do you mind explaining why a "suggestion" is perceived as "asking to go and do it"?

Also, can you explain this "woman thing" to me?
Re: You Do Not Care. by Nobody: 2:46pm On Nov 12, 2010
ElRazur:

@Ujujoan

Where is it a taboo to talk about the obvious, will you prefer I keep mute if you and I are involved in similar situation and pretend there is not much? shocked Come on, if honesty is the best policy as my people talk, why can it not be applicable here.


Actually . . . yes! I dont want to know what you are doing. Call it living in a f00l's paradise, call it living in denial, call it whatever you like, I just don't wanna know! cool cool

Seriously, you should know that you dont have to say EVERYTHING . . . I once read that 'a man who can't lie to a woman has no regards for her feelings' and I do find some truth in that (as difficult as it might be for you to understand).

If you want to cheat on her, go ahead and do that . . but don't make it a 'law' in you relationship! undecided
Re: You Do Not Care. by ElRazur: 2:57pm On Nov 12, 2010
Ujujoan:

Actually . . . yes! I dont want to know what you are doing. Call it living in a f00l's paradise, call it living in denial, call it whatever you like, I just don't wanna know! cool cool

Seriously, you should know that you dont have to say EVERYTHING . . . I once read that 'a man who can't lie to a woman has no regards for her feelings' and I do find some truth in that (as difficult as it might be for you to understand).

If you want to cheat on her, go ahead and do that . . but don't make it a 'law' in you relationship! undecided





I appreciate your honesty, but I am from the school of thought where deliberately being in the dark is no good rara at all. lol.

This is not about cheating, but about addressing what may most likely happen when distance are involved. Remember, it was never a relationship either, but they had strong feelings for each other.
Re: You Do Not Care. by Nobody: 3:18pm On Nov 12, 2010
ElRazur:

I appreciate your honesty, but I am from the school of thought where deliberately being in the dark is no good rara at all. lol.

This is not about cheating, but about addressing what may most likely happen when distance are involved. Remember, it was never a relationship either, but they had strong feelings for each other.

Oh . . . now I see! It's not like you guys were dating but you just 'like' each other. O. . . . k!

Well, I guess in that case it's not 'that' bad!

I once found myself in that predicament and I was actually the one curious. Tried to find out if he was . . you know . . 'doing it' with someone . . . anyone!

He refused to talk about it to me. Said he didnt want to tell me about his sex life and he didnt want to know about mine either. He was quite sweet, that guy. Too bad I lost him! sad sad sad
Re: You Do Not Care. by ElRazur: 3:23pm On Nov 12, 2010
Ujujoan:

Oh . . . now I see! It's not like you guys were dating but you just 'like' each other. O. . . . k!

Well, I guess in that case it's not 'that' bad!

I once found myself in that predicament and I was actually the one curious. Tried to find out if he was . . you know . . 'doing it' with someone . . . anyone!

He refused to talk about it to me. Said he didnt want to tell me about his sex life and he didnt want to know about mine either. He was quite sweet, that guy. Too bad I lost him! sad sad sad

For the nth time now lol, this is not about me. It will be nice if you and a few won't assume this is about me. grin

So you wanted to find out and he didn't tell you, but then you get mad with this guy for coming out straight with it? shocked

Are you from mars? lol
Re: You Do Not Care. by spikedcylinder: 3:25pm On Nov 12, 2010
So you meet someone  and you both like each other, and over time the feeling started getting stronger and what not. The only downside is that distance is a big problem. I am not taking about Kano-to-Lagos type of distance, but Germany or Yankee to Nigeria type of distance.

So once day, the guy was like you know what, while it is difficult for us to see each other at this point, I have no problem with you having sex with another guy if you want to.   For the sake of argument, this guy was genuinely being upfront and do not see the fuss about sex if should the girl choose to do it.    

One of the many reasons the guy suggested this is because, the gal is fine and truth be told someone will eventually come along and try to sleep with her anyway and the gal may also need to have intimacy at some point.


Anyway, the gal then turned around and said to the guy that she is shocked and appalled that the guy can say such a thing! She even went further to accuse the guy of not caring enough etc.



