Dear nairalanders, I need you honest advice on what to do. I am still a young man and any mistake now will have a grave effect on my future. So please, help a brother.

Be objective and consise please. It is a long narrative.

I have a girlfriend whom I have been dating for up to 10 months now. She has all the qualities of wife, friend and a partner. I mean, she prays for me, supports me and do many things that places her above average.

I've two issues that are bugging me;

First is, I just graduated from the University and started to follow the road map I designed for my life. I am hardworking, so I started doing business immediately after my defense. Interstate exports of perishables. While I was in school, I made a lot of money doing designs for students; I am a UI/UX designer. The problem here is that I can't account for all those monies I made. A lot of expenses especially for my girlfriend. Even till now, I am supposed to send her some money but will I continue like this? I need stability in my business and need to save more and need capital for the last mile logistics company I want to set up next year.

Second issue is; I recently returned from an event I attended in Lagos some days ago, I came back very late and was grossly tired. While we were chatting, she asked me some questions which I told her I was very tired and eventually, I slept off. My phone beside me till the next morning. Fast forward to yesterday, I told her of my intentions to concentrate more in building for the future - it doesn't mean our relationship would be off. She started asking questions like "do you need some space?" "Am I bugging you?" She also said I don't "speak her language enough" language here is bonding, intimacy and closure. I was surprised at her response.

I noticed she'd be online for a long time and won't reply me on time, so I asked her who she was chatting with and she replied someone. I ignored her. This morning she called, while we got talking I asked her about the person she was chatting with. She told me the guys name. And asked if I will forgive her of anything, I said yes. She now said, she was introduced to the guy and they got flirting from the day I came back from my journey and told her I was tired and needed to rest. Her excuse was that, I pushed her to and she just wanted someone to speak/talk to.

Now, my question is, Should I move on with my business and focus, or, should I continue with the relationship? I don't want to be with someone that gives up on me easily.

P.S I love her so much. And she does too. We've through a lot together.

Please moderators, help move this to front page for more contributions.

JustMe407:
Dear nairalanders, I need you honest advice on what to do. I am still a young man and any mistake now will have a grave effect on my future. So please, help a brother. Be objective and consise please. It is a long narrative.
I have a girlfriend whom I have been dating for up to 10 months now. She has all the qualities of wife, friend and a partner. I mean, she prays for me, supports me and do many things that places her above average.

I've two issues that are bugging me;
First is, I just graduated from the University and started to follow the road map I designed for my life. I am hardworking, so I started doing business immediately after my defense. Interstate exports of perishables. While I was in school, I made a lot of money doing designs for students; I am a UI/UX designer. The problem here is that I can't account for all those monies I made. A lot of expenses especially for my girlfriend. Even till now, I am supposed to send her some money but will I continue like this? I need stability in my business and need to save more and need capital for the last mile logistics company I want to set up next year.

Second issue is; I recently returned from an event I attended in Lagos some days ago, I came back very late and was grossly tired. While we were chatting, she asked me some questions which I told her I was very tired and eventually, I slept off. My phone beside me till the next morning. Fast forward to yesterday, I told her of my intentions to concentrate more in building for the future - it doesn't mean our relationship would be off. She started asking questions like "do you need some space?" "Am I bugging you?" She also said I don't "speak her language enough" language here is bonding, intimacy and closure. I was surprised at her response.
I noticed she'd be online for a long time and won't reply me on time, so I asked her who she was chatting with and she replied someone. I ignored her. This morning she called, while we got talking I asked her about the person she was chatting with. She told me the guys name. And asked if I will forgive her of anything, I said yes. She now said, she was introduced to the guy and they got flirting from the day I came back from my journey and told her I was tired and needed to rest. Her excuse was that, I pushed her to and she just wanted someone to speak/talk to.

