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My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls - Romance (4) - Nairaland

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Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Roozzaay(m): 11:14pm On Dec 07, 2019
Loladearewa01:
I am a staunch introvert, the kind that stays at home all day I really hate small talks and I can't talk to people for more than 5minutes.

When I call a lady hardly can we talk for a minute. Infact I hate calling. Now I had this experience when I visited my aunty and an ex of mine happen to stay in the same compound.

I noticed her boo calls her for like 2hours and she's always laughing with him. This was when I started realising my mistake when I was with her I hardly call and communicate and this has been happening with most of the ladies I meet and things are not working out.

Is there anyone with similar experience?


My Niggar cheesy cheesy
Do we have a club or special thread yet?
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Fairview1: 11:17pm On Dec 07, 2019
Trailblazer93:

You can't be a Sanguine and say you are an introvert. Sanguine and Choleric are never introvert. You are either melancholy or phlegmatic. You can do further reading on personality traits/types

Modified Boss. It was actually a mistake. But corrected long before I saw this your mention. Thanks for the corrections. I appreciate them alot.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Deicide: 11:23pm On Dec 07, 2019
First of all relationship should be 50/50 don't allow any girl to make you do more in a relationship cool . I also hate calling people except if it is something important, small talks disgust me. Most of that 2hr convo you are jealous of is mostly about them repeating the same question on and on.

Find an intelligent introvert or even an extrovert that you can chat with or talk with, an extrovert would bring you out of your shell and since most of the convo would be intelligent and meaningful convo you would also have something to contribute. but i must warn you finding a intelligent 9ja girl can be mission impossible! grin and besides most 9ja girls are very selfish and would not understand you. lipsrsealed

4 Likes

Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by gabicon: 11:29pm On Dec 07, 2019
Loladearewa01:
I am a staunch introvert, the kind that stays at home all day I really hate small talks and I can't talk to people for more than 5minutes.

When I call a lady hardly can we talk for a minute. Infact I hate calling. Now I had this experience when I visited my aunty and an ex of mine happen to stay in the same compound.

I noticed her boo calls her for like 2hours and she's always laughing with him. This was when I started realising my mistake when I was with her I hardly call and communicate and this has been happening with most of the ladies I meet and things are not working out.

Is there anyone with similar experience?

Every sphere of life is governed by relationship, be it work, social sphere, sports, politics etc. Your inability to effectively communicate is not just going to affect your love life it will affect all other areas of your life. The first suggestion to mastery in effective communication is listening, when you master the act of listening, you will be amazed how little you have to talk. There is a difference between listening and hearing, when your brain is processing information in other to deliver a robust response you are hearing but when your brain is simply trying to understand what the other individual is saying you are listening.

Secondly communication is characterized by interest, so if you talk to me about artificial hair or make up I will probably won't be able to communicate seamlessly compared to when you ask me about finance, tech, and venture capital. You need to know your audience interest to be able to communicate effectively with them.

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by odikomo1(m): 11:30pm On Dec 07, 2019
Bob Marley said 'no matter how you treat him, man will never be satisfied'.

OP please stay in your calling rate o. Save your energy and resources; for in this life, the competition to satisfy is endless.

1 Like

Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by harrend(m): 11:51pm On Dec 07, 2019
hmmm i thought i was d only one oo ..although i just started socializing and am improving and can hold a discussion for minutes.
Most times when extremly social girls around my home come to find out my personality, they start disturbing me. A girl i was a kind of close to was always wanting me to initiate d discussion and i dont like disturbance so i just stayed on my own..

1 Like

Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by noCAP(m): 11:51pm On Dec 07, 2019
nanceeleecious:

Nah, Ambiverts Rock
lol, kinda true sha. Balance is the spice of life
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by golddare: 11:52pm On Dec 07, 2019
Relax, there's someone out there for you. Just be real and let the person knows you don't talk much.
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by benzzyno(m): 12:10am On Dec 08, 2019
lilwetdick:
soon the AFC(average frustrated chumps of nairaland) will soon show up here with their stupidity telling you to go and hustle and stop thinking about women.

no woman is going to understand who you are because they gat no time and have their own problem

and you arent going to meet any girl that has the same interest like you do, most women will just pretend that they love what you love to make you happy

just because you are a stunt introvert does not stop you from having fun in life, you just have to come out from your shell and meet with people to improve your communication skills, understand small talk, build up your confidence by not giving a fucck, read a little bits of things and it not compulsory that you must talk with a woman on phone for 2 hours and stop comparing yourself with your ex present bf.


