I am in a delimma now, i dont know if i was to stronghearted with him.
He was so in love with me, was handsome, caring and everything a lady could ever ask for.
And he was interested in all my endevours and supportive, just that i wasn't into any relationship yet.
Would call me and we would talk for hours and we would never be out of topics to discuss.
But when he asked me out after some persuasion i gave in; though we were friends for few months, then we started dating.
To be frank with my self, everything was rosy at the beginning. Then one day he called me that he wanted to make a bad decision, i felt bad because i never thought he could think about something like that, then i started calling him and advising him to amend his ways, he later gave in and let the idea slide away.
I forgave him and we continued, then his attitude changed, and he said some nasty words to me and i felt bad, after then the feeling i had for him reduced, even though i wasn't in love with him, i was getting closer to that with each day. , he called one day, i couldn't bear it again,i had to let out all the anger in me, and told him i wasn't happy with his use of words towards me.
He apologized and i accepted, then we continued with our relationship again, but i wasn't happy anymore, whenever he called me, i was reluctant to pick his calls.
Then a friend of mine that i told, advised me to open and tell him the truth.
I did and he said we could still work things, at that stage i just felt like staying on my own and working on being a better person.
i woke up one morning flashed back to the recent happenings, and was angry.
Then, i sent him a message saying i wanted to stay on my own and that i wasn't interested. He agreed and said he will work on himself, then he wanted us to talk but i have a visitor in my house now, the day we were supposed to discuss we couldn't because of the lady in my house, i told him to give me two weeks until the lady leaves. He has reduced the way he calls me, though i do miss his company, i cant go back to who i was then, please disregard any errors. My question is, was i too rigid in my decison?
Your honest comment is being needed.
Thanks in advance to your comments.

It shouldn't be in your house,call him fix a date outside ur home...a place you both used to hangout b4 or something....you wer harsh on him...madam you r dealing with a human being not some machine on program...e must wrong you, piss you off. learn to deal with short comings from people...plus if you r not ready for a relationship tell him to wait till you r ready.

What was the bad decision he wanted to make? Did he ask you to have sex with him and you declined? Is that what you're calling bad decision? I'd like to know.

You need to understand that a healthy relationship has its ups and downs. It's not all roses, it's a roller coaster, reasons tolerance is highly required in a relationship. What matters most is your ability to get over the hard part and still move on and learn from your mistakes.
Yes you were too rigid.
But right now, you two need that space to get things straight and make a decision if this relationship is what you actually wanted. He has showed you that imperfect him, are you OK with it? Is it something that you can tolerate? The decision is all yours. Take your time.

I couldn't understand everything you wrote there.
However, as someone rightly said up there, there's no "perfect" relationship.
It's bound to have ups and downs.
Also, love has feelings, but it isn't a feeling in itself; it is a decision you make and stick with.
I'll reread sha.

Naphtali44:
It shouldn't be in your house,call him fix a date outside ur home...a place you both used to hangout b4 or something....you wer harsh on him...madam you r dealing with a human being not some machine on program...e must wrong you, piss you off. learn to deal with short comings from people...plus if you r not ready for a relationship tell him to wait till you r ready.

ok ma i will set a day for us to see

Naphtali44:
It shouldn't be in your house,call him fix a date outside ur home...a place you both used to hangout b4 or something....you wer harsh on him...madam you r dealing with a human being not some machine on program...e must wrong you, piss you off. learn to deal with short comings from people...plus if you r not ready for a relationship tell him to wait till you r ready.

thanks ma for your advise, i will ask him to set a date for us to see ma

SenecaTheYonger:
What was the bad decision he wanted to make? Did he ask you to have sex with him and you declined? Is that what you're calling bad decision? I'd like to know.

no he didnt ask for sex, i made it clear right from the beginning and he complied

Queeenmillie:
You need to understand that a healthy relationship has its ups and downs. It's not all roses, it's a roller coaster, reasons tolerance is highly required in a relationship. What matters most is your ability to get over the hard part and still move on and learn from your mistakes.
Yes you were too rigid.
But right now, you two need that space to get things straight and make a decision if this relationship is what you actually wanted. He has showed you that imperfect him, are you OK with it? Is it something that you can tolerate? The decision is all yours. Take your time.

thanks for your advice ma, am even sorry i made such decision, i was under pressure during that time, i made the decision.
i guess i have to learn to tolerate people.

taiwoawoniyi:
I couldn't understand everything you wrote there.
However, as someone rightly said up there, there's no "perfect" relationship.
It's bound to have ups and downs.
Also, love has feelings, but it isn't a feeling in itself; it is a decision you make and stick with.
I'll reread sha.

lol..sorry for the typo errors, am at work and am kinda busy, i couldnt proofread what i typed there

lilyelv:

lol..sorry for the typo errors, am at work and am kinda busy, i couldnt proofread what i typed there

I reread it and I think I understand better.
My advice:
#1 If you're not ready for a relationship, please let him know. Don't fuel a car that isn't going anywhere.
If you just want to be friends for now, let him know so you don't invest too much emotionally into the relationship.