Now, my question is, Should I move on with my business and focus, or, should I continue with the relationship? I don't want to be with someone that gives up on me easily.
P.S I love her so much. And she does too. We've through a lot together.
Please moderators, help move this to front page for more contributions.

funny thing is you know what to do but I'm guessing love has blinded you...SMH where tf! are your balls ma man?? Act like a man and do what has to be done, you see that truth you're trying very hard to ignore? E dey front dey wait you. Cheers

With the recent outrageous increase in the numbers of "Help/Rant" threads opened by guys on this section, I am moved to give my Nigerian sisters a standing ovation, a thunderous applaud and a heartfelt doff. They do wonders .


However, I wonder on what type of Men society breed these days.Cry babies? Hypocrites? or confused lots? I wonder!

to be very blunt with you, just move on and never look back. You owe yourself a glorious future, concentrate on your business while you look out for a better girl; a leopard will never change its spot, so be wise except you're comfortable being second-fiddle

Should i focus on my Business or my Girlfriend

Bros please focus on your Girlfriend

Spend all your money on Her even your Business Capital

She deserve to be Pampered




Well she also spending your awoof money on some other niggga who knows his worth


Continue my G
Your reward is in Heaven

I feel annoyed when i read stories about weaklings .

Smh .

Hmmm!

I've always been an advocate of this method...

Work hard until you are financially capable to cater for a family. Build your character until you become a personage that can qualify as a potential good husband, father and in law...

And then look for a good woman... try all possible means to know her and everything you need to know about her to decide if she's right for you... Engage her and marry her!

All these love, dating, boyfriend and girlfriend issues, most times, are "robbing" tactics...

And it falls on both sides...

many times, the females do it to "rob" the males of their money...

while on the other hand, the males do it to "rob" the female of their vagina.

Na the two genders dey suffer that "scam" they call relationship.

Well, as for the first issue, I don't know how the spending process goes.. is she the one that asks or you are the one that's just too generous and you give her without her asking or because you think she needs it and will likely ask?

If You are the one that's just too generous, then you limit your generosity. That will not only help you save more but will also be giving her message that she should adjust her expectations from you.

If she's the one that asks, Oga, limit what you give her and reject some of her requests.

It's during trying or difficult times that we know true friends. It may be when you start limiting your spending on her that you will know if she truly loves you or not.

As for the second issue... What your girlfriend did is a sign of what may happen or might have happened if the matter becomes more complicated than that.

Someone who easily gives in to seeking attention elsewhere when the two of you are not talking? That's dangerous.

I'm not saying that it will happen for sure but it's dangerous.

Have you not heard stories of women who had misunderstanding with their spouses and then they sought solace in another man until that other man capitalised on her emotional state and slept with her?

There were even cases where it did not happen once. The first time it happened, the woman began to enjoy the "company" of that other man and they ended up having sex several or many more times.

And in a marriage, misunderstandings will most likely happen every now and then. It's not something that can easily be avoided. So if it happens at a time when there's another man in the picture, only God knows where it'll eventually end.

It doesn't certainly define her but your girlfriend seems to have such weakness.

Therefore, I'm asking you now - not to just break up with her - but to use your sense and open your eyes very well. Try as much as possible to study her and ask wise people for advise concerning her so you will not have problems in your marriage.

By the way, Imes is coming

Riele:


I feel annoyed when i read stories about weaklings .

Smh .

I thought the Nigerian system for sexual matters is 18+?

What's this girl doing here?

Do we have any DSS on Nairaland? Come and carry this girl away from here

Nonsense and midnighter

Listen youngman! You don't need a damn drama in your life! Let me tell u lil story of mine!
Yesterday been 20th of December 2019 my gal friend who have been dating for just 2 months asked me on chat for money for Christmas hair 20k! I can afford it but what made me mad was I told her if she knew that 20k is somebody's salary and the fool replied " na poor person salary be that" since 24 hrs she has been calling have decided to snub her for a very long period of time! Just a galfriend what if I have her type like 5? Do u know the amount of prayer my sweet monther will pray for my head if I wire her 20k? Use your head youngman, your happiness is not tied around her!

Riele:


I feel annoyed when i read stories about weaklings .

Smh .

I feel annoyed when I see other people read stories from weaklings and I read it too.



