i am involved with a Nigerian man. he is from ABA state. a full igbo man. i met him seven years ago. when i met him i was a prostitute and him he just came newly in the country. he was always holding a holy Bible, preaching salvation to me. then i didn't know God. Glory be to God through him i receive my salvation and turn my life around. we rented a place where he started cooking Nigerian food. i use to go around to deliver food and also help with other things beside cooking as i didn't know yet how to cook Niger food. God with his mercy made everything possible, now he has three shops by special grace of God and he brought 3 of his nieces here. he bought 2 cars which i am not allowed to even drive one in my own country. he started to show me his true colors from no where, when i told him i am pregnant. he told me to abort the baby cause he is married with two kids and his family are in Canada. well i told him i am ready to swallow my shame, i raised my first son alone so God will make a way for me. my nine months was hell as he made it possible for me to vomit the pregnancy if possible. he was now changing women like lady under wear, that is not my problem. i am working for him in his business which he is not giving me any money for myself. i mean like buying cosmetics or cloths, or what of my first son which he met me with. thank God I DELIVER a baby boy,He named him chiwendu. he love his son like nobody's business and he forget he wanted to kill him inside the womb. well i try ed so may times to talk to him but he is playing games and giving me hopes of mission impossible. i told him that i followed him for love not money after all he was not having anything, i am the one who assisted him to have a base here. we are not married. due to he is the one holding his money and i was so stupidly inlove not to safe for myself anytime he goes home. now i beg him to push me and my children out as i can see he is not ready to marry me beside i am not ready to stay with a married man, now that i know.i am a woman and i am not growing younger, my kids are growing so fast and i want the best for them. he promised me so many times to push me out (travel) and anytime when that time reach, he will say another story. what can i do now as i don't have money, even to start my own business. i trapped my self because of love. i ask myself how did i get into this kind of relationship in the first place. six months ago i caught him with my blood younger sister, which he apologies,i am pretending i have forgiven him, i am waiting to be on my own so that i can really tell him piece of my mind that he don't know. he calls me a fool, idiot or illiterate sometimes in front of his younger once. i am pretended to be fine but deep inside i am not. i have no where to go as far as my country is concerned. i asked him not to keep me longer than it is. he has his own family, so why all this? i am the first of 3 girls in my family, so any problem is on my head.no one is working. how do i come out of this mess? please help me out. i only manage by stealing small small money from him but that is not good. if i talk too much about how he is treating me, he will remind me that he picked me up on the street today i have a mouth to talk. if i caught him with a woman, he will tell me not to complain after all when he met me, how many men were sleeping with me? i told him those men were paying me unlike him its free., i am 31 my kids are 14 and 3 years.

So let us get this straight. You guys are not and were never married so he did not use you to get papers _{before some peers start making this an issue}

What country are you in . . can you file for child support? If so, pls do it quickly.

He obviously does not want you . . forget about the bible - a lot of people (both male and female) use it obviously dubious reasons.

But you did say that he loves his son . .hopes he takes care of him too.

You need to get a job so you can be independent of him and take care of your own. 

Dont forget about the child support!

Seriously i feel for u,as kokoye asked were r u located,for ur own sake i op its nt nija,cos if it is u r in a helpess state wen it cums to child support,ma advice,try and find somethin doin(nt ur former job)then support ur kids,cos i dnt think he is ready to help,b independent dnt depend on him,i wish u all da best

A so pathetic story . . . .Look Just try getting a job . . Be independent . , . . I pray Almighty God makes things easy for you!

Get a job and move out or kick him out, there is nothing else that you can do. And ask help from women organisations and any help that you can get from the government. There are places that will be able to give you temporary accomodation(depending which country you are in) until you get back to your feet and don't consider to go back to your old way of life, it's not worth it either. The man is married to somebody else but he messes around and lives with you for years now (what do you expect from this kind of man who will leave his wife to mess around??), he mistreated you, he obviously doesn't respect you and he doesn't love you. Sorry if I sound harsh but you need to WAKE UP. From what I read you don't love him either and how could you. So stop waiting for the impossible, he will never change, build your self-esteem and move on. And no reason to carry on working on his business if he doesn't pay you, use your time contructively to improve your life and your kids' lives. You are only 31, still very very young to turn your life round. Also consider to register in a course if you can, to study something or learn a new skill in order to build your self-esteem, to believe in your ability and advance your employment prospects? You have worked for years in catering business with him so why don't you consider to seek employment in a restaurant, hotel or something like this for the time being?

Last he is not fair to you but you are not fair to yourself either and that's worst. If you think that he can be a good father to your son (how someone can be a good father though when he has a wife and kids to another country and he still live and messes around with anothe woman) try to involve him on his life but for the time being concentrate on your self and how you can build a stable environment for your kids. You have to put them first and not to wait a selfish man to change. Does his wife and kids know about your existence?

which country are u?

what a sad story but for you to make a head way you have to find away and start something for yourself or you remain enslaved to him for life cos from your story he is not willing to let you go.so brave up and fight for your freedom.cheers.

itz important to state the country you're in, where's the dude from?

my country is South Africa. thanks for all the advices, care and most of all thanks to all who send me their prayers, GOD will never forget you all. i feel better now, i know my tomorrow is coming. thanks guys

It is unfortunate that you live in South Africa. I dont know how things are run over there so i wouldnt know how to advise u. If it were to be in Nigeria, i could have given u a temporary job to start with. Nonetheless, it is never too late for u to break free and seek help. All it should take is determination on ur part. I also understand that u will need some money to stand on your own. You can do this by trying to find a job first. It could be as a sales girl or if you know how to make hair or sew clothes, u can just work as an assistant to someone who owns a shop. Pls do not let anyone take advantage of you ever again. Believe in yourself. I will remember u in my prayers and i hope u get there someday.

leave the man alone he does not want you.thank God he helped you to find your way from the st but you need to move out and find your feet its going to be rough but you have to be brave.Since you know God he will not leave you.

LORD have mercy on us WOMEN

sincerely speaking i am speechless, i know we re humans and are bound to make mistakes but this is the height of it all

how could you go ahead and have another kid for him after all he put you through with the first

its like you are trapped, how did you cope for 14 years if he really possess the attitude you wrote down?

how can you be with a Man who treats you like trash? and indirectly telling you, you are nothing to him but waste

honey please i beg you find a way to get out of that cage you call a home

y me thank you for the advice, please i am having one child with him age 3 yrs. i have my first son who is 14 yrs before i met him. he is the father of my younger son not the older son. today is 7 years since i met him. thanks

D man no doubt took you off the streets to feather his nest as it were,but one thing that gladdens my heart is,you are not thinking of going back to your former profession;I just want to encourage you to be bold-from your story,you helped him build his business to the level it is-there must definitely be a way for you to compensate yourself;pls don't allow him to intimidate you. SPEAK OUT.Learned or not,you are above all else,a human being;I pray God will send you help.

Ifedisky:
itz important to state the country you're in, where's the dude from?

from ABA state.

which kind yeye born again ,DAT man be sef,stopped you from paid prostitution and invited u to unpaid prostitution,if na financial help u dey seek from here,your own na Oyo,u best steal his money and run,dey dere dey do I love him with married man mtcheeeew