OAM4J:

Dont worry he will consider your alternative point of view sometimes. In the meantime, pls take him to Daddy and get us a date, may be my coming home will tally with the date, at least I want to see the multimillionaire whose money you are about to miscalculate.

Lol    

Leave date matter jor . . . . I still need to try out the 'fish' you promised me. You know I go to the higest bidder na    

I wouldn't want to rush in and short-change myself!        

@@

babasoty:

me know ? , don't know----so who is this person?

Haba don't lie jare . . . . you know who!      

Haba don't lie jare . . . . you know who!

ur just so funny, i still don't know sha, I pray someday u tell us all

Ujujoan:

So you are saying that a man should be all-knowing? There's no way you know EVERYTHING for christ sakes.    

you know how silly a guy would sound if he told a girl that the fact that he is in her life is enough reason for her to do better. . .? all na diplomacy. It's the same way people advocate saying when you do X it makes me feel Y, i'd rather you did Z instead of i dont like it when you do X

see ehn. . .

you need to deal with us carefully. . .flatter our egos while steering us in the direction you want us to go. . .you might mean well, but how you go about it just might become your undoing in the end. . .

like they say, the best intentions dont always bring about the best actions. . .

chaircover:

I am going to talk out of both sides of my mouth here and say that no woman wants a push over, Yes ma, walk over weak husband.

However, women are individuals before wifes and mothers etc and you cannot totally remove that from them.
A clever & diplomatic man will still have the final say without the other party feeling as if the descision was rammed down their throat.

. . . .but lets be clear on this, that there is a very fine line between control and showing love.

That's what I've been trying to say!

   

netotse:

you know how silly a guy would sound if he told a girl that the fact that he is in her life is enough reason for her to do better. . .? all na diplomacy. It's the same way people advocate saying when you do X it makes me feel Y, i'd rather you did Z instead of i dont like it when you do X

see ehn. . .

you need to deal with us carefully. . .flatter our egos while steering us in the direction you want us to go. . .you might mean well, but how you go about it just might become your undoing in the end. . .

like they say, the best intentions dont always bring about the best actions. . .

I didn't mean it that way . . . I just think I have better ideas that could be explored instead of continually making the same mistake! Of course I could be wrong, but hey dont I deserve to be heard at least?

babasoty:

your just so funny, i still don't know sha, I pray someday u tell us all

Lol . .

Ujujoan:

I didn't mean it that way . . . I just think I have better ideas that could be explored instead of continually making the same mistake! Of course I could be wrong, but hey dont I deserve to be heard at least?

Lol . .

yep. . .i was trying to tell you that the vehicle by which you achieve your goals should be stealth. . .no need for you to tell him your idea is better, just get him to carry out your idea in the end. . .

Ujujoan:

Lol    

Leave date matter jor . . . . I still need to try out the 'fish' you promised me. You know I go to the higest bidder na    

I wouldn't want to rush in and short-change myself!        

yeah right, I just put a call to the fish, he needs your current pictures (no photoshop pls), statements of all your accounts (just to confirm how you manage /mismanage/miscalculate money) and your CV, pls send then asap cos there are many candidates to consider 

On a serious note, pls take your time and be sure you are ready to accommodate this man's weakness b4 you say 'I do', chaircover was right about the headache/migraine analogy. The chances of someone changing his personality in marriage is slim. But I also think you have the capacity to adjust and accommodate things, and you can learn the wisdom to 'manipulate' things to your advantage. Just be be very sure before you sign off your future.

netotse:

yep. . .i was trying to tell you that the vehicle by which you achieve your goals should be stealth. . .no need for you to tell him your idea is better, just get him to carry out your idea in the end. . .

I guess u r right sha!

