Pafoma:
Guys! I need serious, real and honest contributions.. Thanks to all that will contribute.

I have a lady whom i am dating. I truly love and care about her but she has been with people that are in my circle and this disturbs me. She didnt used to be a straightforward and totally faithful person but i see that she is making efforts towards being completely honest and straightforward but still i dont have rest in my spirit about taking the decision to marry her.

I have observed she is soft with guys and is not firm, although i am aware it takes time for someone used to a particular pattern or lifestyle to adjus. I need help because breaking up with this lady will mean that i have to look for someone else to start the entire circle with again and who knows what if the new one also comes with even worse baggages.

My questions are these

1. What do you advice i do?
2. Who has been in similar situation where you fell in love with a lady your friends and circle have been with then married her? What was the experience like including things to look out for..
3. How can be sure i wont regret the decision to go forward?

Please feel free to ask me any question and i’ll answer if they are not sarcastic or jokes..

Thank you.

Leave all the long grammar...simply put she is a "Keziah". By the way, why do you still call her your fiancee? Save what's left of your reputation bro. We don't do brain transplant in Nairaland if that's what you are looking for!

Pafoma:
Guys! I need serious, real and honest contributions.. Thanks to all that will contribute.

I have a lady whom i am dating. I truly love and care about her but she has been with people that are in my circle and this disturbs me. She didnt used to be a straightforward and totally faithful person but i see that she is making efforts towards being completely honest and straightforward but still i dont have rest in my spirit about taking the decision to marry her.

I have observed she is soft with guys and is not firm, although i am aware it takes time for someone used to a particular pattern or lifestyle to adjus. I need help because breaking up with this lady will mean that i have to look for someone else to start the entire circle with again and who knows what if the new one also comes with even worse baggages.

My questions are these

1. What do you advice i do?
2. Who has been in similar situation where you fell in love with a lady your friends and circle have been with then married her? What was the experience like including things to look out for..
3. How can be sure i wont regret the decision to go forward?

Please feel free to ask me any question and i’ll answer if they are not sarcastic or jokes..

Thank you.

Sorry for coming late


1. about her being soft , she will never change not because there's something wrong with her but because people can't change ...and no one can change anyone. She has always been easy to guys and if you try to really.change this it will cause issues

2 well.about marrying her .. you can't change people or expect them to change that's unfair. If you can live and accept them as they are then that's fine , if not move on. Be sure you can accept what the future holds

3..theres no guarantee, but there is also a law that states you can't make ladies with a certain past a house wife..there is a reason such advise exists

Jola58:
Rule 1.
Don't do anything just to please anyone, or simply because of their feedback.

Rule 2.
Be with someone that you know will give you peace of mind.

Rule 3.
What do you truly want in the lady (i.e infatuation, lust or genuine love)

Rule 4.
Can you tolerate her weakness.

Rule 5.
Ask God for guidance

Thank you

Pafoma:
Guys! I need serious, real and honest contributions.. Thanks to all that will contribute.

I have a lady whom i am dating. I truly love and care about her but she has been with people that are in my circle and this disturbs me. She didnt used to be a straightforward and totally faithful person but i see that she is making efforts towards being completely honest and straightforward but still i dont have rest in my spirit about taking the decision to marry her.

I have observed she is soft with guys and is not firm, although i am aware it takes time for someone used to a particular pattern or lifestyle to adjus. I need help because breaking up with this lady will mean that i have to look for someone else to start the entire circle with again and who knows what if the new one also comes with even worse baggages.

My questions are these

1. What do you advice i do?
2. Who has been in similar situation where you fell in love with a lady your friends and circle have been with then married her? What was the experience like including things to look out for..
3. How can be sure i wont regret the decision to go forward?

Please feel free to ask me any question and i’ll answer if they are not sarcastic or jokes..

Thank you.

she's a LovePeddler... Run for your life...never afraid starting afresh..stop being a pessimist...getting another partner could be a blessing trust me

Fountainofyouth:
That lady is shameless and has esteem issues for her to have something to do with you and your former clique...