.. Ur a Rational Male.. Ur already in the manosphere.. I bet you spin alot. grin
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by chibyke02(m): 12:11am On Dec 08, 2019
iClef:
Open your Google and search for the book ChatDícted or FemaleSextapes. Download and read, then thank me later.

Modified: Here is the download link of the free version of ChatDîcted https://shop.wetclef.com/download-chatdîcted/

Immediately I see dis post I started checking comments to see were my dating Coach will comment and after few scroll I saw it.
Bro I advise you read dis his prescription and also the ChatDícted 1&2. It will help.

1 Like

Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by CSTR2: 12:13am On Dec 08, 2019
Just learn to look harder.
You would never find your type of girls among most of the girls in your street, church or close circle.
NA talkative bimbos dey everywhere and are easy to notice and those are not your type.

You need to look harder. They hide a lot, but are very intelligent.
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by khiaa(f): 12:17am On Dec 08, 2019
Loladearewa01:
I am a staunch introvert, the kind that stays at home all day I really hate small talks and I can't talk to people for more than 5minutes.

When I call a lady hardly can we talk for a minute. Infact I hate calling. Now I had this experience when I visited my aunty and an ex of mine happen to stay in the same compound.

I noticed her boo calls her for like 2hours and she's always laughing with him. This was when I started realising my mistake when I was with her I hardly call and communicate and this has been happening with most of the ladies I meet and things are not working out.

Is there anyone with similar experience?
. The word is INABILITY not ability.
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by tiwiex(m): 12:20am On Dec 08, 2019
CreepyBlackpool:
Why do you feel you have to be the one to do the calling and checking up and communicating. Why can't the girls put in effort into communicating too.

The only reason you feel you can't have conversations with girls is because you haven't met girls that you have similar interests with. When you eventually meet someone that shares your love and passion for certain things, you won't have shortage of things to discuss.

What you need is somebody that will understand who and what you are, simple

He didn't mention his interests. What is he passionate about? He needs to build his conversation around that. Everyone is passionate about something. Even if na foot mat sef. Women like the most unusual gists men.
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Nobody: 12:23am On Dec 08, 2019
Aspire for better things and the ladies will toast you.

1 Like

Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Nature8(m): 12:32am On Dec 08, 2019
Loladearewa01:
I am a staunch introvert, the kind that stays at home all day I really hate small talks and I can't talk to people for more than 5minutes.

When I call a lady hardly can we talk for a minute. Infact I hate calling. Now I had this experience when I visited my aunty and an ex of mine happen to stay in the same compound.

I noticed her boo calls her for like 2hours and she's always laughing with him. This was when I started realising my mistake when I was with her I hardly call and communicate and this has been happening with most of the ladies I meet and things are not working out.

Is there anyone with similar experience?


Same thing is happening to me, I wanna learn also
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Dumte(m): 12:36am On Dec 08, 2019
CreepyBlackpool:
Why do you feel you have to be the one to do the calling and checking up and communicating. Why can't the girls put in effort into communicating too.

The only reason you feel you can't have conversations with girls is because you haven't met girls that you have similar interests with. When you eventually meet someone that shares your love and passion for certain things, you won't have shortage of things to discuss.

What you need is somebody that will understand who and what you are, simple

Kneel down let me pray for you
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by sophiathefirst: 12:45am On Dec 08, 2019
Loladearewa01:

I feel I should just accept myself for who I am
You have two options. Try to be better version of urself, by improving on itself confidence or u remain redundant as with that Ur last saying of accepting who u re.
Try to be better, especially with Ur confidence. Then one thing I am sure of, is that the extroverted girls with find Ur calm & introvert nature intriguing and attractive.
Like Khafi & Gedoni
Alex & Leo
That's nature. U will like extroverts while they like the introvert guys.
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Dumte(m): 12:47am On Dec 08, 2019
Brother you are alone in this issue. Shyness is a disease
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by GregJames(m): 12:48am On Dec 08, 2019
My brother lick rochi, you go talk tire!

