Mrperfecto:

Well in that case I know what to do. My daughter comes first she will stay and I will send my wife back to her parents

Mtchew
Didn't see this early,let me modify my later post.

Good luck to you..I really pity your wife she made a huge terrible mistake

Mrperfecto:

Well in that case I know what to do. My daughter comes first she will stay and I will send my wife back to her parents

+7.4

Mrperfecto:

Well in that case I know what to do. My daughter comes first she will stay and I will send my wife back to her parents

This here, is why women avoid single dads. You will send her back to her parents...

You obviously do not value your wife enough to discuss matters with her before going ahead with a decision.

You already have the option of sending your wife away waiting.

Your daughter comes first. Why did you bother to get married to another woman and exclude her from things concerning your daughter.

Honestly, it's not what you did that matters most but the fact that you are creating problems in your home yourself . But instead of taking responsibility for being tactless, you are still trying to put the blame on your wife.

this thread shows how amazing women are, 75% of them understand d logic behind your decision but the women in them won't let them accept the reality

the year I understood this about women na that year I don really solve half my issues

oga, I can't even give an advice jare cos dem matter tire person, I can only agree with u if u discuss it with her from inception nd next time stop reporting your wife to her mother, the matter no carry weight, na she suppose report u and the mum will politely call u and discuss it

u gave her more reasons to give u attitude by reporting her.

cococandy:


Sigh

Troll. Should have known. Probably isn’t even married.

The earlier y’all realize that 90-97% of the stories/complaints posted on this forum (mostly family and romance section) are fake/made up tales by moonlight the better for y’all.

Plead:


The earlier y’all realize that 90-97% of the stories/complaints posted on this forum (mostly family and romance section) are fake/made up tales by moonlight the better for y’all.

Exactly. I blame myself for not checking the profile before wasting my time

Don't mind all these nay sayers. They are only thinking from a woman's perspective; illogically and competitively. Your decision is acceptable. It is not everything your wife says that you should rush to do. Nor do you have to consult her for every decision you plan to take to spend your own money.

The academic needs of a 9 year old about to enter secondary school are not the same as those of a 2 year old singing A B C. There is no point paying an extra N50K per term just to learn how to sing alphabet song and watch cartoons on tv. If your wife cannot understand that, and if she consequently starts victimizing your daughter, warn her off seriously. Let her know that if it comes to a choice, a wife is replaceable while your flesh-and-blood daughter can never be. Leave the younger one where he is until he NEEDS the new academic arrangement, not because your wife illogically feels the need to compete with a 9 year old girl, otherwise, your whole life will be forever ruled by a vindictive woman using the threat of victimization of a small girl to blackmail you.

RisenPhoenix:
Don't mind all these nay sayers. They are only thinking from a woman's perspective; illogically and competitively. Your decision is acceptable. It is not everything your wife says that you should rush to do. Nor do you have to consult her for every decision you plan to take to spend your own money.

The academic needs of a 9 year old about to enter secondary school are not the same as those of a 2 year old singing A B C. There is no point paying an extra N50K per term just to learn how to sing alphabet song and watch cartoons on tv. If your wife cannot understand that, and if she consequently starts victimizing your daughter, warn her off seriously. Let her know that if it comes to a choice, a wife is replaceable while your flesh-and-blood daughter can never be. Leave the younger one where he is until he NEEDS the new academic arrangement, not because your wife illogically feels the need to compete with a 9 year old girl, otherwise, your whole life will be forever ruled by a vindictive woman using the threat of victimization of a small girl to blackmail you.

Well said !!!

If you want peace to reign, take your wife's kid to the school too.
We understand the motive behind the decision but there are things married people do just for the sake of peace.
You married as a single father with a kid, you have to be extra careful when doing some things. My opinion tho

This is the closest thing to any reasonable advise on this subject matter. Your wife is needlessly petty. Any advise here asking you to do it for the sake of peace is coming from a sentimental place. Women are a lot more concerned about their emotions rather than logic.

If you haven't given your wife any reason to doubt your love for her and your son, I don't see any reason why it should be a problem. I do not support you sending her away though; it's a matter of communication. Explain to her the reason as outlined by RisenPhoenix. Any other thing is bullsh*t.