OAM4J:

yeah right, I just put a call to the fish, he needs your current pictures (no photoshop pls), statements of all your accounts (just to confirm how you manage /mismanage/miscalculate money) and your CV, pls send then asap cos there are many candidates to consider

On a serious note, pls take your time and be sure you are ready to accommodate this man's weakness b4 you say 'I do', chaircover was right about the headache/migraine analogy. The chances of someone changing his personality in marriage is slim. But I also think you have the capacity to adjust and accommodate things, and you can learn the wisdom to 'manipulate' things to your advantage. Just be be very sure before you sign off your future.

Awwww . . . he cares!

Thanks for d advice . . .

Oh crap . . . I don't want this on the front page!

mutter:

yodiyokun, I could just give you a hug!!!
It is clear that you are a real emancipated woman. Emancipated enough to appreciate being treated as a woman.
And you certainly are right, on the long haul things change. I remember the first car I bought when dating. I picked it without consulting my husband. By the time we were married we both went looking out for a car together. The last car we bought, I was not even in the mood to go looking, I did not care about anything, even when he brought home the car I could not even be bothered to go down and look at it immediately. Just looked out of the window and said it was okay.
Bukittes you can learn from yodiyokins words, I would advice you to learn them like a little prayer and keep repeating it to yourself.
You crave to be emancipated but are not yet there. After years of marriage, with kids and responsibilities do you want to hold a conference over every trivial issue?
I think you insult Uju by saying that women see guys as a means to fulfil their needs. I did not access her for one moment in such a way. She seems totally independent , just a little scared of getting caged in.
Are you educated enough to appreciate the real role of a woman. Do you know that equality is actually detrimental to women in some cases.
This emancipation thing !! Some women enslave themselves without even knowing it.
We work hard, come home do the house chores, have children etc. Then take on the typical men`s chores. That is over tasking. All because we want to prove to one man that we are equal. That is stupidity.
Let my husband think he is King kong, so far he does the work assigned to King kong.
The other day I asked my husband to give one of the children's room a fresh coat of paint and he told me I could do it myself. Women in Europe do such things with great pleasure. I told him I was an African woman and not emancipated, he should please do it himself. Fancy trying to transfer the workload on me. I would have been a fool to fall for that cheap bait.
When my car breaks down, I step out and make my way home, the rest is left to him. The other day he commented that I just step into my car, turn the key and drive off, not caring about any checks, not even petrol. I blew him a kiss and told him that`s why I married him. How silly can one get. Take care of the kids, cook etc and then also doing the man`s job.
Even when I make silly mistakes and he wants to blame me, I turn the tables and blame him. He is the man, the wiser one, he should have guided me right, that is his duty as my husband. The poor man just scratches his head at a complete loss of words.
An emancipated woman knows how to appreciate her qualities as a woman and make use of them to make life easier for her.
What a wonderful feeling it is to think to ones self, " let him come back and take care of it, he is the man,"
When the kids get older to be able to say,"sorry papa`s words are final, clear it with him." You can even play at being real sympathetic, "okay I will try and talk to him,"
That for me is true emancipation. Emancipated from over work ad over stress at the home front.

Sincerely, i like the way you get things done. The lesson a lot of ladies have to learn is that you can make your point known and get whatever you want from your man without getting into a confrontation. Men have soft spots no matter how rigid or sturbborn they seem. You must kniow the right switches to press and the concretes to melt.

@ Topic: You usually can't! If the person is closed-minded as you described! They are usually narcissists and bigots! Breaking through would be a miracle

you dont

Mutter,

WOuld you marry me as your second husband?

@@

Do anything you want, but you just don't marry him/her.

Shikena!

chaircover:

You are too close minded

She can handled close minded people like me

dayokanu:

Mutter,

WOuld you marry me as your second husband?

There are 2 ways to a cemetery,with ur legs or  . . . .

^^ Can you handle a close minded person like me?

Otherwise go and find my Toyosi for me

I was about to chip my weigh in before realizing I am actually facing a similar situation.

