Lol Everything above written is hilarious. I would just like to share my own, surely it wont be as comical as the others but sharing is caring!

1.) When we order from our local african restaurant we usually place the food in a bowl and eat together. I will go and wash my hands and my the time i come back this man has already grabbed about 3 pieces of meat that he is chewing mercilessly! I was told as a child that if you and someone are eating together it is rude to start eating without them,  or maybe its just my culture. 

2.) When ever I visited him at his home I will leave with insect bites. I do have sensitive skin but this is simply outrageous! My mum (who is insanely observant) would notice and question why I had so many bites! I warned him that he needed to take care of the bed bug problem or else I wouldn't visit again,  til this very day ( 5 years of dating) I am still getting bitten!  This makes me paranoid and when I start scratching myself while sitting his room this man will get upset and say stop that there is nothing in this room i have disinfected this entire premises! Untrue, I will leave the house that same evening and discover 4 more itchy bites,   

3.) When we go out to eat my man refuses to order his own food! Don't get me wrong, I as a woman of this age see nothing wrong with a woman ordering for her man since in this day and age no one can clearly assign gender roles. It's just that he is extremely indecisive and wants to leave it to me to order for him! Abaa! Why now?


4.) He does not like to wash his clothing!!! 

Either way I love him and his strange ways! Blessings to all! 

i don laff lata!, i think the farting actually bring couples together, Sad that no be all of us sabi mess,

Sadly this thread is coming to an end


Singing
_{*hope that this will last a while we should make it last a while*}

----

ATTENTION: If i am diagonized for a broken rib, All POSTERS ON THIS TOPIC AR RESPONSIBLE.
Ew! Dis topic shudnt die like dis na! At least not after about 20 pages.
Sad dat my spouse and i are nt married yet neither do we liv together bt to keep the topic goin, i wil ask my cousin who got married some months back. I dey kom,

FILEBE:

ATTENTION: If i am diagonized for a broken rib, All POSTERS ON THIS TOPIC AR RESPONSIBLE.
Ew! Dis topic shudnt die like dis na! At least not after about 20 pages.
Sad dat my spouse and i are nt married yet neither do we liv together bt to keep the topic goin, i wil ask my cousin who got married some months back. I dey kom,

Same here, but there must be something she does at least that gets on ur nerve . . . . c'mon spill!

'/'/

Wel,for now, my babe seems to address every guy the way she addresses me, calling them pet names she calls me. Even using the "bedroom voice" when on phone. Makes me wonder if she dates all of them.

I called my cousin and she told me this:
her husband pilfers meats and any edibles yet to be cooked in the kitchen that most times she is forced to hide roast fish at the back of the of the freezer.
He likes to tie towel around the house when he is not ready to go out even when there are visitors around. The worst part is that he ties this towel with no form of underwear beneath.
He is no fan of football except when Nigeria plays. He is a freak for news and when ever he sees her watching some fashion shows,she will have to withstand 30 mins sermon of why news is important and essential.

I cudnt help laughin wen she was narratin her ordeal.

best thread on nairaland EVER !!!!!!!

Maxwell86:

best thread on nairaland EVER !!!!!!!

U r funny, when I saw your post  "best thread on nairaland EVER" the first thing I did was, I looked at your post rate, which shows that U have just posted 5 comments presently which also shows that you are new on Nairaland.

Anyway, my point is that, there have been enough funniest and best posts ever on Nairaland, whereby U read them and U will laugh like mad even pray for the first poster of the thread. So what am just trying to say is that for you to see this post and rate it has best post on NL ever, trust me U've not seen anything.

sofeco:

U r funny, when I saw your post  "best thread on nairaland EVER" the first thing I did was, I looked at your post rate, which shows that U have just posted 5 comments presently which also shows that you are new on Nairaland.

Anyway, my point is that, there have been enough funniest and best posts ever on Nairaland, whereby U read them and U will laugh like mad even pray for the first poster of the thread. So what am just trying to say is that for you to see this post and rate it has best post on NL ever, trust me U've not seen anything.

You are very funny too.Did you check when he registered?

Lol, what has registration got to do with 5 posts, and beside his post sounds as if he's just seeing funny posts on NL.

Those that have been on NL for a very long time with regular posts, U will know them by their,,,,,,,,,,

sofeco:

Lol, what has registration got to do with 5 posts, and beside his post sounds as if he's just seeing funny posts on NL.

Those that have been on NL for a very long time with regular posts, U will no them by their,,,,,,,,,,

It means some people are perpetual observers. There are some guests that have been here before you.

denzel2009:

It means some people are perpetual observers. There are some guests that have been here before you.

Agreed, but not like Maxwell86

Na una know who young and who don grow white beards for Nairaland.
Abeg make una no kil d fun here o!

I had jst finish calling my niece's husband and knwin fully well dat her wife has given out d info, he decided to REVENGE and dis was wat he said:
She has flair for electronics she knws nothin abt,nt even aw to operate them. He told a story of how she once urged him to buy a paper shredder for home use!

She keeps old pieces of clothes and tells him dat they ar still fashionable.

I found this one hard to blive;
she wil never allow anyone cook for him nt even her sister when at home. He made comments of how he comes home from work before her hungry and how she will start pounding yam!