All that talk about for the sake of peace is why we are in this situation as a country. Emotions over logic all the time. Tragic! Public offices are full of round pegs in square holes because someone's emotion/ego has to be massaged. We need to start making sound decisions right from the home-front.

RisenPhoenix:
Don't mind all these nay sayers. They are only thinking from a woman's perspective; illogically and competitively. Your decision is acceptable. It is not everything your wife says that you should rush to do. Nor do you have to consult her for every decision you plan to take to spend your own money.

The academic needs of a 9 year old about to enter secondary school are not the same as those of a 2 year old singing A B C. There is no point paying an extra N50K per term just to learn how to sing alphabet song and watch cartoons on tv. If your wife cannot understand that, and if she consequently starts victimizing your daughter, warn her off seriously. Let her know that if it comes to a choice, a wife is replaceable while your flesh-and-blood daughter can never be. Leave the younger one where he is until he NEEDS the new academic arrangement, not because your wife illogically feels the need to compete with a 9 year old girl, otherwise, your whole life will be forever ruled by a vindictive woman using the threat of victimization of a small girl to blackmail you.

Mrperfecto:
I have 3 wonderful children 9,2, 5 months. My first daughter is from my previous relationship. I recently changed her school to an expensive one 50k more than her old school. My son still attending the old school which is a good school with expensive fees too. My wife is not happy and accused me of loving my daughter more than her kids. I love my children equally and told her I don’t see the point of changing his school Now , he is only 2 in primary one and has promised to change him to the new school when he is in primary one. She has been acting funny and treats my daughter like her worst enemy , which I reported the matter to her mother. She supported my wife and said I should change his school for peace to reign, I was shocked I taught she would talk to my wife and makes her understanding instead she sided her. Anyways I still stick to my decision of not changing his school and my wife is still mad. Is it worth it to move him school ? I hope I’m not wrong with my decision ?

You are not wrong with your decision. You have to stand firm. This is one of those shit test and if you give in and change your boy to the new school, your wife will understand that she can control and manipulate you through threats and victimization. You don't want that and you will be seen by your wife and mother in-law as a weak man. Stand by your decision so long as it's not life threatening. Also make her understand that you can't quit your daughter from your house, but you can quit her and there are a lot of women who are ready to accept you and your kids from her and of course if you quit her, she isn't going anywhere with your kids. Make her understand even as a wife she can be replaced. If you as much as hear any distress from your daughter, she should be gone at least for a month so she understands that you mean business.

RisenPhoenix:
Don't mind all these nay sayers. They are only thinking from a woman's perspective; illogically and competitively. Your decision is acceptable. It is not everything your wife says that you should rush to do. Nor do you have to consult her for every decision you plan to take to spend your own money.

The academic needs of a 9 year old about to enter secondary school are not the same as those of a 2 year old singing A B C. There is no point paying an extra N50K per term just to learn how to sing alphabet song and watch cartoons on tv. If your wife cannot understand that, and if she consequently starts victimizing your daughter, warn her off seriously. Let her know that if it comes to a choice, a wife is replaceable while your flesh-and-blood daughter can never be. Leave the younger one where he is until he NEEDS the new academic arrangement, not because your wife illogically feels the need to compete with a 9 year old girl, otherwise, your whole life will be forever ruled by a vindictive woman using the threat of victimization of a small girl to blackmail you.

Some people doesn't just have sisters or they do but doesn't care about what happens to their sisters in their homes.

I don't pity the women that marries single dads, they should've known they are in for bullshits.

Anyway, as wife is replaceable so also husbands. Just dump his kids for him, he can put them in a local government school.

Omar09:


You are not wrong with your decision. You have to stand firm. This is one of those shit test and if you give in and change your boy to the new school, your wife will understand that she can control and manipulate you through threats and victimization. You don't want that and you will be seen by your wife and mother in-law as a weak man. Stand by your decision so long as it's not life threatening. Also make her understand that you can't quit your daughter from your house, but you can quit her and there are a lot of women who are ready to accept you and your kids from her and of course if you quit her, she isn't going anywhere with your kids. Make her understand even as a wife she can be replaced. If you as much as hear any distress from your daughter, she should be gone at least for a month so she understands that you mean business.

I totally agree

TheArchangel:
Some people doesn't just have sisters or they do but doesn't care about what happens to their sisters in their homes.