Now nairalanders, is there anything bad in making such a suggestion? Bearing in mind that the guy actually cares, but do not want the issue of sex with other people be a problem at all.

Also, will you allow this as a lady? If not, why not?

I understand entirely what you are saying. As far as I am concerned, this is the true definition of calling a spade a spade.
In reality, both parties might love each other deeply but still cheat on each other like a buncha morafokers. It's only realistic to say that 'babes, whilst I love you, you can satisfy your carnal urges till we are on the same page geographically'.
I must admit that it'll take two extremely mature individuals to understand this kind of mentality and it might sting to hear it being said to you but in actual sense it is a totally selfless thing to say.
I don't know if you get my drift?
Re: You Do Not Care. by Nobody: 3:32pm On Nov 12, 2010
Women and sex sef.
You'd think someone's holding a knife to their throats

Dude is honest and upfront  . . . . .he gets bashed.
Dude tells porkies, he still gets bashed.

Na wa ooo.

Spikedcylinder, wasere jare.
Re: You Do Not Care. by Nobody: 3:32pm On Nov 12, 2010
ElRazur:

For the nth time now lol, this is not about me. It will be nice if you and a few won't assume this is about me. grin


Okay, sawwwy!  cheesy

So you wanted to find out and he didn't tell you, but then you get mad with this guy for coming out straight with it? shocked

Are you from mars? lol

Actually I mis-understood the initial post. I though you guys they were already in a real/committed relationship.  grin

Myself and the guy weren't dating. We just . . . . 'liked' each other veeeeeery much!   cool  cool

spikedcylinder:

I understand entirely what you are saying. As far as I am concerned, this is the true definition of calling a spade a spade.
In reality, both parties might love each other deeply but still cheat on each other like a buncha morafokers. It's only realistic to say that 'babes, whilst I love you, you can satisfy your carnal urges till we are on the same page geographically'.
I must admit that it'll take two extremely mature individuals to understand this kind of mentality and it might sting to hear it being said to you but in actual sense it is a totally selfless thing to say.
I don't know if you get my drift?

What if they were married? Are they free to 'call a spade a spade too'?  undecided
Re: You Do Not Care. by Nobody: 3:34pm On Nov 12, 2010
OMO IBO:

Women and sex sef.
You'd think someone's holding a knife to their throats

Dude is honest and upfront . . . . .he gets bashed.
Dude tells porkies, he still gets bashed.

Na wa ooo.

It's easy for you to say, you a guy! *rooooolz eyez*
Re: You Do Not Care. by spikedcylinder: 3:36pm On Nov 12, 2010
Ujujoan:

What if they were married? Are they free to 'call a spade a spade too'?  undecided

Actually, yes. There are different kinds of relationships you know?
I am not saying I am mature enough to be in this scenario type of relationship but I do understand that there are some people who are. To be honest, I ponder about the monogamy and how extremely overrated it is. smiley


Omo Ibo, bawo ni o? wink
Re: You Do Not Care. by Nobody: 3:43pm On Nov 12, 2010
spikedcylinder:

Actually, yes. There are different kinds of relationships you know?
I am not saying I am mature enough to be in this scenario type of relationship but I do understand that there are some people who are. To be honest, I ponder about the monogamy and how extremely overrated it is. smiley

Omo Ibo, bawo ni o? wink

I dont think monogamy is 'overrated' . . . Naaa I won't use that word! undecided

As far as I'm concerned, the importance can NEVER be over emphasised!

If I were 'mature' enough to be in an open relationship/marriage, I'm sure I won't mind. But I guess I'm not! undecided
Re: You Do Not Care. by spikedcylinder: 3:54pm On Nov 12, 2010
Ujujoan:


I dont think monogamy is 'overrated' . . . Naaa I won't use that word! undecided

As far as I'm concerned, the importance can NEVER be over emphasised!

If I were 'mature' enough to be in an open relationship/marriage, I'm sure I won't mind. But I guess I'm not! undecided

Sometimes, I think it is overrated. Selfish even. Especially if one is in a special type of relationship that entails not seeing one's partner for a long time. I begin to wonder, is it really fair to ask the person or yourself for that matter to be celibate for that long? I know people that haven't seen their husbands in 1, 2 years and they have been celibate the entire period.
That one na punishment.

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