Hello all, I just want to share this with you all, I have been more of an observer on Nairaland but I like the quality of responses I read here. I will try and be brief as possible.

I have been dating my girlfriend for over a year now and she informed me when we started out that there was a boy studying in the UK she was dating before but its over and that they are just 'very good friends' from way back family friends, before they started dating. While we were dating he bothers her with calls which she doesnt respond to when she is around me and I asked her one day to tell me what is really up. So she tell me the impression he has is that they are still dating but that it is over between them. When she does not pick up his calls, he calls up her friends, her aunt, even her mum to find out where she is and also report that she is not picking his calls. So she tells me later that they never really broke up but she wants to do away with him, the thing is he plans to marry and has actually proposed marraige which she would have said yes to but their genotypes where not compatible, he is AS and so is she. but he almost convinced her to go ahead to marry him. She meets me and she decided otherwise. She told me also that he hurts her feelings a lot with his words and accusations, he puts her down he is 23 and she is 22. He has broken up with her calling her all sorts and they made up again but it was never the same and while they were dating he dends her stuff, not to mention money and when she was against the money part, he said so no man will use that to lure her away from him.

So I come into the picture and she says likes me a lot, recently about 3 weeks ago, she tell me that this other party was coming to Lagos and I had adviced her to break up with him since she says she can't do it over the phone but she was very hesistant and under pressure, she told me that if she breaks up with him, she will break up with me. my fear was, was she strong enough to do it? because from what she told me about him, he dominated her, has a strong influence on her and made her feel not sure of herself, So I knew I had to prepare her to deal with her issues but she told me it was none of my business but I told her I am involved in a relationship with her now and it affects our relationship. She said she needed time off to deal with him and I agreed so long she tells me whats going on and stays in touch.

The story only just begun!

He comes in and well I called her and she said that he insisted they go do another blood test to confirm status of things and I was like hey! why should You let him convince you to go do that? as it turns out the results where the same AS-AS so she tells me she broke up with him and I asked on what grounds, she didnt say and it wasnt based on the genotype thing which I didnt want her to use as a reason but again he didnt agree and did not want to break up with her and I asked her, if she told him about us, she said no. I was upset and made her know and from then she stopped taking my calls and after a while she will pick up and say the other party was around and can we talk later. So She turns up at my door step and after fidgeting a while she tells me she wants to break up with me! why I ask she said she has no reason and she needed time and space to read for her exams. I was devasted and I let her go and after thinking it over, I felt she had been playing games and I went to meet her where she reads and told her just how I felt, that she wants to eat her cake and have it and that she was a player and other strong stuff and I walked out on her. well I cooled down afterwards and I apologized, she was deeply hurt and wouldnt speak to me or answer my calls for a while so I had to meet her at home.

I apologized and she said she had forgiven me and I thought she needed time to heal and sort out her feelings and read for her exams and all I did was just call to say hi once in a while and keep the communication link open. So she flashes me one day and I called back only for her to tell me that she was in the saloon with this other guy and that he was fishing around her bag and 'accidentaly dialled' my number! I and I was like, I see. Now when he came back, He gave a phone and a line and I didnt know until she sent me text from it and I told her why did you accept it from him? you want this guy out but your actions are not pointing that direction and she told me I don't understand and that he insisted and that once he goes back she will give it out, well she never did and she still has it now.

So, for a while things seemed a bit calm, She said I and the other guy were putting her under a lot of pressure and she needed space. This I gave her and recently I just paid her a courtesy vist after the other party had returned to the UK. She said she had broken up with him and I thought now was time for us to slowly amend and have our relationship back, but anytime I called to fix a date, she had one excuse or the other or a blatant NO! so I go meet her at home and talk! So, there we were talking like strangers, I kept my calm just to try and make her talk, she wouldnt but she insisted that we have broken up and I should let her be and I was like, why, I need to understand, she said no reason what do you feel about all this, she wont say, but when she saw that I was not going to bugde, she now says ' Would this be reason enough for you to leave me alone and break up with me if I told you that I have decided to date the other party again?' and I was stunned! She said he was very persistant and would not let her be and asked for a second chance and she agreed and she felt it was the right choice to make! and I was like, you agreed despite the fact that you said you liked me and still do?, no comment but she said but I have broken up with you, I don't have to answer and I said you do owe me an explanation and she was like she wasnt talking that she dating him again should be a good enough reason for me to leave her alone. That she still likes me a lot and that she likes the other party as a friend even though she knows there is nothing for the 'relationship' She says she stopped picking my calls and sending me text so as not to encourage me.

So here I am feeling rejected, upset, hurt and heartbroken, seeking answers, explanations, asking questions, feeling cheated, not understanding what just went down. I know something for sure, I am very much in love with this girl and I have serious about this relationship, I wised she was jilting me becuase I cheated on her. She accepts I have had such great and postive influence in her life and also that she likes me very much but, she is dating this other guy again and that its none of my business and stuff,

This is my sad story, am still hurting, can't sleep, can't eat, can't concentrate, all muddled up inside not knowing what to believe or what to think, I feel so betrayed!