2 Likes

Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Horiolah(m): 12:50am On Dec 08, 2019
wittyt98:
this is so me grin mine is so worse that even when I'm at home, I don't like sitting where the rest of my family are gathered to avoid talking or conversing with anyone . I prefer to stay in my room all alone , listen to music and daydream grin even at work I don't talk much buh i smile at every given opportunity. I'm the type of person that'll give a 15-20 seconds reply to a particular topic other people are spending 2-5 minutes talking about. I've chased away a good number of potential friends cus I can't keep up with conversations or friendships. Feels like stress. it's why I avoid relationships too and just flirt cus I dont think I can keep up with the stress that comes along with dating. I see how my colleagues talk with their girlfriends on the phone for hours and I'm like naaaah this can never be me

Mad oo!!
Dude, are you me??
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by SkinnyNigga: 1:08am On Dec 08, 2019
mtcheeew
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by OneKinGuy(m): 1:32am On Dec 08, 2019
traihit:


One thing that has helped me is seeing American or British movies and ensuring I hear every word in it most especially when there's no subtitle. Another way is reading a wide variety of books. These two ways are the little push you can successfully give yourself.

You'll be surprised one day when someone will bring up an idea you've heard about in a movie or read about in a book. At this point, the knowledge you have will force you to talk and you'll find yourself talking effortlessly.

Another way is to identify your most comfortable zone (your Fri ends whom you can discuss anything with). When you identify them, always look for opportunity to discuss ideas with them especially in the areas where you're most interested. This will make them respect and will inform your brain that you have something to offer. Knowing this, you'll never find it difficult to communicate.

Right now, I'm still working on myself too but like Ben Franklin, I'm more comfortable writing down ideas than explaining them. But with my closest friends, explaining ideas is as good as writing them.
.
Thanks for this. Well, I watch a lot of American movies expecially Romantic Comedy. Over the past few months, I have increased my urge of reading digital Development books.
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by generationz(f): 1:38am On Dec 08, 2019
Loladearewa01:

Wow this makes alot of sense. I am a man of few words but lately I am beginning to be insecure about that

John Legend doesn't talk too much but have you seen Chrisy Teigen his wife?


Her extroversion is off the hook.

1 Like

Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Dgreatman10: 2:19am On Dec 08, 2019
Loladearewa01:

Really. It's like you speaking through me. I always run away when I see people to avoid small talks. My room is locked 247 to worsen things am into freelance I.T so I work from home
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by HYZIK619(m): 2:31am On Dec 08, 2019
shit happens
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by HYZIK619(m): 2:33am On Dec 08, 2019
yea I was a chronic, creepy and weird introvert i think even more than you but I made a good use of my personality and improved .....it wasn't easy in fact am still improving daily.... the thing is most introverts don't know that being an introvert it's not just a curse but also a blessing in itself...the minds of an introverts are abounding resources which if untapped or misused could be fatal....our minds are very special we think differently,we see our world from many angles some due to factors from childhood to adulthood that changed our behaviour first mentally which extend to our lives physically as we grow, check yourself ....let me share a childhood memory.....been a boy riding a bicycle was paramount cos i saw others kids riding it which I tried and fell, bruise some knees and stuff but I never stopped and was almost been good at it until the ultimate blow happened..... running my bike at max speed straight into these Lagos gutter...coming out all black and socked in my pile of shit 2 street away from mine, holding the bicycle while my mates laughed,chant and sang songs in my name from there till they got to my house..... I some how never overcame the trauma of that day and as am speaking to you I don't know how to ride a bicycle..... But the good thing was being a loner and the home alone syndrome gave me time to study about my strength and weaknesses to cover loop holes..

I was determined to put myself out there no matter what.

I was ready to fail and win and fail dusting myself up and moving on didn't give a Bleep about what people said.... they must talk and always find something weird about your life.
I remembered talking in public and communicating with girls gave me a lot of problems I was damn good in chatting ohh those glorious days of 2go, eskimi and co.... so I decided to reach further and break more grounds in calls cos talking on the phone was a weakness.... every time i was always held at gun point stammering, going gaga and stuff from one edge to the other in my room like a madman......but I moved from 1mins to later 20mins and even higher now.... going on date was worse cos I was also held at gun point but these time the gun was pointing at my fucking balls..... I started simple first with the ugly climbing to the badass

i made plans before any adventure..... getting informed, reading a lot of different things pertaining to what I want to do....

