I met this guy I am dating 6 months ago and we started dating 3 months after. I met him during my vacation in Nigeria (I am UK based) he his my cousin's friend. After I got back to the UK we got talking he asked me out after sometime I agreed and d courtship began.

He told me about his ex girlfriend who is abroad also. He said they were always arguing and fighting blah blah blah so he called it quit with her but that the girl was still calling and mailing him apologising that she did everything she did because she wanted to know if he loved her geniuely or just wanted an escape route out of Naija. According to him he does not pick her call anymore and does not reply her mails. The girl got fustrated send him bitter sms and emails cursing him and all sorts.

The guy in question is a nice guy according to my cousin and for d past 3 months we've been talking he's been good. My cousin confirm's he's broken d relationship with his ex months b4 I even came to niaja and dat d ex keept calling him (my cousin) to beg him on her behalf and eventually insulted him and stoped calling him when he told her to let the guy be.

My dilema is this; the said ex is still his friend on facebook. I asked him to delete her since they parted ways bitterly and he said he would. For 8wks he did not I called him I did not believe he was still not talking to her and he swore blah blah blah dat he was not that my cousin could confirm and I said they probably made up behind my cousin. For 1wk I have not picked his call I told him to make a choice either delete her off his FB and we continue our relationship or he keeps her on his FB and dats all. He calls me a million times a day and I have refused to pick his calls he has sent a billion text messsages and emails saying he's got nothing to do with her but all in all he has not deleted her from his contacts.

I dont have a problem with pple being friends with their ex's but I am here he his there we only talk, email and do video call so I dont fully know what his up to. So how can I convince myself dat he's real like he sound's when he cant just delete some1 from his FB contacts

Could he have made up with her dating both of us with the intention dat 1 would click and he would be out of naija?
Am I just making a mountain out of a molehill?
Chaircover, Nutter, Sistawoman fellow nairalanders please advise.

wake up beside the ex do you really think he aint seeing anyone in nigeria ?

and

also do you think he takes you for who your are .i.e only dating him ? chance are high that he think you got someone here or fuk buddy

If you were in his shoes would you have deleted the contact? Imagination and too much guessing is not good in a relationship.

@ op: i tink u r ova escalating tinz. His deleting her 4rm his frend list on FB or his contacts does nt mean she wn't cal him cuz she has his numba. U nt pikin his cal or replYn is txt, Bad move lady. Cal him, tel him wat is botherin u, try and reach an agreement bt if he findz ur termz 2 much 4 him 2 accomodate, den i suggest u move on. Wish u da best.

Dear,
If the guy doesn't want to, just free him - let him be and just kill the issue.
Afterall its just a social site and you don't expect him to now hate her do you ?cos i'm sure he still hers feelings for her and a womans pleas and tears can melt even hearts caved of stone.
Just keep your ears to the ground and be careful, men of such, sometimes find it hard to let go of past lovers and I'm sure you've no gurantee dat he will not see her when next he goes home. Just be on alert and be ready for watever. Goodluck babe.

I am seriously getting tired of desperate women. It not attractive begging for a man's attention. If he want you, you will not be wondering if he does.

Somebody catch me!

To me dere is notin in dat, am talkin from experience, i tink u re just hurtin ursef by not pickin his calls,nt replin his mails. u beta call him an tell him wots on ur mind. and just be romantic a bit to get hm vry well. havi his ex on his fb contact doesnt mean anytin. Be sure he really cares abt u. simple.

@desertboom
Yes I would have deleted it if I were in his shoes. He swears his not talking to her and they r enemies so y cant he delete her. He has a previous ex on his fb contacts who is in naija I did not ask him to delete her as he said they parted ways amicably no hard feelings.

@ Zim Drill
u may be right, u may be wrong he says he his not ok I've heared him but at least he should prove he's severed ties with the ex abroad abi like he makes me believe

@virus007
he says they do not get in touch and d way he could prove this to me is deleting her from his FB friends. I told him b4 I refused picking his calls that he should make a cgoice dat its either we keep on and he deletes her or I stop talking to him and after 8wks I made gd my threat. I f eventually he does not remove her I'll move on coz I'll believe he just wants an escape route out of naija and he's playing his cards with d 2 of us knowing 1 will click.

u r really taking things too far. Do u even know if there is a contact on his fb that he is sleeping with that u dont even know about and for the fact that u dont know, u ignore it.
It is a big problem to we ladies whn we find a guy that is faithful and straight with us. Like some1 said, if he deletes that girl now and he goes back talking to  her on fone, hw will u know?
Its a distant rship, u dont hv to give urself unnecessary headache & anxiety. I knw u cant stand the fact that she is still on his fb contact but u just have to let go.
How wuld u feel if the girl were to be where he is? if u cant learn to trust him  now that he says there is nothing btw dem, whn do u want to trust him? whenu r married?
Seeing the girl on his fb and u ignoring it makes u a matured girl.
So please pick his call now or reply his msgs. Even when u guys r talking, dont talk abt the girl and even afterward, dnt discuss the issue with him.
If he told you they dont get in touch again, why cant u just b elieve him
Dnt let this guy get fed up wit ur act of insecurity and lack of trust abeg

@victoks
He knows y I'm not picking his calls how do I know if he really cares about me when he cant do something like this as we r practising love across the ocean
@ Mrs Chima
I am not begging for his attention infact the attention is too much he bombards me with calls I just want to be sure if it's me he really wants or my passport
@Orton1_0
U r right I dont xpect him to hate her even if they r still friends I dont have a problem with it I'm just being skeptical about the fact that he's ex girlfriend is abroad and his current girlfriend is abroad as well I want to be sure he his not playing eyi je eyi o je meaning 1 will click eventually dats y I asked him to delete her

If you are not sure of his intentions, then you should not date him nor marry him.

