@Moralistli
Thanks I'm waiting

OreOfe2010:

@Ujujoan
Thanks I was begining to think I was thinking irrationally

No . . . not at all! That's the cross relatively successful young men and women have to bear. You can never tell who loves you for you or who loves you for your visa status and bank accounts.

You bobo is not helping himself either by preying (excuse the word) on 'janded' girls. One can NEVER be too careful in the world of today where there are a whole lot of 'desperado's'!

A friend of mine married a girl in the Uk and before they finalized his travel documents for him to join her overseas, he also married his Naija sweetheart. Apparently the young lady doesn't mind being the second wife as far as there's a chance that she'll find herself overseas too! It's sad, but it happens . . .

My advise to you . . . look very well before you leap, trust your instincts and NEVER leave a shadow of doubt unattended!

@Ujujoan
Thanks oooo my Sister u understand my plight so there's no need for me to talk too much

You just have to get used to the fact that you have something that will attract guys like him and if you've made up your mind to stay with him, stop giving yourself a high BP!

I guess she's about making up her mind, and b4 she can do dat, it is wise and reasonable 4 her 2 be double sure dat her guy is quite ready in every aspect,interested/ exhibit signs of value in what dey have in common.

It is foolish to make up ur mind when it is written all over ur partner that he is not yet ready, This is just a kind of ''proclivity test'' 4 dis guy in question.

@Moralistli
Gbam u did hit d nail on d head
Wonderful!!!
Only few 9gerian ladies fall in dis category when it comes 2 relatnship stuff, Sounds like my grand mama way way back,
If u really sure dat u neva nurtured plan B in dis regard, then your problem is half solved. And i shall explain in detail later still waiting

Moralistli:



I guess she's about making up her mind, and b4 she can do dat, it is wise and reasonable 4 her 2 be double sure dat her guy is quite ready in every aspect,interested/ exhibit signs of value in what dey have in common.

It is foolish to make up your mind when it is written all over your partner that he is not yet ready, T[b]his is just a kind of ''proclivity test'' 4 dis guy in question[/b].

You are right . . . .

These guys sef, they want to eat their cake and have it. Mccccccccccchew!

@Ujujoan
Without even paying for d cake sef

^^^ My dear, no be small thing oh. Infact, don't even get me started on this topic oh!

It's no wonder why I prefer to date millionaires  . . .  that way you are sure they don't have any hidden agenda!     

@Ujujoan
;DI'm laughing here ooooo I wish for a milloniare billonaire sef but when I no see now wetin I go do my Dister

It's no wonder why I prefer to date millionaires  . . .  that way you are sure they don't have any hidden agenda!

Yea, a lady of subatsnce, lol. I soooo much like it when pple 're damn sincere/proactive.

Courtesy Sis Joan Gate!  Choice/Taste; ways of d stars!!!

@Moralistli
Thanks I'm waiting

I assume dis guy is just one or two yrs older than u 're.
All d same; Here it goes,
A girl dat never considered plan B is most likely to be blessed with a guy of same status if she's not the type that crave only physical qualities in a man.

''No plan be'' to some extent means faithfulness, fairness and disciplinary attitude.

@Moralist
He's 3 yrs older I pray I'm blessed with someone like me as I am faithful, fair and disciplined.

@Poster. . . If i were dat guy, i would have deleted YOU from facebook. D relatnshp hasn't gone far and u are already ordering him about,giving him deadlines and all dat petty nonsense. It's called manipulation lady and guys HATE dat. He hasn't come 2 d uk yet ooo! Dat means you'll turn him 2 an errand boy d moment u tie d knot. U are lucky d guy is tolerant sha or maybe he's putting up with ur shyte 4 now. Heaven knows how i immensely hate women who play the "IF U LUV ME, U WILL JUMP INTO THE FIRE" card. They are nothing but stress,heart aches and misery. I would have kicked your UK rejected a$$ 2 the curb ages ago!

^^^ Then why didn't he just say NO! Why did he have to agree to do it and then don't. That's a sign of deception if you ask me . . .

@nikkykay. . . I'm impressed by ur post inspite of d army of ladies who have labelled d poor guy as a visa hunter. I wonder if they missed d part where poster mentioned his ex who is still crazy about him. E no dey good make person no get money. Any small thing, dem go label u as gold digger. If dat guy was a very successful 9ja based guy who visits d UK, Canada and US for vacation only, dis nonsense wont come up. And they say money isnt everything. . .lol

.