#2 Define your relationship. Why are you going into the relationship? If it's to ultimately get married, then you must learn how to resolve conflicts. Do an Emotional Intelligence and Personality Type test; the both of you. These tests help you understand yourself, so you know how to adapt to each other's personalities better. These tests don't take more than 10 mins each. Just Google them.

#3 About the "bad decision", you obviously don't want us to know, and that's fine. However, his decisions is a pointer to who he is. If the decision is about money or sex, I'd suggest both of you have an intensive talk about both, cos your relationship will definitely revolve around them.

#4 Learn how to communicate with him. He isn't a mind reader. Don't allow time pass for too long before resolving conflicts. Time has a way of deepening grudges when not resolved. Both of you should set a date, and meet in a relaxed environment: a park, an open eatery, a playground...just be relaxed. Be open about how you feel. Don't point accusing fingers, just let him know how you feel about things and what you expect. You both should work things out...gradually...as friends. And resolve within yourself to forgive. This is probably the first real argument you've had as a couple, and it will set the tone for future disagreements. Act with maturity.

#5 Let him know that using nasty words against you is a no-no. It chips at your self esteem, and you will appreciate positive words. Note that anger, influence and wealth don't change people; they only reveal what was already in them.

Any questions, please feel free to reach out.

if he reduced the rate of calls, you increase the rate of your calls to him. why must a man do all the calling ?

niaralandtopuser:
if he reduced the rate of calls, you increase the rate of your calls to him. why must a man do all the calling ?

lol..ok i would put more effort on that then.
am already used to him doing all the calling

taiwoawoniyi:

I reread it and I think I understand better.
My advice:
#1 If you're not ready for a relationship, please let him know. Don't fuel a car that isn't going anywhere.
If you just want to be friends for now, let him know so you don't invest too much emotionally into the relationship.

#2 Define your relationship. Why are you going into the relationship? If it's to ultimately get married, then you must learn how to resolve conflicts. Do an Emotional Intelligence and Personality Type test; the both of you. These tests help you understand yourself, so you know how to adapt to each other's personalities better. These tests don't take more than 10 mins each. Just Google them.

#3 About the "bad decision", you obviously don't want us to know, and that's fine. However, his decisions is a pointer to who he is. If the decision is about money or sex, I'd suggest both of you have an intensive talk about both, cos your relationship will definitely revolve around them.

#4 Learn how to communicate with him. He isn't a mind reader. Don't allow time pass for too long before resolving conflicts. Time has a way of deepening grudges when not resolved. Both of you should set a date, and meet in a relaxed environment: a park, an open eatery, a playground...just be relaxed. Be open about how you feel. Don't point accusing fingers, just let him know how you feel about things and what you expect. You both should work things out...gradually...as friends. And resolve within yourself to forgive. This is probably the first real argument you've had as a couple, and it will set the tone for future disagreements. Act with maturity.

#5 Let him know that using nasty words against you is a no-no. It chips at your self esteem, and you will appreciate positive words. Note that anger, influence and wealth don't change people; they only reveal what was already in them.

Any questions, please feel free to reach out.

ok i will work on that, just that at the stage where i am now there are so many things taking my time for now, am working, am also going to school and i still involve myself in many activities.
and am very young, i actually wanted to work on my personality.
there so many parts of my life i want to work on, and i don't what to lead anyone on and disappoint the person hence, that's actually why i don't want to date anybody for now until am matured.
Thanks for your advice sir, am grateful

lilyelv:
lol..ok i would put more effort on that then. am already used to him doing all the calling

I easily lose interest in a relationship if I am doing all the calling

niaralandtopuser:

I easily lose interest in a relationship if I am doing all the calling

yea i get you, i do call him once a while though

lilyelv:

yea i get you, i do call him once a while though

calling him more will make him feel appreciated . it will even boost the relationship if he really like you

lilyelv:

ok i will work on that, just that at the stage where i am now there are so many things taking my time for now, am working, am also going to school and i still involve myself in many activities.
and am very young, i actually wanted to work on my personality.
there so many parts of my life i want to work on, and i don't what to lead anyone on and disappoint the person hence, that's actually why i don't want to date anybody for now until am matured.
Thanks for your advice sir, am grateful

If you feel like you don't have a clear direction, maybe you should not enter into a relationship yet.
Plus, you said you're young...there are many things you can do with your life now without a relationship.
Romance comes with baggage. Are you ready for that?
You can be platonic friends with the guy, quell your love interests. Maybe later, when you're more mature, you can go into a relationship with him.
My advice, just don't let any relationship tie you down.
Singleness is NOT a disease.

Btw, you called me "sir". What if I'm a "ma"?
Anyways, please have a good, fruitful and productive life.
Cheers!