I don't pity the women that marries single dads, they should've known they are in for bullshits.

Anyway, as wife is replaceable so also husbands. Just dump his kids for him, he can put them in a local government school.

Not that I would have dignified your unreasoning rant with a proper response, but you impugned my integrity. For the records, if my sister came to me with this kind of objection about her husband and his child from another wife, I will rapidly blast that stu.pid shit out of her head, and if I see any signs of her victimizing that small girl, which you seem to believe is reasonable; I will personally introduce him to the lawyer that will help him divorce her; and I'll be his witness.

And there is nothing wrong with putting a 2 year old child in a government school. It is the same ABC they will teach him. All nursery schools have practically the same 'curriculum'. The op even tried for putting him in a good school.

And yes, if a woman knows that she is too wicked to care for another woman's child objectively, she should stay off any single dad and his money that she made up her mind to eat when she married him.

Mrperfecto:

Well in that case I know what to do. My daughter comes first she will stay and I will send my wife back to her parents

You will send her back to her parents after two kids right, she will also leave the two kids for you and you become after three, you will pick another woman and the cycle continues until you become a liability to yourself.

RagnarKlavan:
This is the closest thing to any reasonable advise on this subject matter. Your wife is needlessly petty. Any advise here asking you to do it for the sake of peace is coming from a sentimental place. Women are a lot more concerned about their emotions rather than logic.

If you haven't given your wife any reason to doubt your love for her and your son, I don't see any reason why it should be a problem. I do not support you sending her away though; it's a matter of communication. Explain to her the reason as outlined by RisenPhoenix. Any other thing is bullsh*t.

All that talk about for the sake of peace is why we are in this situation as a country. Emotions over logic all the time. Tragic! Public offices are full of round pegs in square holes because someone's emotion/ego has to be massaged. We need to start making sound decisions right from the home-front.

I did not recommend that he send her away. But I do believe that he must point out clearly that it is an option if she persists in victimizing his daughter.

RisenPhoenix:
Don't mind all these nay sayers. They are only thinking from a woman's perspective; illogically and competitively. Your decision is acceptable. It is not everything your wife says that you should rush to do. Nor do you have to consult her for every decision you plan to take to spend your own money.

The academic needs of a 9 year old about to enter secondary school are not the same as those of a 2 year old singing A B C. There is no point paying an extra N50K per term just to learn how to sing alphabet song and watch cartoons on tv. If your wife cannot understand that, and if she consequently starts victimizing your daughter, warn her off seriously. Let her know that if it comes to a choice, a wife is replaceable while your flesh-and-blood daughter can never be. Leave the younger one where he is until he NEEDS the new academic arrangement, not because your wife illogically feels the need to compete with a 9 year old girl, otherwise, your whole life will be forever ruled by a vindictive woman using the threat of victimization of a small girl to blackmail you.

If you are married, please never solve your issues with force, blackmail or showing that one is more important than the other.

It takes a diplomatic man and a man with wisdom to know how to tackle some issues.

If you know what a wife means, you will realize that she should be part of the decisions you make, not necessarily asking her permission but acknowledging her as one with you. You cannot stand at the alter and proclaim that you are one with her and then go back home and show otherwise.

Marriages that work mean both parties are on the same page, they have an understanding. Not someone trying to prove a point.

ImaIma1:


If you are married, please never solve your issues with force, blackmail or showing that one is more important than the other.

It takes a diplomatic man and a man with wisdom to know how to tackle some issues.

If you know what a wife means, you will realize that she should be part of the decisions you make, not necessarily asking her permission but acknowledging her as one with you. You cannot stand at the alter and proclaim that you are one with her and then go back home and show otherwise.

Marriages that work mean both parties are on the same page, they have an understanding. Not someone trying to prove a point.

@bolded. Explain this to the op's wife. She's the one who is trying to force and blackmail the op to put their son in the same school with his daughter and needlessly spend the extra money, or else...

Being on the same page does not necessarily translate into undergoing a lengthy bureaucratic procedure before decision making; especially when women think with their emotions. I am a better decision maker than my wife; hell, I make a living out of decision making. If I require her input in a decision that directly affects her I would always ask. However, this is hinged on the fact that she gives sensible reasons for her responses and advice; other than petty jealousy and other unproductive emotion. Once I suspect that the above two are her main decision making criteria, I will stop seeking her input.