I think too much before doing things but sometimes I just do it without hesitation and it's a 50/50 chance good or bad.

back then since I can't communicate well to draw the girls I use my skill as backbone and it worked like magic....i was good in Art, singing, even my computer nerdity was a charm to some so try that

girls who understands me liked me for who I am I don't force it or pretend to be someone else...... I mingled in group of girls to boost confidence and understand them better cos before I can't even seat beside a girl for a minute without feeling very nervous especially the ones am crushing on

I looked for different ways to boost my confidence.... like dressing the way I want people to address me which really build my self confidence because people believe what they see and first impression matters

getting friends that can talk was very helpful to my mission....

use of good English with a spice of humor to blend it did a lot

people saying go for the money.... yes money is good but have seen guys with money and cars and they can't still talk to girls not to talk of asking a girl out...... asking friends for help ,when will they learn its a shame which Portrait weakness and later will later blow at there faces......

these are some of the few things I did now I can speak, sing publicly I still go back to my shell to reflect cos that's who I am but I still move out to challenge my fears in other fields of weaknesses

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Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by LIMELIGHTCRAZY: 3:18am On Dec 08, 2019
Just look for an introvert like you shikena




send your funny/unusual/interesting/weird/scary video to limelightcrazy@outlook.com
IG limelightNigeria
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Nobody: 3:41am On Dec 08, 2019
Loladearewa01:
I am a staunch introvert, the kind that stays at home all day I really hate small talks and I can't talk to people for more than 5minutes.

When I call a lady hardly can we talk for a minute. Infact I hate calling. Now I had this experience when I visited my aunty and an ex of mine happen to stay in the same compound.

I noticed her boo calls her for like 2hours and she's always laughing with him. This was when I started realising my mistake when I was with her I hardly call and communicate and this has been happening with most of the ladies I meet and things are not working out.

Is there anyone with similar experience?

Forget the 2 hours call drama. Maybe she faked the call on sighting you. You sef come fall grin tongue...
Anyways I believe you can be open to them by telling them you're not good at talking for long hours o. That way they'll understand and respect you. I don't think you can start doing it just over night since its not your nature. You'll only get frustrated along the line and withdraw las las by what time you would have created a wrong impression which might make you to meet the wrong person and end up hurting her. Let people learn to accept you for who you are.
Its not a crime to not be a loquacious fellow grin

4 Likes

Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by elipheleh(m): 3:57am On Dec 08, 2019
Loladearewa01:
I am a staunch introvert, the kind that stays at home all day I really hate small talks and I can't talk to people for more than 5minutes.

When I call a lady hardly can we talk for a minute. Infact I hate calling. Now I had this experience when I visited my aunty and an ex of mine happen to stay in the same compound.

I noticed her boo calls her for like 2hours and she's always laughing with him. This was when I started realising my mistake when I was with her I hardly call and communicate and this has been happening with most of the ladies I meet and things are not working out.

Is there anyone with similar experience?

Your problem is you can not do small talks. A qik guildline. Notice the same questions I will always repeat but with different time frame:

Ring ring ring....
Me: (praises or hailing). My sweetheart. Finest. The girl we dey skip my heart
Girl : blushing. Bla bla bla

Time... 10 sec passed
Me: how are you?
Girl: Answers.
Me: are you just waking up? / How's work ? (Depending on what I guess at that moment. )
Time... 1 minute passed
Girl: Answers bla bla bla.
We debate it a bit with small teasing (I call her sleepy sleepy or just any appropriate teasing names ). She smiles.

Now to the main parts

Me: HOW Has your day been.?
She answers
Me: what have you been doing today?
She answers
Me: when you woke up this morning, what did you do?
She answers. I dressed bed. Bathe. Did this and this...Bla bla bla
Me: after that what else did you do
She answers bla bla bla.
Me: when you reached school (Orr work) what did you do first?
She answers I did bla bla bla.

Note: at here or any point her answer might bring up another topic and will divert a bit and ask her little about that topic and when I exhaust the new topic I come back to my repeated questions with changed times.