I sure will like to her your comments on where I go from here, or what do I do? I still like her very much!

darling, plz take heart and move on..such ppl ain't suppose 2 be in ur life in da 1st place..itz very clear da gurl is a playa and want 2 be benefiting 4rom 2 endss and all.....let her go and she will soon realize sumthing..i know sum1 dat does da same thing..9sum1 in 9eria and sum1 in da states...dunno why ppl wills top doing such thingz...just take hearrt and sum1 beta will come ur way..every disappointment is a blessing..it happened 2 me so i believe in da saying...

Thanks for the response Hotstepper. coming from a lady it makes so much sense. needed to hear from a lady heard what the guys think but, a lady's view is much needed. Thanks.

u must v been a mugu. anyone who cant leave the past should be forgotten in the past. i hope u v learnt ur lessons now

oh boy!!!!!! can you believe i actually read all that?
oh!!!!! i'm really sad now some girls can be really heartless
i think you should just let her go because she doesnt seem very serious not only about you but also about her life!!!!!!! considering the way you feel about her, i think you should leave her and let your wound heal now because it looks like it's always gonna be like that
there is no future for the relationship i really hope you find a girl who can make you really happy!!!!!!

*Lots of breakups, lots of calls*

shangy , i have a lot of things to read, did they teach u how to paraphrase and summarise articles in school?

MP007:

shangy , i have a lot of things to read, did they teach u how to paraphrase and summarise articles in school?

Y are humans like dis is dat all u could say to some1 who's _{(probably was now newais)} hurting

Damn!!!

This shangy guy na novel im write for here o.

I couldn't read your novel but from the topic i believe i understood your story.

Take heart and move on with your life.

Just have it in mind that it wasn't meant to be.

Your girlfriend is somewhere else waiting for you

What happend here Shangy is that she has always had the other guy on her heart, you were just a spare tyre, in case things don't work out with the other guy, she knew you'd always be there for her. Then, things worked out and she didn't need you anymore.
It's unfortunate but that's how it is.
You'll have to move on with your life, you're definitely not her number one choice, even if she eventually comes back to you, it's simply because she couldn't get her dream man.
Open up your heart and love again. Don't use her as a criteria when you go into your next relationship and most importantly, learn from this experience but don't let it determin your relationship with other women.
Do take care, you've got a good heart, don't sell it off because it has been broken.
Take care and Tread with wisdom.

From the way you're detailed, you're obviously still very hurt.

What happend here Shangy is that she has always had the other guy on her heart, you were just a spare tyre, in case things don't work out with the other guy, she knew you'd always be there for her. Then, things worked out and she didn't need you anymore.
It's unfortunate but that's how it is.
You'll have to move on with your life, you're definitely not her number one choice, even if she eventually comes back to you, it's simply because she couldn't get her dream man.
Open up your heart and love again. Don't use her as a criteria when you go into your next relationship and most importantly, learn from this experience but don't let it determin your relationship with other women.
Do take care, you've got a good heart, don't sell it off because it has been broken.
Take care and Tread with wisdom.

sorry Boy, to hell with her, she can go f**K herself, lot of bit*!hes around to cope with!roundtable.Shawty is a ten?

Pls get this girl out of ur mind for once because she was never yours and the other guy was never an ex-boyfriend. I feel really sorry for people like you that can't read in between the lines (this girl told u she broke up with the other guy b/cos of his genotype but she can't break any form of contacts with him) and u accepted that, and u never realized that u were just a spare tyre in her life? Abeg my brother wake up and continue with ur life b/cos this babe was never urs and u never had a relationship with her. Simple!

Move on with ur life but if u can't i don't mind having osho free like u Good luck and keep ur eyes open next time.

Free the chic move on.

she's not worth it.

MP007! professor of paraphrase!! please lecture us. a brother needs advice, some one dey for one corner dey give one kind yeye grammar dey show em self say e sabi bokoro.

Been their my brother. that's why some times i really don't give my heart totally to women. their brains is like that of fish brain, easily get carried away but fantasies. a bird in hand is worth two in the bush, yet she still go after the one in the bush. just let her be. it not worth crying over her.

no gal is worth ur tears mahn, and those that do wont make u cry, take heart man , and live again,
NB gals are bastard, that is why u dont take dem serious

she is probably confused or was playing you all along.

When u love someone, u free them, if they come back to u they belong 2 u, but if they dont, just let go. its hard but thats life for u. I'm in d same dilemma with my boyfriend but not the same story. If someone really cares about you, they wldnt hurt you in any way.

Ciao!