At his age he is thinking of how to handle a girl when our previous leaders at this same age is thinking of planning coups and ruling a country.

Mr op. Tell her sorry. Take her to Shoprite and propose to her. Awaiting another thread from you. How my wife got pregnant outside wedlock. Una go hear word

IAmStrange:


I thought the Nigerian system for sexual matters is 18+?

What's this girl doing here?

Do we have any DSS on Nairaland? Come and carry this girl away from here

Nonsense and midnighter

Wow .

You didn't tell me you got a new job as Nairaland gateman .

Abeg shift .

Riele:


Wow .

You didn't tell you got a new job as Nairaland gateman .

Abeg shift .

It's like you want me to come down there and give that your tiny ass a good spanking?

IAmStrange:


It's like you want me to come down there and give that your tiny ass a good spanking?

Two words for you

EMPTY BARREL

you will be poor even with all your skills

Mark my word

This type of woman will ruin you financially and emotionally, you better leave her alone, when is it your responsibility to take care of a woman who has no disabilities.

Weak Christmas goat!

Face ur business

Young man the love in your eyes is affecting your brain really bad. Focus on your business and you will find a girl that is pocket friendly and doesn’t drain all your resources. Women come in categories this one pass your power

oyinpr:
funny thing is you know what to do but I'm guessing love has blinded you...SMH where tf! are your balls ma man?? Act like a man and do what has to be done, you see that truth you're trying very hard to ignore? E dey front dey wait you. Cheers

Thank you man. I will act accordingly.

TheApologist:
to be very blunt with you, just move on and never look back. You owe yourself a glorious future, concentrate on your business while you look out for a better girl; a leopard will never change its spot, so be wise except your comfortable being second-fiddle

Lol. Thank you. I will do as you said.

Riele:


Two words for you

EMPTY BARREL

Heeey!!!

I will deal with this girl oo ... Instead of you to be watching Spongebob Squarepants and what have you on Nickelodeon, you are here on Romance section

Oya, Afira! Get away from here now!

Otherwise, I will call for someone to sew up that vagina of yours that's just itching you anyhow

MistadeRegal:

You're still in love. And anyone in love is the most adamant person to ever advice. When you're awake, we can talk.

Let's talk man, I'm awake.

IAmStrange:


Heeey!!!

I will deal with this girl oo ... Instead of you to be watching Spongebob Squarepants and what have you on Nickelodeon, you are here on Romance section

Oya, Afira! Get away from here now!

Otherwise, I will call for someone to sew up that vagina of yours that's just itching you anyhow

TRASH !

Are you a pervert?

IAmStrange:
Hmmm!

I've always been an advocate of this method...

Work hard until you are financially capable to cater for a family. Build your character until you become a personage that can qualify as a potential good husband, father and in law...

And then look for a good woman... try all possible means to know her and everything you need to know about her to decide if she's right for you... Engage her and marry her!

All these love, dating, boyfriend and girlfriend issues, most times, are "robbing" tactics...

And it falls on both sides...

many times, the females do it to "rob" the males of their money...

while on the other hand, the males do it to "rob" the female of their vagina.

Na the two genders dey suffer that "scam" they call relationship.

Well, as for the first issue, I don't know how the spending process goes.. is she the one that asks or you are the one that's just too generous and you give her without her asking or because you think she needs it and will likely ask?

If You are the one that's just too generous, then you limit your generosity. That will not only help you save more but will also be giving her message that she should adjust her expectations from you.

If she's the one that asks, Oga, limit what you give her and reject some of her requests.

It's during trying or difficult times that we know true friends. It may be when you start limiting your spending on her that you will know if she truly loves you or not.

As for the second issue... What your girlfriend did is a sign of what may happen or might have happened if the matter becomes more complicated than that.

Someone who easily gives in to seeking attention elsewhere when the two of you are not talking? That's dangerous.

I'm not saying that it will happen for sure but it's dangerous.

Have you not heard stories of women who had misunderstanding with their spouses and then they sought solace in another man until that other man capitalised on her emotional state and slept with her?