Also how she has the habit of always reminding him of events or occasions to attend for like 1 month before the event on daily bases.

peacettw:

This started recently n i'm yet to figure out whether it's d mid age crisis everyone keeps talking about. [b]My husband has lost d ability to pee straight into d toilet. [/b]Each time, i enter d restroom, i see puddles of yellow colored liquid on the toilet seat, floor and sometimes the bathroom sides. I'm still yet to approach him wit this since I'm still shell shocked. Secondly, the man is allergic to most foods humans eat. He reacts to it by having diarrhea every morning. Sometimes, he comes back from work unexpectedly rushing into d toilet to spend another session there. Once, he told me dt on his way to his workplace, he was forced to stop at a nearby bush to shyte! It was funny but disturbing. Is it my food? It can't be cos my kids and i don't have diarrhea, Mmmh, still wondering

As wide as the toilet is, your hubby still misses the target.
However, I am sure he will never lose his ability to fu-ck straight.
Even if you blindfold him, his koboko will not miss that small target inbetween your legs.

@uju

as per the walking part na so me sef dey waka, my madam don complain tire but no be my fault, na military school i go so na military waka dey my body.

also the drinking part, i dey drink well wel and i dey smoke wella as well but hey wen my madam dey dere, i dey relax on di smoking or better still go outside on impromptu inspection to smoke, as per the drinking, i am a fish and dont get drunk easily so my madam said na to dey drink for house now instead of going to joints and as once e finish for house dats it so i wont spend our money finish for joint.

@ CC

ROTFLMAO

Don't worry, we know wat to use to ''bribe' him if he gets too angry!

@ axeman
You need to watch it oh. Too much alcohol is never a good thing!

Another annoying habit is his cussing other drivers as he drives along even though 50% of the time, Its usually his fault but he fails to see it LOL 

One day my daughter walked through the door with her dad after being picked up from school and asked me "mummy what is a funky banter?" I scratched my head and I had to give up saying I didn't know what it was. Then she said "daddy keeps on telling other drivers that they are funky banters" 

Then the terrible truth dawned on me that he was actually saying fukking bbastard!!     

Thankfully after this episode, the cussing has drastically decreased now & its now only things such as "look at this man" but he is still a totally different species when he is behind the wheel and we all have to hold on to something for dear life 

. . . .more annoying habits to come

^^^ LMAO @ "funky banters"

Always wants me to go 10 rounds of banging,Gosh am seeking a divorce!!!

El Guapo:

Always wants me to go 10 rounds of banging,Gosh am seeking a divorce!!!

Eh yah, Sorry ooo i feel ur pain. Why not phone a friend to help you out or have u used up all your life lines ?


Really crazy, entertaining and informative thread. Learnt a lot of things already.

I've told my husband time without # to take the toilet seat up b4 peeing but he continuosly does the opposite and ends up leaving drops of pee on the seat. It irks me so bad that when i have to pee I have to first of all wipe the darn toilet seat . Last night was the crest of this problem. I woke up to pee and while still in the dream state, i didn't put the bathroom light on, i sat down to do my business and my butt almost touched the water, the coldness of the porceline toilet and the wetness jolted me away faster than an electric bolt. I'll let y'all imagine what happened afterwards and the kind of abuses that spewed from my mouth. I think he did it on purpose.

i don too laugh, my ribs aches mehn. serious people dey this world o

Since the thread is very much alive, here is one that irritates my friend about his new wife, She never makes a budget or tell him in good time when the food store is getting depleted, she leaves it for when he's about to start enjoying a meal and then she'll say "mschhwww, the maggie in this soup was the very last in the house, " This quickly ruins his appetite!!

james-t:

Since the thread is very much alive, here is one that irritates my friend about his new wife, She never makes a budget or tell him in good time when the food store is getting depleted, she leaves it for when he's about to start enjoying a meal and then she'll say "mschhwww, the maggie in this soup was the very last in the house, " This quickly ruins his appetite!!

ROFLMAO
This takes the trophy for me.
What a wife, she wants to give her husband High BP

james-t:

Since the thread is very much alive, here is one that irritates my friend about his new wife, She never makes a budget or tell him in good time when the food store is getting depleted, she leaves it for when he's about to start enjoying a meal and then she'll say "mschhwww, the maggie in this soup was the very last in the house, " This quickly ruins his appetite!!

I think i'm going to burst a vein.

What a thread? mine is that she snores so high that u wud think you are sleeping close to Agbokim waterfall in Cross river state. I'll stay awake 2 be touching her 2 change position thinking it wud help.
She has never admitted she has ever down anything wrong.

james-t:

Since the thread is very much alive, here is one that irritates my friend about his new wife, She never makes a budget or tell him in good time when the food store is getting depleted, she leaves it for when he's about to start enjoying a meal and then she'll say "mschhwww, the maggie in this soup was the very last in the house, " This quickly ruins his appetite!!

LWKMD! !

james-t:

Since the thread is very much alive, here is one that irritates my friend about his new wife, She never makes a budget or tell him in good time when the food store is getting depleted, she leaves it for when he's about to start enjoying a meal and then she'll say "mschhwww, the maggie in this soup was the very last in the house, " This quickly ruins his appetite!!

Nothing men no go see for women hand. LWKMD!

My sister complains that her hubby is too careful and too tidy. if she drops a glass of cold water on the center table to go to the kitchen, before she comes back he has returned the glass to the fridge and is busy cleaning the table of small water drops.

Even when they have visitors around and their kid drops a seed of rice on the dinning floor, he will rush to start sweeping and mopping while still discussing important issues with the guests; next, he is dusting the TV set. All she does is to use killer looks to tell him to stop and prevent herself from screaming at him.