@Poster. . . If i were dat guy, i would have deleted YOU from facebook. D relatnshp hasn't gone far and u are already ordering him about,giving him deadlines and all dat petty nonsense. It's called manipulation lady and guys HATE dat. He hasn't come 2 d uk yet ooo! Dat means you'll turn him 2 an errand boy d moment u tie d knot. U are lucky d guy is tolerant sha or maybe he's putting up with your shyte 4 now. Heaven knows how i immensely hate women who play the "IF U LUV ME, U WILL JUMP INTO THE FIRE" card. They are nothing but stress,heart aches and misery. I would have kicked your UK rejected a$$ 2 the curb ages ago!

There u got it all wrong, man, Don't u know that it is dangerous to tell a new catch that u 're not in any reltnship whereas u havn't really kissed ur ex gudbye?,,,What stopped him 4rm tellin her in d first place dat it wasn't yet over btw him and his ex'''
Or did he plan it wit his ex to step aside?,,,,,,,, Dis guy is only tryin to kill two birds with one stone. I smell insincerity @ d beginin of d race. I KNOW MEN! and i know how sweet and pleasurable it is when tyrin to know each other better @ d beginin of d race.

@Uju. . . I get your point but d poster doesn't sound like someone dat would take NO for an answer. Her stance is "YOU EITHER BEND TO MY WISHES OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES". In real life, i'm a well mannered conservative but such a woman will bring out the hot headed stubborn he-goat in me. Wetin sef!

I

wonder if they missed d part where poster mentioned his ex who is still crazy about him.

His ex is only only doin all she could to reach him coz they haven't seperated officially. Get it, Only his ex knows what she's doing, u can never tell what her intention/ plan is.

He couldn't delete d avatar simply bcoz he's yet consideraing takin his ex back,,,,,,,,And couldn't explain to dis new one coz he's got no convincing explanation.

@moralisti. . . And you know all this because you know the guy in person, yeah? If the tables were turned and it was a guy posting about his long distance gf who refused 2 delete her ex frm fb, IT'S YOU SAME PEOPLE dat would have crucified him by calling him an insecure non-trusting bum. You will be among the calvary who would tell him that he's the one with issues. Even d so called "secure" men on NL would have floored the guy but hey! Its a lady involved and guys must take all blame 4 her phuck ups. Utterly unrepentant hypocrites! ! !

I laugh in Chinese!

@Ore
U are not being unreasonable since he agreed to do d delete, howeva u need to look at your communications wit him does he sound like he just wants to use u?
I would advocate u bringing up the issue of u relocating to Naija just to hear wat he says. If he is hell bent on being in the UK den tell him u'll be wit him afta he relocates to d UK.
These should provoke some kinda reaction dat'll let u know his direction of thot.

First of all I think it is inconceivable that you'd demand that of him. Deleting his ex from Facebook isn't going to prove he loves You more either. Rather childish if you ask me and you should know that men loathe being ordered about. They see it as nagging.

Now with that bit said I am skeptical with you as well in terms of his real motives. You never said he visits the UK so I reckon he's never been. So I think he has a "thing" for British women. I'd say trust your instincts on this and never fall mugu o!

@poster
Removing her name from fb has not removed her name from his mind.

Just be sensitive and proactive to know when a man loves you no matter the circumstances

all d best

desperate housewife, think your man should have a life and can choose his friends , really dont see why you are desperate or are you that ugly or you are above 32 lady?

...

chaircover:

oreofe, Sorry i just came across this thread.

Personally I think that you are doing yourself an injustice by channelling your energy on things that you have little control over.

Love in itself is a gamble. If anyone had a foolproof method of a guaranteed 100% successful result in matters of the heart, then he/she will be richer than Bill Gates.

Deleting someone off facebook does not guarantee a lived happily ever after result.

You are focused on trying to work out if this guy is just using you and may just be working towards making one of you "click" but have you ever stopped for a minute to think about whether he is getting a good deal too?

No disrespect, but your living in the UK doesn't automatically make you the best wife material he can ever get. Yes he may want to leave Nigeria & you have the opportunity to offer him that, but that is not the be all end all.