There were even cases where it did not happen once. The first time it happened, the woman began to enjoy the "company" of that other man and they ended up having sex several or many more times.

And in a marriage, misunderstandings will most likely happen every now and then. It's not something that can easily be avoided. So if it happens at a time when there's another man in the picture, only God knows where it'll eventually end.

It doesn't certainly define her but your girlfriend seems to have such weakness.

Therefore, I'm asking you now - not to just break up with her - but to use your sense and open your eyes very well. Try as much as possible to study her and ask wise people for advise concerning her so you will not have problems in your marriage.

By the way, Imes is coming

Thank you so much. This has really helped in my judgement process. The said lady, and her family are a little handicapped financially. So you see the picture.
Also, she's someone who craves and loves attention. It's too much. Here is overly over 100%.

youngchopper:
Listen youngman! You don't need a damn drama in your life! Let me tell u lil story of mine!
Yesterday been 20th of December 2019 my gal friend who have been dating for just 2 months asked me on chat for money for Christmas hair 20k! I can afford it but what made me mad was I told her if she knew that 20k is somebody's salary and the fool replied " na poor person salary be that" since 24 hrs she has been calling have decided to snub her for a very long period of time! Just a galfriend what if I have her type like 5? Do u know the amount of prayer my sweet monther will pray for my head if I wire her 20k? Use your head youngman, your happiness is not tied around her!

Sure man. Our parents deserve more of everything. Thank you.

HRHQueenPhil:
how old are u?
i ask cos if both of u are in love, then put a ring on it
that will help her feel more secure...
more money spending, dosent she work?

We both just graduated lol. She finished top of her class with distinctions. We always talk about marriage though. 2023 is the goal.

youngchopper:
Listen youngman! You don't need a damn drama in your life! Let me tell u lil story of mine!
Yesterday been 20th of December 2019 my gal friend who have been dating for just 2 months asked me on chat for money for Christmas hair 20k! I can afford it but what made me mad was I told her if she knew that 20k is somebody's salary and the fool replied " na poor person salary be that" since 24 hrs she has been calling have decided to snub her for a very long period of time! Just a galfriend what if I have her type like 5? Do u know the amount of prayer my sweet monther will pray for my head if I wire her 20k? Use your head youngman, your happiness is not tied around her!

but some persons have guts. like how can you ask a guy you have been with for 2 months for 20k for hair, if its that easy I won't even work. and her reply shows how stupid she is.

JustMe407:
Dear nairalanders, I need you honest advice on what to do. I am still a young man and any mistake now will have a grave effect on my future. So please, help a brother. Be objective and consise please. It is a long narrative.
I have a girlfriend whom I have been dating for up to 10 months now. She has all the qualities of wife, friend and a partner. I mean, she prays for me, supports me and do many things that places her above average.

Clearly she's no longer interested as I don't see why a lady will lose interest immediately on the condition that she needed someone to talk to. Move on bro. Pay due attention to your business and see that it grows. Don't kill yourself over no woman.

You seem to be deeply in love that your senses are in disarray for you know the right path to take. Take it and damn the consequences. Life continues abeg.

No wonder ashewo dey trend on Twitter yesterday, that's the trait in her, na small small e dey start

JustMe407:


Thank you so much. This has really helped in my judgement process. The said lady, and her family are a little handicapped financially. So you see the picture.
Also, she's someone who craves and loves attention. It's too much. Here is overly over 100%.

How about you help her curb her excesses?

What exactly is she doing? How about you try to install the values of self worth, empowerment and independence in her then you try to help her find something worthy that she can be doing to earn money, to build on her character and personality and to pass time?

And then, try sitting her down and explain to her the dangers of craving for too much attention. This approach could solve the whole thing.

Some people have bad habits but they have not fallen into situations or being in an environment or around people that can make them know that habit is bad. So they don't know and if someone were to advise them, they could change.

Sit her down, tell her how much you were offended by what she did and advise her concerning craving too much attention.

And doing this coupled with doing what I suggested above can help solve those two problems you have with her.

But all the same use your sense and open your eyes.