I have been dating this girl for a year and 2 months now, i love this girl and i think she loves me, and i intend to marry her very soon.The  issue is, she is planning for a big wedding, which i cant afford,  and i have try to make her understand that i cant afford it,but she is not ready to listen to me. i dont want to get marry and become broke. DO I QUIT THIS RELATIONSHIP PLEASE ADVICE ME

What did you budget for the wedding? There are so many ways you can plan a wedding that will make it look big without you having to go borrowing. What does your girl see as the big wedding she desires? Is she planning to invite BEYONCE to sing at the wedding, hire a motorcade of police escorts, is BASKETMOUTH also coming to assume the master of ceremony? Is your girl working? Because if she is then she can as well contribute to the big wedding she desires. At least a little detail will help in getting the needed advice. So please be specific in pointing out the details that is putting you on the edge of a breakup.

NO.
Make her reason with you.
Let your church counselors help you to talk to her.

The size of your wedding is not what matters, but the depth of your commitment to be husband and wife for as long as you live.

I have been to some of the biggest weddings in Lagos, but the marriages did not last long.


If she truly loves you, she would be convinced to agree with you.
And not wanting to impress her peers or others who will not help you to pay the debts later.

Only fools will end up in debt after wedding.

@degubi:

What did you budget for the wedding? There are so many ways you can plan a wedding that will make it look big without you having to go borrowing. What does your girl see as the big wedding she desires? Is she planning to invite BEYONCE to sing at the wedding, hire a motorcade of police escorts, is BASKETMOUTH also coming to assume the master of ceremony? Is your girl working? Because if she is then she can as well contribute to the big wedding she desires. At least a little detail will help in getting the needed advice. So please be specific in pointing out the details that is putting you on the edge of a breakup

. my girl is not working, and as usual she believes, wedding is th duty of the guy with no help from anywhere. then, let me do it my way, and she said NO. I am really sick and tired, because it is beginning to get to me. Come to think of it, i am not asking for any assistance from her and she is there dictating for me, in the name of love. Hope you know, that in our days, it is my wife and I not the husband alone, but they dont seem to see things like that.Do you see reasons why most guys nolonger want to marry? i am asking this big question so that she wont think i have wasted her time, when i decide to quit.This is because i am trying to find a quality which is "look beyond the wedding day" which she is not displaying at the moment

OP-
like degubi said above, there r many ways a weddin can appear stylish and expensive witout it being so actually. U can get cousins 2 do the cooking and guard it jealously frm the meat stealers, delegate her female frnds 2 help her serve (wot r frnds 4), get nice lukin but not so expensive aso oke (for the trads cos afta d weddin, ul only use it on rare occasions), rent a wedding gown 25k (she'd b d first wearer at that amount), get a frnd 2 do d makeup, u dnt av 2 rent a hall, make it outdoors, rent tents and so on.
I kno of a girl who had a nice weddin dat way.

Bro,
Let me give u a solution. tell her you are no longer interested in the relationship and marriage (even if u are). This will direct her thinking from "planning a big wedding" to "saving the relationship". she will then start begging you and would want to listen to what u have to offer for the wedding. Truss me this works all the time even during the "price bidding" in traditional marriages. Just tell them i no wan do again and they will come to their right senses.

It is the deisre of every woman to have a wedding where her loved ones and friends will come to wish her the best. Therefore it does not mean that the wedding has to be a high society wedding as long as those that care about you are present. I believe you could have discussed this issue long before the date at least it would have helped both of you to see each others line of thinking therefore enabling you both to make the required adjustment. Will i advise you to call off the wedding as well as the relationship? I would not hasten to give such advise but i will advise you to put it on hold for the time being, she knows what you have budgeted, therefore she should not be putting you under undue pressure.