@Nikkykay
Thanks the girl in question is abroad as well he has a previous ex on Fb who is in Naija and I'm not bother I believe she's his ex so I can very well stand d fact of being friends with ex it does not bother me. If I were to be in Naija I would not have taught about it. I singled her out bcoz she's abroad also and I wanted to be sure he was truely in love with me and not wanting an escape route out of Naija since his ex and current girlfriends are abroad. I wanted to be sure he his not keeping d 2 of us hoping 1 will click.

Na real wa oh.
How old are you sef? So you going to break up with him cos he didn't delete an ex (who lives thousands of miles away) from his fb.
This fb sef. Anyhoo, relationships should be based on trust and since you have trust issues then no point being in a long distance relationship.
Save yourself the stress and find someone you can MONITOR 24/7 in the UK.


PS: we have some eligible candidates that lives close by on NL (errm errm errmm. . . 190, mobo, corky)

@ Mrs Chima
U r right I taught I was sure but I wanted to be more sure as I've seen, heared and read about gd relationships(so we think) turn sour after the spouse gets his/her residence permit. I got curious as I am settled in the UK and so is his ex I juat started thinking if it was coincidence or he wants out of naija. U cant blame coz of what has happened to others.

OreOfe2010:

@ Mrs Chima
U r right I taught I was sure but I wanted to be more sure as I've seen, heared and read about gd relationships(so we think) turn sour after the spouse gets his/her residence permit. I got curious as I am settled in the UK and so is his ex I juat started thinking if it was coincidence or he wants out of naija. U cant blame coz of what has happened to others.

You are barely 6 months into the relationship and you are already overly sceptical. Have you even taken proper time to know this dude? Are you compatible?

Communication via technology is way different from face to face communication.
You gotta slow down a bit sista

@Jaybe
U got me laughing monitor ke not my kind of thing thats y my ex got away with so many things if its white and he says no its black I just take it since relationship was about trust.

OreOfe2010:

@Jaybe
U got me laughing monitor ke not my kind of thing thats y my ex got away with so many things if its white and he says no its black I just take it since relationship was about trust.

It appears it is though cos if you ain't monitoring 24/7 then surely you won't be paying much attention to a mere facebook.
Facebook of all things to worry about. This was me thinking the dude and the girl work in the same office and they see each other daily.
Na real wa

@Jaybee
I am not in a hurry at all and I'm taking my time and I would take my time well well. I just dont want to make mistakes others have made thats y I'm being skeptical.

OreOfe2010:

@Jaybee
I am not in a hurry at all and I'm taking my time and I would take my time well well. I just dont want to make mistakes others have made thats y I'm being skeptical.

You are going about it the wrong way cos frankly your actions are grossly childish.
What if the dude deletes her from fb but they talk 24/7 via email or phone? Please learn to control what you are supposed to control which is you relationship with him not his relationship with his EX.
You guys are only b/f and G/f.

How old r you? answer now. . . .haba

@Jaybee
Well I know I'm not monitoring. What happened to some1 around me got me curious as I am settled in the UK and so is his ex I juat started thinking if it was coincidence or he wants out of naija. U cant blame coz of what has happened to others.

@Jay Bee
Thanks I'm 30 but not desperate

all wot me i will tell is, u shld just stop givin ursef unecessary headach, stop hurtin ursef.

I ceeee
I understand your cagyness but get to know  him more. I only recently advised a female colleague of mine about this same fb palava. The ex lives in scotland and she stays with the dude in london.
Told her to control what she can control which is establishing a solid base for the relationship. You can't worry about what's outside of your control.

@Victoks and Jaybee
Thanks for your advice would not have had a 2nd taught about if we were in same location or at least closeby.

Then don't stress yourself with long distance shitzo.
It involves a whole lotta trust.

@ jaybee: ur recommendatN of london NL bruvaz is , I dn't no. 190 i tink is d best outta 'em bt i tink mzdarkskin gat him already. Mobo dn't even go der. Mr. Cork i rest my case.
@ op: plz free dis FB issue. It ain't worth d headache 4 u. Trust me. As jayb said if u r worried bout him wanTn 2 use u as a gateway into d uk, plz der r oda bruavz in da hood. Sti l i hp u and ur bf can resolve da issue.

Common bro, the eligible bachelor list thingy was a sorry humour

@Jaybee
Thanks
@Virus007
as per Jaybee recomending he was just joking he wont wish me the likes of Mr Cork Thanks.

@Jaybee
I've already defended u

OP, U re jxt over-reacting, FB is fb! no big deal, calm your nerves nd 4get about it,afteral he iz still into you

I got a feeling this Jaybee fella is a player.


Poster,

If you are not sure and you ALREADY tripping about something mediocre as FACEBOOK. You need to leave him alone and find someone that is in your area. I am not saying long distance relationships don't work because it a few that are working. However, why would you stress yourself when you have to schedule sex with someone who lives million miles away? I am sure you guys are sexually active that too much playing.