Why can't the woman take the kids to the new school since that's the bulk of the problem. Poor unproductive women are reasons for most marital problems. The best way to go about this is to take them all in one school be it new or old. It even helps to strengthen their support system when in the midst of strangers knowing their bro or sis is somewhere around. Women are just something else.
There may be other reasons for this cos I remember when I changed school to where I can be brushed up in basic sciences. This may be a factor too but most women are too superficial to figure out things.

RisenPhoenix:


@bolded. Explain this to the op's wife. She's the one who is trying to force and blackmail the op to put their son in the same school with his daughter and needlessly spend the extra money, or else...

Being on the same page does not necessarily translate into undergoing a lengthy bureaucratic procedure before decision making; especially when women think with their emotions. I am a better decision maker than my wife; hell, I make a living out of decision making. If I require her input in a decision that directly affects her I would always ask. However, this is hinged on the fact that she gives sensible reasons for her responses and advice; other than petty jealousy and other unproductive emotion. Once I suspect that the above two are her main decision making criteria, I will stop seeking her input.

We're quite alike.

RisenPhoenix:


I did not recommend that he send her away. But I do believe that he must point out clearly that it is an option if she persists in victimizing his daughter.

I completely understand your point but I would rather not use that line at all if I was in his position. There are other ways to deal with the issue. Let's just say I'm very vested in things I feel strongly about.

I also agree that men should be able to make some decisions unilaterally, especially if it's for the greater good of the family. Deferring to the wife all the time can be exhausting. The wife should be able to make some decisions too, so it goes both ways. What is more important is to see the main goal of the decision the other party makes, beyond the nose. Again, logic over emotions.

In a similar thread in this section, a man has the opportunity to move abroad and raise the living standard of his family but as usual, the wife refused for the most ridiculous reasons. That is beyond me. If it were a girlfriend, I'd dump her like a hot pile of shit!

ImaIma1:


If you are married, please never solve your issues with force, blackmail or showing that one is more important than the other.

It takes a diplomatic man and a man with wisdom to know how to tackle some issues.

If you know what a wife means, you will realize that she should be part of the decisions you make, not necessarily asking her permission but acknowledging her as one with you. You cannot stand at the alter and proclaim that you are one with her and then go back home and show otherwise.

Marriages that work mean both parties are on the same page, they have an understanding. Not someone trying to prove a point.

Finally, a woman that gets it!

RagnarKlavan:

I completely understand your point but I would rather not use that line at all if I was in his position. There are other ways to deal with the issue. Let's just say I'm very vested in things I feel strongly about.

Sometimes it is best to clarify your stance from the beginning; nipping the problem in the bud so to speak. If she believes that she is so indispensable that she can maltreat your daughter; she will likely try to do so in your absence. Hints like this tend to bring them back to earth and make them understand their true value is proportional to their sensible behaviour, not their 'majestic aura' and 'awesome presence'.

RisenPhoenix:


Sometimes it is best to clarify your stance from the beginning; nipping the problem in the bud so to speak. If she believes that she is so indispensable that she can maltreat your daughter; she will likely try to do so in your absence. Hints like this tend to bring them back to earth and make them understand their true value is proportional to their sensible behaviour, not their 'majestic aura' and 'awesome presence'.

Fair point but if it was me, she would have clearly seen my stand on issues like this when we were dating. If I had child/children from a prior relationship, be ready to take all of it. If you start seeing my daughter/son as a competition, don't even bother to come close.

RagnarKlavan:


Fair point but if it was me, she would have clearly seen my stand on issues like this when we were dating. If I had child/children from a prior relationship, be ready to take all of it. If you start seeing my daughter/son as a competition, don't even bother to come close.

Obviously, this one is still in doubt about how far she can go.

You would expect the woman to be reasonable and understand the difference between a 9yr old and a 2yr old. But she wouldn't.
As long as it's not her daughter, she won't.

You have already created problems for the little girl. You would have to move the other child to her school as well or just like some people said, take her to her mother.

A mother is never replaceable.