Me: you mean you reached late for work(or for lectures as the case may be)?
She answers.
Me: Diversion. What did that wicked boss./lecture do ?
She still answering
Me: ah ahh but you know it's not good now.
She answering. I know it not my fault...she's still talking and I'm talking at same time with advicing words.
Me : well we are all humans sha and we can make mistakes
She feels a bit like I understand her
Me: ( I support her here) But that your boss/lecturer too dry para o.is he � mad?
She answers or not.
Me: as that happened what next did you say?
She answers
Me.: after that time what did you do?
She answers.
Me.: how may lectures do you have today?
She answers
Me: after that lecture dud you go for the next?
She answers
Me: did the lecturer come?. Did you finish the task at work?
She answers
Me: Diversion. What crazy things happened on that class. Any thing remarkable at that task (or office ) today?
She answers
Me: after that what next did you do?.
Me: (SOMETIMES YOU MAY ASK FUTURE QUESTIONS IF YOU HAVE EXHAUSTED PAST QUEESTIOS).
After this our phone call what do you plan on doing.?
Me: after that one what next?
Me: after bathing what's next?
Me: after eating won't you rest. Ehnn it's true have you eaten?
Diversion...what did you eat? What are planning on eating? Why do like that food? Tease her. Is that not what you ate this morning I called you?
Me: after that what will you do next?
Me: who's is th office with you? Who's in your room? What about your sisters.? DIVERSION. ...what are they doing?. Don't let your your boss catch you making calls o during work hours. I won't give you salary and feeding money. Hmm mm. Teasing..
Me.: as I was saying what next did you do after that?

....

.....

Note. My pattern of asking her question. After that what did you do? After he said that what did you say to him back? Diversion to other topics a little. Return back after that what did you then do. ?

If you follow this pattern it will build your rapport confidence and you can talk for 2 hours and the girl will appreciate you as a good conversationist. Meanwhile she's the one doing all the talking. Girls like talking about themselves. A bit selfish yes. But it's too your shy advantage.

I'd you follow this, I give you 2 weeks you won't need it again. You become a pro in talking phone game.

How do I know this. ?
I was worse than you in same problem before
I studied my elder bro on his phone calls. He is a narural in this phone game. I shamelessly eavesdropped on him until I noticed this pattern.

4 Likes

Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by LeonMacJames(m): 4:15am On Dec 08, 2019
Loladearewa01:
I am a staunch introvert, the kind that stays at home all day I really hate small talks and I can't talk to people for more than 5minutes.

When I call a lady hardly can we talk for a minute. Infact I hate calling. Now I had this experience when I visited my aunty and an ex of mine happen to stay in the same compound.

I noticed her boo calls her for like 2hours and she's always laughing with him. This was when I started realising my mistake when I was with her I hardly call and communicate and this has been happening with most of the ladies I meet and things are not working out.

Is there anyone with similar experience?

Yup, seen ehn Ogbeni leave girls and make money, the girls would be the ones dropping missed calls and leading conversations.

I am great at conversing, but I chose to withdraw, to be free from the pedestal I put myself on. A lot of girls I used to have their attention have drifted away, the only ones I mind are those that mind me.

Long story short, I have never experienced peace of mind like this.


Nonetheless, if you're bent on getting a girlfriend, you would have to do some investigative work, never assume ... Always ask direct questions.

Your conversations with girls should be you getting to know about their interests, and you can make informed decisions from their answers to do something that will fascinate them.


For example you can't get her an interesting novel if she's not interested in reading, nor would you talking about anime with Someone that doesn't even watch cartoons.

So ask questions a take notes.
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Ladycewhy(f): 4:20am On Dec 08, 2019
Always had a feeling most vocal abusive trolls here were introverts who were nothing but spineless cowards holding behind the keyboard . undecided
Re: My Poor Communication Ability Is Killing My Relationship With Girls by Pavarottii(m): 5:19am On Dec 08, 2019
Drosonogasta:

It's even jobless boys like u that call upto 10min cus hustlers like us don't even tym dial call. Thank u
Den wen u get the money won't u still communicate... Life is not all about making money... It's bigger than that... Wen u have the money u will understand wat am saying... Keep hustling tho...

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