Any questions, please reach out.

lilyelv:

no he didnt ask for sex, i made it clear right from the beginning and he complied

Ok. If you still like him, then it's easy to get him back. Don't apologise to him immediately. Just call him frequently, like once or twice a day and show him you're truly interested in him. He'll get the message if he's smart. Then after a week or two, you can apologise to him. He'll respect you. But please don't do this if you dont like him. Just leave the poor guy alone.

niaralandtopuser:

calling him more will make him feel appreciated . it will even boost the relationship if he really like you

hmmm ok i will improve on that, am grateful for your advice

taiwoawoniyi:


If you feel like you don't have a clear direction, maybe you should not enter into a relationship yet.
Plus, you said you're young...there are many things you can do with your life now without a relationship.
Romance comes with baggage. Are you ready for that?
You can be platonic friends with the guy, quell your love interests. Maybe later, when you're more mature, you can go into a relationship with him.
My advice, just don't let any relationship tie you down.
Singleness is NOT a disease.

Btw, you called me "sir". What if I'm a "ma"?
Anyways, please have a good, fruitful and productive life.
Cheers!

Any questions, please reach out.

yea i think i have no direction yet , i just want to come out with a good grade in school and then work on my set goals and achieve them. I don't want to be a liability to anyone, am not ready for the baggage that comes with relationship yet. I want to bring something to the table too, i don't to be there just for comfort only but to assist too. (Btw, you called me "sir". What if I'm a "ma"?), lol i misunderstood you, oya confess na, are you a guy or a lady so that i dont make the mistake again, (Anyways, please have a good, fruitful and productive life), yea i wish you the best too ma/sir.... i dont know which one to pick.

lilyelv:

yea i think i have no direction yet , i just want to come out with a good grade in school and then work on my set goals and achieve them. I don't want to be a liability to anyone, am not ready for the baggage that comes with relationship yet. I want to bring something to the table too, i don't to be there just for comfort only but to assist too. (Btw, you called me "sir". What if I'm a "ma"?), lol i misunderstood you, oya confess na, are you a guy or a lady so that i dont make the mistake again, (Anyways, please have a good, fruitful and productive life), yea i wish you the best too ma/sir.... i dont know which one to pick.

Haq Haq haq.
Oya, I'm a sir. I'm Taiwo.
If you're a freshman, just put relationships on hold for now.
There is so much I wish I knew when I was an undergrad sha.
Develop yourself first, before getting with a guy.
I'll shoot you a dm. If you reply, I'll give you my FB address so we can talk better.

Have a good day.

taiwoawoniyi:


Haq Haq haq.
Oya, I'm a sir. I'm Taiwo.
If you're a freshman, just put relationships on hold for now.
There is so much I wish I knew when I was an undergrad sha.
Develop yourself first, before getting with a guy.
I'll shoot you a dm. If you reply, I'll give you my FB address so we can talk better.

Have a good day.

ehhn so are a man, i tried sha , ok am waiting for your dm then sir, and have a blessed day too sir

Queeenmillie:
You need to understand that a healthy relationship has its ups and downs. It's not all roses, it's a roller coaster, reasons tolerance is highly required in a relationship. What matters most is your ability to get over the hard part and still move on and learn from your mistakes.
Yes you were too rigid.
But right now, you two need that space to get things straight and make a decision if this relationship is what you actually wanted. He has showed you that imperfect him, are you OK with it? Is it something that you can tolerate? The decision is all yours. Take your time.

wow, its nice seeing things from another person's perspective, thanks for your advice ma, at this stage i dont think that i can manage a relationship ma, hence i have to let him go, maybe in the future we might end up together, if its vise versa am still good with that, i dont want to have regret later that i didnt achieve much when i had all the time

U won't know the value of what u have until u loose it. Obviously the relationship cos is not a healthy one..

Funkyswagzz:
U won't know the value of what u have until u loose it. Obviously the relationship cos is not a healthy one..

hmm i dont get you sir, please enumerate more

lilyelv:

hmm i dont get you sir, please enumerate more

My dear just move on with ur life.. u still have so much ahead of u. U will find smone who value u, scared to loose u, respect u, care 4 u, and love u unconditionally. Love is not a one sided thing. U have to work with each other. Once u miss that u will only hurt urself more and more.

Funkyswagzz:


My dear just move on with ur life.. u still have so much ahead of u. U will find smone who value u, scared to loose u, respect u, care 4 u, and love u unconditionally. Love is not a one sided thing. U have to work with each other. Once u miss that u will only hurt urself more and more.

wow thanks jare....i have actually moved on....am just feeling bad cause its my first experience of really liking a guy, most of them do much of the loving for me, now that am getting closer to that four letter word, everything isnt working, no p i will heed to your advice sir.

lilyelv:

wow, its nice seeing things from another person's perspective, thanks for your advice ma, at this stage i dont think that i can manage a relationship ma, hence i have to let him go, maybe in the future we might end up together, if its vise versa am still good with that, i dont want to have regret later that i didnt achieve much when i had all the time

I'm sure you made a good decision. Goodluck.

Queeenmillie:

I'm sure you made a good decision. Goodluck.

yea thanks ma