RisenPhoenix:


@bolded. Explain this to the op's wife. She's the one who is trying to force and blackmail the op to put their son in the same school with his daughter and needlessly spend the extra money, or else...

Being on the same page does not necessarily translate into undergoing a lengthy bureaucratic procedure before decision making; especially when women think with their emotions. I am a better decision maker than my wife; hell, I make a living out of decision making. If I require her input in a decision that directly affects her I would always ask. However, this is hinged on the fact that she gives sensible reasons for her responses and advice; other than petty jealousy and other unproductive emotion. Once I suspect that the above two are her main decision making criteria, I will stop seeking her input.

This kind of decision making is something that probably take a 5 min talk, not the office bureaucratic procedure. This decision affects her except he's telling her that his daughter is not her business but his alone even though she's also involved in the process of caring for her.

Even though my husband tends to make good decisions that benefits us all, he never hesitates to put me in the know first. That is working as a team and valuing me as his partner.

There are also things I want to do even outside our household...I tell him first even if it not something that concerns him. It's not rocket science, it's having consideration for each other and not taking each other for granted. And it cuts down unnecessary conflicts that may arise so that we can deal with the real issues of life.

SmileDance:
If you want peace to reign, take your wife's kid to the school too.
We understand the motive behind the decision but there are things married people do just for the sake of peace.
You married as a single father with a kid, you have to be extra careful when doing some things. My opinion tho

Doing what his wife wants even after the foolishness of her demands is apparent is not allowing peace to reign, it is simply falling for cheap emotional blackmail that will put him on the back foot almost irreversibly as far as both sets of children are concerned. Acceding to her demands in this situation would be the worst thing OP could do

Mrperfecto:

Well in that case I know what to do. My daughter comes first she will stay and I will send my wife back to her parents

Oya send her packing na,
Nonsense.
Mr I am the man so I can make decisions without my spouse consent

Send her packing, I don't blame you, I blame foolish women that marry after one tokunbo fairly used single dads like you.


That's if this isn't another foolish troll topic

Belafonte:


Doing what his wife wants even after the foolishness of her demands is apparent is not allowing peace to reign, it is simply falling for cheap emotional blackmail that will put him on the back foot almost irreversibly as far as both sets of children are concerned. Acceding to her demands in this situation would be the worst thing OP could do

well, its my opinion tho but there are still ways to manage the situation without the op appearing to be weak, the op can change the younger kids school and explain to his wife that he's doing it for peace to reign, trust me its not easy as a woman not to feel jealous in cases like this. Personally I won't marry a single father because I don't like trouble in my life.

The most irritating thing about Male hypocrisy is that should the tables be turned their brains would start functioning and they will tell the truth.

If a woman was openly treating her out of wedlock child better than her husbands child and telling her husband she would treat him better when he is older the fools supporting OP with stupid epistles would sing a different tune altogether.

Men are so selfish and self centered its irritating honestly.

ImaIma1:


This kind of decision making is something that probably take a 5 min talk, not the office bureaucratic procedure. This decision affects her except he's telling her that his daughter is not her business but his alone even though she's also involved in the process of caring for her.

Even though my husband tends to make good decisions that benefits us all, he never hesitates to put me in the know first. That is working as a team and valuing me as his partner.

There are also things I want to do even outside our household...I tell him first even if it not something that concerns him. It's not rocket science, it's having consideration for each other and not taking each other for granted. And it cuts down unnecessary conflicts that may arise so that we can deal with the real issues of life.

It takes 5 minutes if everybody is ready to agree with the decision taken. It takes weeks, months or forever if they must reach a consensus before acting. If everyone is already in agreement with thr other's decisions, then there is no need for consultation, especially in issues that concern only one party. In this case, do you think the op's wife would have agreed if he had taken her opinion first? So this whole issue of consulting is academic. He is the man. He has the right to run the household as he sees fit. If she does not trust his capability to do so, then she had no right to agree to marry him.

As for informing after taking the decision, I am absolutely ok with that, and I presume that the op informed his wife. It was still better than letting her find out by herself, because knowing women, she will probably have started wondering what else he is 'hiding' from her and letting her imagination run haywire. But objectively speaking, just look at the outcome in this case. Telling her; whether before or after taking the decision; would have made no difference here. She would still have felt jealous and taken it out on the girl.