Personally I know of many women who brought their partners to the UK and live happily together so it is achievable but as i said earlier love is a gamble.

Use your womanly intuition and if you feel that he just wants to use you then you walk away otherwise take away from your mind all these "I'm not too sure thoughts" and enjoy your relationship with this guy.

Food for thought - LDR are not for everyone

Chair cover, Nuff Respect

Oreofe, is the guy jobless that he finds it hard to go to UK. I wonder why some men ridicule themselves by dating girls abroad thereby making the girls insult or ridicule thinking they are after papers.
The girl in Q is not here in Nigeria like one lady  gave an example that he might married the girl or something. This is a none issue and you are allowing pple to poison your mind. If u dont  hv your mind, then u aint  matured to b e in a rship? You met ds guy thru your cousin, he shld  be in a better position to tell u the kinda person his friend is if he is abroad freak or not.
Like i said earlier, who told u he doesnt have a girl in nigeria? You shld be worried abt if he has a girl here or not instead of disturbing urself abt the girl across the ocean cos he will love the one here more since that is teh one he spends time with. Am not saying he has a girl here pls dont get me wrong but spend more time with him to know some facts about his way of life in nigeria rather than bothering urself abt american fb girl 

Dont  know wots so speacial abt jand papers that u r hammering on

@OP
What makes you feel you can start dictating to a man, on whom he should be friends with on a social networking site. For crying out loud, you guys aren't even married yet.
It's stuff like this that makes guys run away from commitments -stop being selfish. So because he doesn't want to delete his ex-girlfriend from his friend's list, you've refused to talk to him. That's childish. He might as well delete all the females from his list then.

nikkykay:

Dont  know wots so speacial abt jand papers that u r hammering on 

chaircover:

oreofe, Sorry i just came across this thread.

Personally I think that you are doing yourself an injustice by channelling your energy on things that you have little control over.

Love in itself is a gamble. If anyone had a foolproof method of a guaranteed 100% successful result in matters of the heart, then he/she will be richer than Bill Gates.

Deleting someone off facebook does not guarantee a lived happily ever after result.

You are focused on trying to work out if this guy is just using you and may just be working towards making one of you "click" but have you ever stopped for a minute to think about whether he is getting a good deal too?

No disrespect, but your living in the UK doesn't automatically make you the best wife material he can ever get. Yes he may want to leave Nigeria & you have the opportunity to offer him that, but that is not the be all end all.

Personally I know of many women who brought their partners to the UK and live happily together so it is achievable but as i said earlier love is a gamble.

Use your womanly intuition and if you feel that he just wants to use you then you walk away otherwise take away from your mind all these "I'm not too sure thoughts" and enjoy your relationship with this guy.

Food for thought - LDR are not for everyone

meditate on this post it should give you directions.

@Chaircover Harakiri, Chika98, Callme, Xandy84, Nikkykay and Deli.cious
Thanks for your coments I know I am not dictating. He has an ex who is in Naija on his facebook and I did not ask him to delete her. He said the ex in question was sending him texts and emails on yahoo and fb cursing and abusing him and dat he would have changed his number if not for d fact that some pple wont be able to reach him. That was when I said ok block her off your yahoo and delete her from your Fb then and dont read the texts and he said fine I'll do just dat.
After a while I told him I would be relocating to Nigeria and he told me a thousand and one reasons that it was not worth it but I told him I've made up my mind about it. Some weeks after he said she sent her a mail on FB begging and threatening him that was when I said but I thought u said u were going to block her so u dont get her messages.

@Chaircover
I know love is a gamble and I'm gambling but I want to be sure that I'm betting on something right so I don't come back to nairalander nagging and then Aunty Chaircover will now scold me asking me if I did not see d warning signal b4 . U r right living in the UK doesn't automatically make me the best wife material he can ever get but I'm a gd wife material

@Chaircover
That is exactly what I did he called yesterday and I picked and he wanted to start explaining and I just said forget it and went on gisting same this morning now I've tied gele ma wobe incase u r not yoruba meaning dont look there. Que Sera Sera Whatever would be would be. I was concerened about her coz I did not want to be taking for a ride. I'm enjoying the ride so far anyway Thanks for your advise.
@all replies
thanks