Most people dont know what they want in this life and that is why they keep making mistakes and pushing the blame to some one else.I consider the girl to be one and also a kid.


Dude i am so sorry.I understand how u feel but try as much as you can to ride on with your life and don´t the past bring you down ok? Try to forgive her so you can move forward with your life that way you will forget all about her so fast.

Shangy, It is very easy to say take heart, it is very easy to say you messed up, but from me, I will say I love you, I will say you are a wonderful person, you are very strong and very loving.

It is not easy to sit down and open your heart and tell this story, Shangy everybody might pity you or jeer you, but that is not what you need now, you really need to move on.

I understand that you hurt because of memories, the things you did with her, the things you imagined to do with her and what she might have told you .

You see, the journey of a man and a woman before marriage is a game, period, you must get ready to play the game well untill you meet a team player who you can now play together with. Even your team player sometimes might want to out play  you, so you still have to keep on playing it well.

Yes it hurts, yes it is not fair, but try to pull out from this pity, victim mode and move up. If not, this might affect your confidence, it might make you develope a low self esteem AND I know you don't want that.

She might not be a bad person and she might come back, untill then the game is on.

I can send you a detailed help to aid you understand the game of dating better.

just send email to "team1eng2 at yahoo dot com"

yimiton:

From the way you're detailed, you're obviously still very hurt.

What happend here Shangy is that she has always had the other guy on her heart, you were just a spare tyre, in case things don't work out with the other guy, she knew you'd always be there for her. Then, things worked out and she didn't need you anymore.
It's unfortunate but that's how it is.
You'll have to move on with your life, you're definitely not her number one choice, even if she eventually comes back to you, it's simply because she couldn't get her dream man.
Open up your heart and love again. Don't use her as a criteria when you go into your next relationship and most importantly, learn from this experience but don't let it determin your relationship with other women.
Do take care, you've got a good heart, don't sell it off because it has been broken.
Take care and Tread with wisdom.

Wisdom talking here! Love you baby.

Ur story just too much, how many me wan count sef!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!na 2day

i was there once, it could be painful, but u av to fire on cos i did. - this thread is old, Seun, pls remove it

@ shangy,

man-up! Stay away from the girl! It might hurt badly but do it. Afterwards, see how strong u'd become. I know u will overcome it! Just one of those mad times! Stay away from her and delete her number from ya phone. Anything that joins u & her, delete it from ya life! It would work! After this, just watch, I know u'd become a crazy playa like myself. I was once jilted and ever since then, I been jilting girls my senior and junior, and their mamas and aunties and aunties junior sister.

@ shangy,

man-up! Stay away from the girl! It might hurt badly but do it. Afterwards, see how strong u'd become. I know u will overcome it! Just one of those mad times!  Stay away from her and delete her number from ya phone. Anything that joins u & her, delete it from ya life! It would work! After this, just watch, I know u'd become a crazy playa like myself. I was once jilted and ever since then, I been jilting girls my senior and junior, and their mamas and aunties and aunties junior sister.

SPORA  if u can contribute to topic. please donot sabotage what other take 2 develop
if u are talkin this way. why are studyin history in our shool. d topic may b raise up
again 4 those joinin d club newly

well rily sorry 4 evrytin wat happened to u, d girl isnt just balanced she doesnt knw wat she wnts, she isnt balanced at all so u just hv to 4get abt her n move on wit life.gd luck

what's the big deal?? happens everyday. do u know how many guys hav done same thing to ladies infact, a guy ones left me for his former girlfriend!!! guess what is good for the goose , is good for the g, ,

GOD WILL PUT YOU THROUGH, ITS PART OF LIFE , COS THOSE WHO YOU TRUSTED MOSTLY WHO DEFINITELY DISSAPPOINT YOU, LIFE GOES ON BROTHER,

hey shangy so sad you had to go through this despite the fact that you truly love (loved) her.she loves you as well but just being confused cos she truly does not know wat she wants from a relationship or has not defined it yet.she knows you hav a good heart and will always luv her (which i advice you continue doin)but not ok maybe wit ur finacial status for now but doesn't want to come out straight.from the look of things the other guy is loaded and can afford to play around with money .keep lovin her but move on with ur life dont bear grudges but keep on with on with ur good heart.someone else will love you for you and with time the wound will heal.cheer up all hope is not lost in getting a better love. God bless

hey!
I havnot really taken time to read your stuff.But what I think is that, you have a lot of choices out there.Do not cry ovespilt milk.Cheers!

Ohhhhhhhhhhh dear, jilted by your babe uh? BUT, SO WHAT?

What about that? Brace up man, you'll possibly get many more of that kind of treatment in life, and will surely jilt some babes too!

Worse still, some of your close friends and family members will stab you in the back - which is worse than being jilted by a babe.

Wake up fast, and develop the kind of "thick skin" needed to survive and live life happily.

Good luck!