I got into a heated argument recently over faith and sex before marriage issues with my girlie of two yrs whom is a staunch catholic.
Consequently, she told me she may not continue with me cos of my misgivings about religion and stand on certain issues I'd been hiding from her all along.
Oh well, I've been reeling and secretly hoping we could still manage. I can sacrifice whatever beliefs I harbor for the sake of a healthy relationship with her. But then again I was struck by the fact that she was "closeminded" and wasn't willing to see my own point of view for the sake of argument as much as I was willing to see hers

Uju, dating allows couples to test the waters extensively before taking the definitive plunge. Where red flags are raised or warning signs pop up, they have to be looked into EXTENSIVELY because it's very difficult to do these things in a sensible manner once married. To a large extent, it's mostly pointless tackling these issues in marriage (especially if kids are in the picture), because if the result is not to your liking the options available are grim.

Like someone pointed out earlier on, it's very unlikely that a grown man would change his habits during marriage. If anything, he actually gets worse as he gets older and conservative. If he is "annoyingly inflexible and unreceptive to (your ) new ideas", then this may lead to arguments (which are worse in marriage) and misery which may lead you to (rightly) crave for and seek succour from a like minded person outside who'll be likely be male, , I think you get the picture.

@Horayce, If she's to have her say, then she'll probably describe you as "close minded" either

^ nah, i'm open minded that's y i said i want to work things and find a middle ground, rather than end a rnship on the alter of a nonsensical belief that has no value compared to my rnship with her

NNPC is Recruiting now.
Pls spread the news.
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basher:

Uju, dating allows couples to test the waters extensively before taking the definitive plunge. Where red flags are raised or warning signs pop up, they have to be looked into EXTENSIVELY because it's very difficult to do these things in a sensible manner once married. To a large extent, it's mostly pointless tackling these issues in marriage (especially if kids are in the picture), because if the result is not to your liking the options available are grim.

Like someone pointed out earlier on, it's very unlikely that a grown man would change his habits during marriage. If anything, he actually gets worse as he gets older and conservative. If he is "annoyingly inflexible and unreceptive to (your ) new ideas", then this may lead to arguments (which are worse in marriage) and misery which may lead you to (rightly) crave for and seek succour from a like minded person outside who'll be likely be male, , I think you get the picture.

We know teh difference between caring love and controlling attitudes. A controlling nature is generally suspicious, abusive with words both in private and infront of you and is generally has no regard for your accomplishments or who you are, you can easily identify this. However, amn that wants to be in charge doesnt necessarily have to be abusive or controlling.

Also please note that all these knwo your spouse very well before you marry, trust me there will be some things you will miss. Either because you are in love or because situtaions never happens that warranted such behaviour. Curveballs exist in marriage, its how you deal with it that matters.

OP, be wise in taking your decision, every relationship is different. Try out @mutters suggestion and see how it works for you. All I can say is that, there are very many worse problems than a man that is in charge and wants to be in charge.

yodiyokun, I could just give you a hug!!!
It is clear that you are a real emancipated woman. Emancipated enough to appreciate being treated as a woman.
And you certainly are right, on the long haul things change. I remember the first car I bought when dating. I picked it without consulting my husband. By the time we were married we both went looking out for a car together. The last car we bought, I was not even in the mood to go looking, I did not care about anything, even when he brought home the car I could not even be bothered to go down and look at it immediately. Just looked out of the window and said it was okay.

Seriously, we need to hook up. You words are worth their weight in gold and I have already got one or two things I'm going to try out with my hubby.

Is your e-mail in you profile? I wouldn't mind chatting with you sometime later, if thats okay with you. I dont know why seun refused to enable PM on this chat board.

Yodi.

We certainly do. How can I send you my email without it being seen by everyone?

Keep butting heads until somebody gets tired of the two heads ramming in.

mutter:

We certainly do. How can I send you my email without it being seen by everyone?

If you dare send any email, I would see and copy it.  

I say I wan marry you, You no answer since. You wan make I kidnap you?

dayokanu, sorry I am married, I feel flattered but you know I think I am also just too old for you.
My kids are the once getting married now