Let her know that you are putting the wedding on hold for 2 months, 3 weeks, or any lent of period you choose and give her your reasons for doing so. Let her see that she has a chance of changing her demands or walking away but let it be her option to make and not you forcing her hand. If she is willing to be reasonable she will yield to your request if she feels otherwise then she should leave out of own volition. At least in the future she will only have herself to blame.

I will still like to know what you budgeted and what are her demands. The reason for this is to be able to make a proper decision without making the other party look like the villan and hopefully advise you on how to high society wedding without going bankrupt.

OP tease her i mean tease her in a way dat luks as if u are serious dat u are no longer interested again in the relationship and watch her reaction if truly she loves u, PEACE

@degubi: i want to say a very big thank you to you. if i may ask, are you a writer or a pastor? of all the responses i got, you've displayed maturity and experience in answering questions like this.God bless you. i told my girl i am worth N1.2m, and she is also planning the wedding within the same range.

@Martin123, @degubi: i want to say a very big thank you to you. if i may ask, are you a writer or a pastor? of all the responses i got, you've displayed maturity and experience in answering questions like this.God bless you. i told my girl i am worth N1.2m, and she is also planning the wedding within the same range.

My brother i am neither a Pastor or Writer just a simple bloke like any other bloke you will meet out there, but i am glad that my responses helped you as much as it was intented for, keep telling her what you have estimated and as you lovingly help her to see reason i believe she will yield.

N1.2m for a wedding is more than enough to organize a decent wedding and still have change left in your pocket. The resources you need is all around both of you, your family members, your neighbourhood, your church, friends e.t.c. Now is the time to draw up a list with your wife to be of all the things required to make your wedding a success. Planning is the key and you both should do it together, delegate responsibilty to both yourselves and take time to review what accomplishments you made.

Forget that idea that it is the duty of the guy to plan and organise his wedding and there is no need for assistance, you need all the assistance you can get and there is no shame in asking for help. It can come in any form as long as it assists you in ruling out one or two requirements. If you have friends or relatives whom you feel may not attend the occassion because of commitments, take a bottle of wine along with your invitation card and inform them on time about the wedding, they will be moved to support you in any form.

This is the time to gather those you consider your buddies and ask for their support in helping you do the running around. Let your family know of your plans and solicit the help those who are already married by using the network of relationships they have already created when they were getting married. If their are those in your commuinity or church whom you feel comfortable with its advisable to bring them on board and see how they can lend a hand. I wish i could take each detail one at a time but you might get bored with the lenghty write up. All you need is around you make them all work for you and i wish you the best in your marital life.

I dnt blieve dis stoory.

quit the relationship. let her know that marriage is not about how big the wedding day is but how well both of you can be together ever after. but i believe you should have known her well before now.

I was seeing this girl sometime ago and she liked me alot enuf to get me to think of marriage. Everything was cool till she said and insisted: '', at least N10m will be spent on my wedding.'' That's when I realised, she definately not the mother of my unborn children, cos evidently she had more plans for her public image than their comfort. I explained to her that even if I had 10m to squander on a ceremony, I would rather take 8m out of that and put in a trust fund for the kids or invest in our future and while I was speaking it was evident all she was hearing was ''bla bla bla.'' Breaking up with her was easy after that cos she had given me a very logical reason.

Point is, I wouldn't even have an extravagant wedding if someone else was offering to pay for it. The less attention U draw to Ur 'building project' in the foundation stage, the more likely it is U will finish it well in and with ease. Marriage is the beginning of a new family and I would rather a humble beginning and a glorious end than the other way around.

Talk to her. She's either naieve or vain (not good qualities for a wife That's no more than a mere trophy). Don't be afraid to call it off. Chances is if the both of U cannot agree on such a simple thing, worse disagreements lie ahead. It's better for a home when the man is extravagant and the wife thrifty, cos already, statistics show that women manage family finances better in the long run (Not all sha)

Quit as soon as you can . If you don't, you will be shelling out big money for big wedding. You know what that means - less money for palm wine!!!!