You lack high standard, moral decency, and also esteem issues for you to go for someone who has been passed around by your friends, you lack class,

Your faults,
Were you blind or deaf that you didn't know all these revelations before starting the relationship with her and falling in love?
How come it is now that you want to dump her you remember that she was once a free sample?
You are now having second thoughts but you don't want your conscience to judge you that's why you came here to rant so you won't feel and be perceived as a terrible person for wasting her time all this while abi?
And then you remembered a tale that was long forgotten cos you are tired and bored of her and need a stupid ass reason to break up with her right?

Clap for yourself mister man, we will tell you what you want to hear, break up with her and let her be, but know this, I assure you that the next woman you meet will have evil, deadly baggages as high as Mount Everest that you will never know till you are both married, and I pray by that time, it will too late for you, I so pray it will really be too late, nonsense.

. Sorry oo, madam, who broke your heart like this, your anger is terrible.

[s]

Vyolet:
You alone can have your woman's back, you alone can give her respect and have others respect her.
The most important thing is if she is truly changed and remorseful, is she also ready to be loyal?
There are men that married retired sex workers and things work Perfectly, Marriage is like a black-market, you never know what you will meet until you get in there.
Since those people are no longer in your circle even long before you met your fiance, then you may go ahead with her, In the end though, follow whatever your heart tells you.

[/s]

Do not speak for men again.

I know two men who married retired sex workers And both marriages ended badly!!!

There is a reason it is said never make such ladies a house wife

If you don't know enough about something don't speak about it

Vyolet:
You alone can have your woman's back, you alone can give her respect and have others respect her.
The most important thing is if she is truly changed and remorseful, is she also ready to be loyal?
There are men that married retired sex workers and things work Perfectly, Marriage is like a black-market, you never know what you will meet until you get in there.
Since those people are no longer in your circle even long before you met your fiance, then you may go ahead with her, In the end though, follow whatever your heart tells you.

That girl is not his woman... She is not a woman sef talkless of op's woman..

Why should a guy be encouraged to cope with bad qualities all the time??

Men deserves peace of mind and respect...

The lady should be the one bending to Op's wish and not the other way round..


Op, is that the woman whom you want to pay her bride price, that every member of your family will ask for her hand??

I don't think so!!!

You want to marry big trouble. .

Leave that girl for rugged guys who can handle her likes..

You no fit..

Go for something better. Don't waste your money and love!!!

Fountainofyouth:
That lady is shameless and has esteem issues for her to have something to do with you and your former clique...

You lack high standard, moral decency, and also esteem issues for you to go for someone who has been passed around by your friends, you lack class,

Your faults,
Were you blind or deaf that you didn't know all these revelations before starting the relationship with her and falling in love?
How come it is now that you want to dump her you remember that she was once a free sample?
You are now having second thoughts but you don't want your conscience to judge you that's why you came here to rant so you won't feel and be perceived as a terrible person for wasting her time all this while abi?
And then you remembered a tale that was long forgotten cos you are tired and bored of her and need a stupid ass reason to break up with her right?

Clap for yourself mister man, we will tell you what you want to hear, break up with her and let her be, but know this, I assure you that the next woman you meet will have evil, deadly baggages as high as Mount Everest that you will never know till you are both married, and I pray by that time, it will too late for you, I so pray it will really be too late, nonsense.

Women like you give me hope that some Nigerian women indeed think normally

Your beauty radiates from your mind

Your comment is the best here

What we have is a case of a very low self esteem man who is unfit for marriage and an addict to self.hurt .. about to marry an easy flavor of the week lady and this gives us a recipe for disaster

Leave them and enjoy your peace

tojahh:
Every time you have sex with her... You will always think of how others on your circle have had sex with her and wondered if this is how she screams and moan the whole bedroom while doing it.


In fact it causes low libido. Just take your share and let her go.

But almost every man should be thinking the same way since not every man will meet his wife as a virgin.

babyfaceafrica:

Sex is a very small part in a relationship.


This is not true..sex and money are pivotal to any relationship..they Are not small!!

sex is small.... very small. Sex cannot be compared to money. Sex is important, money is important but they do not solve the same purpose. See relationship struggles are not what sex can solve. Will you start bothering about who and who your partner has slept with. See as long as you didn’t marry a Virgin, don’t make this your business. A woman who has slept with 5 men in her life time and these men are your friends and a woman who has slept with 500 men, which would you choose? See we are in the other person’s life to make them better. As log as the individual is remorseful and ready to grow, don’t bother about it. Would you be happy having sex with a nagging wife or girl friend, for me it’s a No. you see why I said sex is a small part. Ask couples who are not happy in their relationship if sex is a major reason.

The fact that you are asking for advice here means you have deep reservations.
If you truly love her, go ahead and make effort not to think about her past life.
If you still have reservations and are still always thinking about her past, it is better you tell her and part amicably.

GrabHisBalls:
Your fiancée is a free giver na! The economic benefit is that she'll help relieve guys of conji. We can't all be reserved.

Haba! Not nice na, cheer the guy up and not kill his spirit ..,���

great664:


My exact situation right now, though not my circle of friends but I have known some of them and it's disturbing... She cheated on me with one time too but she has changed...

I am confused cuz I can't start afresh again as I am ready now and secondly, going down with her is very confusing for me right now. Won't I regret it? That question keeps popped up.

You soound like a virtous wife..
Your fiancee is the bad nigga here!!

Continue nursing her unfaithfulness....

And, you will pay bride price on top

OP, how old are you..??

I am sure you are not 40... Why are you so desperate??

[s]

Pafoma:


Thanks for your contribution, these were my exact thoughts when I decided to continue with the relationship especially as i started seeing changes in her but my mind but despite the changes and improvement my mind does not just still have peace no matter how much i try to make it have peace. I have tried many different ways of sparking up the relationship but something just keeps putting doubt and worry on my mind..

The guys are no longer in my circle but i still see them and it will always be like that because we have alot of mutual friends and interwoven circles. I totally get your point but for lack of peace that i have to take that step with her.

[/s]

Like the other lady said, you are extremely classless and suffer from chronic low self esteem, because there is no reason you would have dated seriously a lady who was passed around .

You sound mentally unstable and broken like a man-boy. you don't know what love is not should you be trusted to lead a home in marriage as you are too immature to make serious decisions.

She is also a very low level easy flavor of the week girl hence a gutter trout on the same level as you..

Unfortunately it's a recipe for disaster.. your marriage won't last it would crash , I would boldly say 6 months in. you are so immature it's sickening.

It's your type that married retired sex workers thinking they can turn them into nuns with marriage ..

Cheers

TemmyT002:


But almost every man should be thinking the same way since not every man will meet his wife as a virgin.

Its a different thing if you don't know those she'd slept with, not when I and my friend will be discussing next thing you hear


Oboy that your wife breezZzz no be here o. That day as I dey fayam use one hand dey press the breezz na so she dey whine waist, small thing make I cum for her mouth.

The above self will not only cause low libido but insanity and depression. Best thing is to let the girl go!

tojahh:



Its a different thing if you don't know those she'd slept with, not when I and my friend will be discussing next thing you hear


Oboy that your wife breezZzz no be here o. That day as I dey fayam use one hand dey press the breezz na so she dey whine waist, small thing make I cum for her mouth.

The above self will not only cause low libido but insanity and depression. Best thing is to let the girl go!

Hahahaha
I get your point.
But na love be the koko sha

Pafoma:


Hmm! Had any similar experience?

In my uni days, this coursemate girl liked me and got close and we became friends. I would want to marry her because she is doing very well for herself now and can even make me excel with her connects and all but NO. She stays abroad now and we both would want to settle but again NO. I won't let that happen. Why?

We like each other a lot. She likes me very well (I was/am actually a hot cake), I like her because she is fun to be with too. But she is soft on guys, keeps many male friends (they'll say they like male friends more). Despite the fact that she is a Feminist which I don't like and can be very annoying at times, I still like her a lot and wished we could marry. But let me even take you back to my uni days again when we rolled.

A dude (also a hot cake too) formed familiarity with me and forced friendship. The guy enjoys showing off that he is a ladies' man and this girl was getting familiar with him too much to annoy me and make me struggle to get her somewhat. I did not let it bother me. Many girls even better than her wanted to get close to me but she blocked them when I was not even officially dating her.

But I was p.issed with my guy and almost terminated our friendship not necessarily because he wants to snatch my girl whatsoever but because of his general stupid attitude of always wanting to show that he is a ladies' man which people complained a lot about too. Dude even had to tell me to my face one day that he is so hot that my girl was coming to him.

Women are easily manipulated and you are never guaranteed that a human has or can change(d) (talkless of a woman). Only a naturally default good woman can you bet on, some people (women) are naturally created not to do some things or do some things.

Some can change later o, some with very very tight conditions before they can bend and some others have it innate and so established in their nature that they can't compromise no matter what.

She stays abroad there now. We were so close people thought we were dating but we were not and not even all her achievements can make me want to marry her. Why? I love peace of mind a lot. I can go any lenght to get peace of mind.

She is soft on guys and people like your girl and no be ordinary word of mouth can make me believe she has changed. Like me, continue searching for a default naturally good woman, there are good women out there.

Nobody is perfect but there are some flaws one can tolerate and others one can't tolerate. Don't toy with this particular flaw related with promiscuity in marriage, I can categorically say that it is nearly impossible to work on it.

Miracles happen and even prostitutes can become clean but such miracles are rare and you can never be too careful bearing in mind that sex is very powerful.

If you are so disturbed in your spirit about her past, you better stop the relationship. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. You can just be her friend but marrying her when your state of mind is still not at rest is the worst decision to be taken. I am advising you as a marriage man. Thank you brother.

Fountainofyouth:
That lady is shameless and has esteem issues for her to have something to do with you and your former clique...

You lack high standard, moral decency, and also esteem issues for you to go for someone who has been passed around by your friends, you lack class,

Your faults,
Were you blind or deaf that you didn't know all these revelations before starting the relationship with her and falling in love?
How come it is now that you want to dump her you remember that she was once a free sample?
You are now having second thoughts but you don't want your conscience to judge you that's why you came here to rant so you won't feel and be perceived as a terrible person for wasting her time all this while abi?
And then you remembered a tale that was long forgotten cos you are tired and bored of her and need a stupid ass reason to break up with her right?

Clap for yourself mister man, we will tell you what you want to hear, break up with her and let her be, but know this, I assure you that the next woman you meet will have evil, deadly baggages as high as Mount Everest that you will never know till you are both married, and I pray by that time, it will too late for you, I so pray it will really be too late, nonsense.

My God! How on Earth is this an advice?

Yinibixema:

Okafor’s law is everywhere and you can download the law on google

Some people say the Law is flawed. What do you think?
I know it concerns banging an ex and all.

mysticgal:

I mean I wondered where the whole law comes from and it made me realize that it is a movie. A Nigerian movie that people has gunned to their subconscious, of all movies, Nigerian movie.

Why would I want to have sex with an ex I left. why is the word ex there for. These men on this forum are just....God

my dear, okafor's law is very valid.. i'm a witness.. that law has helped me a lot. so don't say what u don't know

Lothlorien:


Young man,

someone already commented that you made up your mind already. I agree with it. let me echo it again: stop this pointless validation you are seeking here. You know deep in your mind you are set on marrying this girl.

However, I will still tell you: it is a bad idea! A VERY BAD IDEA. Why you ask? You said it yourself: you don't have peace. That is your internal alarm system telling you to stop. That is God warning you. God speaks, even to those who are not saved or living in sin.

I know a case like yours. The relationship broke because the guy couldn't get over the fact that his woman slept with one of his friends more than seven years past while they were in school. Just one friend.

God will not come down and make your marriage heaven on earth for you. It takes hard work. You must be wise. The same reason a woman shouldn't marry a man who beat up all his ex or slept around is the same reason you shouldn't marry her.

There is someone for this lady. But it isn't you. You can't handle it. You think you can but you can't . And what you call love and feelings that is so strong you can let go is a veil that will fall from your eyes once you tie the knot.

Even for people who married chaste spouses doubts arise sometimes. Your girlfriend needs to work on herself and overcome some measure of her weaknesses before entering into marriage. Sexual temptation from an ex for someone like her may be too much to bear.

That sinking feeling in your chest and gut is right. That woman is not for you.

Marriage is A VERY SERIOUS THING. I know, I am married. Love is not enough sometimes. Trust me. Those deep feelings you think you cant let go will become ashes in your mouth if you make a mistake. Nothing on this earth is like a peaceful, blissful marriage. You dont want to start yours with a broken foot.

A word is enough for the wise.

Op should pay for this advice...
It is priceless tho

Pafoma:


This is my fear, my friends have not changed. Only her and myself so dont want to be dealing with unnecessary stuff after marriage and my story being discussed jokingly over some bottles of beer amongst alcoholics.

This is a serious matter. Why joke about it?

Anyway, down to some serious advice:

1. Seriously consider not inviting any of these guys to the wedding, as they may want to show themselves.

It might be better that they are disappointed you and your bride didn't invite them than that they come and show themselves and embarrass you two. I do think know

2. If it isn't possible not to invite them, let your bride not wear cleavage baring wedding gown on that day. Reason being that your friends have probably not changed and may use the bride and groom dance session to spray money up your bride's ch**t and stylishly touch her there 'for the last time'. The one that happened a few years ago, it was DJ that stopped the music just in time before the whole thing popped out...

Finally, I suspect you love her, so I won't say don't marry her. What I would say is, if you decide to go ahead, prepare to move to a new city to start afresh if your friends don't change.

Hope this helps.

sowilli:
sex is small.... very small. Sex cannot be compared to money. Sex is important, money is important but they do not solve the same purpose. See relationship struggles are not what sex can solve. Will you start bothering about who and who your partner has slept with. See as long as you didn’t marry a Virgin, don’t make this your business. A woman who has slept with 5 men in her life time and these men are your friends and a woman who has slept with 500 men, which would you choose? See we are in the other person’s life to make them better. As log as the individual is remorseful and ready to grow, don’t bother about it. Would you be happy having sex with a nagging wife or girl friend, for me it’s a No. you see why I said sex is a small part. Ask couples who are not happy in their relationship if sex is a major reason.

A woman who has slept with 5 men in her life time and these men are your friends and a woman who has slept with 500 men, which would you choose?


I am sorry,I can't marry a lady that has slept with my friend..thanks

MNDY:


Some people say the Law is flawed. What do you think?
I know it concerns banging an ex and all.

t here is an exception to eat every law does not make the law invalid

Pafoma:


Thanks for your contribution

You should pay attention to crackhaus. I am even in a similar situation as we speak. We had a thing, the guy knew about it and still went ahead to marry the chick. Let's just say he is not having the best of married life as far as peace of mind goes.

And you know why my situation is bad? If the man provokes his wife and she feels like having revenge séx, guess whose number is on speed dial

Welcome to your future

BraniacX:
I can feel your pain bro, been there too, especially when such girl is supersexy and her sex game is on point, I wanted to settle with mine too but luck shined on me and I met someone far better, not in terms of looks or sex, but in terms of character, personality and companionship, a wife is a soulmate bro, meaning she must be a friend and companion first, someone who subconsciously shares your burden and joys as if it were hers, if this girl of yours is that to you then carry on, otherwise if it is all affairs of the flesh then find someone else because I like to believe marriage is for life

You are lucky..

Run.

You don't have rest in your spirit... that is the biggest sign you need.

Pafoma:


Unfortunately,i wont and cannot be dating her and date someone else, not even have a side chic. it is either i am in or out.

I am way passed the age of childishness or youthful exuberance. Many of the people commenting here are saying she is cheating, but in my original post, i am sure i mentioned these things were in her past and she is working on herself.. i see the obvious changes too although she is not there yet

How old are you OP...? .

Are you 40 years old??
So, why do you seem desperate??

Leave that girl alone!!

My brother, this people hardly changes, most traits that destroy marriages are seen during courtship but overlooked in the name of feelings and love, think twice before you become divorcée, that's if you survive the heartbreak, I don't know but can u drive that spirit away all by yourself

Yinibixema:

Okafor’s law is everywhere and you can download the law on google

Send him the Pdf version